Gender: Male Age: 55 Location: N/A
|Introduction: re-write of, Not so picture perfect|
Picture perfect Trilogy
Judy’s story (part 2)
(The revised edition)
If you haven’t read, “Picture Perfect Trilogy” (Gary‘s story) (the revised edition) I would advise reading that before this.
My original story, although very popular, did have some criticisms that I thought were very valid so, I have revised the story.
I hope you enjoy this as much as you did the first story.
Thank you very much;
Picture Perfect Trilogy
(The revised edition)
My name is Judy Asher. I’m sitting in a restaurant in L.A. waiting to see Gary Asher, my ex husband, for the first time in almost four, long years. I can’t remember ever being this nervous at any other point in my life. What I did to my husband back in Chicago was unforgivable. I’m surprised he even agreed to see me.
As I sit here waiting for his arrival, I can remember back to those days in Chicago. I remember them like it was yesterday.
It started one morning when I was down town shopping. My husband was a professional photographer and owned a studio just a few blocks from the store so, after shopping, I had intended to surprise him, maybe even have lunch together if he wasn’t too busy.
Instead, I ran into Pete Jeffers, my very first heart throb from high school. In those days I was kind of gangly and most of the boys wouldn’t even look at me. Pete was a senior when I was a junior and I was astonished when, one day, he approached me at my locker and asked me out on a date. It was my first real date. At the end of a wonderful evening, he gave me my very first real kiss from boy. They say you never forget your first and I still remember how it felt that night to be in his arms as he softly pressed his lips to mine.
For the rest of the school year we were hardly ever out of each other’s sight. Our love affair continued into the summer months and I had visions of becoming Mrs. Pete Jeffers. As the summer was coming to a close we both had to start thinking about school again. I had to go back for my senior year of high and Pete would soon be leaving for his first year of college.
I remember fighting with my emotions at that time. In spite of some heavy petting, through our relationship, I still managed to hold on to my virtue. On several occasions, Pete would try to get me to go further but I could tell by his actions, even though boys that age don’t like to admit it, he was as much a virgin as I was. I was determined to keep us both that way until our wedding night, but the thought of not seeing him for months on end, and him being around all those college girls had me worried When Pete said he wanted to show me how much he loved me before leaving I buckled and agreed to have sex with him. He was the love of my life, and I wanted to lose my cherry to him, even if it was a little sooner than I had anticipated.
Pete’s parents both worked so his place was available during the day.
I can remember being so covert. We snuck around the back of his house and went in through the back door so none of his neighbors would see us. Even though the house was empty, we tip toed up to his bedroom. My emotions were on high. I was scared, excited, nervous, wound up, exhilarated, and terrified all at the same time. Pete was holding my hand as we climbed the stairs to his bedroom and, from his sweaty palms, I knew he was just as nervous as I was.
We sat on his bed for a while just kissing. Then he started unbuttoning my blouse. He put my hand in his lap and I could feel he was hard. As nervous as we were, we managed to get each others clothes off, or at least, most of them. I stood dressed only in my bra and panties and he in his shorts. I don’t know about him, but I was so embarrassed I felt hot all over. Finally, we both took a deep breath and did away with the last of our modesty.
We had no idea what we were doing. I laid across his bed and he climbed on top. He clumsily played with my nipples for a couple of minutes then tried to put his dick in my pussy.
I was dry as a bone from being so nervous and yelled out in pain when he tried to stick it in. He jumped, got scared, and his erection went down immediately. We both started apologizing to the other profusely. Now, not only were we embarrassed, but we were both demoralized and mortified as well.
After a few minutes Pete wanted to try again, but I couldn’t do it. I was crying as I got dressed and I know Pete was terribly disappointed and humiliated. The following week Pete went off to college and we didn’t speak a lot after that.
The memories of that relationship are so bitter-sweet. I guess it’s true about never forgetting your first love, although I sure wish I could forget the trauma we both experienced our, so called, first time.
Pete and I had many years to catch up on. Since my husband really wasn’t expecting me anyway, I decided to accept Pete’s invitation and have lunch with him. We went to a little place that my husband and I went to sometimes. It was a nice, quiet little place and it would give us some time to talk without a lot of interruptions. I was kind of hoping my husband might even stop by for lunch and would join us, but he most likely had a full day.
As we talked the memories came flooding back to both us. We talked about some of our friends from high school and what happened to them. We talked about some of our dates. Looking back on some of those moonlit nights and how very romantic they were at the time, brought back feelings of being young again. We both got wrapped up in the memories and, at one point, realized we were holding hands.
Of course, we both avoided talking about our debacle in his bedroom that day, although I knew we both remembered it vividly.
