Can a 30something recently out lesbian have a loving relationship with her estranged 13 year old daugther's best friend?
Karen and Laci
Her Daughter's Friend
Ff rom 1st oral
Laci was devastated when her best friend Amy told her she was moving across the country to live with her father. It felt like Laci's world would shatter into a million pieces. It wasn't so much that she was losing her friend Amy. It was because she was losing Amy's mother.
Laci was an exceptionally pretty 14 year old girl. She was just beginning to ripen into pubescence, moving from being a beautiful child to a beautiful adolescent. She had long, honey colored hair, delicate features, devastating green eyes, skin as smooth and creamy as a baby's, and a lithe body. Her sexual features, while still immature, were blossoming nicely. She was the kind of girl who drew looks everywhere she went.
But her emotions were in turmoil. She felt things she was sure her friends didn't feel. The feelings were confusing and hard to come to grips with. Feelings about other girls, but not boys – sexual and emotional feelings.
Her friendship with Amy was a little unusual. Amy came from a well-to-do family. She lived in a nice house complete with a pool, out on the edges of town in a high end neighborhood. She had parents who loved and cared for her, and all the material things a teenaged girl could want.
Laci, on the other hand, came from a horrible situation. She lived in a bad section of town in a dilapidated, seedy apartment with a drug addicted mother and her mother's boyfriend-of-the-month. Her mother didn't care about Laci – despised her, in fact -- beyond the monthly welfare money she brought in. Laci was lucky to have clean clothes to wear to school. By all rights, she should have already begun strolling down the same path as her mother. It was hard to resist. It would be so easy to hang out with the kids who got in trouble, use drugs, drink, and get knocked up. The pressure was there. She already succumbed in some ways – she smoked cigarettes, experimented with booze and pot, and she'd done some shoplifting. But Laci desperately didn't want that. She wanted what Amy had, a family who loved and cared about her, especially a mother who cared about her.
That was why she couldn't wrap her mind around Amy's desire to desert her mother to go live 3,000 miles away with her father.
She'd become friends with Amy back when they were in elementary school. For some reason, they just clicked, able to enjoy each others company in a natural way. They could share secrets, talk about things they couldn't talk about with other friends. They shared the same fascination with clothes, make-up, hair styles – not that Laci could afford any of that. But Amy seemed to understand her circumstances, and she freely shared what she could. She had Laci come out to the house whenever possible for sleepovers, using the pool in summer, movie nights.
Sometimes it puzzled Laci how she could be friends with one of the “rich kids”. The world Amy lived in amazed Laci, the utter polar opposite of her own sordid world. The Laci who visited Amy's world was utterly different from the Laci who lived in hopeless squalor. Stepping into Amy's world momentarily eased the agony of living in that other world. Most amazing of all, Laci always – always – felt genuinely welcome in Amy's world.
But the best part was Amy's Mom Karen. Something about Karen made Laci's insides squirm in the most delightful way. She was such a beautiful woman, tall, slim but not skinny, with curly shoulder-length chestnut hair. She always dressed well, even when she was casual. She had an appealingly firm, assertive presence about her. Laci was completely drawn to Karen. She sensed that somehow Karen looked at her differently. Hardly realizing she was doing it, Laci sent out flirtatious signals when she around Karen, and she watched closely for some sign Karen noticed, whether good or bad. But she wasn't able to pick-up on any noticeable reactions from Karen.
When she was laying in bed in the squalid apartment where she lived, her mind drifted helplessly to thoughts of Karen, warm, wonderful dreams of smiling, embracing, kissing and touching. Then Laci's hands would always creep toward her young, aching, pulsing sex, and touching herself there would make her jump and turn the fantasies into exciting images of loving. She'd probe her achy pussy, stroking herself all over, then slide a finger up and down her slit, marveling at the sensation. She'd nudge her finger inside her sex and burrow in the silky wetness, shuddering at the electric thrill. She'd spread her natural wetness around, moving closer to her small but swollen and tender nub of a clit, and oh! My, what a wonderful, irresistible feeling that was. Her entire body would flush, and surges of pleasure would spread out from her sex. She'd toy with her clit, squeezing it, nudging it with her finger, then rubbing it side to side, up and down, ever faster, while the mental images of being with Karen became raw and blatantly sexual. Finally, not resisting, the warm, intense spasm of unspeakable pleasure would surge from her sex over her entire body.
She masturbated to visions of Karen nearly every day. Even when not masturbating, dreams of Karen filled her head. Dreams of love, of being warm and comfortable in Karen's arms, dreams of....
And now, all that was about to be taken away.
It was one last sleepover before Amy moved away. It said much of their friendship that Laci was the only one Amy asked to be there. That Saturday night had been so much like previous weekend sleepovers. DVDs, board games, popcorn, and later the inevitable talk sitting on Amy's bed. That's when it soured for Laci, though she tried not to let it show.
She pleaded with her friend to reconsider, even playing her trump card, guilt, without success – what's going to happen to me? I'm going to be stuck having to hang around with scummy losers. Amy, however, shared one very powerful trait with her mother. Once she made up her mind, there was no going back.
“But why!” Laci pleaded. “Why are you leaving everything behind to go live with your Dad on the other side of the country?”
Amy's pretty face screwed up in bitter anger. “Don't you know?” she asked, incredulously.
“Know what?” Laci pleaded.
“My Mom thinks she's a lesbian now. She's breaking up our family because she says she has to be true to herself. She can't go on just pretending any more…some bullshit like that…It is so totally lame. She's divorcing my Dad just so she can be a dyke. Can you imagine? She'll probably bring her stupid dates home and want to introduce me to them so we can bond or something. No, keeping our family together isn't good enough for her…she has to dump us to be queer.” Amy was sobbing with pent up anger, her fists bunched and her cheeks flushed.
“Amy, that's not true,” Laci cried.
“Yes it is, goddammit! She told me herself after she and Dad told me they were divorcing and Dad was moving out west. I didn't believe it, but even Dad said it's true. Now I hate her,” she spat.
“Don't talk like that, Amy! Your mother never did anything like that on purpose. That's not how that works. You're on the Diversity Team, you know better.”
“ Bullshit! She went all her life not being gay, then she decides to change now? What's with that!"
