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Introduction:

Truth, passion, a death, a birth
Muse (10)

11:12am

I felt fairly certain that until last night I had never actually had an orgasm. Much of life is like that I suppose; you think you understand something, and you probably do, until some far larger example comes along and eclipses your entire perspective. I had been lying alone in the bed in my hotel room for the last hour trying to decide whether to thank Aliona or run somewhere far away and never come back. I went back and forth from embarrassment at my own behavior and awe at hers. How could so much sex be packed into such a tiny little girl? A more judgmental person would be trying to figure out what her life had been like before she met Mark, and where she had learned to act that way. I could tell plainly though that it just came naturally to her. She had an innocence; she hadn’t left shame behind, she had never had it. In any situation I had ever seen her in, sexual or otherwise, she just grinned and leapt in with her arms and legs thrown out to her sides like she was leaping from a plane without checking her chute and loving every second.

She had something I wished I had been born with. Abandon. In the short time Mark had known her he had rocketed out of one tier as a maker of dance music and into the next, all the while turning down the next level of fame that came with it to focus more on his in studio work as a producer. He even owned half of the business now. He had done his best to heal the rift between us by just being present when he was around me. You’d think that that sort of thing comes from ruthless diligence, the type I applied to my own life, but he was achieving all of this so quickly simply by being more like Aliona and just throwing himself headlong at whatever was in front of him without thinking about the consequences. He had stopped thinking and just started doing, and the purity in that was doing something remarkable to him.

I, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck. I couldn’t keep what happened last night to myself for long, he knew me too well for me to not wear it on my face. Aliona had told me when I saw them the first time that she wouldn’t tell him, but that I should. Would she still feel that way now, after she had beckoned for me to come into the room while he fucked her lithe little form from behind last night? She had looked so good on her knees and elbows leering and grinning at me while I fingered my own pussy at the door between our rooms. I could feel myself getting hot and wet again remembering, but my mind was on a different set of rails than my body and I couldn’t stop trying to apply my usually flawless reasoning and logic process to what was happening around me. Was she trying to seduce me, him, or both of us? And why, damn it? Why?

Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe that was the point. When I got to the ‘why’ part in my head I always train wrecked, the nice neat line of cause and effect I’d drawn in my mind smashing into itself from behind and driving me mad. I tried to set aside examples in my head of the times I had been calm and at peace and not so…bound up… since the morning I had found her, almost dead, lying in Mark’s bed. I could only come up with four; while she and I talked while waiting for him to get home that day, when I had lain in bed later that week making myself cum as I tried to hear what might be happening in the next room, the day I had come home and seen them through his door, and last night at the club and while I watched her take Mark’s hard fucking like some kind of wild little succubus. So that was it then, the only time I had any peace was when I was fantasizing about my best friend’s girlfriend. What the fuck then now? Wait, that wasn’t entirely true; I was always at peace when I was painting or drawing and I’d done some of that as well lately. I picked up the sketchbook I’d brought to LA with me from the table at the side of the bed and flipped through it. She’s all I had drawn since I met her; so much for that theory, too. It was probably my best work though, something I had never imagined doing.

An entire 32 year life, wide and infinite in its possibilities had twined in its intricacies to come to this one small finite point and I was terrified to pass through the needle hole. I felt too frayed to make it without ripping apart as I was pulled through. Why was I making sewing analogies? My mother makes sewing analogies and they always annoyed me. My father would laugh whenever I tried to explain to my mother that life is bigger and more complicated than cross stitch. I had always felt that her view was limited by living in a small town her whole life, but what did I know? What had getting into the slew of potential in the city done for me this morning? I reached for the phone beside my bed, dialed, and waited as it rang.

“Hell-ooo? Who is it?” I heard her voice say.

“Mom, it’s Lisa,” I said. Before I could go on she had interrupted me.

“Where are you calling from dear? This is an unfamiliar number and I don’t know the area code.”

“I’m calling from the hotel in LA, Mom,” I answered. What had I been thinking? This wasn’t the conversation I felt like having anymore.

“Is everything alright? Was there a problem on the plane?” she asked, tension in her voice. Ever since my accident she had answered the phone expecting bad news.

“Of course not, Mom; if there had been a problem I wouldn’t be calling you, now would I?” I said, trying to bring humor into it.

“Don’t say that.” she said, aghast, “Why would you say something like that?”

“I have to talk to you about something, Mom. Can you pay attention for a second?”

“Sorry Lisa, you know me,” she said back, condescending herself. She had a knack for condescension and didn’t limit it only to others. “What’s going on sweetheart?”

“It’s complicated. I’m confused about something. I was thinking about your sewing analogies and suddenly they made sense.”

“Is it a dilemma or a choice, dear?” she asked, listening finally instead of spinning in her noncommittal small talk.

“I don’t know,” I said, pulling the covers up and snuggling deeper into bed with the phone to my ear, “does that matter?”

“A dilemma is when you don’t know your options, Lisa. A choice is when you can’t decide between them,” she explained to me like I was a little kid again. I felt like a little kid again.

“It’s a choice then I guess,” I said, waiting for her to go on.

“Sea World,” a rough male voice said.

“Dad!?” I asked.

“Get off the phone, Harold,” my mother chided him.

“Sea World.” he repeated, “those dolphins know something we don’t, and besides that big mouse is some kind of creepy faggot or something; or a pedophile. I don’t trust a mouse that wears gloves. The correct answer is Sea World.”

