You guys asked for it, here it is. I was hesitant to continue telling the story, because this was a dark time in my life. I apologize for the fact that there's not a whole lot of sex in this part, but everything is crucial to the story I wanted to tell. But I promise, Part Three is about 85% sex. This is a true story, and is a continuation of the first part. If you haven't read The Cousin Trilogy: Part One yet, go to my profile and read it, then come back to this one. Enjoy!
“SHE’S YOUR FUCKING COUSIN!” This was the most confused, disgusted, and infuriated I had ever seen my mother. I was too mortified to look her in the eye, but from my peripherals, she looked like she wanted to vomit and pull her hair out at the same time. “YOU’RE COUSIN!!! We’re not some sort of redneck family, Alex!!!”
My dad sat quietly, watching the argument. I could tell something was stewing inside of him, and I wasn’t looking forward to what it was. He wasn’t one to yell and scream -- that was my mother’s job -- but he could lay a sentence down like it was a land mine, and invite your mind to wander over and step on it.
“This is absolutely ridiculous, Alex. It’s embarrassing. I can’t believe-- It’s just so...repulsive!”
“Mom, you know, it’s not like I...raped her, or something! It’s a mutual, consensual relationship!” I knew I was going to regret arguing.
“I know, she’s just as bad as you!!! You’re both absolutely disgusting! I can’t believe you’re part of this family!” Yup. I was right. I shouldn’t have said anything. That one hurt. Badly. My mom just told me she didn’t want me in her family anymore. That’s how repulsed she was. But it was nothing compared to what was next.
“Imagine what your grandfather would think,” my dad finally said from his chair. It was easily the worst thing either of them could have said, short of wishing me dead. My grandfather was my hero. He was and still is the man I’ve always aspired to be. I didn’t want to think about what my grandfather would think of me if he found out. But it was too late. My dad said it, and it hit me like a bag of bricks.
The room was silent. I knew the routine: my mom screams and yells while my dad comes up with the final blow. And that was it. That was the final blow. It was time for me to think, and come up with some sort of response, while their judgmental eyes stared at me.
FIVE MONTHS EARLIER
Jill was driving me back to school. It was the most painful, gut-wrenching car ride of my life. Not only did I not want to leave Jill, like, at all, but I also had to face my newly-pregnant girlfriend. My girlfriend that I just cheated on. That I just cheated on with my cousin. How the fuck am I supposed to explain that?
I won’t. That’s it. I just won’t tell her. What good would that do? Especially if I’m now going to be having a child with this girl. FUCK, I’m having a child with her! This could not be a worse situation.
I just have to come to terms with it, that’s all. I’m having a child. I’ll be okay. My family will help me. After they judge me. Because I’m 18 and having a kid. Fuck this, I’m 18 and having a child! No fucking way. I just... I can’t.
“Are you okay?” Jill asked from the driver’s seat.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I responded. “I’m just...really worried we’re not gonna get this project done in time.” Of course I didn’t tell her. I told her a project partner called with some emergency about our project that was due the next day. Being the best person in the world that she was, she drove me back as soon as I was ready to go.
“Is it, like, a big part of your grade?” she asked. Obviously I wasn’t covering up my panicked state very well.
“Yeah. Fifty percent.”
We pulled up to my dorm building, and I sat there. I didn’t want to just get out and leave, but I didn’t know what to say.
“We’ll be in touch?” I asked. She smiled. I took that as a yes and got out of the car.
My stomach in a knot, a lump in my throat, and sweat coating my face and palms, I walked into my building. Noelle was waiting in the common area. She smiled at me, although I could tell it was forced. I think I fake-smiled back. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t.
I signed her in at the front desk, and led her to my dorm. My heart was pounding. She seemed just as nervous, thankfully. If she was happy-go-lucky, I wouldn’t know what to do or how to handle it. This meant she wasn’t thrilled about this, either. We were on the same page. Or so I thought...