Before each of us knew it, three hours had passed. We both had to bring our reminiscing to an end, but we exchanged phone numbers and promised to call and get together again. I had absolutely no intension of cheating with him or anyone else. After ten years of marriage, I was still desperately in love with my husband.
After dinner that night I was just about to tell Gary about my day, including running into an old high school friend, but before I started to speak Gary asked me my opinion about an upcoming shoot he had planned. Since I was a former model he often asked me for suggestions and ideas. It always made me feel so good to know my husband valued my input and considered me a partner as well as his wife.
We discussed a variety of options and I got so involved I forgot all about my day and never mentioned it to Gary.
Several days later I made arrangements to pick up an old friend for lunch. Amber was also an ex model. She never achieved the success I had but we became close friends back in our modeling days and had remained so ever since. Between the two of us, Amber was always the adventurous one. If we got into trouble, back in those days, it was Amber who was always the instigator. Even years later she had one, major, character flaw that I always had to overlook, she had, had several affairs outside of her marriage. She knew my feelings on the subject so we had an understanding, I didn’t ask her about them and she never spoke of them in my presents.
While on my way to her house, I called her from my car to let her know I‘d be there in just a few minutes. Knowing her dirty, little mind, I thought I’d tease her a little over the phone and told her about meeting a secret love. I knew she would be chomping at the bit for all the dirty little details.
I picked her up at her house then drove a couple miles to the little restaurant where we usually ate. She could hardly contain herself. As soon as we had been seated and our orders taken, Amber leaned over and whispered, “Okay, enough of the suspense, tell me about this secret love of yours.”
I laughed. “Well, there’s nothing secret about it, I just ran into my very first love from high school the other day.” We sat and I told her the whole story, including the nightmare that was supposed to be our wonderful, first time.
As I spoke about that day in Pete‘s bedroom, even after all these years, I could feel a certain sense of sadness come over me. Some psychologists say that the traumas we experience when we’re young never really go away. The feelings I felt that day, so many years ago, were actually still gnawing at me. I hadn’t realized it until running into Pete. That day brought back more than just memories, it brought back feelings as well.
Amber could see what I was experiencing. She said she could see in it my face, the good mixed with the bad, it was all there as I talked. “There’s only one way to wipe out the trauma of that day,” she said.
“Yeah,” I said smiling in anticipation of my friend’s advice, “and what’s that?”
“You have to fuck him.”
I immediately got angry. “Amber, you know how I feel about that, maybe you consider sleeping around worth your marriage, but I don’t.”
“Okay, okay, don’t get your panties in a bunch,” she said, “I know how you feel about my affairs, but this wouldn’t be an affair. It would be a one time thing. One time in the sack with the first love of your life to wipe out a painful memory. That’s all.”
“Look, Amber, I can’t deny I wished it had been different that day. I wished we had made wonderful and passionate love to each other for hours, but I don’t see how sleeping with Pete now will wipe out that memory even if I did do it.”
“By reliving it,” she said. “The only way to rectify a bad situation is to relive it and make it a good situation. Okay, maybe you’ll always have the memory of that horrible day, but this way you would also have a wonderful memory along with it.”
“And what if Gary ever found out? What would I tell him?”
“Come on, how is Gary ever going to find out. If you kept seeing him, that would be one thing, but a one time shot. There’s no way Gary would ever know.”
“I’m not like you, Amber, I don’t think I could keep it a secret. I’d feel so guilty I’d probably blab myself.”
“Oh bull,” Amber said, “It would simply be your little secret and when you’re old and gray, you won’t be wondering how it would have felt to make love to your first heart-throb.”
“I don’t know how you do it, Amber,” I said, still peeved at her suggestion. “How can you have so many affairs and keep Bill from finding out?”
“Well,” said Amber, losing the smile that was on her face, “actually, I think Bill knows.”
I was shocked when she told me. If Bill knew, how come they’re still together? “He knows?” exclaiming a little too loudly for a public place.
“Shhhhhh,” Amber hushed me. “I’m not really sure but I think so. He never initiates love making any more. It’s always me. When I do coax him, he just doesn’t seem to have his heart in it any more. I could be wrong, he’s never said anything to me……it’s….well, I just have this feeling that’s all.”
“Are you seeing anyone now?” I couldn’t even believe I was talking to her about this. Up till now, it’s been a hard and fast rule not to talk about her affairs.
“No, I broke it off with the last guy several months ago and haven’t really looked for anyone else. I think I’m going to cool it for awhile. I still think you should screw this Pete though, just once, just to get that terrible day out of your head.”
At that point I said I didn’t want to talk about it anymore but I had to admit, I was actually thinking about sleeping with another man for the first time since I married Gary.
After lunch we went back to Amber’s place and talked silly girl talk a little more. On the way home, I kept thinking of what Amber said about knowing what it would be like to sleep with Pete, my first love. I couldn’t get it out of my head. I really didn’t want to spend the night thinking about cheating on Gary so I stopped off at the video rental place and picked up a couple Disney films that we could watch with Tammy.