“Sea World is in San Diego, Harold,” my mother explained patiently to him, “Lisa is in Los Angeles.”

“Still, that Disney crap is a scam Lisa. That’s why we didn’t ever take you there. Is that what this is? Are you mad at us for not taking you there when you were a girl? Don’t do it now just to spite us, you’ll look foolish.”

“Hey!” I yelled as my mother started saying something back to him, “I really need to talk to you about something!”

“Go on then,” my father said, “talk then.”

“Get off the phone, Harold!” my mother repeated. I could tell she had her hand over the receiver and was yelling up the stairs at him, not through the phone. I heard him saying something else that was lost as he hung up.

“Go on, Lisa,” my mother prompted patiently.

“Well, basically, I can do something that terrifies me or do nothing and keep suffering,” I told her.

“Lisa, I think you can figure this out on your own. You’re a strong girl, love. Wasn’t it you that was always saying “tear it off or just die already” after your accident?”

It stung. I had always said that since my accident, but usually as advice to other people. I didn’t think it applied to me anymore. “Okay mom, but what if I can’t tell.”

“Can’t tell what, Lisa?” my mother asked me in her sweet patient voice.

“I don’t know if I’m climbing from the wreck, or into it,” I admitted.

“What did this have to do with sewing?” she asked.

“What?” I asked. Hopefully she wasn’t getting senile like my father. He had started slipping early; Alzheimer’s disease.

“You mentioned sewing when you called dear. You know I don’t like talking about the accident.”

“Sorry.” I said sincerely. I tried not to bring it up around them; they still acted like it was yesterday. “You used to say that life was as simple as sewing and I always made fun of you; something about pushing through the eye of the needle.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lisa,” she said, “but I do know that if you can’t thread the needle you have to cut off a bit of thread and start again without the fray.”

“That was it, thank you so much, Mom. I just had to hear your voice saying it. You’re very wise, did you know that?” emotion was in my voice as I spoke to her.

“Oh, that’s just silly,” she said, a tone in her voice betraying that her hedge wisdom was far more than the unintentional combining of words that she pretended it was, “it’s just common sense, Lisa. You’d know that if you’d ever tried to sew.”

“I love you, Mom,” I said.

“I love you very much Lisa. It was nice to hear from you today. Oh, wait, your father wants to talk to you, I’ll put him on…”

“Wait! Mom! I have to go…” but it was too late. I could hear her calling him and him coming to the phone across their old kitchen and I couldn’t just hang up.

“Lisa? Lisa? It’s your father. If you’re in San Diego already you may as well go see those dolphins. They know something we don’t…”

I smiled and let him finish.

12:05pm

I could hear knocking as I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my dripping body. I snapped my knee into my leg and opened the door from the bathroom into my hotel room.

“Hello?” I called out.

“Hey, sleepy! Get up!” chipper little Aliona yelled through the door between our adjoining room. “We’re in LA and it is HOT out!”

My heart went into my throat and my knees got weak. I hated feeling afraid and wanted to run away again. I held the towel around me and just stood there with my face pinched into a grimace of indecision.

“Aw c’mon!” she yelled, “open the door, Lisa!”

“Uh…just a second!” I yelled. I toweled myself off and put on the hotel robe from the hook in the bathroom. I went to the door and opened it, turning away as she came in and walking back into the bathroom. I felt so damn shy, but a part of me that had been dead for a long time had woken up last night and I could feel it inside of me trying to get out. There was a very real chance that the only time it had actually been alive before was that one night with Carly years ago.

She skipped across the floor behind me, wearing only a pair of incredibly short and incredibly tight cut off shorts she had bought yesterday and a white bikini top. Where did a little thing like her get credit cards? It hadn’t crossed my mind at the time, but she had shopped like a pro and paid for it on her own. There was so much about her that I didn’t even know. I wondered if Mark did? I was pushing the door closed when she put her palm on it and stopped me. I waited for her to realize what she was doing or for her to say something but she just tossed her bangs out of her eyes and grinned that dangerous grin at me.

“I have to get dressed,” I told her, moving to close the door again. Her eyes stopped me before my hand touched it.

“You’re shy now?” she asked, raising her eyebrow at me and bobbing her hip to her inner rhythm while playing with her gum. It was white like her flip flops and bikini top and the belt in her shorts. I wondered if she coordinated like that on purpose or if it just came as naturally to her as everything else seemed to.

“I’ll only be a second,” I said. She shrugged her shoulders and her eyebrow at me and swept away into my room. I closed the door, steadied myself against the counter, and looked at myself in the mirror.

“Pull your head out of your ass, Lisa,” I whispered, frowning at myself and trying to put on my ‘game face’ that I used when I was running. It looked ridiculous, like I was trying to intimidate myself. Is this what other people see when they meet me? I looked like a bitch. I shook my head and put on my loose khaki capris and a tight light blue t-shirt that stretched sexily over my nice round breasts and left a few inches of skin showing between its hem and the waist of my pants. I pulled the pants lower so they showed even more of my toned and sculpted stomach and shook my jaw length blonde hair out loosely, pinning one side away from my forehead with a long thin clip; I set my mouth in determination, nodded to myself once in the mirror, and stepped out into my room where Aliona and who knew what else was waiting for me. She was sitting upright in the very center of my unmade bed with her legs spread apart, holding her feet with her hands and wiggling her toes. She smiled coyly at me and winked. I fell even harder for her.