“Amy! You know it doesn't work like that! Your Mom would never do something like that to you on purpose.”
“Yeah? If she was gonna do it, why now? Why couldn't she wait until I graduated school? What's four more years when you've already gone through fourteen? You're not the one who's gonna go to school and have everybody go, like, 'There's Amy, the one with the dyke mother. How gross, I'm not hanging with her anymore.' Everybody's gonna think I'm that way, too.”
“No they're not! Jesus Christ Amy! Don't be such a fucking mule-headed bitch! Maybe she couldn't deal with it until now. You're only thinking of yourself. Think about how hard it must be for her.” Now Laci played her Ace of trumps, tears. “Let's trade mothers for a week, just one week!” she cried. “Then I promise you, you'd see exactly how good you have it. Just don't go, Amy. At least wait until summer and see what happens, what's five months,” she sobbed, unconsciously mimicking Amy's plea. “Take off to a new school three thousand miles away. That's gonna suck and you know it!”
Amy sighed. “I can't, Laci. I have to go. I can't live in this house without my Dad and my old Mom both here. Everything was always cool, they never fought, they were always happy together. I wish it could be different and I didn't feel like this, but I do. You really are my best friend Lace. Ever. Maybe after my head clears I can come back to visit. I dunno. We can still talk on the phone.”
And that closed the subject
Laci and Amy slept in Amy's wide bed. On most of these sleepover weekends, girls would be sprawled across the bedroom floor in sleeping bags, and in the guest room. But tonight, it was just the two of them. Amy's Dad, who'd come back to bring her to her new home, stayed in the guest room.
There was a tense sadness that Sunday morning. Both girl's cried a river. At last, Amy said she needed to take a shower and get ready. Laci lay on the bed and sighed. Her mind drifted to Karen, and as upset as she was, thinking of Karen lead to the warm, familiar gnawing in her mound. Almost without realizing it, her hand was under her panties, toying with her sex. The desire was much more intense than usual, almost beyond resisting. Amy takes long showers. I have time. And she gave in. She'd forgotten the bedroom door was slightly ajar.
Her sexual energy was powerful and raw, so she stroked herself much harder and more vigorously than usual. The resulting orgasm rose up quickly and with unexpected force. Her whole body twitched and hovered, and then came the bursting surges. Aware of it or not, she whimpered aloud, “Karen, Karen, Karen! Oh God, Karen! Hold me! Love me!”
She was panting when she fell back onto the bed. A trickle of nectar dribbled from her sex onto the bed. She almost instantly felt a pang of anxiety. Did she cry out? Did anyone hear her? She scrambled to sit up, and she could hear the rush of Amy's shower coming from the bathroom. That was stupid, what if I got caught?
The unspoken tension in the house was thick enough to cut. Karen woke up early while the house was still. She had her crying jag, a long, despairing round of tears. This was hard, very hard. She was ambivalent about her ex-husband being here. Of course he had to be here, because there was no way she'd consent to Amy flying out there alone. But having him here only made reopening the wound all that much more painful.
They'd been divorced a year now, and it had been a mutually agreeable split. They always got along quite well, and they still actually enjoyed each others company. Karen knew her ex was a very good father, and she was proud at how they'd raised Amy together. But there were differences between them that couldn't be resolved.
For years after Amy was born, it became apparent Karen was much more than unenthusiastic about sex. Her apparent lack of interest was the one thing that they ever fought about. As time went by, he went looking for relief outside the marriage, and Karen was okay with that – relieved in fact -- as long as he didn't rub her face in it, and to his everlasting credit he never did. They continued to enjoy each others company in the context of family time, but they grew further apart emotionally.
It took Karen time to come to grips with the fact that she didn't lack an interest in sex – far from it – but it was men she lacked sexual interest in. Guilt kept her from carrying it to its logical conclusion, but eventually she gave in. After her first time with a woman, she could no longer deny the truth. Two short-lived but intense affairs later, and she knew what she had to do.
That sat down together and she explained her perspective. He took it with equanimity, even relief. Divorce, of course, was the only real option, as gentle a divorce as possible to spare Amy the alternative. He told her the timing was actually good, because he had a chance at a promotion which would require relocating to the West coast. From that point, they went through the nuts and bolts. At first, Amy seemed OK with it. It wasn't until her Dad moved away that she had her emotional melt-down.
Financially, the divorce terms were quite reasonable. They were well-off by most standards. Karen got the house free and clear, he got to keep several hundred acres of land he'd inherited. They each got to keep their respective retirement funds, and the money and investments they'd come by during their marriage were split down the middle. They'd share custody of Amy. She'd stay with Karen for the time being, at least through the rest of the school year, then they'd take it from there.
Karen wasn't prepared for Amy's reaction after her father left. Amy morphed almost overnight into an overwrought emotional hellion. Amy had always been even-keeled, so the change was a shock. She became spiteful, angry, defiant and hateful, saying things that hurt and couldn't be easily forgotten. Karen tried, oh God she tried. But when Amy began demanding to live with her father, it fell apart.
Karen and Amy were both stubborn and willful. Karen was hurt by Amy's threats and hateful words. She knew Amy had every right to live with her father, and he'd take her if that was really what she wanted. Karen warned Amy she wasn't going to let the girl play her mother and her father off one another. If she went, there was no coming back. Think about, Karen warned. Take your time to make your decision because once its made, there's no going back. It was one thing to go spend the summer with her father and then make a calm decision, but to go in the middle of the school year in a fit of hormone-fueled anger, well that just wouldn't fly.
So Amy made her decision.
And now it was about to happen. Amy was leaving, and making it worse for Karen, that might mean not seeing Amy's sweet, precocious little friend Laci anymore. Karen had become extremely fond of the child, and guiltily, her feelings about the girl weren't all innocent.
Karen pulled the last pieces of clothes Amy was taking with her from the dryer, folded them and put them in the laundry basket. Her mind was churning. Nothing strung together in a coherent train of thought. Just emotions. She sighed and brought the laundry basket upstairs. She could hear the shower running as she got to the top. She was about to enter Amy's room when she heard something that stopped her cold.