As we walked to my dorm, I thought about everything: Jill, Noelle, my relationships with both, the baby. The walk seemed like forever -- my mind was racing, so I thought about a lot of things in that one minute.
What eventually came to my mind was the last time I had sex with Noelle. It was well over a month ago. How could she be pregnant? We hadn’t had sex in almost two months. Can it take that long for a girl to get pregnant? I don’t think so...
I closed the door as she sat on my bed. She looked at me with scared eyes.
“You cheated on me,” I said. I wasn’t going to waste anybody’s time. No tip-toeing around the situation. She was pregnant with some other guy’s baby. Her eyes widened.
“Wh-- I...” She was at a loss for words.
“It’s okay,” I said, just wanting her to admit it and get it over with. “It’s been too long since we’ve had sex for it to be my baby.” She looked down at her lap. “Just say it. I’m not mad. I’m a little confused as to why you thought I’d believe it was my kid. Insulted, as a matter of fact.” She sniffed. She was obviously starting to cry. Finally, she mustered up the ability to speak.
“I’m so sorry, Alex,” she said. “I didn’t think you were too stupid to realize it wasn’t yours. That wasn’t my intention...”
“Then why didn’t you tell me that over the phone, instead of making me panic and rush the hell back over here!?” I pulled up my desk chair and sat across from her.
“Because I needed to talk to you -- to someone -- in person! I’m freaking out!” She just looked at me with pleading eyes. Understandably, she was very upset.
“That doesn’t change the fact that you cheated on me!” I wasn’t really mad, but I couldn’t just let on that I was okay with it. That would be too suspicious.
“I know, I’m sorry! But we were drifting apart! He was a comfort! I know there’s no excuse, but I had to tell you about it.” I didn’t know what to say. She ‘fessed up, and that’s really all I wanted. Should I tell her that I cheated on her, too? No, because she’ll want to know who with, and I wouldn’t know who to say.
We talked for a while, and I mean a WHILE -- probably an hour -- and I found out who the guy was (his name was Bill, and he was in her Sociology class). I told her I wasn’t upset; that we were basically broken up already. But I didn’t tell her about Jill. If it was anybody else, I would have told her. But there’s no way I could tell her I fucked my cousin. And once the cat was out of the bag, there’s no way I’d be able to lie about who I cheated on her with. So, even though it might’ve eased Noelle’s mind a bit if she knew it was a two-sided cheat, I just decided to keep it to myself.
She left my dorm, and I felt okay. I was fine. There wasn’t anything to be upset about. The kid wasn’t mine, Noelle and I were mutually broken up, and I had nothing but school work (and Jill) to think about. Or so I thought...
After a couple of days, I began to feel like something was missing. Something inside me just felt empty. It was just a small feeling at first -- like the feeling you get when you’re about to leave for vacation and you feel like there must be something you forgot to pack, but you just can’t think of it -- but it started to grow. To eat at me.
Soon, a week had passed, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I began feeling depressed, and I didn’t know why. Was I not over Noelle? I was pretty sure I was. Anytime I thought about her, I had no inclination to see her or even contact her. There wasn’t even a sense of friendship there. We were done. So what is it?
As the days went on, I started to get the feeling that everyone on campus was talking about me. People whispering in classrooms, then hushing as soon as I’d look over. At a point, I just figured I was paranoid. Until I had lunch with my friend, Mike.
We sat in the dining commons, eating across the table from each other. Neither of us was preoccupied, but we weren’t talking to each other. It wasn’t until Mike had finished his food that he said something.
“So how ya doin’?” he asked. “You know, with everything.”
“I’m, uh... I’m fine,” I said.
“Yeah, really. Noelle and I--”
“Were already pretty much broken up, anyway,” he finished, using air quotes when saying ‘pretty much broken up’. “It still has to hurt that she did some other guy behind your back.”
“You have such a way with people,” I said.