“That’s better.” she said to me, winking, “You look like a surfer chick or something.”

“Um…I guess,” I said, looking down at myself in doubt. I had felt beautiful a second ago, but now I wasn’t so sure as I saw her casual and almost menacing perfection smiling smugly at me.

“Shut up,” she said dismissively while cocking her head to one side, still smiling and raking me with her eyes, “you know you’re hot.”

I wanted to.

“Did you have fun last night, Lisa?” she asked me mischievously.

“Okay,” I said, feeling the jump of adrenaline and a distant resolve building in me as I sat in one of the room’s overstuffed chairs, “let’s talk.”

She kept her head cocked and her eyes locked on mine and blew a bubble as she waited.

“Wellllllll?” she said after a few seconds, “What do you want to talk about?”

“I think you know,” I said to Aliona, “don’t play any more games with me.”

“This is no game Lisa,” she said, her face going serious for a second before her grin returned, “Do I look l like I’m playing around here?”

“You kinda do,” I replied, the resolve winning over the fear as I crossed the point of no return and started tearing myself free, “I have no idea what your deal is and you’re going to level with me…girl to girl. No bullshit.”

“I don’t bullshit, Lisa,” she said, suddenly deadly serious. I’d never seen this side of her. I wondered if Mark had? It was more intimidating than her devilish and impish charms. Her eyes were hard points of emerald looking right through me and I flinched, jerking backwards internally as well as physically. She sat there staring right into the back of my eyes and didn’t move.

“What the hell is your deal then!?” I snapped, stepping over the brink and letting the resolve turn into anger. “Normal people do not act like this!”

“I’ve never met any normal people,” Aliona said, still not blinking, “have you?”

“This isn’t a philosophical debate!” I yelled, “You’re up to something and I want to know what it is right now!”

“Why don’t you tell me your theory, then?” she asked quietly, cocking her head to the other side and blowing another bubble with her gum. She still hadn’t blinked or changed the firm set of her tiny, narrow jaw.

“This all seems like some kind of…some kind of scheme,” I said, not yelling anymore but maintaining a grim tone.

“Oh, a scheme?” she asked me, her grin flashing for a second. She was like a small and vicious animal, pretty until you reached for it and it showed its claws. “What kind of scheme, Lisa?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out!” I yelled, my anger rising higher, “You make exactly zero sense to me!”

“What do you want to know?” she asked coyly. As far as I could tell she still hadn’t blinked since getting serious on me.

“What do you want?” I asked plainly, trying to meet her gaze but having to look away now and then. She simmered sensually for a second, her smile lopsided and her eyes partially closed. Was it a smirk or a warning? Damn it, I was usually good at stuff like this. I couldn’t shake the almost supernatural vibe of danger coming from her.

“I really like Mark. He kicks ass and I want him to be happy,” she explained assertively, “and I’ll do whatever I have to do to make sure he is.”

“That doesn’t explain…” I tried to say, but she cut me off. Petulant. Precocious. Perfect.

“Yeah, duh, it totally does,” she said, her entire demeanor shifting back to her playful nonchalance. “He’s crazy about you, too, you know. He doesn’t really talk about you, but I can see in his eyes that he’s always thinking about you.”

“Even when…” I started.

“…how should I know,” Aliona laughed, wiggling her toes, “I’m not thinking about it then, silly.”

“So what the hell?” I asked her, confused and leaning back in the chair, “What are you trying to do?”

“I like you too, Lisa. I can see why Mark has been with you for so long. I want you to be happy too.”

“This isn’t making me happy, can’t you see that? It’s fucking me up!” I said, my voice rising again.

“Is it?” she asked simply.

“What? Yeah!” I said.

“I mean…is this fucking you up, or is it something else?”

“I can’t…what?” I asked. She just stared at me with those big eyes, saying nothing, so I kept talking to fill the space. “It won’t leave me alone! You won’t leave me alone!”

“Do you want me to leave you alone, Lisa?” she asked, leaning forward and looking into my eyes piercingly.

“No, but…”

“But what?” she asked quickly.

“Nothing, I guess.”

“Well; there you go,” she said with finality. She smiled and hopped off the bed and crossed the space between us in one skip of her tiny feet, leaning forward and lifting her left leg off the floor and holding it straight out behind her as she put her hands on my cheeks and kissed me once on the lips. She leaned back and smiled at me.

“It’s not that easy,” I said. She wrinkled her nose in imitation of my smile and nodded her little head quickly up and down.

“Yeah,” was all she said, “totally is.”

I wanted to argue with her, to point out all the flaws in such juvenile and short sighted reasoning, to list all the possible complications something like this would foster. I wanted to show her the worst case scenario I envisioned in my mind, where Mark freaked out and we both lost him; or the even worse one where it became something meaningless and transient, like so many other things in his life had.

“Getting somewhere? Or are you just thinking about him?” Aliona asked me, cocking her head to the left again and holding my gaze with hers.

“What?” I was; she was right. Like so many other times in my life I thought about him first. Him only when it came right down to it. What about me?

“What about you?” she asked me.

“I just…yeah…” I said, nodding and looking to the floor in thought. How had she known? Was I that transparent? I looked back up to her young, impish little face. “What about me?”

“What. Do. You. Want.” Her tone was serious again, but the light in her eyes was still benevolent and hadn’t flashed back to that violent danger I’d seen a moment ago.