Moans, soft, unmistakable moans floated from behind the slightly ajar bedroom door. Was that Amy or was that...Laci? She knew one of the girls was masturbating behind the door, and it gave her an odd thrill. She listened and the moans grew urgent. Then, whimpers. “Karen, Karen, Karen, oooohhhh Karennnnn, hold me, love me!”
It was probably the most shocking thing she'd ever overheard in her life. She felt herself flush, and her legs began to tremble as though she might faint. She leaned back against the wall for support and tried to compose herself. Heart thudding, she knew she had to get out of there. Gingerly, she crept down the stairs with the basket of laundry and tried to digest what she'd just heard.
It fell to Karen to bring Laci home later that afternoon. Karen was both thrilled and terrified after hearing Laci in Amy's bedroom. Of course, there was no question of even hinting that she'd heard. Still, the drive was tense and sad.
Karen tried to make light, but failed miserably. “I'd say you look like you've lost your best friend, but that's too true.”
“Yeah,” Lacy moped.
Looking at her now, Karen realized just how lovely and beautiful Laci was, so soft and delicate, caught in the indeterminate slice of time between childhood and adolescence, looking at once like either and both. Oh, how the child made Karen ache. When she pulled up in front of the dilapidated apartment in a bad section of town, Karen reached over and touched Laci's shoulder. “Hey. I want you to know, just because Amy's leaving doesn't mean you have to be a stranger. You can come out to visit any time. Any time. If you need someone to talk to, or you just want to hang out...you have my cell phone number?”
Laci nodded and tried not to cry. She looked sadly at Karen, trying to judge the woman's word. “OK,” she sighed with a shuddery sob.
“My door is always open for you. I've come to be quite fond of you, quite concerned. In some ways, you're part of the family. Okay? Any time!”
Laci nodded again, tried to smile and failed. “Okay.”
And with that, she grabbed her back pack and was swallowed up by the dingy building.
Karen rarely paid close attention to weather forecasts, especially where winter storms were concerned. The TV and radio weather people always hyped storms to improve ratings. Every couple of years, there were dire warnings of the next Storm of the Century, which turned out to not even be the Storm of the Year. But this time she paid attention. It was not quite two o'clock, and it was already like twilight outside and the wind was picking up. She was debating going home early to beat the weather.
She listened to the radio weather forecaster. “This is the real deal, folks. I know it seems like we're always saying that, but it's not hype this time. This storm is big, slow and very juicy. We really are talking about a high potential for record-breaking snow to fall over the next 36 hours – outlying areas could easily see over 4 feet of snow by the time its all said and done, and that won't be until the day after tomorrow! In addition to heavy, heavy snowfall, the winds will howl, blowing and drifting the snow and likely bringing down power-lines in many areas. Temperatures will hold steady in the upper teens and lower twenties, but they'll feel much colder. Driving conditions will deteriorate rapidly and only get worse. Trust me folks, you don't want to be out in this one unless it's a dire emergency. Area emergency management agencies are gearing up...”
Karen clicked off the radio and sighed. She wasn't much worried as long as she didn't have to drive in it. The kitchen was well-stocked, there was gas for heat and the stove, lanterns, flashlights, plenty of batteries and a warm bed to sleep in. The thing she dreaded was the isolation. The thought of being trapped all alone in an empty house for two days was hardly appealing. Oh well, not much to do about it.
She decided it was best to get going before it started snowing. She pulled on her wool coat, gloves and scarf and headed out. She stopped out front. “I'm heading out before things get ugly, Marcie,” she said to the office's senior secretary. “Is Dave closing up early for the rest of you?”
Marcie sighed. “I wish. He hasn't decided yet. Must be nice to set your own schedule.”
“Go to school, Marcie. Go to school; I keep telling you.”
The snow held off through the drive home. She pulled her new Audi sedan into the garage next to the just-as-new SUV. All was silent, almost painfully so. “Jesus, I need to find a girlfriend,” she muttered aloud. “Then I wouldn't be alone.” A wistful image of cuddling on the couch with a pretty girlfriend came to her. Then it morphed into a slightly disturbing image of Amy's little friend Laci. Amy had been gone two weeks now, and so far her sweet little friend hadn't taken up Karen's offer to visit any time. She wondered what the girl might be doing now, and then she wondered if she'd ever get the courage to call the girl herself – just to see her again, just to look at that sweet, lovely face. The words and sounds Karen heard coming from behind the closed door still cut into her like a knife. She mentally shook herself. Come on, she's a 14 year old girl for fuck's sake, what the hell is wrong with you! Get over it! Yeah, right, sure thing.
Laci could hardly believe she was doing it. She had been fretting over it for almost two weeks now, trying to work up the courage to go through with her child-like plan. Finally, she couldn't stand it any more. Now, sitting in the back of the taxi-cab, she was actually going though with it. Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest, and her tummy squirmed and swirled.
She'd mentally rehearsed the hundreds of things she might say when she showed up on Karen's doorstep. It was starting to snow out, and it was supposed to snow hard – maybe that was part of the reason she decided to make today the day she did it. Karen surely wouldn't turn her out into a snowstorm; if nothing else, Laci was sure of that. But what would Karen say? How would she react? Would she be mad? Disgusted? Happy? Indifferent? It didn't matter. Laci had to find out. She at least had to see Karen and hear her voice, that's all. The endless hours she dreamed and fantasized about Karen, often masturbating to delicious climaxes, only fueled her inner agony. Right now, sex was only vaguely in her thoughts, so far back as to be nearly insignificant.
No, Karen wouldn't turn her back, at the very least she'd take her in until the storm was over. But a terrifying thought danced agonizingly through Laci's head. What if Karen wasn't home? What if the house was empty? Laci was dressed in a worn winter jacket over a simple long-sleeved sweater top, her only pair of decent skinny jeans were tucked into a pair of boots, and a thin scarf was wrapped around her neck. No gloves, no hat. Not a good way to be in a snowstorm. She was willing to take the risk.