“What? I’m just saying... Some other guy...Bill, is it? Some other guy got your girlfriend -- and yes, she was still you’re girlfriend at the time -- pregnant.”
Then it hit me. What was eating at me this whole time. Some ‘other guy’. For some reason, it hadn’t really occurred to me that another guy had been inside MY girlfriend. Their hot, sweaty bodies writhing around, him shooting his load into her pussy. I wasn’t mad at Noelle, but I was mad, and it took Mike saying his name to make me realize.
I was mad at Bill.
I needed some form of closure. That’s why I’d been feeling so empty. Like a part of me was missing. It wasn’t out of feelings for Noelle, or even for Jill. I needed my revenge on Bill for getting Noelle pregnant.
The only thing I knew about this guy was that he had Sociology with Noelle at 3PM on Thursdays. Today was Tuesday. So I had to wait an entire 2 days to meet this guy. It was going to suck, but at least I knew what was making be so depressed.
Over those next two days, I just went through the motions. I hadn’t spoken to Noelle since she told me she was pregnant, nor had I spoken to Jill. I just went to class, ate, and slept. I had no motivation to do anything else. My mind was on Bill.
But what exactly was I going to do to him? I wanted to get him back somehow, but I didn’t really think of how. Should I just punch him in the face and run? Should I continuously beat him until he’s bruised and battered? Or should I just go for a verbal approach? What could I say that would make me feel better and make him feel like shit? What it came down to was nothing. I had to physically hurt him.
But I couldn’t. I knew that wasn’t a possibility. I wasn’t the violent type. Even if I gained the courage and desire to fight him, he would probably beat me, anyway. And knowing that made the pit inside me worse.
When I got back to my dorm, I tried to relax. But I couldn’t. I paced and paced. I had an energy that I had to get out. An energy made of anger, depression, love, and hate. It was all coming to a head. I had to do something before I lost it.
Jill. I could talk to her. Hearing her angelic voice would calm me.
I picked up my phone and I called her.
It rang. It rang again. It rang a third time, but just as it started to ring a fourth time, she picked up.
Jill: What’s up?
Me: I, um... I don’t really know. I just felt like I had to talk to you.
Jill: Oh. Umm...
Me: Is that weird?
Me: I’m sorry. I just... it’s a long story. The short version is, I needed to hear your voice.
Jill: Did everything work out okay with your project?
Me: It wasn’t a project. My girlfriend -- well, my ex-girlfriend -- called telling me she was pregnant.
Jill: Oh my g--
Me: What she neglected to tell me was that it wasn’t with my baby.
Jill: Uh... oh.
Me: Yeah. Long story short, I want to see you.
Me: Can you pick me up tonight?
Jill: No, I’m too tired. I’m already in my PJs, plus I’ve already had some wine. I shouldn’t drive.
Jill: I’m sorry, Alex, but it’s a no.
Me: Fine, this weekend?
Jill: Um, maybe. We’ll see.
When we hung up with each other, I pulled out my computer. I opened up her Facebook and looked at her pictures. She was so god damn beautiful. Her smile, perfect. Literally, perfect. She could start a war with her smile.
I reached my hand down my pants and began stroking my cock. I looked through her pictures to find a good one. There was a picture of her in a black dress than laid on her curves just perfectly. I jerked off to that picture. But it wasn’t satisfying. I wasn’t okay with just jerking off anymore. Once you’ve had the name brand, the cheap knock-off isn’t good. I wanted to fuck her. But I just kept jerking off until I came. Even then, it wasn’t great. I came a lot, considering I hadn’t had any sexual release since I fucked Jill. And don’t get me wrong, of course it felt good. But it felt empty. Like there was no point. I seriously needed Jill.
Saturday came around, and I waited to hear from Jill. I was awake before noon, my phone by my side. Lunchtime rolled around, and I still hadn’t heard from her. But I didn’t want to seem desperate, so I decided I would wait until 4:00.