“I want to be happy,” I said, tears coming to my eyes. I couldn’t meet her gaze anymore.

“Then be happy!” she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder with her hand. She snaked her fingers into the tight pocket at her right hip and pulled out her pack of gum. “Start with gum and make the rest up as you go along.”

I smiled at her and she took a piece out, unwrapped it, and popped it onto my tongue as I stuck it out for her. She patted my cheek as I began to chew and she winked at me. Somehow what she said made sense. I don’t know how, but whatever she was doing to me was working.

“Good, huh? You can’t get gum like this where I come from,” she said with a shake of her head as she put two more pieces into her mouth as well.

“It’s not that easy,” I said, uncertainty in my tone, “there’s other things to think about. Possible outcomes you have to consider.”

“Most people who say things like ‘you need to do such and such’ usually mean ‘I have to do such and such. Me? I don’t have to do any of those things. You can if you want, but that’s what’s fucking you up, Lisa.”

I frowned at her, more curious than angry, and then wrinkled my nose and grinned back.

“Where the hell did you come from?” I asked.

“No where special, trust me,” she said, “Did you tell him yet?”

“Tell him? What?” I asked Aliona.

“I told you you should tell him when you saw us the first time. You didn’t tell him though, did you?”

“Nope,” I said, standing up as she pulled me to my feet, “I don’t know how. I can’t just say, ‘Mark, I saw you doing it to your girlfriend and it turned me on’.”

“Sure you can,” she said with a look of surprise on her face, “if it’s what you want to say.”

She was reaching for the door to the hallway, me trailing behind her with my hand in hers. She turned around when she got there and looked up at me and looked deep into my eyes and grinned while squeezing my hand in her tiny one. Before I knew what I was doing I leaned into her and kissed her on the lips. It was fast; I pulled back when I realized what I was doing.

“I’m sorry,” I said, embarrassed again. “I shouldn’t have…”

“Nope, you shouldn’t have,” she squeezed my hand again reassuringly, “not until you tell Mark.”

She opened the door and we went into the hallway. I didn’t even know where we were going, in more ways than one. But I was starting to get an idea and was less afraid now.

6:22pm

Aliona had gone down to the pool and left me and Mark alone in the joined rooms. She and I had spent the day touring LA. There was too much to take in and I was glad we were going to be here for a month if I had any hope of seeing even a large portion of it. She hadn’t brought up our earlier conversation, and I wasn’t surprised. It wasn’t her way; she lived every second not like it was her last one, but like it was her only one. I envied that about her, too.

“So what’s with your face, Lis?” Mark asked me without looking up from typing something on his phone.

“Oh shit,” I said , “this is really happening.”

“What’s happening?” he asked, looking up at last now that his curiosity was piqued. He put the phone down on the room’s glass coffee table.

“That girl is under my skin, Mark,” I said, biting my nails and trying to find my resolve from when I’d confronted Aliona that morning.

“What? Why?” he asked, wrinkling his brown in confusion.

“It’s not what you think,” I told him.

“Is this about last night? Did she say something to you?”

Did he know? Had he seen me? Had she told him despite promising me she wouldn’t?

“I’m sorry!” I blurted out, “I couldn’t help myself! It only happened one other time!”

“Whoa, whoa, Lis. Easy,” he said in a tone that was probably meant to calm me. It only annoyed me. “It’s no big deal. You got carried away. That was getting pretty hot, right? It’s not like I stopped you, either. The other time was so long ago, why are you even stressing on that?”

“Oh fuck, Mark.” I said, hanging my head down with my forehead on my fingertips, “You think I mean when I kissed you.”

“Yeeeah…” he said, frowning his cute ‘what don’t I know?’ frown, “What are you talking about?”

It was now or never, just like when they found my sketchbook.

“I saw you and Aliona, the day you told us you bought the studio,” I said, my face burning as it blushed crimson and I covered it with my hands, peeking through my fingers to see how mad he would get, “I saw you and I watched, Mark.”

He blushed too, which made me feel better. “Whoa…” was all he said, leaning back and running his fingers through his unkempt hair.

“I watched and I liked it…” I said quietly and sheepishly, blushing even darker red.

“What the fuck, Lis!?” he said, getting up and walking to the balcony doors. He had his hand above the handle like he was going to open it and then turned around. “Liked it?”

“I’m so sorry, Mark. I couldn’t help it. I told you I thought I had a thing for her. I couldn’t help myself…”

“And…?” he asked, incredulous.

“…and what?” I asked, tears coming to my eyes. He was mad, this is what I’d been scared of. “And what, Mark!?”

“What am I supposed to tell her?” he asked, “That my best friend is a peeper? Jesus, Lis…”

“She knows,” I said. The silence was deafening.

“Fuck,” he said, dropping back heavily onto the couch. He looked down at the floor in confusion, up at me in anger, and then back down at the floor in confusion. “Is that why…”

“On the dance floor last night? Yeah, that’s why…” I told Mark meekly.

“So she’s okay with this? That’s weirder than you drawing pictures of her naked, Lis.”

“It’s not; it’s exactly like the drawings, Mark. She likes it,” I said to him nervously. This was it. Tear free or die. Cut the thread and start over or fray into uselessness.

“You know why she didn’t tell you, right?” I asked after a moment of painful silence. “She wanted me to because I know you better.”

“What am I supposed to think about this?” he asked, his voice going from anger to frustration.