I still couldn’t get Amber’s suggestion out of my head and I think I was still feeling a little guilty when Gary came home that night. I’m not sure if he picked up on it or not, but he was a little quiet all evening.
Everything changed when it came time to watch the movies I had picked up. I popped some popcorn and the three of cuddled together on the couch. I remember thinking to myself, how could I even think of doing anything that would threaten what I have here. How could I indeed!
When ever I found myself sitting idle I would start to fantasize about making love with Pete. I hated myself for even allowing thoughts like that into my head, but I just couldn’t help it. So, for the next several days I kept myself busy with running errands and cleaning the house. I was doing pretty good too, thinking about Pete less and less.
I had just sat down to relax with a well deserved cup of coffee when Amber called to tell me about some new outfits she bought. Of course hearing her voice made me remember the conversation we had at the restaurant.
“By the way girl, I have a bone to pick with you,” I knew she heard the serious tone in my voice. “I wish you had never mentioned cheating on Gary.”
“Cheating on Gary,” she said like she didn’t remember saying it.
“Yeah, last week. All that talk about jumping in bed with Pete. It might be my imagination, but I think Gary actually suspected something. He was awful quiet the other night.”
“Have you talked to lover boy?” she asked.
“No,” I said emphatically, I haven’t talked to Pete since that day in town.”
“So, are you considering it? Are you serious about wiping out that terrible memory?” It almost sounded like Amber was trying to push me into it.
“No, not really, but there is a part of me that wants to. Heaven help me, I must be out of my mind.”
“Look, Judy, he was your first true love. He was the guy you wanted to break your cherry. For everything to go so wrong on your first time is a horrible memory to have. It’s only natural that you would want to right the wrong, even after all these years.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you’re probably right, I just wish we had never started that stupid conversation.”
We talked a little more but I wanted to get off the subject so we said our good-byes. I fixed some lunch for myself and tried, again, to get Pete out of my head.
The next day, as I look back on it now, was the day I made the worst judgment call of my entire life. I was just making some lunch for myself when the phone rang.
I was a little surprised when I heard the voice on the other end. “Pete, how are you?”
“Hi Judy, I just wanted to call and tell you how good it was to see you after all these years.”
“Yeah,” I said, “I enjoyed it too. It’s been a long time.”
“Judy, we sat and talked for three hours about all the good times but, during the whole time, I also couldn’t help but think about……well, you know.”
“Yeah, I know. I couldn’t help thinking about it myself, but that was a long time ago, Pete.”
“Judy, we have to try it again!”
“What?” I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly.
“You heard me, since running into you the other day I haven’t been able to think about anything else.”
“What are you talking about?” I couldn’t believe my ears. Up until now my thoughts about sleeping with Pete were just fantasies. After all, it takes two to tango but now here he was talking about the same thing. “No Pete, we can’t. Listen, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it myself, but we would both be taking too big a chance, it’s not worth it.”
“Judy,” he said with desperation in his voice, “that day was one of the most demeaning days of my life. I’ve never gotten over it. It’s…..it’s like I have to do this to prove something to myself.”
“You don’t have to prove anything to me. You have two kids, right? That’s all the proof I need.” I was trying to get things on a lighter note. “Look Pete, I will always have a special place in my heart for you, but we can’t do this. If Gary ever found out he would never forgive me.”
“Judy, I have as much to lose as you do, so you know I’m not going to breathe a word to anyone. How could your husband ever find out?”
“I don’t know, I’m sure he wouldn’t, but I’m not sure I could live with the guilt either. Look, I don’t think this is something we should be discussing on the phone anyway.” I remembered Gary was supposed to go out of town on a three day assignment at the end of the week. “My husband is going out of town on Thursday so let’s do this, can you get away around lunch time this Friday?
“Okay, on Golf road there’s a quiet, little place out by 83...”
“Yeah, you’re talking about that little bar and grill.”
“You know it then. Alright, let’s meet there at noon on Friday and we’ll talk about it, but I’m not making any promises, Pete.”
“Judy, I need to make love to you, just once, we both need to do this.”
“We’ll talk about on Friday, Okay?”
“Okay,” was all he said.
“See you then, Bye.” I couldn’t believe I just told him to meet me. In spite of the guilt, in spite of knowing how wrong this was, I had an overpowering need to right the wrong that happened so many years ago and I now knew it was going to happen.
I had to talk to someone. I had to call Amber, although I’m not going to tell her everything. I am not going to tell her I’m going to have sex with Pete, I will never tell her that, not even her, not ever. I will never tell anyone. Only two people in the whole world will know for sure, Pete and me and that’s the way it has to stay. I could never take a chance of Gary finding out. Never!