Well, 4:00 came and went, and still nothing. So I texted her. “Hey” was all I said. I got nothing. So, at 4:30, I texted her again. “What’s going on?”, I said. Nothing. 5:00,I texted her, “Jillian...?” By 5:15, I was getting anxious, and frankly, quite annoyed.
I decided to call her. No answer. I left a voicemail.
“Hey, it’s me. Um... I’m not sure what’s going on, but it’s almost 5:30 and I still haven’t heard from you. Are you still picking me up this weekend? I hope everything’s okay. Call me back or text me.”
Soon 6:00 rolled around, and nada. I was starting to get worried. But I thought, maybe she was out with friends or something. I can’t expect to be the priority in her life, despite the fact that she’s the priority in mine.
I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for her to call or text. 8:00, still nothing. 8:30...9:00...9:30... She definitely forgot about me. I thought back to our phone conversation. She said she would pick me up this weekend! Is she just going to pick me up on Sunday, and bring me home the same day? That would be...
Then I realized. She never said she would pick me up. She said maybe. There was no yes. It was only a maybe. What the hell was I doing? I was obsessing over this for hours, and the entire time, it was just a maybe.
I picked up the phone and called her one last time. Once again, it went to voicemail.
“Jill, I’m so sorry I’ve been bothering you. I know you probably have better things to do this weekend. But now I’m worried. I haven’t heard from you at all. If you have other plans, please just tell me. I just want to know you’re okay and not trapped in a ravine somewhere.”
Sunday came and went, still nothing. I hit her up on Facebook. Just a harmless “hey, still haven’t heard from you, still worried”. The week went on, and I haven’t had any contact from her. I decided that, if I hadn’t heard from her by Thursday night, I was getting a cab to her house and making sure she was okay.
Sure enough, Thursday night came, and I hadn’t heard anything. I gave her one more call.
“Hi. It’s been a week since I’ve heard from you. I called you, texted you, IMed you... like a bunch of times. And I haven’t heard a peep. I’m coming to see you. I need to make sure you’re okay.”
I hung up the phone, and dialed a cab service.
The cab showed up within a half hour, and I got in, my backpack over my shoulder, and told the driver where to go. I was getting scared that something happened to her. But, if something had, I know I would’ve heard about it from my mom by now. Still, I had to be sure. I really cared about her.
I pulled up to her place, paid the driver, and got out. I knocked on her door. Less than ten seconds later, the door opened. There she was, in all of her beauteous glory. It felt like ages since I’d seen her face in person.
She stood, looking at me, in silence. She was shocked.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi?” she said back.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Uh...you haven’t been responding to me in a week.”
“Sorry, I’ve been busy.” I was beginning to get confused.
“Too busy to shoot me a text?”
“Why are you here?”
“I had to make sure you were okay! I hadn’t heard a thing from you--”
“I’m fine.” She was being very, VERY strange.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. I was beginning to think she was hiding something. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah. Sure.” She didn’t seem thrilled to see me at all. She didn’t seem upset about it, she just seemed completely indifferent.
I walked in and over to the couch, my backpack over my shoulder.
“I was really worried about you, Jill,” I said, trying to make her understand why I was there. “I’m not just here to get a lay out of you.”
“Then what’s the backpack for?” she asked.
“Well...I mean...in case...”
“In case you stayed the night? Well that’s not happening.”
“What -- Why not?” She was starting to seem upset. Something was bothering her. Something was wrong. “Jill, what’s wrong? If you don’t talk to me, I can’t help you.”
She hung her head and sighed.
“I’m sorry,” she said. She walked over to the couch and sat down, but sitting forward. She wasn’t relaxed. “I shouldn’t have ignored you.”
“You were ignoring me? Why?”
“Because, Alex. It’s weird. You’re my baby cousin. I took care of you when you were an infant. I changed your diapers. I gave you baths. You were like a little brother to me for the first few years of your life. And now I fucked you? Don’t you see what’s weird about that?”