“That’s not everything,” I said, getting ready for the final yank that would kill me or set me free. I bit my lip and just did it. “I saw you last night, too. She saw me and watched me as I watched the two of you.”

“Watched you doing what?” he asked, frustration turning to trepidation.

“Mark…really? What do you think?” my tears flowed freely now, “Do I have to say it!?”

“Ohmygod,” Mark said. He leaned back into the couch and rubbed his hands vigorously on his face. “OhmygodLiswhatthefuck.”

“I’m sorry,” I said dumbly, shaking my head slowly, not bothering to wipe the tears that came from my eyes off my cheeks. They fell down onto the top of my breasts, leaving darker blue spots on my baby blue t-shirt.

“What am I supposed to think about this!?” he yelled at me, sitting up and leaning forward towards me.

I snapped. I’d torn free and lived. Now I’d be damned if someone was going to push me back into the fire. “FUCK you Mark Fox! What are you supposed to think!? What are you supposed to do!? FUCK you! What about me!? What about HER!? You’re SUCH an asshole!”

He sat there, looking like I’d slapped him. I wanted to. In a way I had. He opened his mouth to speak and I could see the anger painted across his face. He closed his mouth and averted his gaze, opened it again as he looked back into my eyes, then closed it again and looked away while shaking his head.

“I deserved that,” he said finally, breaking the silence. He looked at me, his grey eyes wide under his tousled bangs. “I’m sorry, Lisa.”

“You can’t just say ‘sorry’ forever,” I said, burying my face in my hands and crying in earnest. I felt his hand on my shoulder and looked up to see him looking down at me. He moved in beside me on the big chair and put his arms around me.

I couldn’t remember the last time Mark had hugged me like that. It had been years. He always hugged me, but like a friend. He closed his arms around me and held me in the embrace of someone who loves you without equivocation. I cried into his shoulder and he just sat there holding me against his chest, present.

“So what now?” he asked after what seemed like a close and comfortable eternity.

“Whatever it is, I’m glad this part is over.” I said. I wrinkled my nose at him and he laughed and kissed my forehead.

8:09pm

Mark had spoken to Aliona alone for almost an hour when she got back from the pool. There were no raised voices and I couldn’t tell what they were saying through the door between our rooms. He knocked and told me he had to go back to the studio for awhile and I had gone into their room to talk with her. She was sitting casually in a chair on the balcony, one leg up over one arm of the chair. She was blowing huge clouds of tiny bubbles with a little straw and small bottle of bubble stuff from the hotel gift shop and looking at them float around with wide eyed glee when I came out and sat with her in the other chair. Her poise and demeanor were no different than usual.

“I’m happy you told him,” she said without taking her eyes from her newest flight of tiny glistening bubbles.

“He didn’t get mad at you, did he?” I asked Aliona.

“Oh no, he just told me that you’d talked and he knew what was going on,” she blew bubbles in the air around my head, “and then I told him he had to let you play, too.”

“You what?” I asked, startled and nervous again. This was too fast.

“He was weird, then he was shy, then he was cute,” she bit her tongue in her teeth and stabbed at some of the bubbles floating around with the end of the straw. How could she be so fucking…casual?

“Cute?” I asked.

“He’s crazy about you. He’s been embarrassed since the first night he tried to kiss you. He told me so,” she grinned and winked at me through a new cloud of gently drifting bubbles, “That’s a really sweet story, by the way.”

“Sweet? It’s haunted me for years, Aliona,” I told her. I didn’t know he had felt that way. He’d never said, but I’d never asked. We’d always both joked about it, so much alike that our shared humor had covered something worse, lingering for years and years without us even knowing.

“Meh…years pass,” she said simply, setting her bubble liquid and straw on the table between the lounge chairs on the hotel balcony, “but right now is forever.”

“And?” I asked Aliona, eager now to hear what else they had talked about.

“And he said you can watch,” she said, smiling out the side of her mouth and winking at me with her long lashes. I put my hand to my mouth and blushed.

“And…?” I asked again.

“And what?” she asked, a moment of rare confusion on her face.

“Aaaaaand…?” I teased.

“And whatever else is whatever else. It’s the future, Lisa,” her smile was bigger now, “it’s not here yet.”

11:19pm

Watch I had. That first night I couldn’t bring myself to open the door. I just listened from the other side to the sounds of their love making and relaxed in the feeling that I could open it if I wanted to and neither of them would care, they’d welcome me. I’d touched myself with abandon, no longer feeling dirty about it. The next night I opened the door partially and it was just like the night after the club, except Aliona was more reserved in her taunting and teasing of me. The following night I had shyly came into the room and sat in the chair near the bed, my leg draped over its arm as I touched myself. Mark looked over at me from time to time and I could tell he was enjoying himself. I was reserved, still shy and nervous, but it was the new best orgasm of my life. Two nights later I found myself more reckless and open, Aliona egging me on lewdly while Mark fucked her on the bed in front of me and I rubbed and fingered my pussy as we all watched each other in our writhing sexual abandon. By a week later this routine had changed to include me joining them on the bed.

That night was the first time I felt Aliona’s tiny fingers on my pussy. She knew exactly where to touch me, and exactly how, like she had been doing this to me all my life. I sat on the bed with my legs apart with her on her knees and elbows between my feet, her hair brushing my one fleshy calf, and I had had my fingers in my pussy looking into Mark’s eyes as he fucked her from behind with his hands on her tiny tight little ass. She had screamed in pleasure and reached out to me. Her fingers moved in and out of me in time with his strokes into her, and I had leaned back on my hands and let her make me cum while he came in her, and she because of him. I had lost myself completely that night, screaming as I never had before. As we lay together in each other’s arms for the first time, a tangled wreck of limbs and sweat and heavy breathing, I thought to myself, “This can’t get better than it is right now”.

