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Author's infos Gender: Female Age: Secret Location: N/A |
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| Introduction: There are some things that are never discussed. | ||
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There are some things that are never discussed. Years later, when I came to know more of the outside world, I learned that we all have things we don't discuss. Some people don't like to talk about their money, or politics. In my church, we never discussed family resemblance. If the kid next door looked nothing like his father, nobody ever breathed a word. My six younger siblings are all blonde. My mother is blonde. My father is too. And all of us have pale, ice-blue eyes - except for me. Mine are dark, dark brown, and I'm the only one with red-blonde hair. You don't need to be a scientist to work out that my father isn't my father at all. But it was never discussed, and those of us who noticed and understood enough genetics to know that I looked different, already understood the Life Initiation. Life Initiation There is a given way to bring up your children in our church. We all attended the same church school, and learned what I now understand to be normal everyday subjects, with one important difference. From about eight years old, the girls and boys were segregated, and as well as the standard subjects we were now taught that our bodies are for giving and receiving pleasure. Whenever I have related this story to another outsider, they brace themselves for some horrifying story of abuse. Honestly, it wasn't like that. I was still just an innocent eight-year-old and it all felt quite normal. We would giggle as we were shown slides of the body parts, and nobody ever touched us or anything like that. The segregation went deep into our lives. From age eight until their sixteenth birthday, girls have no contact with males outside their own family, unless strictly necessary. My sister Hannah and I would stare across the aisle of the church to the mens' side, and wonder about touching them. We knew how to give them pleasure, and we weren't even permitted to kiss them on the cheek! It was incredibly frustrating, but my mother had told us that the frustration was for a reason. They encouraged us to pleasure ourselves in private, so I did, and I suppose my sister did too - I never asked her and certainly didn't get up to anything with her. I was just dying to turn sixteen and be allowed to talk to a boy. The enforced seperation made us amazingly childish and naïve - we had no idea how to even talk to men! We were like sexually-experienced small children, really. There was a pall of secrecy surrounding the details of that sixteenth birthday. None of the children ever knew what would happen until that day. All we really knew is that some special ceremony happened, and after that day we'd be free to be adults, and would move out of the family home, and would be permitted to find a special someone if we wished. We would see the sixteen-year-old girls out in the street alone, without their mothers, and we were so jealous! I was the eldest child in the family, and Hannah was desperate that I should tell her what happened at Life Initiation. So I said I'd tell her, once it was over and I knew for myself. And I waited, oh how I waited for January! So finally I was turning sixteen on Saturday, and I was desperate to know what was going to happen. But my mother said nothing! On the Sunday before, she woke me at dawn, and told me to shower and choose my nicest outfit for church. The next-door neighbour arrived to babysit, and ALL my brothers and sisters were staying home. This got weirder and weirder. As I walked to the church's front door I realised that all the children were missing. Couples had arrived alone. It became greatly disturbing. The nearest ones to my age were three other sixteen-year-old girls I had known from school. I tried asking them what would happen and they wouldn't tell me, but one of them promised they would look after me. I began to feel a mixture of excitement and terror. As the service was finishing the pastor said they had a special announcement, and that Janey (me) was turning sixteen in the coming week. The congregation yelled and applauded. It was very weird, and I had to go up the front and wave and say thanks for the congratulations they were offering. A handful of my friends' mothers were dabbing a tear as they smiled. I still had no clue what was going on and it was a bit surreal. Then the three sixteen-year-old girls came up, shouted, "WELCOME!" and the whole congregation began to sing. The words were about freedom, and letting go, and learning as we grow, and of painful days that we will overcome. I was all still a bit confused, but after the song finished they all sang "Janey" over and over, then the three girls led me out the back of the church into a small room, with my mother joining me a moment later. The five of us just stood there and then my mother started to talk about how she loved me. I realised with a shock that I wasn't going home - I had thought I would be saying goodbye a week later, I thought I would say goodbye to my father, to Hannah, to the others! I started to cry and she hugged me tight, told me she loved me, and that everything would be ok in the end. And then she was gone, and I was led out to a waiting car and driver, and us five girls drove to an enormous house that would be my new home. Education I was shown around the place, assigned a bunk bed, and welcomed warmly. There were about thirty girls here - all sixteen to eighteen, and all smiling and pleased to see me. I still didn't get what was so special about being "free" when I had to live here and no boys were in sight! So I started asking, but they all hushed me in the same way. Kerra was the one who spoke to me the most. "I promise, you'll learn everything," she said, "but be patient. Sit down with us, and we will tell." So in the enormous living room, they started to tell. Each girl told me, in turn, part of what they had experienced at their initiation. They went in order. The first few told me how they had longed for their sixteenth birthdays, just as I had. Some told me how strange the church ceremony had seemed, just as it had for me. Over and over, each experience just like my own. One had been upset and surprised that they couldn't farewell their father and sisters. One remembered the same living room conversation as I was hearing just now. I began to feel so welcomed and I realised I truly belonged there, with all my sisters who understood my feelings so perfectly. Alice and Kerra were last in the circle, and by the time the conversation got to Alice, I knew everything so far. And she began to explain Initiation. The boys, she explained, had a different experience. Each year on the first Friday of July, all the sixteen-year-old boys went to a house nearby, and began their training. It sounded like what most people would think of the army. Physical sessions, body examinations, running races, weight training, until by December all but one were eliminated, and that last boy was the new Initiator for a year. He would be sat in a room with the last five Initiators, and they would share the education as the girls had done for me. He wasn't permitted to have a lover during his year of service. His only job was to take the virginity of each sixteen-year-old girl, having sex with them once each, and once only. Dead silence. It was honestly the last thing I expected, having always been trained to pleasure, I expected that I had the freedom to choose whom it would be. Kerra looked at me with sympathy and took over for the last part of the education. "All of us had Michael or David," she said. "Michael for me. I'm the oldest, and I am free to leave here any time, since I have already turned eighteen. David was last year's Initiator. Janey, they aren't kind, and they don't do anything to make it enjoyable. They have to hurt us, to make us cherish our chosen ones later on, who don't hurt us as the Initiator did on our first time. It's going to hurt, my friend, but it's part of becoming a woman. And it's very fast, all over in a few minutes. Then you will take your place in our circle here, and be a friend to the next girl to arrive. We have a promise to make to each other and to our church, that the secrets stay in our circle. Our mothers sat here and heard the stories. They had their Initiation and they had happy days living with their sisters here. You'll have happy times, I promise, but you need to keep your promise here before us, that the secrets stay out of the ears of the children in this world. They must wait their turns to learn, just as we all did." I was all confused. They told me I was about to be hurt, but that I would love it here, and now I couldn't even tell Hannah? And my mother - she had done this too, and kept this promise? No wonder she didn't tell me what was coming, if it was going to hurt. Realisation dawned as my brain caught up. My mother was not yet 33, so I was probably the child of her Initiator. Who was it, I wondered? But that question would have to wait, because I had questions for the here and now. "Who will be my Initiator? David?" Several of the girls shook their heads. "No, a new one came into the job this year. You're his first. Sam." I vaguely remembered a boy named Sam from when I was in the younger grades. I tried to get a mental picture but it was too long ago. We shared a lovely lunch together, and I made my promise. We spent the afternoon talking about what would happen. I was terrified! All thirty had shown the same