“I thought I was okay with it, too. I even liked it, as you well know. But after you left, all I could think about was...” She sighed again. “I just don’t think we should do this anymore. It freaked me out.”
“Oh...okay,” I said, sitting on the couch next to her. “So no more sex. Okay.” She looked at me and smiled graciously. “Can we still hang out?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Don’t you realize why I was ignoring you? I’m so freaked out by this -- having sex with my cousin! It’s insane! We’re not some dysfunctional family from the deep south!”
“I’m sorry, Alex. No more.”
“So...so this is it? I don’t get to talk to you anymore?”
“Not for a while, no. We’ll talk again, but for now, let’s just keep our distance.”
“Okay...” I didn’t know what to say. What to do. I just sat there, absorbing everything that just went down. “How do I get back to school?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t take you. I’ve had my glass of wine, already.” She pointed to the empty wine glass on the end table by the couch. “I don’t think I should drive.” She was probably right. She’s a lightweight.
I called a cab.
We sat and watched TV until the cabbie called me to tell me he was out front. When he did, I got up and went to the front door. I opened it, and stood there. A weird sense of anger and courage overcame me, and I turned around and stormed over to Jill.
“My life fucking sucks right now,” I said aggressively, throwing my bag on the ground. “I got cheated on by my girlfriend, who I still care about very much. She got pregnant, and the guy that did it to her won’t even give her a second thought. I haven’t been able to focus in school since all of this went down, so I’m scared I might be failing most, if not all of my classes this semester. And now you’re telling me the one thing left in my life that matters to me -- the one ray of light making this bearable -- is kicking me out of her life?”
She looked down at her lap, clearly sorry.
“I really care about you,” I said, as she sat hopelessly on the couch. “This isn’t just some fuck-and-done thing, for me. I’ve been attracted to you for years, and in those years that attraction has grown to something so much more. You’re the coolest, most fun, caring, compassionate person I’ve ever known. Just spending time with you -- just talking to you -- makes me happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I would die for you, Jill. I love you.”
She stared at me, her gorgeous eyes piercing mine. I waited for what felt like hours for her to respond. Finally...
“I love you, too, Alex,” she said. “But in a cousins kind of way. I love you because you’re family. I’ve always loved you, and I always will. But I don’t think we share the same kind of love.”
“I know we don’t,” I said. “But I just had to get that out there. I needed you to know that, up until the moment I hear your voice again, I’m gonna be dying inside.”
“I love you, Jill. I love you more than life itself. I would do anything for you. I don’t care if it’s weird. I’ll tell everyone. I’ll tell the world.”
“I’m not actually going to, but you get the point. Nothing else in this world matters more to me than you do. That’s what it comes down to. I spend all of my days thinking about you.”
“You think this isn’t hard for me?! On one hand, I want you gone because of how squeamish this all makes me. But on the other hand...” She paused to exhale. “I love you, Alex, I do. No one has ever cared about me like you do, and I know that. I feel safe around you! I feel like, no matter what I do, and no matter what mistakes I might make, or whatever... I feel like you’ll never judge me. You’ll always see me for me.”
“In my 33 years of life, I’ve never really felt that from someone before. That comfort. That safety. That love. And the thing about love is, when you feel it, you want to give it back in return. All of those feelings I get from you, I want to return. I really do. But that one thing -- the fact that we share blood relation -- freaks me out just a little too much.”
“Just look past it!”
“It’s not that easy!”
“Yes it is!”
“NO IT’S NOT, ALEX! If it was that easy, I’d be past it. Believe me. It’s not like I haven’t been trying to shake it off. For days after we had sex, you were all I could think about. The feeling of me in your arms. Of you inside me. Nothing ever felt more perfect. I’ve been telling myself since that day that we can be together. That I can get past this. But I can’t. Seeing you here, now...” She trailed off.
“I think you should leave,” she said, turning away.
“Your cab is waiting, now go.”