She pawed through her purse. She was a neat girl so things were fairly organized: cigarettes and lighter (Karen probably wouldn't care for that), a few bottles of make-up which she always carried, her I-pod, her cell phone and her most prized possession, a cute but silly-little stuffed angel Christmas tree ornament Karen had gotten her last year – she'd gotten similar ornaments for all of Amy's “hang-out” friends – and tucked next to it was the small card Karen gave with it. “This lovely angel reminds me of you,” she'd written in long hand, and it still gave Laci goosebumps. Her wallet contained $40 she'd stolen from her mother (drug-money, boy will she be pissed when she finds it gone! Laci thought), $20 for the taxi out, and if worse came to worse, $20 for a taxi back to town. Her tummy still surged and squirmed as the taxi moved into the outskirts of town. Oh God, please don't let it come to that! I couldn't take it!
When the taxi pulled into the driveway of the familiar house, Laci handed the money to the driver, an obese woman with a sour disposition. Sour or not, the woman said, “You want I should wait just in case there ain't nobody home?”
Laci hesitated. “No, you don't have to. If I need to, I'll call.” There was no turning back.
There were a lot of bad little habits Karen was falling into since the house was empty, and she hated it. But that didn't stop her; rationalization was too easy. Smoking inside the house instead of going on the deck for one thing. For another, she had a bottle of almost 150 Vicodin left over from the kidney stone attack almost two years ago, plus a new prescription for Xanax to help her get over Amy's leaving. It was so easy to take them for the most insignificant reasons, but they helped her relax and gave her a nice glow without fucking her up. And booze. Normally, two glasses of wine a week were her limit. Now it was becoming one a day. And now today, it was all three. The thought of being snowed in alone was just too depressing to face.
She'd only just taken her first sip of wine, already pleasantly warm and fuzzy from the Xanax/Vicodin cocktail. The gas fireplace was on, and she was curled up on the sofa trying to read some papers from work without success. The TV was on a cooking channel, more for the noise than anything else.
Karen jumped when the doorbell rang. She frowned. Who in hell could that be? A little worm of fear snuggled into her mid-section. She hopped up and went to the front door. She peaked through the window, and her heart instantly seemed to freeze and her tummy dropped. Was that little Laci? she thought crazily. No, no way, couldn't be!
She fumbled with the lock, her mind suddenly racing. She threw the door open and it was... Laci! “Oh my God,” she gasped. “Laci! What on earth are you doing out here?”
Laci smiled wanly, shyly, her own heart fluttering madly. “Hi Karen. I-I...ummm...”
“Get in here before you freeze,” Karen demanded.
Laci stepped in and looked around the familiar surroundings.
“Laci, what on earth are you doing out here?”
All the lines Laci rehearsed fluttered away like a flock birds from a tree. She looked down at the floor, shrugged and tried to talk. “I...uummm... dunno, I guess... you remember when you, um, said I could come by any time to visit you?”
“Good God, sweetie, yes I remember – and I meant it, I really did,” Karen said, trying to get herself under control. “But now? In a snowstorm? How on earth did you get out here?”
“A taxi,” Laci mumbled shyly.
“ A taxi? Why didn't you call? I would gladly have come to get you. What if I wouldn't have been here?” Karen cut herself short. What in hell was she doing, sounding so reproachful? This was an unbelievable stroke of fortune, and here she was about to fuck it all up by reproaching the child. “Never mind that,” she said firmly. “Get in here and take your coat off.”
Laci felt an emotional agony. She feared Karen wasn't happy to see her, that she hadn't really meant what she'd said that day. But... She shrugged off her jacket and Karen tossed it over a chair. Then Karen turned and impulsively embraced Laci. It was a maternal embrace, but strong, and it sent the most delicious thrill through Laci.
“You must be be freezing honey!”
A tiny measure of relief crept over Laci. “Should I take my boots off?”
“No, no need, not right now. Come, let's go into the living-room where it's nice and warm.” Laci obediently followed. It was soothingly warm, the lights soft and comforting in here, just as Laci remembered. “Why don't you sit on the sofa and relax and warm up. I'm going to go make you a warm drink. Is hot chocolate OK?”
Laci nodded dumbly.
“Okay, you can take your boots off and put them by the fire if you want.” Karen moved quickly into the kitchen. What is going on! She thought, almost immediately followed by, You know exactly what's going on, I've been wanting to find an excuse to call her, and after all, I invited her the day Amy left. And how can I pretend I didn't hear what I heard outside the bedroom door that day? Yeah, you – I – know what's going on. Like they say, careful what you wish for.
Now she was glad she took the Xanax and Vicodin, otherwise, she'd be a wreck right now. She heated a mug of milk in the microwave and stirred in chocolate syrup. Her hands trembled just a bit.
Laci was sitting rather demurely at one end of the sofa. She shyly took the mug of warm chocolate. Karen sat toward the other end and picked up the glass of wine she'd left behind when Laci was at the door. What to say? “It's going to be pretty stormy. I guess you'll be staying here for awhile. Does your mother know where you are?”
Laci snorted and said with undisguised bitterness, “As if. She doesn't know, and she doesn't care. Probably passed out on the couch.”
Karen reproached herself for the question. She well knew Laci's home situation, and it made her ache. It was a mystery how a girl her age could be so sweet, so cheerful in such a miserable home life – if you could call it a home. Once Karen found out how Laci lived a couple of years ago, it made her ache for the girl. At first, it was the biggest reason she went out of her way to be welcoming and caring. Karen sipped her wine and drew a leg up on the sofa. “It's really that bad, huh?”
“Yeah, it is,” Laci said looking away.
“I'm sorry, honey. I can't imagine being that way.”
“ I know you can't. That's why I can't understand Amy!” she cried. “I kept telling her she just didn't understand how good she had it with you for a mother! You love her, you care about her and what happens to her.” There was pain and bewilderment in her voice.
“Well, she's with her father, and he loves and cares for just as much.”
“ I know, but it isn't the same. Girls need their mothers. How else do we learn? She just didn't get it. And it made me so mad. I couldn't get her to see it. And oh God! I was so scared I wouldn't be able to come here anymore, I always felt like I was...welcome here, that I mattered. And the thought I'd never see you again just makes me sick.”
Laci's shift from the generic “here” to the more personal “you” was not lost on Karen. “Well, I told you you're always welcome here, all you had to do was call.”
“I know, but I thought you were just saying that to be nice or polite.”
“ No honey, I meant it. I very, very much meant it.” Karen patted the sofa. “Come. Sit closer to me.” Feeling the way she did right now, she knew it was dangerous to have the girl so close. Laci didn't hesitate. She slid over so that only a half a foot separated them. She looked at Karen with expectant eyes.
