Gender: Male Age: 23 Location: Florida
Chapter 7: Warm, Unspoken Secrets
I watched Casey walk towards his house, then turned and headed up my driveway. I opened the door to the house and walked into the chill of the air conditioner. It was October but this was Florida which meant that the air outside was hot and humid, leaving me feeling sticky as I shut the door behind me.
“Sean?” My mom called from the kitchen.
“Just making sure. You hungry?”
Snacks are always appreciated. Never a reason to turn down snacks in my experience, even if they meant my mom wanted to talk. She knew food would lure me in better than money. I wandered into the kitchen to the smell of garlic, tomatoes, and balsamic vinegar. Balsamic tomatoes is one of my mom’s favorite snacks and she’d managed to pass that particular love on to me. I was drooling before I reached the kitchen bar across from my mom. We stabbed at tomato chunks with forks and devoured them. Absolute heaven.
“How was school?”
“Fine. Same as always I guess.”
“It’s school, mom, not the circus.”
Moms. They try to be cool but they don’t really know what’s going on. Or so all kids think.
“How’s Mrs. Kendler doing?”
Mrs. Kendler was my chemistry teacher. All the parents loved her just as much as the students did. She managed to bridge the gap between student and parent in a way that most teachers only wish they could.
“She’s good. She had us perform a really cool experiment today. We ignited phosphorus in a crucible. It was awesome. Phosphorus is a metal but when you put water on it… But Mrs. Kendler is good. She showed us some pictures of Kevin today. He just turned five and he looks a lot like her. He’s really cute.”
I’d realized that my mom didn’t care about the lab. She’d actually wanted to know about Mrs. Kendler. Whoops.
“Speaking of cute, tell me about Josh. I don’t really know much about him.”
“Well, um… He moved here from California and he likes to surf. He swims for the school. He’s a cool guy.” That’s about it I guess.
Yeah. So much information there. I was a real encyclopedia.
“I think he’s good for you.”
“Mom, I know. You said it the other night at dinner. Remember? Dad agreed. He’s gonna make me into a man, or something. But yeah, he’s cool.”
I hadn’t even intended that innuendo, and had to stop myself from grinning when I realized what I’d said. Not that it was false either. I fully intended for Josh to make me a man but that wasn’t something I was about to tell my mom. Hell, I didn’t really want to talk about Josh with her in general. I loved her but there was some things she just didn’t need to know. I didn’t think it would bother her to know that I was… doing things with Josh, but I wasn’t ready for that conversation yet.
“So, what did you do today?” I asked.
She didn’t seem bothered by the change of subject. Score!
“Oh, not much. I worked out at 9 and then met Diane for lunch at Billy’s Café. I had this wonderful salad with halved grapes and cranberries in it. Oh! Diane says Brian is having some trouble in math. Do you talk to him anymore?”
“Well, he could use some help. I told Diane that you might be willing to help him. You used to be good friends.”
“That was a long time ago.”
“So? Maybe you could charge him. He really needs help.”
“Maybe?” It wasn’t really a question but I wasn’t going to win this. It was pretty obvious now that this was the reason she’d wanted to talk to begin with.
“Think about it.” She gave me a stern, motherly look.
My mom smiled and then looked down, half surprised that we’d finished off the tomatoes. She started to clean up as we finished our conversation.
“Dinner should be ready around seven. I assume you’ll be home?”
It was just about four. Three hours? Sure.
“Yeah. Just have homework to do.”
She went to work on prepping dinner or something and I headed upstairs. I loved my mom but she could be so weird sometimes. Not that there was anything wrong with her wanting to know what was going on in my life but sometimes I thought she tried too hard. Maybe all teens felt that way?
I closed the bedroom door, threw my backpack on the floor by my desk, and flopped over onto the bed. What a day! My and Josh’s relationship –or whatever it was- had almost come to light a couple of times; I’d stood up for myself; I’d avoided talking to my mom about how I felt about Josh. Some ups and downs but it was a good day overall.
I sat up and looked around my room. It was about fifteen by ten feet, not big by any standard, but it was mine and I loved it. The walls were the same blue they’d been since I was a kid but they were now covered in pictures, quotes, and posters. I literally had pictures everywhere. Pictures of me and my family, pictures of me and Casey, pictures at the beach, pictures at theme parks, etc. Whoever and wherever. There were pictures of me and Casey at all ages. We’d been inseparable since we were about three years old and I loved him like the world’s greatest brother. He was my other half.
Above my desk was a poster from the Boondock Saints. Great movie. I could never understand how people didn’t like that movie. I had a Harry Potter poster, a Simple Plan poster, and a really hot poster of Jude Law. I know, gay. I didn’t know why but Jude Law totally did it for me when I was 15. I would have done horrible, horrible things to that man. My bed was a full-size with the steel-grey comforter completely askew due to my habit of sleeping in a cocoon. There were various knick knacks strewn around the room from various places I’d been or friends and relatives have visited.