“I’m not going anywhere!”
“I’m getting in the shower. By the time I get out, you better be gone. ”
She turned and went into the bathroom.
“Jill!” I yelled. A moment later, I heard the shower turn on. I collapsed onto the couch. I was confused. I was angry. My ears started ringing, and all I could hear was the water from the shower running. Getting louder and louder in my ears. It was all I could hear.
Then something else made a noise. It took me a few seconds to realize what it was. It was my phone. My phone was ringing. I took it out of my pocket. It was my dad calling. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, but he never calls me, so it had to be important.
“Hello?” I said.
“Hi...” he sounded broken up. I didn’t like the sound of it.
“What?” I said, concerned.
“It’s Grampy. He... he died.” My mind went numb. My grandfather was my hero. I worshiped him. “Your mother can’t stop crying, that’s why I’m calling instead of her.”
I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t even cry. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. Nothing would come out of me.
“Alex?” my dad said after almost a minute of silence. “Are you okay?”
“No.” I was blunt about it.
“Do you want me to come get you?”
“No, I’m, uh... I’m at Jill’s.” I wasn’t even thinking about what I was saying at that point.
“Oh. Well I can pick you up from there, if you want.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.” I was lying, but I was blank-minded.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’m gonna go.” I hung up the phone before my dad could even say bye. I was in shock. I was dismayed. I didn’t know what to think. After everything that’s happened to me lately, this is the nail in the coffin (so to speak). I was done.
I absent-mindedly walked to the bathroom and knocked. There was no reply, so I opened the door.
“Why are you still here, Alex?” Jill said.
“Grampy died,” I said, somewhat monotonously.
“Wh...what?” She was taken aback. I just closed the door and walked back out to the living room. No more than thirty seconds later, the water turned off. The ringing in my ears returned. The silence was deafening. I stared off into space, just thinking. Thinking about what, I don’t remember. But it wasn’t until Jill put her hands on my face and said something that I snapped out of it.
“You’ll be okay, Alex,” she said. She had her towel wrapped around her. I don’t know how long she tried to get my attention, but something tells me she was trying long before she put her hands on my face.
“Yeah. Yeah, I know.” I was still partially out of it. Forget the fact that Jill was standing in front of me in nothing but a towel. I didn’t care. I felt like the universe turned its back on me.
She took her hands off my face and walked away. Before she walked down the hall and out of site, she stopped and turned around.
“You’re gonna be okay, right?” she said. I honestly wasn’t sure. I just looked at her. “Alex, please tell me you’ll be okay. You’re not gonna lose it, are you?”
“No, no. I’ll be... I’m fine. Can I just...lay down for a while?”
I laid down on her couch and shut my eyes.
I had no clue how much time had passed when I opened my eyes. It felt like a few minutes, but when I sat up, I saw that it was light out. I slept through the night.
Jill walked in, in her pajamas.
“Well good morning,” she said as she opened the fridge.
“I’m sorry, I had no clue--”
“It’s okay, Alex. You had a rough night.”
I called a cab and went back to school, where I went through the motions. For the next week, I went to class, but didn’t pay attention. I ate maybe once a day, and it was usually just an apple or something. I laid in bed and thought about my grandfather. Memories were I would have of him from now on...
My life was in shambles. And just when I thought it could get any worse, Thursday morning came around, the day my dad was picking me up to go home for the funeral on Friday.
Thursday morning, April 30th, just two weeks before finals started, my guidance counselor called me. He said he needed to see me and that it was urgent.
I went to his office, and he told me to sit down. I complied. And I didn’t like the look on his face.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” I knew exactly what he meant.
“In your personal life. Is everything up to code?”
“Yeah, why do you ask?”
“Your grades are...well, they’re shit. You did so well last semester, what happened?”
“I don’t know...”
“I want honesty, here. It can’t hurt you to tell the truth. Is everything really okay?”
“What’s going on?”
