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Introduction:

The second in probably a long line of stories involving Melvin
For the first time in two days, I stood still and thought. What was I going to do to occupy my time? I had no job and the band didn't have a practice that day. I felt too ansy to watch TV and I felt no urge to listen to music. My mind scanned through hundreds of possabilities in but a few seconds (like only a true android's brain can), and I finally settled on porn. Get myself nice and horny for the rest of the day.
I turned on my computer and let it boot up. Damn thing took a while, but I was used to it's stupid shit by that point. That's what I get for using Kazaa to download porn. Free sites are just so much better and the wait time is nil compared to the big K. Spyware can kiss my fucking ass.
I searched around the net for a few minutes, trying to decide what I wanted to see, then I stopped dead in my tracks as a picture of an older woman getting fucked in the ass by a big black man appeard on my screen. Now, I'm no big black man, but I could instantly think of quite a few older women I knew. The idea of boning them really floored me. It was something I hadn't thought about up until that point.
I clicked on the link and found myself surrounded by free minute long movies all relating to mature fucking. I had hit the gold mine, so I opened up the first one. It took about thirty seconds to load, then it launched right into the action.
The woman was about fifty years old, but she still had a good set of tits on her. Not too shabby for a gal that age. There was a dude reaming her big ass as hard as he could and she was screaming her head off as he did so. The clip ended with a freeze frame of him squirting his cum onto her ass.
I sat there in shock. My dick had ballooned in my pants and my pulse was racing. My hands had gone a little cold and my eyes were nice and wide with excitement. I hadn't been that turned on since I had raped Lisa. Wait... hold on, that was just two days before. Whatever, the point remains I hadn't felt that randy since then. Not even when I sodomized her stiff corpse in the back of the van, although that was pretty fuckin' hot.
I smiled to myself, having remembered that, then watched a few more movies from the site. By the time I had gone though six movies I was nice and ready to whack off. Then it struck me: why whack off when I could just go out and get the real thing?
Mel, you dumbass. It was my brain speaking to me, as it had started to do the day before.
"What?" I responded out loud.
Think, stupid. If you go out and rape a mature bitch now, you're only gonna compound your problems.
"Yeah, I know it. So what the fuck do you want me to do? I got this craving for some old pussy."
Try to think back a couple days, Brain coaxed.
I dug back into my mind searching for what Brain was talking about. When I finally remembered it, I winced in revolt. "Ew, dude. She's eighty!"
What the fuck do you care? Remember how she patted your ass? She wanted you then, so what makes you think she won't want you now?
"Yeah, but she's all wrinkly and shit. I don't want a bitch that old. I'm talking like fifty or maybe sixty."
Pussy is pussy, my friend. Besides, you did promise her you'd come over for tea. My suggestion to you: go over and have tea with her. Size her up while you're there. See if you can stand the idea of fucking her, and if you can then go for it. If you can't, thank her kindly and leave. It's that simple.
"Why is it that you're so fucking logical and I'm not?"
Cuz I'm Brain.
Since that about summed it up, I let it go. He tipped his hat to me, then faded back into the messy pink mass he calls home. Good guy, Brain. And he had a decent point, about giving it a try.
So I kicked it on over to the old broad's crib.
I knocked on her door, expecting no reply considering the time. It was pretty early, even for an old hag like her. There was no reply on my first knock, but on my second, I could hear her tired, aged voice saying "I'm coming, I'm coming" from the other side of the door. You'd better believe that made me smile.
"Oh, hello there!" she said happily, having opened the door to greet me. She was obviously not one to use her handy peep-hole. I looked her up and down, examining what she was wearing, and concluded she hadn't done any clothes shopping since 1978. She was wearing a flowy piss-yellow dress with little blue flowers all over it, and her legs were clad with jet-black stokings. Her white hair was done up in a bun and she was wearing no makeup. I'd say she was no more than 5'5".
"Hey," I responded with a big grin. "I've come to fuck you."
"I'm sorry, sonny... you'll have to speak up. I'm a little hard of hearing." She tilted her ear towards me.
I spoke louder. "I've come to take you up on your fine offer for tea." I kept smiling and she understood what I'd said. Had she not, I would have pushed past her anyways.