I was wrong. We kept that trend, Mark fucking Aliona while she pleasured me with her hands and tiny fingers. Near the end of our stay in LA, she had first placed her tiny little tongue against my pussy and started lapping at me like in my fantasies from weeks ago. It was so soft and sensual the way she did it. Teasing at first, and then gentle but firm. I came twice, screaming along with her as he slowly drove his shaft in and out of her tight but wet little hole. She had pulled away from Mark and climbed over top of me, putting her tongue into my mouth and wiggling it around as she rubbed her flat chest against my heaving breasts. He had climbed on top of her back as we made out and I felt her hips thrusting with his as he pushed himself deep inside of her. I could feel his breath pushing past her head and against my face. I could feel the slow power of his thrusts through her and into my body as they pressed against me from above. She had pushed her torso up off of mine and I looked in her eyes as she grinned at me and he ground down into her. My knees were apart and I had put my heels into his ass as I’d seen her do to him the first time I had watched them, and I pulled at him as he pushed into us both. With her narrow little hips between mine I felt her pubic bone shoved over and over into the mound of my wet pussy and I had screamed long and loud along with her as he fucked and came and fucked and came.

The next day a hotel manager came and talked to Mark about the noise complaints. They hadn’t said anything for the first while, but enough guests in neighboring suites were complaining over a long enough timeline that they had had no choice but to finally bring the issue up. Mark just laughed at the guy, waving him off and closing the door. He wrapped up everything he had left to do in LA that afternoon and we left.

“I’m not finding a new hotel just because some people in the next suite have boring sex,” he had said. We had all laughed about it together. I was almost completely happy, just like I’d wanted. It was nice to see him happy too. Aliona was no different, but she had more of a strut to her step and a twisted pride in her grin that wasn’t there before. It was still unnerving and she still intimidated me sometimes with her reckless abandon, especially in the bedroom.

Not long after returning home, Mark bought a house. Movers did all the work. It was obvious I would live with him as I always had, and it seemed unspoken that Aliona would be there all the time too. She was gone from time to time during the process, no doubt handling things in her own life with her aunt and sister that we had yet to meet. Mark told me that he had seen her with her sister the first week they’d met, but had never even laid eyes on her aunt. The only thing that was missing from the perfect dream I’d pictured the day in the hotel that Aliona had asked me, “What. Do. You. Want.” was Mark. I felt closer to him than ever, but through the blossoming of our strange but satisfying three person relationship it had always been him pleasuring her while she pleasured me. I was still really shy and scared about the finality of taking him inside of me, and neither of them had pushed the issue. With everything in place in our new home I vowed to myself to change that tonight.

Looking into the mirror of the bathroom attached to our large shared bedroom with its king size bed, I said to myself, “Okay Lis, just do it. You’re well clear of the wreck…now live.”

They were in bed already when I came in, wearing only a black lace panties and a matching black bra. Aliona crawled up naked off of Mark’s chest and to the end of the bed with a playful growl and wink. He lay on his back watching her as she stood on her knees and started kissing me, her tiny tongue probing into my mouth eagerly as her little hands started at my beasts and then moved lower, one going around to cradle my ass and the other stretching it’s fingers out to stroke and caress at my pussy. I ran my fingers through her hair and returned her kiss, our tongues twisting together. As I came onto the bed on my knees she lay backwards and pulled me onto her beside Mark. He rolled onto his side to watch us making out, and his hand touched lightly across my hard ass. He’d only brushed against me while doing things to Aliona until now. My body lit up at his caress and I sighed heavily around Aliona’s tongue. I took my left hand from where it held me up on the mattress beside her and touched his chest. He’d been taking better care of himself and I felt firm muscles under my fingers. His grip tightened on my ass as Aliona and I ground our pussies into each other. He moved closer, his other hand going between us and sliding down my stomach to press firmly over my mound. Aliona giggled in excitement and put her hands on my breasts from where she lay on her back under me, pulling my bra down over them and licking my hard nipples with her little pink tongue.

My hand slid down Mark’s chest and I found his cock. I wrapped my strong fingers around it and started moving in small motions up and down. It had been so long since I’d touched a man like this. My hand was shaking and Aliona giggled again. He had put his fingers under the front of my panties through the left leg hole and I could feel him pressing them against my pussy lips, pushing gently between them to find my wet opening; I was wet and quivering and he slid one finger into me with ease. I cried out, “AH!” in surprise and lust and he used the thumb of the same hand to caress up and down my clit while he fingered my hole.

“Kick ass…” Aliona said coyly as she wiggled out from underneath me.