sympathetic eyes when I asked about the pain. When the sky was long-darkened, they told me that Friday was the day. There was no way I thought I could sleep, but the early start and the excitement had worn me out, and I was sleeping within minutes. And we spent each following day in much the same way, sharing our dreams and our fears and getting as close as sisters could be. Birthday On Friday I'm sure I was the first awake in the house. It was still so early that the dawn had only just begun to kiss the sky. I tried to go back to sleep, but it was no use. When one of the other girls rose, I gave in, and walked to the kitchen. After breakfast and a shower I kept wanting to know if the time was right, but they just laughed and told me to have patience. It wasn't until late in the afternoon that I was taken to the back of the house, to a door which I had never seen opened. It contained an amazing array of shoes, dresses, hairpieces, makeup, perfumes, everything a girl could dream of for becoming glamourous. I was here to look my most beautiful for my Initiation. Kerra and Alice, being the oldest, were in charge of looking after me. All thirty of the girls helped out, brushing my hair until it shone, helping me choose some earrings, watching as I tried on shoes and outfits. It took hours of being pampered, and my reflection took my breath away. Was that really me, the beauty in the mirror in the shimmering dress of darkest blue? But it was, and so they opened another door and led me in. Inside was a stunning four-poster bed, all draped in deep, deep red. The rug was deep enough to sink into, the curtains thick and beautiful and it was just lovely. All around the room were scores of candles. I was suddenly grateful that my virginity would not be taken in some awful impersonal room. From here, each girl entered, one by one, and lit a candle, then left. The room began to be filled with their lovely scents, of rose and jasmine and all sorts of fragrances turned into one. Finally, the last two, Alice and Kerra, arrived, bearing trays. They set up dinner places for two on a small table, with tureens hiding the plates' contents. Then they lit their candles, and handed the matches to me. "You finish. As many or as few as you want to light. It's time for the rest of us to go. We sleep at the church tonight, and the two of you will be completely alone. We love you." And then they were gone. I felt very awkward lighting the rest of the candles alone. It was odd to have such strange expectations and yet be here all alone. As I was lighting the last few, the door opened, and Sam came in. He looked as scared as I felt, and I almost felt sorry for him. But it was unmistakable what he thought of how I looked. He inhaled sharply and looked me up and down with pure lust. I felt so beautiful and so wanted, but I was terrified. His hand trembled a bit as he took mine and said, "Janey," and led me over to the bed to sit beside him. I didn't know quite what to think, I suppose I just wanted it all to be over very quickly, but Sam had other ideas. We sat for a moment and then Sam began to talk. I liked his quiet nature, his gentle words, and he held my hand as he talked. He told me more of the secrets the men had shared. I stated to relax a little, and told him some of what the girls had shared. He told me, finally, about the pain. The other men had told him he had to make sure he was hurting the girls. I lost all my courage at this point and I just froze again in silence. After a long moment, he said, "They say it makes the women love their lovers." He must have realised how confused I was, because he continued. "They remember their Initiation night, and every time afterwards they don't feel that pain, and so their chosen one will always seem more wonderful, considerate, more caring than I was." There were so many candles here that I could see the expression of sorrow on his face. "I don't want to hurt you, Janey. You're beautiful. But I'm going to hurt you. It's how it always is." He kissed my hand and I still couldn't say a word. Finally he stood up, faced me, and said he had to show me why else it was going to hurt. I still felt completely confused, but he wordlessly removed all his clothing, draping his dinner jacket over a chair, unbuckling his starched pants, struggling out of his underwear. His rigid penis stood up at attention. "I'm not a small boy, Janey," he said, his face falling in sadness. To be honest, I'd never seen one face to face in order to know, but the ones I've seen since reassure me that he was definitely telling the truth. Not enormous, mind you, but a few inches bigger than the norm. "None of us are. It's part of how we get chosen." I was just staring at him in fascination, and he eventually smiled. "Touch me, Janey," he said, and held out his hand to me. I took it, and he