"Oh yes, yes. Come right in." She backed away from the doorway and I walked into her apartment. The first thing that greeted me was a lovely odour that called himself Oil Of Wintergreen. I knew it well from spending weekends at my ailing grandmother's house as a youngun. She used it to relieve muscle pains or some shit. It's supposed to have the same basic properties as asprin, but boy does it smell like shit.
"I'll go fix the tea, then," she said, already turning to go to the kitchen. The apartment's layout was exactly the same as mine, but she had paintings by unknown painters hung all over the place. I never bothered to decorate my walls. Never did see the point.
I walked around her living room, inspecting the magazines on her coffee table, hoping to see some porno somewhere. None was to be found, so I sat down like a raddish on her couch. Don't ask.
"The kettle's on the stove," she announced as she re-entered the room. She took a seat right beside me on the couch, and she folded her hands in her lap. "Well then. What shall we talk about?"
Oh how I wanted to say "you and me, baby", but somehow I felt that that might rush things a tad. I was getting an internal erection by putting myself in suspense, imagining all the erotic outcomes of my visit, and I didn't want to fuck things over for myself. So, instead, I replied: "May I use your washroom?"
"Oh, yes. It's right through that door, and to your left."
I thanked her greatly, then walked through the doorway she pointed at. It was in the same place as the door in my apartment, that leads to the bedroom and bathroom. However, in her cozy abode, the contractors had decided to switch shit up. They had reversed the rooms on me. So, being the gullable gull I am, I walked straight into her bedroom. She didn't seem to notice.
It was exactly the same as mine, with the obvious differences like her bed and furniture. But I felt like I lived there, like I knew it well. In my mind, that gave me permission to root through her shit. I opened her drawers and carefully pawed through her nightgowns, which were nothing to fart at. Plain colours and no skimpy Victoria's Secret bullshit. How disappointing.
I went to the next drawer down and finally found the jackpot. It was her underwear drawer, and I had a good look through her panties and bras. They were exactly as I had imagined: really big and unattractive. But I suppose you can't wear bondage gear with saggy tits like hers and hope to make it look effective.
I figured I'd spent enough time in her room, so I scuttled across the hall and into the bathroom, where I quietly shut the door behind me. I stood over the tiolet and let out a nice long piss that I'd been holding in since breakfast. I correctly assumed that the proper kinky thing to do in that situation was to piss half in the toilet and half beside it, so by the time I was finished, the corner beside the toilet had collected quite the puddle of urine.
I zipped myself up and stopped myself just in time before I washed my hands. Clean hands aren't hot. I walked out of the bathroom and back into the living room, feeling the beginings of a stiffy coming on.
"Your tea's ready," she said with that creepy old-woman charm. She was still sitting on the couch, and she had a cup of tea in her hand. My tea sat on the coffee table in front of where I had been sitting before, so I resumed my position beside her. Is tea an aphrodesiac? I sure hoped so.
"Mmm," I said, taking a sip of the tea. "That's damn good tea."
"I'm glad you like it. Do you get to drink tea often?"
"No. It's usually just beer and water for me." Her eyes sparkled at that.
"Ohhh, I remember when I used to drink beer with the gals," she said, obviously remembering her long-lost youth.
I laughed. "I'll bet you used to toss back those beers like jelly beans, huh?"
"Oh yes. I could sure hold my liquor." She took another dainty sip of her tea and she winked at me. I had a sudden flash of her as a young girl, sitting around a card table naked with her female companions, each of them a little sauced, their perky tits bouncing when they giggled. That got the ol' kroovy started again and that stiffy intensified.
"I'll bet you were a real catch for the guys, too," I commented, trying to steer the conversation in a sexual direction. I'm tactful like a general on the battlefields of the French Revolution, and with twice the cock.
"I had my share of boyfriends," she replied slyly, taking yet another sip of her tea. I imagined if tea could talk, it would be screaming to be consumed already.
"I can believe it. You've still got some of that magic left in you, I can tell." I gave her an 'I'd like to find out how dry your cunt is' kind of look and she laughed.
"You don't need to give me your charm, sonny. I think you're very handsome." She patted my thigh and Brain re-surfaced.
Alright, sonny. You're in now.
"If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?"
What the fuck are you doing?? You're gonna blow your chances!
"You know it's improper to ask a woman her age," she said playfully.