I flipped open my cell and hit the speed dial for Amber’s number.
“Amber, guess who just called?” before she had a chance to answer I answered for her. “Pete!”
“You mean the Pete you we were talking about?”
“Yup, the same Pete. Remember the story I told you?”
“Of course. Jeez, how could I forget it.”
“Remember what you said?”
“You mean about fucking him?” She said.
“Yup, well he feels the same way!” I couldn’t believe I was saying this even as I was saying it. I knew I was talking about cheating on my husband and I could hear the excitement in my own voice.
“He wants to do it again?” Amber’s voice almost went shrill as she spoke.
“Yeah,” I couldn’t help but giggle a little. I almost felt like that young school girl again.
“So what did you say? Did you tell him you’d fuck him?”
“No, I didn’t say I was going to fuck him,” I said rather sternly.
“Do you remember what I said about living the rest of your life never knowing what it would be like to has sex with your very first heart throb?” asked Amber.
“Damn you girl, yes, I remember what you said, and now I can’t get the thought out of my head,”
“So why not just do it?” asked Amber.
“Because, what if Gary ever found out.”
“Look, Judy,” said Amber, “you do it one time, that’s all, just so you can have that memory of screwing your very first love. How in the hell would Gary find out?”
“Okay, I don’t know how he could find out, but what about me. I can’t hardly live with the guilt I have now.”
There was a short pause before Amber asked. “So, what did you tell him?”
“Well I said I didn’t want to talk about it over the phone. Gary is supposed to go out of town this Friday and won’t be back till Sunday. I’m not sure if the trip is still on or not though to tell you the truth. He hasn’t mentioned it to me for the last couple of weeks. He usually reminds me if he’s going out of town a week or so before he leaves. Anyway, I told Pete I’d meet him at that little restaurant on Golf road, you know, we’ve had lunch there a couple of times. I’m supposed to meet him there at noon this Friday.”
“Is that the place that has that motel right across the street?” Amber asked.
“Yeah,” I said, “that’s the one with the little motel across the street.” I didn’t want to talk about it anymore so I asked about something else. We talked just a couple more minutes then said our good-byes.
For the rest of the day I kept waffling back and forth. Should I do this, or shouldn’t I do this. Hell, I knew I shouldn’t do it. It was wrong. Could I live with my own guilt? What if Gary did find out, but how could he? Would he want a divorce? Would I lose everything? It’s stupid, senseless, I love Gary more than anything, I love my daughter, my home, why would I risk losing any part of that for a romp in the hay with an old boyfriend?
But there was that other part of me, the part that felt young again as I sat with Pete talking that day. The part of me that said, what’s one time? I would still love Gary just as much, but maybe I could also, some how, recapture part of my youth and hold on to it a little longer.
As it was, after that distressful and painful day with Pete, I stayed a virgin until well into my freshman year of college. Then, one night, at a party I had too much to drink and lost my cherry to a faceless college boy. I felt so cheated.
Would having sex with Pete now erase those memories, no, of course not. Would it make them easier to live with……….possibly. Is it something I want to do, in spite of the risk, in spite of the guilt?…………………..Yes!
God help me, yes I do.
My eyes welled up as I came to the realization that it was, most likely, going to happen. I had never felt more in conflict with myself than I was that afternoon.
A little later the phone rang again. This time it was my sweet, loving man. “Hello honey,” she said.
“Hi honey,” I answered back.
“Hey listen, I’m trying to sell a big ad campaign to a new client and I’m going to take him out tonight to wind and dine him, so don’t expect me home till late tonight.”
After the afternoon I just had fighting with myself and my feelings, I immediately thought, he knows, but that’s ridiculous, nothing has even happened yet, how could he possibly know anything. “Well, what do you mean by late honey, will you be home for dinner?”
“No hon, I probably won’t be home until the wee hours of the morning. Don’t wait up. Give Tammy a big hug and kiss for me. I have to go honey, I love you, see you in the AM.”
I had to ask. “Gary, are you sure there’s nothing wrong? You’ve been awfully quiet these last few nights.”
“No honey, honest,” he said, “I’ve just been trying to land this big account and I’ve been a little worried I wouldn’t get it, that’s all. But things are looking better and I hope to seal the deal tonight. I’ll tell you what, I have to leave early Friday morning for that shoot down state……
I wasn’t sure if he was going on that trip or not, I broke in and cut him off in mid sentence. “So you’re still going on that? You haven’t mentioned it. I thought maybe it had been cancelled or something.”
“I’m sorry honey, I’ve just had so much on my mind lately. Yes, I still have to make the trip. I’ll leave early Friday morning and I’ll be back Sunday night. Anyway, as I was saying, Thursday night, what do you say we drop Tammy off at you mother’s and go out for dinner. Just you and me.”