“I've always enjoyed having you around, always,” Karen said. You've always been so sweet, so helpful, you're a joy to be around. When Amy left, I kept thinking I was going to miss you being here almost as much as I was going to miss Amy. I've thought a lot about calling you to see how you were doing and seeing if you wanted to come out for a visit.”
“Really,” Karen said, touching Laci's soft hand. She reached up and gently, tenderly brushed the back of her finger against Laci's so soft cheek.
Laci sighed. “Why? Why did Amy just...give this up?”
Now it was Karen's turn to sigh. Why indeed. Karen knew exactly what underlay her daughter's ugly transformation. “Everything changed after her father and I divorced. I – we, he and I – knew we were going to divorce sooner or later. There were...things between us that made it inevitable. I thought it was best to do it before Amy got really into her hormone years. But I was wrong. She took it very hard, blamed me for it – and she morphed into this mean, emotional, hateful hellcat. I didn't want her to go, even as hateful and willful as she could be, God! I wanted her to stay with me. It tears me apart that I won't be there for the important things in her life. But I won't let her play her father and me off each other. I told her if she left, I wasn't going to take her back. And I mean that. She's burned her bridges.”
Laci doubted that was true, but she kept her opinion to herself. “I know, she just... I would give anything to have you for a Mom. Anything!”
“Thank you for the vote of confidence.”
“I hate my mother! All she wants is drugs and booze. I'm a welfare check to her, that's all, the bitch.” She hissed the last word.
Karen smiled wanly. “I need a cigarette. Do you mind?”
“Me? Of course not!” Her heart thudded as she heard herself blurt. “Can I have one too?”
“You? Do you smoke cigarettes? You're only 14.”
“It's one of those things you pick up pretty quick hanging around the crowd I usually have to hang with. I don't often, but sometimes when I get stressed I like to.”
Karen shrugged reluctantly. “I guess I understand about that. I started when I was about your age, but then I quit when I got pregnant for Amy. I started back up when the marriage went south. Stress. Like you said.” Karen lit her cigarette and gave it to Laci, then lit another for herself. Just like a cheesy old movie, Karen thought. She finished her wine and stood up. One was enough. “I'll be right back. I'm bringing this glass to the kitchen.”
Karen was as restless inside as ever. She was beginning to pick up a strong sexual vibe, which at once troubled and thrilled her. Don't read into things, don't be stupid. But be ready, just in case, because ohhhh I want it – her – sooo badly. She peaked out the window when she got back. It was snowing hard now and accumulating fast, and the wind sent shrouds of white blowing across the fresh snow pack. “It looks like you timed it perfectly. There's no getting into town now. Like it or, you're staying here tonight.”
“I don't mind...if you don't mind.”
Karen sat down close to Laci again. “No, I don't mind at all. I'd much rather you be here than God knows where.”
Laci sighed and unconsciously nudged closer to Karen. “Can I ask you something? Kinda personal?”
Karen's heart leaped again. “Sure, I guess so. The worst I can do is tell you to mind your own business,” she said with a teasing smile.
The sexual vibe was growing stronger by the minute, and though she knew she was playing with fire, she had to let it develop for things to go where she secretly wanted them to go. She looked at Lacy and touched her hand briefly to encourage the girl to express herself.
Lacy looked at her hands, then up at Karen, wondering if she dared ask. Finally, "Is it true that you're...umm...a l-lesbian?"
Karen was surprised, and the question gave her yet another electric pang. She kept her wits and smiled softly but answered cautiously. "Yes. Does that bother you?"
Laci looked up, slightly startled. "Bother me? Oh no," she said quietly but emphatically. "No, no, why would it bother me? It's just that..."
"I know it's important to you for some reason, or you wouldn't have asked. Don't be shy, I'm not ashamed of it."
"Well, it's just that...like, how did you know you were that way...gay."
Karen sighed and smiled. "I can't give you a simple answer to that question. When I was your age, I knew I wasn't seeing things, feeling the things the same way my friends were. I didn't have an interest in boys, even though I pretended to. You have to remember, twenty years ago, it was a lot different. There were no LGBT support groups or counselors, and gays were still outcasts. So i pushed my feelings down, and when I got married and had Amy, for a while I could say, 'There, I'm married and I have a kid, so I mustn’t be that way after all.' But also after Amy was born, it got harder and harder to pretend I wasn't really attracted to other women. So it was a process for me, something I tried to ignore but couldn't. There isn't a test you take to tell if you're gay or not."
"Were some of the feelings you had....sexual? I mean, I guess, did you look at other girls and, you know, think and feel... sexual things?"
"Absolutely," she said firmly. Lacy fidgeted, her eyes shyly looking back and forth from her hands to Karen. Karen put her hand on Lacy's. "Do you think you're a lesbian?" Karen murmured.
Lacy sighed. "Yes. A girl I kinda like...that way...said I couldn't be gay because I'm too pretty and girly, but now I know that's a lie."
"Does it bother you that you might be a lesbian?"
"No, not the way I think you mean. It bothers me that I, like, don't know what to do. I mean,you know, how to let someone know I like them that way, and not just as a friend, that they make me have... feelings."
Lacy's cheeks were flushed now, her eyes dark and her breathing quick and shallow. She squirmed restlessly.
Karen's own heart was pounding with growing excitement as she realized more certainly where this was going. She had to be encouraging without being too aggressive -- best to let it come from Laci. She reached out and toyed with Laci's long mane of tawny hair. Laci closed her eyes and sighed. "Is there someone in particular who makes you have those feelings?" Karen asked softly.
Laci weighed her words. At last, she looked at Karen with an almost pained expression. "Yes. You!" She almost propelled herself into Karen's arms.
Karen, a bit surprised at the assertiveness of Laci's confession, gathered the girl's lithe body in a gentle embrace. Laci nuzzled her cheek against Karen's shoulder. "Me?" Karen said with a false naivete.
"Yes, you," Laci said, her voice soft and almost whimpering. She looked up at Karen to judge her reactions, and it was a relief to see that she was smiling slightly and not pushing her away. "I've had a crush on you since the first time I ever saw you."
