I am a firm believer, that we have no more choice, as to what we are drawn to sexually, than we have over what our taste buds like, when we sit down at the table.
I was 7 or 8 years old, the first time an older man jacked off in front of me and got me to watch him.
No, I didn't know what jacking off was yet and I didn't know that that's what he was doing. We were both standing at the long enamel thing, that they made men and boys pee in, at the city park, after school.
It wasn't the first time, that I had seen an older boy's or man's dick but it was the first time that I had seen one of them working it back and forth, as they stood there, moaning and groaning and then all at once, something white, spurted out of the end of it and down into the water, floating down towards the drain. And then it spurted again and the old man had the strangest look on his face. His eyes were open real wide and his mouth was hanging open, like he had seen something, that he had never seen before. Before it was over, he had squirted 4 or 5 times, before putting it away and leaving me standing there, as he left the men's room.
Like I said, I didn't have the slightest idea, what he had just done. All I knew, was that whatever it was, it had looked painful to him, so I didn't understand why he did it, at all.
It wasn't until I was all the way in the 7th grade, before it would happen again. Only this time it was an older boy and he to did it in front of me, in one of the boy's bathroom's, after school.
By then I knew what jacking-off was because I had been doing it myself, for almost a year.
I guess that I shouldn't have watched him, once I saw what he was doing but something about it, was drawing me to it. And the next thing I knew, he had taken me into one of the stalls. And was sitting there, jacking it for me, getting me to watch him doing it, until he squirted. Just like the old man had done, so many years before, at the urinals.
How had he gotten me into the stall with him? What had he said, what had he done?
Why, didn't I leave, when I finally understood what he was doing, Jacking-off in front of me and getting me to watch him doing it?
Over the next 5 or 6 months, that same older boy got to me again and again. Taking me into one of the stalls with him and getting me to watch him, while he jacked his boner off, until it squirted.
Eventually he was not only getting me to watch him, while he did it, he was getting me to bend down and take ahold of it to and do it for him, while he sat there watching me do it.
Twice he tried to get me to kiss it but I couldn't and he got mad at me.
I used to feel really weird or dirty or whatever, when his white cum would squirt out of the end of it and go up into the air and drop back down onto my hand. Running down the side of it, as he'd sit there watching. Finally handing me some toilet paper and telling me, " Here, wipe it off " and I would.
One time I missed some of it, when I wiped my hand off and I did something that I would have bet, that I would have never done, I touched it, with my tongue and tasted it. Nooo, he didn't see me do that and I was glad. Because even I, didn't understand why I had done that and he probably wouldn't have understood either.
When your a little boy and you've tasted another boys cum, with your tongue, you don't tell anybody. Believe me. That became one of those secrets, never to be told and it wasn't. That part of it wasn't anyway but the older boy couldn't keep the secret, the secret, that he had a little boy, that would play with him. He told other boys and they started getting me play with them too.
I hated him for telling them. I hated him because now it was like, " I Had " to play with their's too and I didn't even know them but he did.
I can see why parents tell their little girl's, to not even kiss a boy because one thing will lead to another and eventually, he'll want more and more. Because that's what happened to me and I'm not even a girl, I'm a boy. But they didn't care, all they wanted was for someone to play with them and for whatever the reason, I would.
They didn't get me to go to bed with them but they might as well have because after the first one, got me to bend down and " Kiss it " when he had me in a stall with him, the whole school found out about it or at least it seemed that way to me.
After they found out, that one of the boy's had gotten me to kiss his, I was " Fair Game " to everyone, from then on.
Sometimes there would be 3 or 4 boys waiting to take me into the boy's bathroom with them after school. But usually there was just one or 2 and for some reason, that was ok with me. I don't know why.
It was usually when there were one or two, standing outside the stall, knowing what the one in the stall was getting me to do to him, that it bothered me most.
It wasn't long after they started getting me to " Kiss it " before the first one, coaxed me into sucking on it too. Getting me to suck on it, while another boy stood outside of the stall door and listened, as he got me to do it.
I can still remember the little sucking sounds, that I was making on it, as I did it. I had no idea whatsoever, how to suck a dick and give a boy a " Blowjob. " But there I was kneeling down in front of him and he was getting me to suck on his warm boner, as he sat on the white toilet, in the boys bathroom, after school.