I was almost hoping his trip had been cancelled. It would have given me an excuse to call off my meeting with Pete. Hearing that Gary was planning a romantic evening though, did squash my suspicions that he knew something.
“Oh honey that would be wonderful, is that a promise?”
“Yup honey, that’s a promise.”
I was no longer anxious about him staying out late. “Okay honey, it’s a date. Wake me up when you get in so I know you’re home safely, will ya?”
“How about I just let you sleep, honey. When you wake up in the morning and feel me along side of you, you’ll know I got home safely.”
“Okay, honey. I love you.”
“I love you too, babe.” We hung up and I started dinner for Tammy and me.
On Thursday I had Tammy’s pajamas packed when I picked her up at school and took her to my mom and dad’s. I was so excited. It had been a while since Gary and I had a nice, romantic night out together. He had been working so hard.
I primped and dressed in my sexiest little, black dress. The one that drives Gary crazy. I was all ready by the time Gary came home. I met him at the door with my usual greeting. I reached up and put my arms around his neck, I pushed my body against his, and reached up to plant a loving kiss on his lips. He told me how beautiful I was. I never got tired of hearing that from him.
My wonderful husband had planned the perfect evening. We went to my favorite restaurant on the north shore. At night it has a breathtaking view of the city lights across Lake Michigan. After dinner we went into the lounge and sat at the window. Gary gave me the seat with the best view and we talked.
I made up my mind that I was going to call Pete the next day and call it off. I don’t care how much I wanted it, it wasn’t going to happen. I don’t know what I would do without the man sitting across the table from me, I thought, and nothing is worth taking a chance on losing that.
We picked up our daughter on the way home and put her right to bed.
Gary and I went to our bedroom. We hadn’t made love in over a week, which was a life-time to us.
In the bedroom, Gary was very special. Oh, I guess there are guys who are bigger or who can last longer, but Gary had a sixth sense. He always knew what mood I was in and would respond accordingly. He could be romantic and drive me crazy with his tender, delicate touch and gentle kisses; or he could be aggressive and passionate ripping my clothes from my body and taking me hard; or he could be kinky and use restraints and toys to tease and please.
That night, as usual, he read me perfectly. I wanted tender and romantic and that’s just what he gave me, hours of it. Even when he took me anally, he did it with such loving care there was no pain, only pleasure. Yes, my Gary was a very special man.
The next morning Gary was up early. I guess he had the shoot on his mind, or so I thought at the time. We kissed, (I didn’t know it then, but it was to be our last kiss) then he was off.
I got dressed, made breakfast for Tammy and took her to school. I had decided to call a halt to my little fantasy with Pete so I got on the phone and called his office.
His secretary put me right through. “Hello, Pete.”
“Hey there beautiful,” he said sounding like he was in a good mood.
“Hi, listen I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’ve decided not to go through with it. I know everyone says Gary would never find out and, even if that is true, it’s wrong. You know it and I know it. So let’s just forget it. Okay?”
“Hell no it’s not okay!” he almost shouted. “Listen to me, I have a wife and kids and the only way I can be sure you never say anything is to know that you’re as guilty as I am. You’re going to that restaurant and meet me for lunch, then we’re going across the street and we’re going to have sex. If you stand me up I’ll tell Gary you were coming on to me. Oh, I never told you did I, I know Gary. Yeah, we’ve worked together before. If you ever said anything I could lose my wife, my family. No, we’ve gone this far and the only way I can be sure you never, ever say anything is to know you have just as much to lose as I do. You be there.” He hung up.
I couldn’t believe it. He had changed from my old, childhood boyfriend, to a threatening maniac instantly. I didn’t know what to do now. I wasn’t really worried about Gary believing him if he did say anything, but could he make trouble for Gary. Could he cost Gary business, he’s been working so hard. I convinced myself I had to go through with it now. Was I being honest with myself? Was I now using this as an excuse because deep down, I still wanted that thrill I missed so many years ago? I tried to convince myself that wasn’t it, that I simply had no choice.
I was dressed casually, that was good enough. I was no longer thinking of this as a romantic rendezvous. I still had some time so I fixed myself some coffee and sat, almost comatose, thinking. I stared into space and at that wall clock Gary had put up. I had no idea what to do. I got myself into this mess, how do I get myself out? Sitting there I told myself I needed to do this, to sacrifice myself for my husband.
As I sit here now, remembering that moment, I think to myself, what a pile of crap. I was so conflicted I didn’t know what I was doing. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking for sympathy and I not making excuses. It was my decision and I blew it.