"Wow, that's what, almost three years ago?" She slid her hands down and found the spot at the small of Laci's back left exposed by her cropped top, and began to caress her there. Laci arched and gasped ever so softly. "I never knew."
"Yes, I did. The first time I met you, I thought you were so pretty, so nice, and I thought Amy was so lucky to have a Mom like you. And I couldn't stop thinking about you, dreaming about you and stuff. I started having daydreams about you...me...us together. God, you must think I'm so awful."
"Why on earth would I think that?"
Laci shrugged. "Well..."
Karen shifted so she could look directly at Laci up close. "You think I didn't have those kinds of thoughts about you? Such a beautiful girl, so sweet and lovely. And in the summer at the pool, you don't think I didn't notice you prancing around in your skimpy bikini?"
Laci smiled shyly. "I didn't think you even noticed."
Karen laughed. "Oh God, I noticed." Karen caressed her cheek now, and they looked at each other.
“But by today,” Laci said with a tinge of desperation, “I just couldn't stand it any more, I've been crying and dreaming about you."
"Yes! I just ache about you, I get so tight inside when I think about you."
Karen lifted Laci's chin. "You're an amazing girl, Laci, amazing. So beautiful, so sweet. I'd look at you and I'd think she's such a sweet and beautiful girl, all she wants or needs is to be loved by someone. I'd ache for you and I'd think how much better you'd be with me."
"I would, Karen! Oh God, I would!" Her face was turned up, her eyes glowing and her cheeks flushed. Everything about her expression shouted anticipation.
Karen caressed the corner of Laci's lips with her thumb. At last, slowly, she leaned in and Laci parted her lips in anticipation. When their lips touched, they both at once felt an electric thrill ripple over them, and as though a huge weight had been taken from their shoulders. Small sighs were followed by soft, gentle kisses. Laci's hands were uncertain and restless. The heat and tension in her tummy and chest grew. I can't believe I'm kissing Karen, it's really happening! The intensity of the things she felt inside and the way her head whirled was almost irresistible. She wanted to touch and feel and moan and revel. She squirmed as Karen kissed her lips, her cheeks, around her lips. Karen sucked her lower lip, then traced it with her tongue, making Laci moan very softly. Karen pulled back and drank in Laci's flushed, beautiful face. Stroking her hair, she knew she had to let Laci decide where to go. "Do you want me to stop? If you want to keep going, we'll go upstairs where it's more comfortable. If you want to stop, we can... stop."
"No! I don't want to stop. Oh God, you must think I'm a slut or something."
Karen laughed and kissed her forehead. "Then what would that make me?" Laci giggled. "How do you feel right now?" Karen asked, stroking her cheek.
Laci smiled and rolled her eyes. "Unbelievable! I've never felt like this before, all warm fluttery and .... and wow! Really, really good. And relieved you didn't kick me out into the snowbank."
Now Karen laughed. She slathered Laci with smacking kisses. "OK," she said at last. "Let's go upstairs." She took Laci's hand and they stood. "You are so incredibly sexy!" Karen said, letting her eyes inspect the precious girl.
Laci giggled and instinctively posed flirtatiously.
"Can I ask you something?" Karen said at the stairs.
Laci shrugged. "Sure."
"I don't mean to embarrass you, but have you ever been with a girl before?"
"You mean more than kissing? No, never. Is that a problem?"
"God no!" Karen said with a laugh.
Karen lead Laci by the hand to the master bedroom. The wind moaned softly through the eaves, giving an eerie voice to the things Karen felt inside. She forcefully pushed aside any lingering reservations she might have, letting them be overwhelmed by the throbbing sexual passion coursing through her. Remember, you're the adult here, and that thought was weighted with layers of meaning. Don't take her places she doesn't want to go, don't make her uncomfortable, encourage her but don't force her. Things will go where they should. That was the last controlled, coherent thought she had for a long time.
As Karen lead Laci into the big, spacious bedroom, she fumbled for the switch and turned on the soft recessed lights over the head of her vast, empty king-sized bed, creating the illusion of a sanctuary of comfort and warmth in a darker world. At that instant, her tremendous passion, her aching hunger took over and caution was discarded like autumn leaves cast into a wind. Her heart thudded and her insides bubbled and simmered. She tried to maintain some control when she sat on the edge of the bed and gently drew Laci between her parted thighs. She moaned ever so softly as she stared rapturously at the girl. Her angelic beauty, her glowing loveliness made Karen weak and fuzzy. It was like looking at a forbidden goddess. Karen brought her closer and Laci, breathing hard herself, her expression adoring yet languid, let herself fall against Karen in surrender.
Karen buried her face in the crook between Laci's neck and shoulder and she shuddered. Laci's skin was softer than soft, and Karen could smell her sweet innocence. Karen ran her parted lips feather-like over the skin of Laci's arched neck, making the girl's breath catch. She let the very tip of her tongue caress its way passed the angle of Laci's jaw and over her cheek. Laci whimpered and started to go weak in Karen's arms. Karen let her lips pass over Laci's own sweet, delicate, parted lips to the corner of Laci's mouth. Laci was almost panting, and her eyes were nearly shut.
“Oh Laci,” Karen moaned with a tremor. “Oh God Laci.” Karen could feel herself losing control. “Do you know how beautiful you are? Do you know how you're making me feel?”
Laci moaned shortly, and she looked almost drugged when she put her head down. She started to speak, but Karen put her fingers over Laci's lips. “Ssshhh. Don't talk my precious angel. Just feel.”
“Karen,” she whimpered. The sensations emanating over her entire being were unlike anything she'd ever felt before. Nothing had ever felt this warm and safe and good. She struggled to form words. She gasped and shook her head as if to clear it. “Karen. I don't know what to do.”
Karen ran her lips up to Laci's ear and the girl arched her neck. “Yes you do baby. Do what your heart tells you to do. Cry, yell, whisper, talk...whatever your heart tells you is right. Touch me wherever you want, or not. Move, kick, squirm, do what feels right. But promise me, if I touch you in a way or a place you don't want, tell me. I don't want to hurt you, my precious angel. Promise?”
“Uh huh, I promise,” Laci said thickly.
“I'm going to make you feel things you never knew it was possible to feel. Don't hold anything back, Angel, don't fight anything.”