My room was my own and I was comfortable there. I’d spent much of my life ensconced in there. I liked being alone. It suited me. I sat for a couple more minutes and thought about the day some more. I always loved to look back on the day’s events and find new meaning in them. I found I was doing that a lot more over the last couple days. Unfortunately, I was unable to gather anything new about Josh’s storming off during lunch. I sighed and got up. I didn’t have time for too much pontificating today. I had homework to do before Josh, hopefully, came over tonight.
I pulled off my shoes & socks and took my pants off. I put them in the hamper and, in a t-shirt and boxer-briefs; I walked into the bathroom to pee. I wasn’t a big fan of school bathrooms so letting loose that long-held flow felt amazing. There are few feelings in this world on par with orgasm but a good piss is up there with it.
As I shook off the stray drops that are the bane of every man’s existence I admired my soft penis. It was pretty obvious to me that I had grown during the last year. I now had a nice man’s cock and a full bush that I could be confident with; a far shot from the boyish prick I’d sported when the Tori incident had occurred. Illogically, I felt proud of the floppy cock in my hand. I’d had nothing to do with how it turned out but I was proud nonetheless. I smiled, put it back inside my warm underwear, and washed my hands. I fetched pair of gym shorts from the closet and headed over to my desk.
I sat down and began my homework. There was a lot to do: chemistry, algebra II, world history, and English. Bonds and radians and Caliphs, oh my! I set into my assignments and became fully engrossed. Time flew by and I was dead to the world.
Huh? What was that? Some noise had awoken me from my homework stupor.
Something had hit the window. What the fuck? I walked over and looked out. It was about six o’clock and the sun was starting to set. The sky looked beautiful. Below my window, standing on the grass between our houses, was Josh. He always looked sexy and the dusky light only made him look better.
He motioned towards himself, my room, and then shrugged with a smile. I was puzzled for a second then realized he was asking if he could come up. He’d never asked before. Why start now? I was just happy he was coming to see me. I hadn’t been sure if I’d see him after he left during lunch. I smiled and nodded while waving him up. I watched as he started walking towards the front of the house.
Yay! It was an agonizing wait while he made his way to my room. I couldn’t even figure out where to be. Stay at the window? Go back to my desk? Meet him at the door? Why was this so difficult? Luckily I didn’t have time for my head to explode as Josh walked in before steam started coming out of my ears.
He opened the door and just walked in. It looked as though he’d come straight from swim practice. His hair was mussed and he smelled faintly of chlorine. I wondered if he’d had a shower yet which, of course, led me to picturing him in the shower, gloriously naked. My dick twitched and I came out of my daydream.
His smile broadened as our eyes met and my heart fluttered. I wasn’t sure what to call “us” but I knew I was way beyond just crushing on Josh. Three days and I was a lot deeper than I should have been, I knew that much. I walked to meet him and looked up into his eyes. They were a beautiful dark brown that looked like bottomless pits. I thought could look into them forever but the view was broken as Josh brought his head down to meet mine and our lips met.
His lips were soft and wet. The contact was electrifying and caused me to feel a tingling down my spine. He grabbed my hips and pulled me in closer as his lips parted and I felt his tongue flick gently across my lips. Our hips were pressed together and my chest was against his as we made out. I could feel his hardness pressing against me through our clothes.
He pulled back.
“Hey sexy.” He said in a way that made me want him inside me.
I was in a daze from the passion but managed to blush which made him grin. This had to be a dream. It couldn’t be real. It was all too amazing.
“Hi” I said meekly.
Josh slowly guided me backwards, our bodies still pressed together, until we reached the bed. He lowered me down onto my back and helped me further onto the bed. I laid there and watched him as he climbed up after me and moved up, straddling my body, until he was above my lower stomach. In my mind we should have been reversed in this position, naked, with me bouncing on his cock. He grabbed my arms which had been against my sides, and held them against the bed above my head.
Holy fuck! I didn’t know what had gotten into him but it was incredibly hot. I’d never thought I’d be into being dominated but maybe being submissive was hotter than I gave it credit for. His aggressiveness just turned me on so much. My cock was rock hard and ready to go and, judging by the large bulge in his shorts, so was his. This looked like it was going to be a good night.
He leaned over and started to kiss me again, his hands still holding mine against the bed. I was helpless to resist the onslaught of his lips against mine as he kissed me into submission. He slowly rocked his hips back and forth across mine as his tongue entered my mouth. The combined pleasure of the friction on my cock and the sensuousness of his tongue made me moan. Bliss.