guided my hand directly to his manhood. I can remember this tremendous feeling of realisation washing over me as I touched his penis. He was hard, and soft, and silken and smooth all at once, and he felt so beautiful in my hands. I knelt before him and just explored for the longest time, stroking and touching and examining him in wonder and fascination. His breath came faster and faster and the textbook teachings in my mind told me what he wanted. I moved close enough to lick at him gently, and heard his sigh of appreciation, before finally finding the courage to take him into my mouth. Oh, that was divine. Nothing I had been taught prepared me for the feeling of his cock between my lips, nestled against my tongue and cradled so beautifully in my warm mouth. He moaned then, and stepped back abruptly, pulling away from me and gasping hoarsely. "Oh, Janey, oh, I was so close," he said. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I need to calm down." I was confused here - and I told him so. After all, I knew that young boys could recover quickly for round two! "It doesn't matter. I want to taste you. You can take me later." But he shook his head. It wasn't the way it was supposed to happen, he said. He wasn't my lover, he was here to take my virginity just as he pleased. The feel of his lovely cock in my mouth had got me so worked up, I was almost in tears! I was desperate to see how he tasted. So I looked up and even surprised myself. "Nobody needs to know." I think he stopped breathing. I know he said nothing for a long while as he fought an inner struggle. I wanted to taste him so badly that I didn't wait for an answer, I just reached for him and plunged him into my mouth and stroked my tongue against the underside. He felt absolutely delicious and my head was swimming with excitement as I took in all the sensory pleasures of his hardness. I'm sure I had been taught how to slow a man down at some point, but it all flew out of my head and within seconds he was holding my head and began to thrust between my lips. He was panting, and a moment later muttered, "OHH Janey, ohh, coming now..." as he pumped a final time and blasted my mouth with come. It was an evening of so many surprises. Nothing could have prepared me for how he would taste. I'd been told it would be salty, so I was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't like the burning table salt I'd come to expect. It felt creamy and warm and really quite nice on my tongue, and I found myself enjoying the flavour. I swallowed every bit. Then I licked him gently, wanting to show him that I'd enjoyed what he had given me. He just watched me with a slight smile, then took my hand until I was standing before him. And he kissed me. I think he was just as unsure as I, because he wasn't confident or forceful but as tentative with his tongue as I was. His hands moved to my back and he cradled me in his arms as he kissed me tenderly. This wasn't how the girls had described what would happen. Their stories had been of boys who arrived to do a job for their own pleasure. Each girl had related cold and heartless treatment, rough touches, impatient movements and virginity taken quickly and thoughtlessly by inexperienced hands. Sam stroked my shoulders, my face, my hair, and told me I was beautiful, and I felt wonderful, almost feeling more curiosity than fear. He moved me slightly closer and I felt my breasts pushed against his naked chest, as he reached one hand down to my butt and palmed me gently. I could feel his erection between us, still firm despite its earlier explosion, and Sam kissed my ear as he pulled me tighter against him, grinding us together as he began to rub against me. Sliding a hand between us, he cupped my breast and sighed. It felt so good to be touched, felt so good to know that I made a guy so horny. It just felt amazing to be wanted, just to know that someone wanted to have sex with me. I stepped back, unzipped my dress and let it fall to the floor. He watched without a word as I bent down far enough to remove my underpants and shoes, and I stood in front of him totally naked. He didn't move. I got confused all over again. "Don't you want to... take my virginity now, and hurt me? I'll try not to cry too loudly," I said. "No," Sam said. I stood there in horror, wondering what happened now. Would the girls be angry? What would happen to me? Would Sam be in a lot of trouble? "Lie on your back, Janey." And he had a smile on his face, but I just wanted to cry. All the waiting and now he says it's not going to happen? Years of frustration were close to being unleashed. I did as he asked and I shut my eyes, fighting back the tears. "Put your knees up," came Sam's voice. I did as I was told, and felt him moving somewhere on the bed, before I got the shock of my life. A tongue, Sam's soft, wet