I took Gary’s Z3 and drove to the restaurant. My mind was so far away I didn’t even remember getting there. The next thing I remembered I was pulling into the parking lot. Pete was already inside. He had, had a couple of drinks and was a little belligerent. We had something to eat, I don’t remember what, then he took me by the arm and led me across the street. By now I knew this was not going to be the romantic recapture of my youth and innocence that I was dreaming about. Pete was simply going to fuck me. I was sure he had done this before. I wasn’t his only lay outside of his marriage. All I wanted to do now was get it over and forget I ever saw this jerk again.
Without saying a word I took off my clothes and sat on the bed. I was thinking to my self, what would Gary do if he saw me now. Pete was in a hurry. He said something to me but I don’t even know what it was. Then he pushed me back and climbed on top of me. There was no tenderness, no passion, just crude, dirty sex.
I laid there, motionless, with my eyes closed. Then my world came crashing down. I had been married to a photographer way too long not to recognize the sound of a Nikon camera. I opened my eyes and screamed at the same time. I knew it! I knew, somehow, Gary would find out! He was there, in the room! He was walking out the door! I pushed Pete off of me as hard as I could and went running outside pleading for Gary to stop and talk to me.
I was in shear panic mode. I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t think, all I could do was beg, beg for my man to stop, stop and tell me he still loves me. Oh God, please, please let him tell me he still loves me. But he didn’t, he got into the SUV and left. I ran back into the motel room and fumbled for my phone. I hit his speed dial….it went to voice mail. I hung up and immediately dialed again…oh please, please Gary, please pick up…he didn’t. I hung up and tried again and again and again, but it was no use.
Pete was swearing a blue streak worrying about his own situation. He was sure Gary would tell his wife and his marriage would be over too. He got dressed and paced back and forth in the room while I sat on the bed, still naked, redialing Gary’s number.
Pete finally left me sitting there. After awhile I got dressed and walked back to my car in a daze. I had no idea what to do. How can I save my marriage? How can I get Gary to listen to me? I started on my way home then thought, wait, he’ll go to the studio. I’ll catch him there and explain everything to him.
I called Joan, a neighbor and asked if she would pick Tammy up from school for me and keep her until I picked her up later. She sounded concern but said it was no problem. I took the shortest route to the Kennedy expressway and headed for Gary’s studio.
When I got there all the lights were out. I used my key to open the door and yelled out for Gary but didn’t get any answer. I looked around, no Gary. I sat and waited. Maybe I beat him here, but he never showed. I tried calling again. I called the house phone to see if he was there, still nothing. I didn’t know what else to do. All I could do was keep calling his cell until he answered, but he never did.
I sat in the studio and cried until I couldn’t cry any more. I must have been there for hours, but Gary never showed. I couldn’t face my daughter like this. I called Joan again and asked if she could take Tammy to my mom and dad’s for the week-end.
“Honey,” she said, “I know something is wrong, is there anything I can do?”
“No Joan, but thanks. Everything will be okay, I just need some time to patch up some things, that’s all.”
“Okay, honey. I’ll drop Tammy off and tell your folks you have some things to work out over the next day or two, okay?”
“That would be great, Joan. Thank you so much. I really appreciate this,” I said. She said again I should call her if there was anything she could do and we hung up.
I had no idea what to do. I was completely lost with no direction, no clear path to take. I drove home, all the time hoping he would be there waiting for me, but of course, he was not.
I spent all that night and all of Saturday just staring at the walls. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t bare to think of my life without Gary. A couple times I thought of ending it all, but I couldn’t do that until I talked to Gary. Maybe he doesn’t want a divorce, maybe he’s just blowing off steam, maybe he’ll forgive me.
I tried calling his cell again, but to no avail. I fell asleep on the couch again that night. I hadn’t slept in our bed since this all happened. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to sleep in it again with him by my side.
I spent Sunday much like all day Saturday, staring into space. Then came a knock on the door. I jumped to my feet and rushed to answer it. Who could it be but Gary! I opened it and the smile completely left my face. It was Pete.
“What do you want,” I chided.
“I’m so sorry, Judy,” he sounded as worried as I was. “I was going to call you but I didn’t think you’d answer the phone so I thought I’d come over instead.”
“What do you want?” I said coldly. I turned my head away, I couldn’t even look at him.
“How the hell did Gary find out about us anyway?” he asked.
“I don’t know, all I know is he was there and I’m sure I’ve lost him forever.”
“Maybe not.” Pete said.
With that I perked up a little. “What, have you heard from him? Is he alright?
“No I haven’t heard from him but I’ve had someone watching the studio and he’s there now. He just drove up. I have a plan. Maybe we can blackmail him into coming back to you and make sure he never tells anyone about what happened.”
“Blackmail! What are you, nuts! What could you possibly use to blackmail Gary?” I asked.
“Look, neither of us want Gary to fly off the handle here. You love him and want him back and I can’t afford for him to tell my wife. You see, I married the bosses daughter. My father in law is also my boss. He owns the company I work for. If this got out I would not only lose my wife but my job as well, and knowing my father in law, he’d black list me and I’d never find another job. So, you see, I have even more to lose than you do.”