I don't know, how long he had me licking and sucking on it, before he stopped me and just sat there jacking it off, while he got me to watch him. I had the weirdest feeling inside, when it started squirting and I watched it go up into the air and drop back down onto his hand. Running down the side of his hand and down onto his little balls, before dropping down into the white toilet bowl.
He didn't say anything, when it was all over and he pulled some toilet paper off of the roll,wiped off the end of it, the side of his hand and even his little balls. Then dropped the little wad of toilet paper down into the white toilet bowl and flushed it away.
Three days later, he had me in the bathroom with him again, kneeling down in front of him, as he sat on the white toilet, jacking it off until it squirted and getting me to watch him, while he did it.
I didn't understand what he was trying to do to me, " Trying not only to get me to suck it but get me to want to suck it." And it worked...Because.
It was about the 6th or 7th time, that he had me in the stall with him, that he finally got what he wanted.
He was sitting there jacking it again, with me kneeling down in front of him, when it happened.
Even I was shocked, when I heard myself whispering, " Please, please, I want too." And he ignored me, until I said it again, " I want too." And then all at once he stopped jacking it and held it real still and watched as I bent down to it and he felt my warm mouth slip down over the end of it and moaned, " Oh yeah," as soon as he felt my warm tongue caressing it, as my mouth slipped down lower and lower on it, until I felt his little ball sac,touching my chin.
The shame or embarrassment, that I felt, as he sat there on the white toilet and watched, as I started to suck on his warm dick, was unreal. But the " Urge " to do it, had taken over and there was nothing I could do about it but suck on it, so I did.
I could smell and even taste the pee on it and I think I could even taste his precum. All I know is that one minute it was salty and the next minute it had a sweet taste to it, so I started coaxing the little hole in the end of it, the little peehole, with the tip of my little tongue. Coaxing it for more, not caring it it was pee or precum, I wanted more of whatever it was and he was about to give it to me and then some.
I knew that it wasn't right, to be a boy and to be sucking on another boy's dick. But it had drawn me down to it and it was like I didn't have any choice, I had to do it. And somehow he knew it.
Once again, the same boy had me kneeling down in front of him, sucking on his warm boner. Trying to get me to give him a " Blowjob " and I was only 11 years old.
All at once I felt his hands on the back of my head and he let out a long low moan and I felt his boner jerk, " Once "..." Twice "..." Three times," in my mouth and I knew that he had done " It " and pulled away from it. But it was to late by then, he had already squirted his boy cum up into my mouth and left it there on my tongue.
I felt sick inside, having it in my mouth and felt even more embarrassed, as he watched me get up,spit it out and run out of the bathroom toilet stall. Leaving him sitting there on the white toilet, with his dick still in his hand and his mouth still open, from just having squirted.
I laid in my bed half the night, trying how he had gotten me to do that to him. And the scarey thing I kept coming up with, was that he hadn't made me do it, that I had done it on my own.
No, I didn't like boys, still don't, for that matter. But there was something about them having a boner, that would draw me to it. I learned later, that it was the faint smell of pee, that was always on the end of them. And even though some people don't like it, it's like a magnet to me and pulls me towards it, every time.
The funny part about the whole thing [ if there is such a thing ] is that the next day, when I saw the same boy in school, he couldn't look at me and I couldn't look at him. It was like we were both ashamed, about what had happened or whatever.
My biggest fear, was that he would tell someone, how he had finally gotten me to give him a " Blowjob." Taken me from just watching him jacking on it, to getting me to jack it for him. Then getting me to kiss it and then eventually getting me to suck on it, until it squirted.
I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. I know that I was embarrassed and I know that I was ashamed, about being a boy and being had, by another boy. Because boys didn't do that, did they? If they did, none of them were talking about it, that's for sure.
I don't know if it was 2 or 3 weeks later, that he came into the boys bathroom again, while I was in there and wanted me to do it again. And without even waiting for some kind of answer, he walked back to the last stall, went in, pulled his pants down and sat there on the white toilet and waited.
Why, didn't I run or at least just walk out of the boys room?
All I know is that one minute, I was standing there, trying to figure it out and the next thing and I do mean, the very next thing I knew, I had pushed open the stall door that he was in and saw him sitting on the white toilet, with his pants and underwear pulled down and his boner in his hand. Not saying a word when he saw me standing there and just sat there working it up and down slowly. Knowing that if I wanted it, really wanted it, that I would " Come and get it," that all he had to do was wait.