tongue, lapping at my clitoris oh-so-gently. My legs moved without being commanded, and I completely lost my senses for a moment as I tried to process the feelings he had aroused in me. I let out a long, drawn-out moan. He lifted his head and spoke quietly. "No, I don't want to hurt you, Janey." I wanted to say thank you, to explain my profound gratitude, but his tongue had found my clit again and I was incapable of making any sense. He never stroked me hard, just gentle licks that left me begging for more, crying out for him to lick me harder, desperate for him to bring me to release. He lifted his mouth from my clit and moved back slightly so he could see what he was doing, then brought his index finger to my vagina and began to stroke around it. I was trying to squirm enough to make him touch my clit, but he held me down with his other hand and pushed his finger gently into me. He moved in and out half way, then pushed firmly against me, trying to work it in further. I could feel him get a little bit further each time and finally he had pushed it all the way in, and he stroked me gently for a few minutes before withdrawing it and adding another. It was only when he did that, that I realised the horror of just how big his penis really was. My muscles contracted involuntarily on his fingers and just two of them, an inch in, felt enormous! There was no way he was going to get his cock inside. I panicked, and tried to pull away from his hand. "Heyyy... Janey. Janey, slow down and relax for me," he said, and took his hand away. He kissed my pussy lips and I calmed down under his mouth. "Help me. Relax, ok? I want to get you ready, so I don't hurt you," and he pushed his two fingers back in gently, kissing my inner thigh as he moved them into the very edge. I was fighting the reflex to clamp down on his fingers and I kept losing, forcing them back out with my muscles. He sighed in frustration and moved close enough to lick my clit again softly. That made me just coo with pleasure and distracted me enough from his fingers for a few minutes, and he started again, trying to work two in at once. Again, I fought him in terror, until he stopped, dragged himself up beside me, and took my chin in his hand. "I need to stretch you. So I don't tear you as I go inside." He took my hand and made me feel two of his fingers. "Not so big, Janey. They won't hurt you if you trust me. I only need to get to three, and then I can use myself." He kissed me softly and said, "I promise to be gentle. Nobody needs to know." I felt such overwhelming gratitude for him all over again. He was supposed to hurt me, but he didn't want me in pain. The others hadn't had Sam. I was very fortunate, so I tried extra hard to relax. Within a minute or so he had two fingers inside. I was breathing fast, trying not to force his hand out, and he reached his other hand up to massage my breast. Oh, what a way to distract a girl! He moved his fingers in and out and whispered appreciation for how nice it looked from there. Then he withdrew his hand and moved three fingers to the entrance and began to push them gently in. There was no way I could sit still for this! It was so uncomfortable. He pushed, and couldn't get them in, and both of us were frustrated. He was trying not to hurt me, and I just wanted him to push harder and get it over with so that I could feel the real thing! I just felt manhandled, like a piece of meat, yet he was being so gentle. In the end I begged him to push harder, and I was whimpering for what I wanted. He twisted his fingers back and forth and managed to get them in, then he kept completely still as I tried to get accostomed to the massive stretching. I was just staggered by how tight it felt. Nothing else really registered in my vagina except how tight it all felt. And as he started to move his fingers, I wasn't quite so terrified of his cock anymore. And soon it was time. I didn't know what to do with myself, where he wanted me, how I was supposed to lie. He dragged himself up to me again and kissed me, more urgent this time. I stroked his beautiful cock and tried to secretly measure it with my hand, and figure out whether it was going to fit. He didn't seem to mind my attention, placing his hands on my tits again and moaning into my mouth. He shuffled himself on top of me, pressing his weight against my chest, and kissed me again with urgency. I could feel his rock hard erection brush against my pussy lips and then settle between them. He lifted his weight onto his forearms and kissed me more softly, rubbing his cock back and forward over my throbbing clit. I had been afraid only minutes before and now I desperately wanted him in me. He seemed to know when I was ready, and he shifted enough that the head rested right on the entrance of my vagina. "Lift your knees a bit more, beautiful," he