I realized, as he was telling me this, he didn’t care about me and Gary at all, he was simply trying to save his own ass.
Pete continued. “Now here’s my plan. I know some guys from the gym where I work out. They’re gay. They don’t hide it, they’re proud of it. They belong to some gay guy’s club. I talked to them and offered them a $100 bucks a piece if they went along with my plan.”
“What plan?” I asked, “You keep talking about this plan to blackmail my husband, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Okay, later tonight you let us in to the studio. I’ll have four or five of those guys with me. They’ll tell Gary to get down on all fours and open up. One of the guys will stick his dick in Gary’s mouth and you take a picture.”
“Me! I don’t want any part of this, are you nuts? You really think you’re going to get Gary to suck some guy’s cock? You don’t know Gary! And why do I have to take the picture, why don’t take it?”
“No, I want you a part of this and Gary isn’t stupid. Once he sees these guys he’ll do want we tell him to do. Besides, he doesn’t really have to suck the guy’s cock, he just has to have it in his mouth. It’ll still look like he’s sucking it in the photo.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I shook my head no as I sat back on the arm of our couch.
“Look, have you come up with anything better? We’ll tell Gary, both you and me, that the pictures we took will never be seen by anyone as long as he forgets about the motel. He’ll go back home and we’ll all go on like nothing ever happened. I’ll promise him I’ll never see you again and that will be the end of it. Or, if he doesn’t do what we say, I’ll use those pictures to ruin him. Oh he’ll be pissed, but there won’t be anything he can do about it and, in time, he’ll be your old Gary again.”
Looking back now I have no idea how I could have considered such an idiotic idea but I was so desperate I said I would go along with the plan as long as he promised they would not hurt Gary in any way. Pete promised and I told him I would meet him in front of the studio at three a. m. How stupid, how very, very stupid someone can be when they are so despondent.
I was at the studio at three a.m. like I said I would be. I almost backed out when I saw the guys Pete had with him. Once again I made them all promise not to hurt Gary in any way. They all assured me they did not intend on hurting him at all.
I opened the door and stayed in the front office for a little while Pete and the others went into the shooting room. All of a sudden I heard a terrible commotion and I rushed inside to see what happened. They had Gary around the neck and was punching him. I screamed and went for one of the guys but someone through me on the floor. I got up and went for the phone but Pete grabbed me and said it was too late to back out now. He through me on the floor again and grabbed the camera out of my hands.
Gary was fighting back and threatened to bite off a guy’s dick if he tried to put it in his mouth so they raped him. I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran toward them. I would have scratched the eyes out of the first guy I got a hold of but Pete back handed me and I fell to the floor for the third time. It was too late. I felt so helpless laying there, crying while my man was being humiliated and brutalized.
Everything was over now. I couldn’t stop bawling. My whole life was at an end. It was clear now, I had nothing left to live for and I was going to end it as soon as I got home.
That didn’t happen though. Gary had called the police and they were there questioning me. They took me to the station where I confessed everything. Gary had told them Pete was the instigator and I cohobated his statement. I was locked up and never had the chance to get back home.
I thought I would serve several years in prison but I was told Gary fought for me and I was given only six months. Why he did that I don’t know. I can only imagine how much he must hate me.
When I was released I went to my parents. They told me Gary took Tammy and moved to start a new life. I understood completely and vowed I would never bother them again. I took a job that my dad lined up for me in New Jersey. I did not date or even look at men. Months turned into years and not one evening went by without me thinking of Gary and Tammy. You would think that time would make the pain become bearable, but it didn’t. Just the opposite, with each passing day the pain got worse and worse.
I started using my computer at work to search for them. You can’t believe how many Gary Ashers there were, hundreds of them. The same with Tammy Asher. I tried narrowing down the field, but it was an endless task.
Then, one day, while searching Tammy Asher, I small newspaper article popped up. It was from a local California paper. It gave the account of Tammy Asher’s three, unassisted, goals she scored for her school soccer team. At the end of the article it mentioned how her dad, Gary Asher, was so proud of her. I had found them! Now what? It’s been three years. I wonder if he’s remarried? How much does Tammy know about what I did?
The worst thing was knowing how much Gary must hate me. I felt I could almost live with losing them both, but I couldn’t live with the thought of them hating me.
I made a promise to my dad that I would never bother Gary or Tammy again and I intended to keep that promise, but I had to see them again, even if it was from afar. I had lived very conservatively during the last three years. I had some money in the bank and I was going to use it to move out to L.A.
As soon as I got into town I found myself a small apartment. It took me about three weeks to find a job. The apartment was even smaller than the one I had in New Jersey and cost more. The job paid less, but I didn’t care.