I don't know how long I stood there, watching him working it up and down slowly. All I know is that I was fighting a new " Urge " that had started up inside of me. The " Urge ", the urge to get down and " Suck on it."
All of a sudden he just stopped working it and let go of it, leaving it sticking straight up, inbetween his legs and whispered, " You want to do it, you want to jack it and make it squirt?"
Even I was embarrassed, when I heard the little whimper come out of me and heard myself whispering, " Uh huh " as I kneltdown in front of him, as he sat in the bathroom stall, with his pants pulled down and his legs spread, watching me.
Taking ahold of it, feeling the warmth of it, as I started working it up and down slowly, like he had been doing, when I opened the door.
Not even 30 seconds later, he let out a little moan and I saw his boy cum, oozing out of the little hole in the end of it and start to run down the head of it, down along the side, until it hit my hand and stopped.
I didn't understand why, he had squirted so fast and in some strange way, I felt cheated. Whatever that means.
All I know is that what happened next, shocked me as well as him, as I bent down to it and slid the tip of my little tongue, across the swollen head and thru the white slippery liquid. Making him moan, as he watched me do it.
" Aggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, what are you doing?"
I was so embarrassed, by what I had just done, that I got up and once again, ran out of the boys bathroom. Leaving him sitting there, on the white toilet, with his pants pulled down and his now limp cock, wet and hanging down.
The very next weekend, another old man at the urinals in the park, got me to go all the way with him, right there in front of the urinals.
I don't even really know what happened.
I remember that he was standing next to me, while I was trying to pee and he was working his, just like the other older man had done in front of me before, at the very same urinals.
He waited until he was sure, that I was watching it and then he slowly turned around towards me, showing it to me, really getting me to look at it.
To be honest, thought that it was mean looking and I could even see his pubic hair, sticking out of his pants too.
When he saw that I wasn't afraid of it, he moaned and said, " You like it, don't ya?" And I was to embarrassed to answer him.
But he didn't care, he didn't care that I didn't answer him. He already knew. As he reached around behind my head and when he saw, that I wasn't trying to get away from him, he gently pulled me down to it. Holding it to my mouth and waiting, waiting for what he already knew, would come next.
When I had gone into the men's room, at the city park, I had had no desire whatsoever, to suck on a man or boy's dick. But there I was again, with someone [ only this time it wasn't a boy, it was a full grown man ] holding his dick to my mouth and trying to coax me into sucking on it.
My mind wanted to scream, " Nooo " but I couldn't. Because he had it close enough to my mouth, that I could smell the faint pee, that was on the end of it and the next thing I knew, he had me sucking on it and I could taste it too.
" That's it, suck it baby..."
" Suck it..."
He had ahold of my head, with both of his hands and was starting to work it back and forth, along my warm soft tongue. Touching the back of my mouth, with it, choking me and making him ease back on it. Making me think that it was all over, only to have him ease it back in again. Listening to me sucking on it, like a newborn baby, sucks on a nipple. Loosing it every now and then and sucking all over, until it finds it again and settles back in to sucking on it. Until it feeds it, its white warm milk.
I was so embarrassed, by the little sucking sounds, that I was making on it but I didn't know how to suck on one, without making those sounds, so I tried not to listen to them. But they were getting louder and louder, the longer and the harder, I sucked on it.
I don't know how long I had been sucking on it, when he started moaning and whispering, " You better stop, you better stop " and before I could, he moaned, " Oh shit, here it comes," and he pulled my head to him and held me there, as I squirmed and tried to pull away. And then felt it, as his warm cock jerked " Once " Squirt...Agghhhhhhhhhhhhh, " Twice " Squirt...Agghhhhhhhhhh and 2 more times " Squirt Squirt...Agghhhhhhhh Agghhhhhh, into my mouth, choking and gagging me but he didn't care, as he held me there, screaming at me to " Eat it " over and over again and I'm embarrassed to admit, that I did. All of it.
And just when he was pulling his warm dick from my mouth, 2 older boys walked in and as he was putting his dick away, he looked at them and said, " You got a problem?" And they told him, " No mister, we ain't got no problem and as he said, " Good " and walked out the door.
Just as they started arguing over who was going to have me " Next."