Gender: Male Age: 59 Location: Rural Mississippi
|Introduction: Quoting experts in the field|
The Cause of Father-Daughter Incest
Drs. Blair and Rita Justice have been treating incestuous families in the Houston Texas area from 1976 to the present day. In 1979 they wrote a book on incest titled ?Broken Taboo: Sex in the Family.? What follows is the summary from Chapter 9.
Incest, as we have seen, has no single cause and can be understood only by looking at the interaction of certain conditions that act as predisposing and precipitating agents. For Father-Daughter incest, these include:
1. The father clings to a fantasy of an all loving mother and sees in the daughter a chance to pursue it.
2. The father is bombarded by stress, much of it coming from multiple changes he and his family are constantly making, and seeks a source of comfort and nurturing. He often starts drinking more.
3. The father and mother stop having sex and his source of physical intimacy and affectionate strokes dries up.
4. The mother starts work at night, gets sick, or in some other way arranges to leave the father and daughter alone together. The mother ?abandons? both the daughter and husband.
5. The daughter is hungry for attention and affection and is willing to rescue her father from his unhappiness.
6. The sexual climate of the family is lax, loose, or repressive.
In my own case my training and belief in the Bible as truth makes #1 inevitable when one is aware of First Corinthians Chapter 13 is in mind.
In #2 one way of measuring stress is by the changes that go on in life. In 1962 Holmes and Ruhe published in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research a schedule of recent experience which applied numbers to each experience. The application of this is to take the last year and inventory your experiences. Multiply the value of each experience by the number of times it happened in the year. Add up the totals of each row then total the lat column. Drs. Justice say a score above 124 makes incest or physical abuse likely. My scores were between 2,000 and 3,000 during the time from my daughter?s birth to my leaving the house after the report.
My wife and I only had sex six times after the birth of my daughter. Here is the data.
Sabrina's birthday 10/2/1985
first sex after birth 12/25/1985 84 days after the birth
1st intimate touch 3/26/1989
1st sexual abuse 3/29/1989 1190 days from last marital intercourse
2nd sex w/kathi 9/10/1989 1355 days between intercourse events
3rd sex w/Kathi 9/6/1992 1092 days between intercourse events
4rth sex w/Kathi 9/10/1995 1099 days between intercourse events
last major abuse 10/1/1996 387 Days after last marital sex
5th sex w/Kathi 9/8/1998 1094 days between intercourse events
6th sex w/Kathi 9/9/1998 1 days between intercourse events
Separation 3/22/2002 1290 days since intercourse event
Divorce 10/5/2005 11078 days Duration of marriage
Kathi was my wife. This takes care of #3.
Once my wife started working Sabrina and I were home alone a lot. Our son is eight years older than my daughter so he was in school long before she was born. Even her volunteer work at our church separated my daughter and I from the rest of the family. That covers #4.
Even before she went to school even some adults openly challenged our prolife stance at church suggesting if we had known of her cleft lip and palate before she was born we would have aborted her. Some children didn?t like my daughter because she was different. That made her hungry for her father?s affection. That covers #5
My wife was uptight and forced a sexually repressive environment after her father attempted to reconcile with her after the birth of our son.
Drs. Justice also explain how the daughter's psychology adds to the probability of incest occuring between her and her father. They write:
One or more of these characteristics typify the incestuous daughter:
1. She has a poor relationship with her mother, or none at all. The mothermay be gone, she may be in the hospital, she may be home but does not like or want the daughter. The mother may be jealous of her and reject her.
2. The daughter has low self esteem. She considers herself unattractive, unloved, inadequate.She may be trying to compensate for her poor self-image by acting prematurely grown up, adult and self-sufficient.
3. She is looking for attention and affection. She often isolates herself from peersout of fear she will be rejected. She wants their freindship but is afraidto reach out for it. She appreciates any sign of recognition and tenderness. She easily falls in love with a father who bestows gifts and attention on her. She may engage in incest for the gifts and priviledges it gets her.
4. She may develop a seductive manner, look or behaviour to attract attention. Little girls learn early in the American Culture how to get favors by adopting the cute or sexy smile and style of Marilyn Monroe or Lolita. She may decide that acting seductive is the only way to get anyone to pay attention to her. She may be the one who initiates sexual activity with the father and gives the come-on to other men.
5. She may be stuck on her father, making her particularly vulnerable to any advances on his part and increasing the possibility that she will act out on her own sexual umpulses and initiate sexual contact with him. This points to the "Oedipal (or Electa) complex," to a fixation on the parent of the opposite sex. For instance, a girl does not identify with her mother and wants to be possess the father for herself. If she identified with her mother, she would give up her wish for the father and devote her energies to other concerns....
6. She may try to act as a "rescuer" of her father, sensing that he is unhappy or needs somebody to look after him, to care for him. She may try to "rescue" the whole family, believing she is the only one who can hold things together. Becoming the "lady of the house" may be motivated out of this need to "rescue" as well as to meet her own needs for affection and attention. The recuing may extend to offering sex to the father to calm him down, to keep him from fighting with the mother or other kids in the family. Daughters of the tyrant type of father often adapt this type of role.
So to the men out there who feel tempted by seductive daughters I must say do not fall to this temptation. It will damage the daughter and the marital relationship. If the marriage is so bad that you are serriously considering accepting a daughter's seduction get a divorce and move on. A Daughter who initiates incest will suffer from an overload of guilt for breaking up her family. It is a false guilt because the bad marriage is the cause of the incest, not the other way around.
For the wives out there who want to stop having sex with their husbands, consider that your daughter may sense your husband's unhappiness and act to "rescue" him from the unhappiness you are bringing him to. Since my daughter did ask me,"What do I have to do to stop you and Mom from fighting I know she was, even at only three and half years old, trying to "rescue" me from my own unhappiness.
Incestuous Father with kudos to Blair and Rita Justice for thier wisdom.
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