“Oh Karen,” she murmured. “Love me.”
Laci's legs were getting weaker. Karen gently guided her and laid her on the bed. Laci sprawled out, offering herself to Karen. Karen hovered over her and took her. She traced her tongue over Laci's cheeks, making the girl sigh and arch her neck. Laci's beautiful, tender lips were parted, beckoning, and Karen brushed them with hers before going back and easing her mouth over Laci's. Their tongues came together slowly, languidly, without hurry, waltzed together then explored. Karen licked Laci's lips before pushing back into the girl's warm, delicate mouth. She ran her hands up and down Laci's sides, lifted the hem of her top and stroked the child's taut tummy. Their kissing grew more urgent. Touching the softness of Laci tummy and flanks made the girl sigh and stir.
Their kisses grew longer and wetter, their tongues bolder. Karen swayed and growled softly and with hunger. She worked her hands ever so slowly up under Laci's sweater, savoring every inch of her softness. Had she ever touched anything so utterly soft and wonderful? Her own insides were seething, her entire body humming. She hadn't felt this intensely alive and aroused since her own first time. It felt like there was a living thing deep inside her body writhing and struggling to get out. Karen finally slipped her fingers under Laci's bra, but she didn't touch the soft mound of the girls young breasts just yet. “Can I take your sweater and bra off?” Karen murmured.
“You too,” Laci answered.
Karen smiled. “I'll go first.” She rose to her knees, shook her hair and looked down at Laci with a smile. Laci's eyes were heavy but bright and sparkling for all that. She seemed reasonably composed yet off in a very special, warm and wonderful place.
Karen unbuttoned her blouse and discarded it. Her breasts weren't overly large, but they were full and firm. Laci had dreamed about those lovely orbs many, many nights. Her deepest, most secret fantasy revolved around nursing milk from Karen's agonizingly inviting breasts.
Karen felt wanton. She undid her bra and tossed it aside. Her breasts were swollen and sensitive, demanding attention. She cupped them while Laci watched, massaged them, thumbed and tugged on the nipples until she gasped and they were as hard as rubies. Karen's rush of exhilaration soared. Oh she was hungry! “Your turn,” she smiled softly.
Hands trembling Karen pulled Laci's top off, and now only her bra covered her small, delicate breast mounds. Karen leaned over and kissed Laci's mouth, then moved down to kiss her chest, her armpits, her chest; she traced her fingers lovingly over Laci's upper body, making the girl squirm and whimper. At last, Karen slid her hands under Laci's back and unclasped the bra.
Oh God! Her beautiful little breasts exposed! They were hardly more than half oranges, but they were firm and smooth. Her nipples stood out starkly, like immature raspberries. Rather than give in to the urge to stroke and squeeze those wonderful nubs, Karen propped herself on one hand. Her hair spilled around her face. She used free hand to guide her own nipple to Laci's. Laci watched and whimpered in anticipation. Karen brushed her nipple against Laci's, manipulating her breast so their nubs kissed and danced. Laci cried out with wonder at the sensation.
Laci had never felt remotely like she felt right now. It was like when she masturbated, but it wasn't anything at all like masturbating, it was a hundred, a thousand times more intense. Her entire body was seething and churning inside. She couldn't think in the ordinary way. Her inner self was running in a sensory overdrive. She felt at once drugged and heavy, almost in a dream, yet she also felt totally and complete alive and awake, aware of every sensation tearing through her young body.
Karen cupped and squeezed her own breasts again, then suddenly pounced on Laci's. She framed the girl's breasts from below with her thumb and fore finger, then let a strand of saliva dribble out and drop slowly onto Laci's breast bud. Then, she suckled Laci's nipple into her mouth, nibbled it, tugged on it, let it snap free before swirling her tongue around it. Nothing in Laci's short life prepared her for that sensation. It was ecstasy beyond description. She cried out and stiffened and buried her hands in Karen's hair. That first orgasm was sharp and intense, like a bull-whip snap, the first crack in a dam. It wasn't really a pussy orgasm she thought in a muddled way. It was her whole body. Her next surprise came when Karen moved to her other breast, and instead of the release she normally got from coming, she was even more worked up than before. She could no longer keep from panting, gasping and squirming under Karen's touches and kisses.
Karen was now at a point of pure ecstasy, the place where her entire being was consumed by sexual energy welling from deep inside. There were no words for it – warm, pressure, throbbing, wet, aching, all those and so much more. It just...was. Every sense was alive and crackling with raw pleasure. Laci's cries and whimpers of passion, her lush, succulent body and the glow and urgency on her face were works of exquisite art to Karen's eyes. She could taste every nuance of Laci's silken skin. It all whirled together into an indescribable kaleidoscope of sensations.
Karen kissed her way down Laci's tummy, feeling every subtle change in the girls sweet flesh. She moved her hand between Laci's legs and carefully squeezed her through her jeans just hard enough to send a rocket of pleasure over the girl and bringing her to the brink of orgasm. “Oh God,” Laci cried out, lifting her pelvis with urgency, seeking Karen's touch. If having her breast nibbled was shocking, this new sensation was otherworldly. “Please Karen!” she begged in a whimper. “Do something to me there! Please! Please!” She could barely stand the pressure growing inside her. Her insides felt like a bottle of shaken champagne.
Karen was panting. She got up and frantically pawed at her own pants. She felt like she was suffocating. She tore them off. Her hands weren't just trembling when she went for the button of Laci's jeans, they were shaking. “Oh fuck!” she cursed. The button finally popped free, and Laci urgently arched her butt off the bed so Karen could take those maddening pants off her. Laci's pink panties had a large wet stain on the front. Karen would normally want to take the time to enjoy her lover's treasure, tease it, smell it, taste it before removing the fabric to expose the delight beneath. But now she, they were both too overheated for subtleties. Karen somehow managed to regain a measure of control by telling herself to remember this was the child's first time, there was no second chance at a first time, make it as amazing as it can possibly be.
Karen pulled her own panties off, exposing her wetness to the cool air. She kept herself shaved bare, a little gift from her own first lover, and her mound and thighs glistened from her flowing juices. Her pussy was swollen and throbbing and open and leaking and screaming at her. She leaned over and kissed Laci deeply, once, twice, three times. Laci moaned tremulously into her mouth. She wrapped her arms around Karen's neck and whimpered, “Oh Karen, Karen I've never felt like this before! I....I...”