"Yes, I know. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have -"
"No, no. It's quite alright. To be honest, I'm sixty-three." I stared at her, and I couldn't believe she was telling the truth. The old gran was only sixty-three?
Huh? Brain said, also obviously confounded by her answer. Not a chance.
She must have picked up on my look, because she answered what me and my head salad were both thinking. "I know I look a little older than I am. The years haven't been too kind to me. Or, at least to my face."
I had to agree with her on that one. I still hadn't seen under her dress, but her face was nicely wrinkled. "I'm sorry to hear that," I said remorsefully. "But really, you look pretty good from where I'm sitting."
I could have sworn I saw her blush. "Oh, you're too kind. Say, how would you like to see some photos of me when I was younger?"
I smiled. "Sure, that'd be great."
"Alrighty then. Follow me." She got up slowly and I followed her into her bedroom.
Fancy that, Brain remarked as we entered the room. We were just here.
She went to her dresser, the one I had riffled through, and opened the bottom drawer. She pulled out an album full of black and white photos and she plopped it down on the bed behind her.
"Prepare yourself," she said as she opened the front cover. I moved so I was standing right beside her, so my body was pressing against hers, and my eyes went wide as I saw the first picture.
"Not bad, eh?" she said, sounding very proud of myself. I would have been to, if I was her. The picture was a big one... I don't know those crazy picture measurements so I can't relate exactly how big it was. No matter, the picture itself was a nude one. She was posed for the camera, and she seemed to be wearing a silky nightgown of sorts, which was opened at the top, fully exposing her ripe breasts. She had her hands folded in her lap, so there was no muff shot. That was fine, since the sight of her young tits got Jimmy back up out of his little cracker box.
"My God," I said, my voice sounding breathy and amazed. "How old were you for that picture?"
"Twenty," she replied.
"Well shit... that's a nice picture indeed. You got any more like this?"
"Of course," she replied immediately, turning the page. The twi pages facing up had four pictures on them. The pics were smaller in scale than the last one, but their contents were what mattered. The first one had her in almost the same pose, with a few slight alterations. The second had her sitting with her body completely facing the camera, her legs spread, but her hands still covering her pussy. Her silk robe was bunched sexily around her waist and it also helped to cover her peach. The third picture really got my smoke blowing, as I got my first glimpse of her cunny. Her legs were spread a little wider and her hands were resting on her knees. It was shaved, and it looked so damn smooth and creamy. The fourth and final picture had her robe completely off, and her legs spread very wide, her fingers helping to part her delicious pussy lips.
I had no choice but to become fully erect as my eyes scanned the pictures over and over. I could have camped in my pants, the buldge was so big.
Of course she noticed. Who the fuck wouldn't? "Wow, you must like what you see," she said, sounding a little shocked but a little happy at the same time.
Grab her and fuck her, Brain coaxed. I wanted to, yes, but I also wanted to see if she'd be into it before I jumped to that end.
So, I put my hand on her back and pulled her hip against my raging cock. "Do you still have it?" I asked as my dick pulsated through my pants.
She looked a little taken aback by my forward advance. "Do I still have what?" she asked back.
"Do you still have what it takes?" I ground my cock against her harder.
"Surely you wouldn't be interested in an old fart like me," she said skeptically.
I couldn't fucking stand it. I reached up and cupped her right tit with my hand and I began to massage it through her dress and granny bra. "You'd be surprised," I replied and she seemed to melt before me. Her features went soft and she put her hand over mine, which was still squeezing her tit.
She pushed the photo album off the bed and I pushed her down onto it. She flopped on her back and stared up at me as I undid my pants. Her hand shot to her pussy and she started rubbing it through her panties, which I could now see were black and lacy, since she had hiked up the skirt portion of her atire.
I dropped my pants and boxers and steped out of them, my mountainous cock bouncing as I took the steps. "C'mere and gimme a suck," I ordered, my mentality rapidly shifting into sadistic over drive. All of a sudden I wanted to hurt that bitch as I fucked her. I wanted to pound the living daylights out of every possibly orifice on her body.
She got up off her back and crawled across the bed to meet my cock. As soon she drew near enough, I grabbed her head and shoved my cock into her mouth. She let out a surprised moan and looked up at my wildly. "Go on," I encouraged. "Start sucking." Her focus switched to the apendage in her mouth, and she began sucking on it like a feral thing. Of course, I've never been sucked by a feral thing, so that comparasson seems rather moot.