“My girlfriend cheated on me, getting herself knocked up. The guy that did it to her won’t be there for her. There’s another...girl...in my life now that doesn’t want to be with me. And on top of all of that, my grandfather -- who was my idol -- died.”
He was silent, figuring out how to respond.
“I’m sorry to hear that. How long has all of this been going on?”
“About two months.”
“Hmm... I wish you’d come to me before. While this was all going on. I might’ve been able to help you. Now, there’s nothing we can do. Unless you miraculously get perfect scores on all of your finals, you’re going to fail every one of your classes this semester. Which brings your GPA down to a 1.75.”
“There’s nothing I can do?”
“At this point, no. Like I said, you could get perfect scores...and I mean perfect 100% scores...on all of your finals. But truthfully, I don’t see that happening.”
“I can’t drop out of one or two of the classes, to at least keep my GPA up a little?”
“No, it’s far too late to do that. The deadline for that was in the first week of March.”
We both sat in silence. I didn’t know what to say, and neither did he. I was embarrassed, and he was embarrassed for me. He wanted to help, but he couldn’t.
I put my tie on in the mirror. I was the last one ready to go, so everyone -- my mom, dad, and sister -- was waiting for me. So once I went downstairs, we left.
We were the first ones to arrive at the funeral home, even after picking up my grandmother. Everyone else arrived shortly thereafter. One of the last to arrive was Jill.
Everyone said hello to her, except me. I knew that, if she wanted to speak to me, she would. However, all we did was make eye contact.
After everyone made their condolences to the family, myself included, and as we waited for the service to start, I sat in my chair, watching Jill from afar. She didn’t seem upset. She was talking to friends that she hadn’t seen in a while. She was her normal, happy self. I didn’t know if this was a front, or if she really wasn’t upset.
I decided to go up to the casket and look at my grandfather’s body. I had been avoiding looking at it so far, and I figured I had to face it eventually. Finally, tears started sliding down my face. It had been over a week since he died, and I hadn’t cried yet. This was long overdue. Seeing his dead, lifeless body is what triggered it.
I was crying quietly to myself as everyone in the room behind me socialized, waiting for the service to start. I felt more alone than ever.
Suddenly, a hand rubbed my arm. It was Jill. She stood next to me, put her arm around me, and placed her head on my shoulder. We both looked into the casket.
“It’s hard to believe,” she said. I couldn’t say anything because of the crying. “He was a great man. One of the best.”
She then said something that I’ll never forget.
“You remind me a lot of him.”
I choked back my tears to say something.
“Really! You care more about everyone around you than you do yourself. That’s what made Grampy, Grampy. Always helping others, caring for others. You got that trait from him.”
I broke down crying. I turned and hugger her, burying my face in the place between her neck and her shoulder. She hugged me, rubbing my back.
Everyone was seeing this, and no one in the room knew our back story. It felt so wrong, and in turn, felt so right.
Just then, the minister came up and told us to take our seats for the service.
The service went just like any other, but I don’t remember any of it. It’s all a blur.
Afterwards, as everyone was saying getting ready to go over to the cemetery, I went to be alone. There was a side room with a sofa, and a door that closed. I closed the door and sat down. It was quiet, away from the bustling of people.
I thought about how to tell my parents about what I’d done. There had been a knot in my stomach for over 24 hours. How did I tell them? They were going to be livid.
Just then, there was a knock on the door, and it opened.
“Alex?” It was Jill. “Alex, what are you doing in here? Everyone’s looking for you.”
“Are we leaving?”
“Okay.” I just sat there, still thinking.
“Are you okay?”
She sat down next to me.
“I know. This is a rough day. A hard one to get through. But it’s almost over. Come on.” She stood up. I didn’t move. She stood in front of me for a few moments, then walked out, leaving me there.
I remained seated, thinking. I knew I should’ve gotten up to leave, but I couldn’t force myself to.
The door opened again, and it was Jill. She sat down next to me again.