My heart was pounding in my chest as we made out on top of my bed. I wanted to hold him to me tighter, and run my fingers through his hair but I couldn’t. Being denied simultaneously frustrated me and made me hornier. I loved it. We continued to make out for what seemed like eternity but was only a minute or two in reality. We were so engrossed in each other that time left us and we were barely aware of the world around us.
Josh must have gotten whip lash his head shot up so quickly. I turned my head to look and saw Casey standing in the now-open door. He looked embarrassed, confused, and a little freaked out. Josh hurriedly scrambled off of me and stood next to the bed as I sat up.
“So much for just fucking around.” Casey said.
“Huh?” Josh looked confused.
I stood up and started walking towards Casey as he started to leave.
But it wasn’t any use. Casey was already half-running toward the stairs. Well that was shit. I looked at Josh for reassurance and found him glaring at me. Great.
“You told him we’re “fucking around’?” he asked angrily.
It didn’t look like he believed me at all.
“Did it look like he knew anything?” I continued, “I didn’t tell him anything about us.”
He thought about it for a second and looked a little relieved but not satisfied.
“What was he talking about then? Huh?”
“When we were walking home from school he asked me about what I said at lunch. He asked me who I’d blown. And I told him that I was just fucking around, that I hadn’t blown anyone yet.”
He looked a little embarrassed now and I was glad that he did. I hadn’t told Casey anything. I hadn’t done what he was mad at me for. But I wasn’t telling him the whole truth. I wondered if I should have told him about my challenging Casey to try and figure out who I could have blown. I didn’t want him to hate me. He was looking more sheepish now and it was really cute. He always looked cute.
“Oh… Sorry. Just… you and Casey are really close. I thought you might have told him.”
“Well I didn’t. I told you I wouldn’t. And I didn’t.”
Now that he was no longer angry and confused what had just happened hit him full force. It was still about what Casey knew. Us, the two of us, were in the open as far as he was concerned. He looked a lot more freaked out. I guess I would have been freaked out if someone had walked in on me making out with a guy before I came out. But I was in a different place. Josh, on the other hand, had now been exposed for the first time.
“Maybe I should go talk to him.” I suggested.
“Do- Do you think I should come?”
The assertive, confident Josh who had taken charge and rendered me submissive a few minutes ago was gone. In his place was a scared boy who had no idea how to escape from the situation he had found himself in, or fix it. So cute. Not particularly sexy, but cute.
“No. I think I should go alone. He’s mad at me more than anything else anyway.”
“…k.” he said lifelessly.
“Just go home. I’ll let you know how it went.”
He didn’t even kiss me he was so caught up in being worried. He picked up his backpack, left the room, and went home. I dressed and went downstairs.
“Mom, I’m going over to Casey’s for a bit.”
“He was just here.”
“What about dinner?”
“I guess start without me if I’m not home.”
“Don’t stay out too long. You have school tomorrow.”
So she knew that Casey had been over. Did she know that Josh had been there too? I didn’t have time to think about it. I had enough on my mind already. I went out and crossed the street to Casey’s house.
I considered knocking but figured I’d just walk in like I normally did. No need to raise his mom’s suspicions. I went inside and walked down the hall to Casey’s room. The door was closed but he hadn’t bothered locking it as it opened when I tried it. Casey was at his desk, apparently doing homework, and was obviously trying to ignore me. I could play these games too. I walked up and stood just behind him and to the left. He knew I was there, there was no doubt about it, but he just continued working on his homework as if I didn’t exist. Chemistry.
“Cobalt has fifteen elections in the third level, and two in the fourth.”
He had made a careless error and I pointed it out, knowing that he’d have to fix it, and he did.
I waited silently.
“What do you want?” he asked eventually.
“To talk.” I said flatly and went to sit on his bed.
Casey turned his chair to face me. He was trying to make his face emotionless, but I knew him too well for that. He was hurt. I’d hidden something from him, something big. We never kept secrets from each other, with the exception of before I came out, but he understood that. He had a reason to be hurt. I knew that but I still felt that he was being childish. Plus, I’d wanted to tell him from the beginning. I’d fought so hard not to tell him but I’d promised Josh I wouldn’t.
“I’m waiting.” He said just as flatly as I had.
So it was going to be one of those “explain yourself” deals. I could live with that I guessed, even if Casey wasn’t my dad. Whatever.
“I wanted to tell you.”
“Then why’d I have to catch you hooking up to find out!?”
I paused. The truth was the truth, even if it put the blame on Josh’s head. I didn’t know how this was going to end, but I knew the path it would take.
“I promised Josh I wouldn’t say anything.”
“And why would he do that? Make you promise not to tell me?” he looked incredulous.
“Of people finding out about him.” I said and then, quieter, “You wouldn’t understand.”
It was a low blow but it would get him on my side. And I was right. His facial expression softened a bit.