I started pumping my hips, pushing my cock into her mouth further and further, until I could feel it scraping along the back of her throat. Either my cock was bigger than I thought or her head was really small. In any case, it hit her throat every time I thrusted it, and it wasn't long before she started to gag on it. I didn't feel much like getting puked on, so I withdrew it from its incredeble depths and kept it somewhere around her mid-tongue. Making her gag had produced more spit and she used it to great effect as she ran her tongue over my cock head faster and faster, slicking it up more every time she did so. The feeling was like nothing else I had ever experienced, and I grabbed her head with both hands.
"I hope you're ready to swallow, bitch," I said nastily, and she whimpered around my cock. Holy shit that got a rise out of me. I started pumping her fuck-hole mouth as hard and fast as I could, working my cock all around the inside of it. I rubbed it along her cheeks and across her tongue, occasionally pumping it to the back of her throat so she'd gag for me. Her face was getting quite flushed by that point, and she was moaning something that sounded like "stop, stop". That was my que to fuck her harder, so I really started laying it on. My nuts were smacking her chin and her gagging was becoming more regular.
"Suck it, you old sack of shit," I yelled, as I continued to pound her mouth. She had her eyes closed and she was moaning almost contiuously. I could feel myself about to explode so I sped up my thrusts as fast as I could. "C'mon, you whore. Fuckin' suck that dick," I said between clenched teeth. My cock expanded as my cum came jetting out of the tip, severely coating the inside of her mouth, and I pushed my cock all the way in so I could shoot it right down her throat. "Ohhh fuck yes," I moaned as I milked the last of it out.
She let out a strained moan, then flopped herself over to the other side of the bed. She let her head hang off the side, then puked up everything I had just made her swallow. I just stood there, cock in hand, watching her throw up my cum and what little tea she had drank.
Then I had a kinky idea.
Don't you fuckin' do it, Brain warned.
"Don't do what?" I asked Brain, without actually speaking out loud.
Don't do anything with her puke. That goes beyond kinky. That steps into the realm of bleaghh.
I snorted, then got onto the bed. I wasn't going to do anything with her puke. I have more common sense than that.
"Enough," she said quietly, her head still hanging over the bed. She spat onto the floor below her. "That's enough of that."
"Like hell," I replied, grabbing her legs and forcing them apart. Her ass was facing me, as she was lying on her stomach, and I hiked her skirt up above her waist.
"No!" she said, trying to sound forceful, but the puking had weakend her. Her voice sounded tired and sore and I smiled evily.
"I know you haven't been fucked for a while, but don't worry. I'll have you back in shape in no time." I smacked her ass hard and she yelped. I ran my hands over her panties, which I found were quite silky indeed. I pulled them down from her ass, exposing her bare flesh and my heart leapt in my chest. Her ass skin was smooth as marble. I squeezed her ass hard, with both hands, and she resisted again.
"Stop it. Stop it right now. You've had your fun, now you need to leave."
"Sorry, ma'am. I'm not done yet." I pulled her panties all the way off and tossed them back to where my pants were laying. I was going to take those home for sure. "You need a good fucking." I turned her over on her side and she groaned. She sounded like she was dying, but I figured she just wasn't feeling well from having puked up my jizz.
I pushed her dress up abover her tits, and saw that her bra was made from the same material as her panties. A matching set. How cute.
"Don't you touch me," she warned, but she sounded so weak I had to persist.
I grabbed the little peice of fabric that joined her two cups together and snapped it off, letting her cups flop to either side of her still-ripe tits. They were astounding for a sixty-three year old bag like her. They had begun to sag in her old age, but they weren't as nasty and wrinkly as I had imagined they would be. I fondled them, squeezing quite hard and pinching her nipples between my thumb and index finger and she moaned louder. I pinched her nipples more viciously and she nearly screamed. However, her voice had that erotic, throaty gasp to it that told me she liked it rough. That, of course, was plenty fine with me.
"You like that shit, don't you?" I asked roughly, pinching her nipples hard again. She reponded by moaning like she was getting rammed with a steel rod. "Admit it, you love havin' me make your titties swell up."
"Ohhhh God," she moaned as I twisted them hard in either direction.