“I told them to leave and that I would drive you to the cemetery,” she said. “So when you’re ready, we’ll go.” I looked at her. I’d never been more gracious in my life. She genuinely cared about what I was going through, and she seemed to be the only one that did. “So tell me...what’s on your mind?”
I didn’t answer.
“It’s not me, is it?”
“Then what is it? Is it just the stress of today?”
“Tell me, Alex! I want to help you!
“I dropped out of school.”
“I was failing everything, and my GPA was down to 1.5. If I didn’t drop out, I would have to bring my entire GPA back up, AND spend another $12,000.”
“So what good did dropping out do? Now you’re not in school at all.”
“There was the option of taking a Leave of Absence. It’s like dropping all of my classes with no repercussions as far as money goes. I just had to sign a document saying I’m going back to that school.”
“So you’re going back. When?”
“I don’t know... I don’t even know if I wanna go back.”
“Alex, you can’t just not go back. Then they’ll whack you for that $12,000.”
I started getting upset.
“I know! Please just, drop it for now. And don’t tell anyone. I’ll tell my parents on my own.”
I started feeling like I wanted to cry.
“Are you ready to go?” she asked. “We have to go to the burial.”
I burst into tears. She immediately moved closer to me and hugged me tight.
“I’m sorry...” I said into her shoulder.
“No, I’m sorry for everything. I fucked up our relationship.”
“Shh, Alex, that’s the least of your worries right now.”
I stopped crying and pulled back, still holding her. I looked into her eyes, and she looked into mine, sympathetically. I moved in for a kiss. I went 90% of the way, and when she didn’t stop me, I closed my eyes and kissed her. It was a soft kiss, but it felt great. I felt like every problem was gone. Her lips against mine made me feel invincible.
I broke off the kiss, and looked into her eyes. It was like we could read each other’s minds, just by looking at our eyes. We both stood up. I exited the room, and she followed me. I looked around, saw no one, and opened the coat closet. I took her hand and pulled her in with me. I shut the door and locked it.
I grabbed her and pushed her against the wall. It was dark. I couldn’t see a thing. But Jill had a dress on, so it made my life a lot easier.
I squeezed her ass as she wrapped a leg around me. She clawed at my back.
She reached down to undo my belt. I continued squeezing one of her butt cheeks, and put one hand on one of her tits. She unbuttoned my pants, and I finished the job for her, pulling them halfway down my thighs. She slid her panties down and off, tossing them to the side. I picked her up as she wrapped her arms legs around me. Holding her up against the wall with one arm, I grabbed my cock and guided it into her pussy. With one swift thrust, I was inside her. She immediately moaned. I thrusted again. And again, picking up the pace with each thrust. She breathed heavily, trying to be quiet, but letting out the occasional soft moan. I kissed her neck as she arched back. Within about three dozen thrusts, I was ready to cum.
“I’m gonna cum,” I whispered. She pushed me back and I let her down. My eyes still hadn’t adjusted to the dark, so I couldn’t see her at all. “What are you doing?”
“Cum in my mouth,” she said.
“I can’t see your mouth! Can you see my cock?”
“No,” she laughed.
“Okay, hold on.” I got my phone out and put it on video mode. “I have a flashlight on my phone, but it has to be recording video, otherwise it won’t stay on.”
“Fine,” she said, anxious to taste my cum. I pressed record, and pointed the camera light at Jill. I jerked off, pointing my cock at her open mouth.
“I’m cumming!” I shot my hot load into her mouth. And boy, was it a big load. It was so big, it started to become funny. I just wouldn’t stop cumming. After about twelve shots, I finally stopped. Jill swallowed it all.
I pointed the video light at her panties so she could find them, then turned off the camera. She put her panties on, I pulled my pants back up, and I put my phone in my pocket.
I unlocked the door, and looked around. Still, no one was around. So I took her hand and pulled her out of the closet. We had a laugh and walked to the car.