said, and started to push forwards into me. He got just a tiny way in and stopped to kiss me again, then pulled out and eased his way back in a little more. "You stop me if I hurt you, ok?" he asked. I just nodded and tried so hard not to clamp down and force him out. He got half way before the fear got to me and I tensed up. But he didn't have to say anything, just kissed me again until I relaxed, and he pushed back in to where he left off. And then he looked into my eyes, took hold of me firmly, and pushed steadily, slowly forwards until he was buried up to the hilt. The sensation was so alien, and so tight and uncomfortable, that I couldn't find pleasure, but I was amazed not to feel any pain. He lay still there for a moment and finally asked if I was ok. I nodded, and he pulled out, then moved back in, a little easier than before. He began to move, in and out, over and over, then a bit faster. Suddenly he closed his eyes and stopped for so long I wondered if he was ok! But he laughed, and said, "Trying to calm down. You're so tight, Janey. So good. So good." He pulled out completely and moved off me to the other side of the bed, lying on his back. "Come here, I want you to set the pace." And he pulled me by the hand, so I climbed onto him as he had asked. Being naked on top of him made me feel more self-conscious, and I covered my breasts instinctively. But he moved one hand to my hip and stroked me gently and just whispered, "Ride me, Janey," and I was powerless to object. And so I helped him push his cock back into me again, filling me tighter than I ever thought possible. He'd kept his word about trying not to hurt me, yet I didn't feel any real pleasure, he was just too thick, and wedged in too tightly. But he had been so kind to me, I at least wanted him to enjoy this, and so I began to move ever-so-slowly up and down in his lap. "Mmmm," he grinned, and took my hands in his, placing them more gently over my tits. "Touch yourself, Gorgeous," he said. I began to massage my nipples with my fingertips, distracting me from the slight burning in my vagina as I slowly fucked him. My nipples peaked in my hands, standing to attention, and sticking out between my fingers, pointing directly at Sam as he watched me ride him. "Oh yeah," he said, obviously enjoying the show. "How do your tits feel now?" I couldn't say a word. I was getting more and more turned on by the idea of him watching as I fucked him. I could feel myself getting wetter. "Pinch them," he said. So I did, and I closed my eyes from the sensations it brought. His hands gripped my hips, urging me faster, and he began to thrust upwards to meet me as I moved. He was moaning now, straining to fuck me harder, and then he took one hand and placed his thumb on my clit. OH SWEET HEAVENS, now I understood. His cock felt completely different inside my cunt when he touched me like that. The burning turned to just hot and wanton lust, and the feeling of him pounding up into me was almost too good to bear. I rode him faster and faster, loving the sensation inside me, wanting to go on for hours and yet desperately wanting to come. I began to cry out for him to make me come. "Sam, Sam, Ohhh, I want it, I want it! Ohh..." He stopped thursting upwards and concentrated on his thumb more. "Janey, I'm so close. You feel so good, I just want to come, baby. I want you to come. I want you to feel good, Janey. Come for me! Come on my cock now." I felt all the heat spread out from my vagina to the rest of my body and I knew it was coming. Then the rush of my orgasm hit me and I couldn't breathe, couldn't make a sound. I just felt my cunt squeeze him so hard, so good, so tight and hot and wonderful. And just as I was regaining my senses he grunted, thrust against me and moaned loudly as he came too. I felt all tingly and warm inside. I had never imagined I would enjoy my first time at all. And as he just stared at me and smiled, I didn't know what to say. All I could manage was to smile and say, "Thank you," as I climbed off him and lay beside him. He kissed my forehead and smiled. I was wondering how long he could stay, and I was hoping he wasn't going to jump off the bed and dress himself immediately, so I found his hand and held it in mine. But a moment later, he pulled it away and began to sit up. I was devastated, knowing I could not be with him again until his year of service had ended. "Sam, please don't leave me. Please stay just a little while longer." He finished sitting up, turned to face me, and rubbed his hand along my thigh. "Oh, I'm not going anywhere for hours yet." I was so thrilled that he would stay a bit longer, that I must have beamed like the sun. Then he put one finger to his lips in a gesture of secrecy, and warned me never to tell. "Nobody needs to know." |
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