"Yeah, that's what I thought, you little cock whore." I slapped her tits and she arched her back. Then I slipped my hand down between her legs and found she was sopping wet. "Fuck, you still got some juice left in you." I pushed in two fingers and found that they slid in effortlessly. "Holy shit you're loose," I said with genuine surprise in my voice. "Grandma, what have you been up to?"
My cock had grown hard again, having recovered quickly from the incredeble sucking it had just recieved. It was ridgid and a little red, but I figured I could use another cumming. I spread her legs wide and stared down at her hairy cunt. It wasn't shaved anymore, and her juices had nicely mingled with her straggly hair. I ran another finger up her dripping slit and she gave me another one of those throaty moans.
This bitch wants it good, Brain said.
Not one to disappoint, I got her legs up in the air, and I slid my raw cock into her twat. She gripped the bedsheets as I started working it in and out of her. I started off slow, getting a good feel for her aged pussy, then worked it up to long hard strokes, in and out of her. Her whole body shook and her tits flopped around on her chest as she moaned for me to stop. Even after all of this, she was still telling me to stop.
"Yeah, that's right," I said half-heartedly, as I concentrated on pounding her pussy. "You keep moaning like that and Imma gonna fuck you even harder." She kept her moaning up, a sure sign she wanted it hard, so I started pistoning in and out of her, insterting my full length then withdrawing it, only to ram it back in.
In less than a minute, her moans of "stop, stop" turned to quiet but meaningful "yes, yes". Aroused gasps filled the gaps between words and I started fucking her so hard, my balls began to ache as they slammed into her ass.
That gave me a wonderful idea.
I stopped fucking her and smacked the side of her ass. "Okay bitch, turn over," I ordered and she sort of went limp on the bed. I smacked her again and she groaned.
"No, I can't take any more of it. You gotta go."
"I need to cum again. Turn over."
"Beat off on me then. Just please don't fuck me anymore."
"I don't wanna beat off on you, cunt. Now turn the fuck over so I can cum in your asshole." I grabbed her roughly and flipped her on her side. She yelled out a long "nooo", but I smacked her again and got her on her stomach. "Put your ass in the air or I'll tear your fuckin' tits off."
She complied without a fuss at that, and I spanked her hard when her ass rose to its full height.
"You even been fucked in the ass before?" I inquired.
"No," she moaned. "Please don't... it'll hurt so much."
I smiled happily. An anal virgin, ripe for the picking. At sixty-three, no less. "You'll get used to it," I said as I spread open her asshole. I could see it was dry and tight, so I ran my hand up her cunt again. It came away covered in her juices and I slathered her asshole with them. I pushed my cock up between her legs, rubbing its swollen head against her cunt lips, and got it all lubed up too. Then without warning, I placed it on her wet hole and pushed. It slid in like it had lived there its whole life.
"Unnnggghh" she groaned as I pushed it in up to my balls. She was really fucking tight, but the pussy lube worked really well. I started working it in and out and her groans steadily turned to moans, then shrill screams. Her voice left the pleasure octave and rose into the mighty realm of pain and I started to really drive my cock into her hard. It was bcoming even more raw from her tightness and her little hole was milking my prostate something good. She would scream everytime I thrust my cock back into her and I finally had to cuff her on the back on the head to make her shut up. It was the same problem with Lisa all over again. I didn't want the damn neighbours bursting in on us, thinking she was being cut to ribbons, to find me with my young cock in her rump. How would that make me look?
"Shut up, bitch," I hissed. "Shut up if you want to live through this."
"Ohhhhh," she moaned, her voice lowering itself. "Ohhhh fuuuck it's so fucking goooood." She started to buck her hips back onto my cock and I was taken a little off guard. She was enjoying it now?
"See? I told you you'd warm up to it." I resumed my titanic thrusts and let her move her hips back and forth until she and I had reached a mutual rhythm.
We continued in that vein for another minute, then she screamed out "oh Jesus I'm cumming!!! Holy shiiiit!!!"
I worked my cock as hard as I could into her ass again and again, and her whole body jerked and spasmed as she had the orgasm of her lifetime. At least, that's what I like to think.
Feeling her asshole contract and expand over my cock like that sent shivers up my spine and I too found myself moaning loudly as my cum gushed out of me for the second time. It filled her small asshole to the point of bursting and as I continued to slowly fuck her, my own cum oozed out of her ass and back onto my cock. Some dribbled out and ran down her leg and some simply dripped onto the sheets below us.