“Ssshhh baby,” Karen said huskily, as she carefully slid Laci's panties off. “Are you ready?”
Laci whimpered again, bit her lip and nodded. She knew what was coming, but she had no idea at all what to expect.
“Just let it happen, love. Don't fight it, let whatever happens happen.”
Karen knelt facing Laci's feet. Her own seething pussy was only inches from Laci's face. She gently pushed open Laci's bent legs, fully exposing the girl's virgin sex. Karen gasped at the incredible beauty of the girl's throbbing flower. The mound rose up, as smooth as an eggshell. Her outer labia were puffy and glistening, and inside, her folds were as intricate as a budding rose. Her vagina was bubbling wet with nectar. The inner folds channeled up to her throbbing bud, swollen enough to push out from under it's hood like a tiny, exquisite pearl waiting to be picked. Laci's fragrance was breathtaking, a deliciously clean, musky arousal, vaguely like the smell of the ocean at low tide.
Laci wriggled urgently. Karen took all this in in mere seconds. How to do this? Karen thought with urgent frustration. She herself needed her pussy tended to. From the front you numbskull! Gasping, Karen said, “I'm going to get on the floor between your legs baby! Can you scoot to the edge of the bed?”
Panting and quivering, Laci whimpered, “Yes, yes, but please Karen! I need you to do something to me!”
Karen dropped down and Laci urgently scooted to the edge, her knees instinctively drawn back and legs spread wide. “Oh God!” Karen gasped as Laci opened up mere inches from her face. Now she could feel the heat emanating from the girl's sex. She shakily reached in and used both hands on the creases of Laci's thigh and pussy. She used her thumbs to open the child like a present. Nectar spilled out and Karen gasped. She massaged Laci, then buried her face in. She slurped up the juice, probed her folds with her tongue, nipped then sucked the lovely girl's pulsing swell into her mouth.
Laci exploded. Later, that would be the only way she could remember it. She erupted. Something inside her seemed to tear open and release a wave of pleasure the likes of which she wouldn't have believed existed had she not experienced it. What little control she had of her body was gone in an instant. Everything from that point on happened without conscious input. Her body seized and spasmed, muscles she never knew she had rippled in surging waves. She cried out, arched her back, kicked her feet, tore at the bedspread, writhed, sobbed.
Karen bathed Laci's bud in saliva, suckled on her, pressed her tongue on the girls pearl, then flicked her tongue over it, hard and fast. Laci bucked her pelvis up with urgency, trying to ram herself on Karen's frantic tongue. Karen's own heat seethed and screamed, and she moaned into Laci's pussy, slurping up the wetness, using her face to probe. She took a hand away and put it between her own legs. Her pussy instantly opened, and nectar dribbled out. Karen rammed three fingers inside herself and used the heel of her hand to frantically massage her own burning clit. Oh God yes! She needed that, oh fuck yes yes yes! She fingered herself madly, roughly, tugging at herself, grinding the heel of her hand against her nubbin, her fingers slurping in her pussy. Her own orgasm boiled up. She quivered as her pelvis grew, swelled and finally burst in a white flash of pleasure. She kept devouring Laci, gluttonous for the girl's offerings, her lover's frantic dance and cries feeding her own pulsating release.
Then, it was over. Laci flopped on the bed and Karen knew she was done. Laci's lovely young sex – no longer virgin – still pulsed and when Karen carefully let her labia close, a fresh dribble of nectar rolled out. Karen carefully sucked it into her mouth. The girl's smell was stronger now, wonderful and intoxicating. Karen kissed Laci's thighs, her labia, her mound, but she was careful to avoid the child's button – it would be exquisitely tender for a time. Laci's body still twitched and jumped with residual spasms, and she grunted each time.
Karen got up and lifted Laci's legs onto the bed before she climed back on bed herself. She slid up next to the girl and gathered her into her arms. She cradled Laci, held her close and cooed soothing sounds.
Laci, barely aware of her surroundings, her head still sizzling like an overloaded socket, turned her head and whispered, Karen. Karen.”
“Sssshhhh, my precious baby girl. Rest. Enjoy it. I'll hold you and love you.”
Laci smiled sleepily, then let herself drift.
Karen held Laci and hummed a soothing tune, as if she were a baby. It felt wonderful to hold the child like this, to feel her body and the listen to the soft rush of her breathing. Karen tried to digest what had just happened. It was not exactly high on the list of things she expected to happen when she got up this morning. But here they were. It had been amazing, and now the lovely little Angel in her arms was spent. That had been one of the more intense orgasms Karen had ever been part of. Karen was proud that she herself could, with the right woman, make love for two or three hours with barely a pause, having multiple very strong orgasms. But Laci was truly a child. She wasn't ready for such things.
Karen slipped her a hand between her own legs and her pussy was receptive. With a sigh, she began to stroke herself, up and down her slit, slowly, firmly, delighting in the warm pleasure. She hooked a finger inside her vagina and probed. Soooo nice. She spreaded fresh wetness over her labia, and at last squeezed her clit. She closed her eyes and let memories of Laci's first time take over. She circled and nudged her clit with the tips of her fingers. She tapped herself and rubbed harder. She tried to stay as quiet as possible while Laci recovered, as a delicious new orgasm wriggled over her in warm, gentle waves.
After perhaps an hour, Karen sat up. She found her cigarettes and lit up. Laci's eyes fluttered open. She looked up at Karen with a gaze that was full of wonder. Karen smiled down at her and lovingly stroked her cheek. “Hi precious.”
Laci smiled sleepily. “Hi.”
Laci nodded. “I...I never felt anything like that.”
“I know. Wonderful, wasn't it.”
“Oh yes,” Laci smiled. “Was I OK?”
“Oh baby,” Karen whispered. “You were – you are – wonderful. You're a big girl now.”
Laci smiled and stirred. Karen let her have a couple of drags from her cigarette. “We'll sleep now.”
“Yes, of course.” Karen snuffed the cigarette and worked the covers down. They slipped under them.
“Karen? Can I stay with you? For a while?”
“Of course darling girl. Come, let's cuddle and sleep.”