I found the school Tammy was attending from the newspaper article and stood across the street, hidden by a tree, to see if I could find Tammy as she started her day. Kids were huddled together and talking before the bell range and I wondered if Tammy was one of them. Just then I saw a BMW, Z3 convertible drive up with a man and a young girl. It was them. My heart nearly jumped from my chest as I saw Gary reach over and give our little girl a kiss on the cheek. As she started up the steps to the school entrance, I got a better look at her. She was a young lady, a beautiful young lady. Gary waved at her and took off driving right past me. I went back to my tiny apartment and just cried.
I didn’t start my own job until ten every day so I got to watch Gary drop Tammy off at school every day. Since my work schedule would vary from time to time, I sometimes would get to watch her and her girlfriends talk after school as well. It was one of those after school days when I was hiding behind my usual tree, looking for my wonderful daughter when I heard a voice from behind me.
“Hello mom.” I almost collapsed. I couldn’t breath. I didn’t know what to do. I turned around wondering if she hated me as much as her father did. I looked into her face and she smiled at me. She grabbed me and hugged me like she would never let me go. I nearly broke out in hysterics and hugged her back. I don’t know how long we were like that but neither of us wanted to be the first to let go.
“I knew that was you,” she said. “I’ve seen you here almost every morning, just watching and I knew it was you.” She hugged me again.
She asked if I had time to go to the coffee shop with her and talk. Nothing could have stopped me. From our conversation, it was clear that Gary never told her much about what happened in Chicago.
It was so good just to be with my daughter again. She had done so much growing up, not only physically, but emotionally and intellectually as well. She was growing into a fine, young lady. Gary had done well.
Finally I couldn’t keep from asking any longer. “How is your father?”
“Oh he’s doing great, mom,” she said. I wish you’d come by the house and see him.”
“I’m sorry, honey, I don’t think that would be a good idea,” I said, “your father has ever right to hate me and I doubt he would welcome me.”
“I think you’re wrong there, mom,” she said. “Dad still has a ton of shots from your modeling days. He still looks at them now and then and when he does, there are always tears in his eyes. I don’t think he ever stopped loving you, mom.”
I was sure she was wrong, she had no idea what I did to him in Chicago, but it was nice just to hear her say that.
“I’m going to tell him I saw you, mom.”
“Oh honey, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“Mom, if I can get dad to agree, would you meet him for lunch or dinner or something.”
“Of course I would honey, but he’s not going to want to see me. Please don’t be disappointed when he says no. I just hope he doesn’t forbid you to see me anymore.”
“I’m pretty sure you have him all wrong, mom, but I’ll let you know what he says. I have to get going now before dad starts to worry about me. I’m going to talk to him tonight and I’ll let you know tomorrow morning at school. Oh, you don’t have to stand behind that stupid tree anymore.”
We laughed and she was on her way. I wondered if that would be the last time I saw her. Would Gary tell her to never see me again? I thought there was a good chance of it.
The next day I anxiously waited across the street from the school watching. I saw Gary drop Tammy off, but this time he pulled ahead into a visitor’s parking space and got out of the car. I took in a deep breath when I realized he was headed toward me. I was terrified.
“Hello, Judy,” he said.
I couldn’t speak. I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
“Tammy told me you were watching her every day. She spotted you the first week. She didn’t say anything to me at first, but last week she couldn’t keep it to herself any more. She asked me if she could talk to you and I told her it was okay.”
“You mean you knew about yesterday?” I asked.
“Of course I did.” he smiled a little.
I looked for the hatred I thought would be in his eyes, but I didn’t see it.
“Tammy said you’d like to talk, tell me where and when and I’ll be there,” he said.
“Oh, Gary, “ I said. “I know how you must hate me. I thought…well, I….I just thought if I could tell you just how it happened, well……..you might not hate quite so bad. It’s the thought of you hating me so deeply that’s so hard to live with. I’m not trying to make excuses, I deserve everything, I deserve your hatred, but I need to tell you, I need to, please.”
He smiled again. “Look, there’s a little coffee house not far from my studio on, Melrose and Gardner. Could you meet me there around five tomorrow afternoon?”
“Yes, yes, Gary, I’ll be there. Thank you. Thank you so much.”
He turned and started back to his car. He looked back over his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said.
So here I sit. I got here a half hour early. I’m so nervous. What do I say? How do I start? Where do I start? Could Tammy be right? Maybe he doesn’t hate me as much as I thought he did, or maybe he’s coming here to tell me never to bother him or Tammy again and he never wants to see me again.
What do you think? Will Gary listen to her or will he tell her to stay out of their lives forever?
The third part of the trilogy will be coming soon.
I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed the story so far.
Constructive criticism and high praise is always welcome.
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