I finally pulled out of her and collapsed to the bed beside her. She let her ass drop and she flopped to her stomach on the bed. Each time she exhaled, she gave off a tired, pained groan.
"Fuck that was good," I said into the bedsheet.
"It was incredeble. You're so strong," she replied softly.
"You mind if we keep this between you and me? I'd like it to be our little secret."
"Absolutely. You can come over for tea any time you want."
I smiled, then rolled over onto my back. My cock had gone down in size and it looked very red indeed. It stung to touch and I winced. "I gotta take a piss," I said, getting up and walking carefully out of the room.
I scuttled across the hall and closed the bathroom door behind me. I stood over the toilet and looked down at my abused dick.
Now see? Wasn't I right? Brain asked smugly.
"Yeah, yeah. I should trust you more often. How am I gonna get out of here though? Just pack up and tell her I gotta go?"
Yeah, man. No need to stay around here any longer than you have to.
"Okay, sounds like a plan." I shook my dick, trying to get the piss to come out. It seemed to not want to, so I shook it harder. That only made it hurt more.
The bathroom door opened, and in stepped the horny old bitch, now completely naked except for her stockings, which only went up to the top of her thighs. It was then I realized I didn't know her name.
"Hey, what's your name, anyways?" I asked, still holding my dick.
"Beth," she replied. "And yours?"
"I'm Mel. Not a girly Mel, either. Pure Mel-fucking-vin." I winked to myself.
"Thats a lovely name, Mel." She came over to me and stood with her tits pressing against my arm. "Need some help there?" She glanced down at my cock, which still wasn't letting the piss come out.
"Yeah, the damn thing's fallen asleep," I said, shaking it like a dead fish.
She knelt down and took it in her mouth, playing with the tip and reaching around to clasp my butt with both her hands. But, to my horror, no amount of intense sucking or licking would get more than a little blood to pump it up. It stayed as flacid as ever and thats when I felt it heppening.
"Ah shit here comes the waterworks," I said, but instead of letting go of my cock, she stayed positioned below me, my member dangling above her open mouth. I couldn't stop it, so I let it go. My piss flowed out of me in a long warm yellow stream and she closed her eyes as it poured into her thirsty mouth. At one point, she closed her mouth, making the piss pour all over her face, then she re-opened it and took the rest.
It slowed down to a dribble, then cut off completely. She licked her lips, then took my cock in her mouth again, sucking all the excess piss out of it.
I was in a stupor. This kindly, yet horny, old woman loved the golden shower?
"Mmm, you left me so thristy, Mel," she said sweetly, her lips glistening with my urine.
"I'm glad I could also help you out with that," I replied, still amazed by her actions.

The rest of the encounter was nothing special. Nothing else happened, and she told me she was expecting company, so she had to wash up. I had asked her if I could shower with her, since I was feeling a little dirty too, but she said no I had to go. BUT she promised I could come over whenever I felt like it, so I left her place feeling quite satisfied with myself.
You did good, kiddo, Brain told me after I had turned off the television.
"Thanks, buddy ol' pal."
You know what I'm thinking?
"What's that?" I asked, not having a clue.
I'm thinking we should crash the party over at Beth's.
"Man, my dick is way too sore for that shit."
Then let's wait. All I'm doing is making a proposal. Keep it in mind for a rainy day.
"Fuck... think about it... not just her but a couple of her friends. Imagine the possabilities."
My thoughts exactly.
"This will take planning," I realized.
Yeah, but think of the outcome. Not only that, but it'll give us something to focus on. To keep us busy so we don't go out and actually kill anyone else.
"True. Plus it'll give my cock an excellent opportunity to heal."
I like how you think.
"You are how I think. C'mon, I'm thirsty."
With that, I got up and fetched myself a beer and some stale crackers I had stored in my cupboard. Guys like me have a special diet that keeps us in the shape we are in. Nice and sturdy, but always dirty.
Sometimes I likes havin' a lil mustard on my pancakes.
2 comments

READERReport

2005-12-11 00:05:51
where does lisa die? im so confused last i read she left after the show. did i miss a story?

READERReport

2005-05-09 08:59:00
fuck, i was laughing way too hard to get off on this story. shit it was funny. great work.

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