“I don’t care if he’s gay, bi, straight, or attracted to porcupines. You know that.”
“I do. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t know you like I do. And, hell, I was terrified when I told you that I was gay. It turned out you already knew, but I was fucking scared. I’m the first person he’s ever told that he’s not straight.”
Casey thought about that for a second.
“Were you really that scared when you told me?”
“I’d tried to tell you like ten times before I finally got the balls. I was scared that you’d stop talking to me, or beat the shit out of me, or spread it around the school. I was terrified but I had to tell someone. I had to tell you.”
I paused for a second to let that sink in.
“Josh likes you. He thinks you’re a cool guy but he’d never told anyone before. And then he’s in a relationship… or something with a guy and doesn’t want it to get around…”
Whoops. I might have said a bit too much. He kinda just sat there, stunned.
“Wait…you and Josh? Together?”
I could feel myself blushing as I fought for what to say.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know if you’re together?”
“I don’t know what we are.”
I was just as confused as Casey and I think he could tell. He could read me just as well as I could read him and it had to be evident on my face and in my voice.
“So you just fuck then?”
“We haven’t fucked.”
“But you want to?”
Oh Jesus. This was so much more awkward than I had anticipated. I hadn’t envisioned a scenario in which Casey interrogated me about what I did with Josh. I just didn’t think that would be of interest to him.
“I…Uhhh… I dunno. Can we talk about something else?”
He had to know this was embarrassing to me. Was this punishment for my not telling him? Payback for my keeping of a secret?
What? Was he asking what I thought he was asking?
“When did it start?”
Oooooh. Hee hee.
“It started after we got home from the beach. He caught me watching him from my window when he was changing and he came over to confront me I guess? I don’t know. One thing led to another and I ended up blowing. He came over against last night and we blew each other.”
“Lucky fucker. I haven’t had a blowjob in over a week.”
I grinned at him and he grinned back at me. We were cool. I’d been sufficiently humiliated to appease his hurt. We were back to normal. But I couldn’t leave it at that. I had to make sure he understood about Josh Serious business.
“Ok, I know you don’t care that I’m gay, or that Josh is… something. But it is scary each and every time someone finds out. He’s terrified about what you think right now. You need to let him know you don’t care and that he’s still your friend.”
He looked at me like I was crazy so I gave him my best puppy dog eyes
“Pleeeeaaaaaase?” I whined, “For me?”
“Fine. Now, you gonna help me finish my homework?”
“Neh. I gotta get home.”
“Gotta get back to your boyfriend?”
My stomach felt warm and fluttery when he called Josh my boyfriend. And then I realized that it wasn’t really true, and my heart sank a bit.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said sadly, “And he went home.”
“I’m sorry. I-“
“It’s not your problem, it’s mine. I fell in love with the closeted guy.”
His eyes bugged out a little. I’d said more than I’d meant to say. What else was new?
“LIKE I meant I like a closeted guy.”
“No. You said ‘love’.”
Yeah…Fuck. I stared at my hands as I started to fiddle with them. I could feel myself blushing again, the heat palpable in my face.
“I… I really like him. A lot… I want to be with him and I want him to want to be with me.”
“Shit. You’re in deep.”
We sat there in silence digesting what was just said. I was hopelessly in love with a confused guy who liked being with me sexually but I could only guess about the rest. Why couldn’t this just progress to him falling for me as hard as I had fallen for him? That’s all I wanted. A dash of his cock in my ass wouldn’t be bad either.
“I guess I should go.” I said softly, finally breaking the silence.
“Ok. See ya tomorrow.”
I left and walked home. I went inside and walked to the kitchen, where my parents had started eating without me. I apologized, sat down, and started eating. We made small talk and I made up an excuse about Casey needing my help with homework, which wasn’t unusual, so they believed me. We talked about our days, as if any of us really cared, and ate. I helped clear the table when we were done and then excused myself and went upstairs.
I walked into my room on autopilot, stripped, and got in the shower. I washed myself and got out. I figured I’d read for a little bit and then head to bed a little early as I was pretty tired. I walked to the window and looked out into the night. Josh’s blinds were open but he wasn’t in sight. Instead, on the floor of his room facing towards me, there was a smiley face printed on a piece of paper. It made me smile to myself and caused my heart to skip a beat.
I walked to my bed and lay down to read the next book in the Ender’s Game series as the night drifted away for a bit. Instead of Tavares, Florida I was now on the colony of Lusitania far, far away… I wished I could be there with Ender and Miro. I could only imagine the adventures he would experience on this amazing world. I got more and more tired as I read until I had to put the book aside and just crawl into bed. I fell asleep with thoughts of wondrous, strange worlds in my head and none of my normal problems.
End Chapter 7.
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