On my hands and knees, I turned slowly on the bed. Mark was looking at me with raw tension in his grey eyes and I leaned my mouth down to his cock in my hand with one fluid motion. I took half of him into my mouth and undulated my tongue against the underside of his shaft, feeling his cock jump in my mouth in response. I felt a hand against mine and opened my eyes to see Aliona’s face near mine, her hand wrapping around the base of his shaft below where mine was moving up and down with my lips. She had a huge open mouthed grin and winked at me as she leaned forward and licked at the middle of his shaft while I sucked on his head with my full wet lips. She ran her tongue up over my hand and licked at the side of my mouth as I slurped his big cock to the back of my mouth and back out again, over and over. I pulled my face off of him with a long lick up his length and she replaced my mouth with her own, swiveling her neck around with just his head in her mouth, making little suckling sounds as her wet little lips quivered around him. While she sucked his cock I lay down beside him, his shaft still in my hand, and I put my tongue into his mouth. He sucked on it softly, and then opened his mouth to accept my kiss. Our lips were locked together as I had always wanted them to be and I could feel his dick moving in my hand as Aliona sucked at it in short quick strokes.

She took her mouth off of him with a high sigh and joined me. She licked at his neck, our hands moving over each other on his big, slippery cock as I made out with him at last. He felt so good under me, everything seemed just as it should be and I wished for this night to never end. His fingers had found my pussy again, and I heard Aliona let out a cry as he slid one finger of his other hand into her tiny, wet opening as well. We writhed together, the three of us, locked in a wet and sensual embrace for what seemed forever. Mark rolled me onto my back and climbed atop me between my legs. He removed my panties slowly, guiding my ass up so he could slide them off and up my extended legs. Aliona was on her knees as well and she was reaching for my left knee. I flinched when she touched it and looked at her. She met my blue eyes with hers and winked, removing my prosthetic and tossing it to the floor.

I shuddered a bit, suddenly embarrassed, but she winked again and licked the back of my left knee. She tenderly kissed and licked the spot where my real leg had once been and her tiny tongue lolled out of her mouth and ran up the top of my thigh as Mark lowered his face into my lap. I could feel his breath hot against my wet pussy, and he put out his tongue and licked experimentally at me. Aliona’s face came up beside his and she spread my lips with her tiny fingers.

“She likes this,” she whispered to him and stabbed at my clit with her tongue a few times. I jumped and cried out, feeling like I was being electrocuted.

They both licked and sucked at my pussy; Mark’s tongue hard and forceful, hers soft and tender. She giggled every time I flinched or cried out lustily. I had the fingers of one hand in his hair and the other in hers as they ravaged my loosening opening with their mouths and fingers. Aliona came up looking into my eyes with her dangerous grin as I watched them with my chin on my heaving chest. As Mark’s tongue flicked at my clit the way she had shown him she crawled up towards me and locked her lips with mine, one of her hands holding her up and the other grabbing at my full firm left breast. I leaned up onto my elbows as she put her mouth back to my nipple, grinding my hips forward into Mark’s face and my chest into her eager tiny little mouth. She reached behind my back and unfastened my black bra, and I lay back down so she could pull it off over my arms. She held my right breast, kneading it in her tiny hand, as she resumed licking at the nipple on my left. I felt my orgasm build inside of me as they had their way with my body, and as Mark licked harder at my clit I screamed out and pushed on the back of his head as I did the same to Aliona on my breast. I screamed and writhed and screamed.

When I opened my eyes I saw them both looking at me grinning, Mark’s face still between my legs with my juices and his spit glistening on his face and Aliona’s impish smile on her face where it hovered in the air over mine. Mark put his hands over my legs and crawled up between them, rubbing his hard cock against my already pulsing pussy. Aliona looked from his eyes to mine and the excitement on her face deepend. She sat back on her heals beside us and pushed the middle finger of her right hand into her tiny hole with a sharp “AH!” and began fingering herself. I joined my hand with hers and rubbed at her tiny little bud as she thrust herself up and down on her own finger, cries of “AH! AH! AH!” jerking her small frame.

I looked into Mark’s eyes as he rubbed his big cock up and down my gaping, wet, twitching pussy. He looked hot. Nervous, maybe a little scared, but hot.

“Fuck me, Mark,” I said needily, “Please fuck me.”

12:19pm

I looked into her eyes as she said it. So much had changed, all for the better. She was beautiful; her round firm breasts heaving as she labored to breath, her hard narrow waist winding and gyrating, her perfectly flared hips sliding back and forth as she ground her wet pussy against my cock from underneath me. Her short blonde hair was a mess on her forehead and cheeks, and her eyes were full of a lust I’d never seen there, not even during the last several weeks since she had joined Ali and I in our lovemaking. She said it again, her voice thick with lust, “Fuck me, Mark.”

Aliona was sitting on her feet beside us on the bed with her knees far apart and her little finger in her tiny pussy, bouncing up and down and crying out “AH! AH! AH! AH!” with her jaw hanging luridly loose and the index finger of her other hand in her mouth as Lisa moved her fingertip in little circles over Ali’s tiny little clit. I could feel Lisa’s pussy lips clutching and twitching against the wet shaft of my cock. I paused for a moment, trying to take it all in. Lisa looked up at me pleadingly and Aliona was looking into my eyes and grinning seductively as she fucked herself next to me.

Ali reached forward with the hand that had been at her mouth and put her hand on my cock. She wrapped her little fingers around it as far as they would go and guided my head into Lisa’s waiting opening. Lis cried out low and loud as I moved my hips forward and slid into her, all the way to the base in one long slow stroke. Ali squealed in excitement as I pulled back and then went all the way into Lisa again. Her pussy was not just warm, it was hot, and she pulled and milked at me deep inside as I moved rhythmically inside of her. Aliona went back to her own pleasures as I made love to Lisa, my hands grabbing her around the waist. She was firm and toned and perfect and as she started bucking and thrusting into me I was overwhelmed by her strength. I leaned my mouth down to hers and took her hair in one grasping hand as my other clutched at one side of her hard and perfectly formed ass. I could feel her every perfectly sculpted muscle moving against me and our movements became more frantic faster than I would have thought. I realized then how long I had wanted to do this.

Our bodies were slapping against each other, and I pushed harder and harder with each stroke as she cried out louder and louder. Aliona was sighing and squealing and crying out as well, lost in her own world next to us on her knees on the bed. I pushed myself up onto my arms and looked into Lisa’s eyes as I felt myself about to cum harder than I ever had, even with Aliona. I still had the hair of the left side of her head in my right fist and I grabbed her by the waist in my left as I put my weight on her and drove my cock in and out of her, over and over, hard and deep. Her mouth was wide open as she screamed and slammed her pelvis up into me, her firm round breasts jerking up and down. She looked into my eyes and screamed, “OH MAAAAAAAAAARK!” as she came beneath me. She gripped onto my cock with her wildly spasming pussy as hard as Aliona ever had and I came full force deep inside her. I collapsed onto her, kissing sloppily at her mouth as my thrusting slowly subsided. Aliona had landed on the bed stretched out next to us, her arm over my back as I heaved and sighed and tried to breathe properly.

“I love you, Lisa,” I said softly into her ear.

“I love you to, Mark,” she said, emotion and exertion making her chest heave, pushing those perfect round breasts into me.

We lay like that together, the three of us, until we fell asleep in a tangled wreck. As I drifted off I felt Aliona getting up.

“Hmmm?” I moaned.

“Go back to sleep, it’s nothing” she whispered, and I fell asleep in Lisa’s arms.

1:19am

I stood naked by the window and watched them sleep, wrapped deeply in each other’s arms. The breeze caressed my smooth skin and blew my hair across my face and I took in a long deep breath, shuddering as I released it. I could smell their bodies, their sweat, their love. I looked to the small pale flower in my tiny hand, no bigger than my pinky finger, its white bud and translucent stem glowing in the moonlight coming in between the slowly moving curtains. The bud was opening slowly, its petals stretching like a cat in the sun as the stem writhed a bit and grew tiny little groping tendrils. I smiled softly to myself and felt a tear forming in the corner of my emerald eye. I winked it away, but another followed and rolled lazily down my cheek. As the flower stretched and grew in the palm of my hand I knew they were already forgetting me, memories becoming dreams, dreams becoming no more than little motes of nothing to be washed away in the morning sun not far away.

I heard the soft sound of wooden chimes behind me and felt a harder gust of warm wind blow my hair across my face and all around me again. A deep and unnatural voice vibrated my insides, lower than anything Mark would ever understand and darker than anything Lisa would ever feel.

“Parum cherub,” it greeted me.
<little cherub>

“Lorem iterum ,” I replied softly, barely audible.
<hello again>

“Perfectum est?” it resonated.
<it is finished?>

“Est,” I said softly.
<it is>

“Te lugent, quare?”
<you mourn, why?>

“Difficile est,” I said through my silent tears.
<it is difficult>

“Difficilis amet?”
<a difficult joining?>

“Difficilis scindens,” I replied to the voice inside, looking to Mark and Lisa and their warm embrace in the bed across the room from me.
<a difficult parting>

“Fiat.” it said in me, “Veni, Musa.”
<it is done. come, muse>

“I non potest.” I said with finality.
<I cannot>

“Tunc vivetis.” the voice grew sterner, shaking my insides in a way that no music ever could, no matter the volume, “Et morieris. Quid, Aliona?”
<then you will live. and you will die. why, aliona?>

“I sentio amo eos,” I whispered, my breath faltering and more tears coming, “I non potest.”
<I feel love for them. i cannot go.>

“Fiat,” the voice boomed inside me.
<so be it>

I felt an impact inside of me, everywhere and nowhere at once. I collapsed to my knees and grabbed at my stomach, biting my lip to stifle a cry of pain as tears spring from my eyes and down my cheeks. As the pain subsided I felt the wind rush from the room and the sound of wooden chimes faded into the night. A wave of exhaustion washed over me and I shivered in the night air. My lips were quivering and my body started shaking. I felt it leave me, pulled from every fiber from my being and I bit my lips harder, my blood in my mouth, and I fell on my side curled in the fetal position. I felt empty.

I crawled across the new carpet of the bedroom floor and pulled myself up on the side of the bed and saw them sleeping there, oblivious. My tears of pain were replaced with tears of joy as I crawled across the sheets and lay down between them.

Lisa stirred and put her arm around me. “Aliona?” she mumbled, “you okay?”

I nuzzled against Mark and she pulled closer with me between them.

“Meow,” I whispered, and fell asleep in their arms.


closing credits music; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEgX64n3T7g
61 comments

anonymous readerReport

2013-12-12 08:13:40
good writig, good tempo = succes :)

anonymous readerReport

2013-10-17 18:22:54
Seems rather pretentious, gotta say. Awkward syntax too.

anonymous readerReport

2013-09-11 23:10:13
Damn that was amazing!!!

anonymous readerReport

2013-05-29 06:49:16
Amazing! Take out the few explicit sex scenes and I could believe this was a Douglas Coupland novel. Best I have read on this site by far, you need to get this published. Beautiful.

anonymous readerReport

2013-02-10 23:16:16
oh man fu k putting it into a book! It belongs in a moves .

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