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Introduction:

A CAW entry
“Alice have you seen my raccoon cap? I can’t find it” Ralph Kramden yelled out to his attractive wife who was in the kitchen.


“No I haven’t Ralph, where was it the last time that you saw it?” she answered.


Ralph barged into the kitchen like a runaway elephant being chased by a mouse. He was a very portly man with black, slicked back hair and eyes that seemed to bug out of his round, fat face. His Loyal Order Of Raccoon Lodge jacket with its exaggerated epaulets strained against the buttons keeping it covering his large stomach.


“I remember having it the night of the last lodge meeting but now I can’t find it and Norton will be here any minute.”


Squeezing past his tremendous girth Alice headed into the bedroom to look. Just then the front door opened and Norton came in like a shot to the under-furnished apartment.


“Greetings loyal Raccoon brother” he greeted Ralph, even shaking the tail on the back of his regulation lodge cap.


“Hey Norton” Ralph answered with a frown.


“You don’t have on your full uniform Ralph” Norton said as he made a beeline for the Kramden’s icebox.


“I know but I can’t find it” he griped.


Just then Alice came from the bedroom with his cap in her hand and Norton emerged from the icebox with a chicken leg in his hand.


“Where did you find it Alice?” a relieved Ralph asked her.


“In the closet next to your bowling ball” she said as she handed it to him while shaking her head and thinking ‘Men’.


While Norton gnawed on the leg he thought to himself what he would really love a bite of was Alice’s tasty looking gam. Feeling his burning gaze on her Alice looked at her husband’s best friend and upstairs neighbor.


“Hello Ed, is Trixie upstairs?” she asked.


“Yes Alice, my blushing bride is putting up curtains, I believe.”


“Thanks Ed, now Ralph are you sure we can’t afford the material for curtains. These ones are in terrible shape and the ones in the bedroom are worse.”


“But Alice I explained I need that money so I can play pool and bowl later this week” Ralph whined.


“Fine I’m going up to see Trixie now” Alice said and she slammed the door as she left the apartment. Ten minutes later she was having a coffee in her friend’s kitchen upstairs.


“I tell you Trix, one of these days I’m going to scream. We don’t have money except for what Ralph wants. The only part of the household expenses he doesn’t complain about is the grocery bill.”


“I don’t know how you take it Alice. I wouldn’t stand for it, if my Ed tried that with me he would get the cold shoulder, especially in the bedroom. Though I have to admit the flames don’t burn as bright as they used to. How about you Alice, is Ralph the same man he used to be. You know, in that way.”


“Well Ralph was never one of the red hot lovers to begin with but he doesn’t show the desire he used to.”


“Don’t get me wrong Alice, Ed is still better than most men and bigger too if you get my meaning. But a woman needs her itches scratched as well and the boys are always up to something while we wait at home. In the past Ed was glad to stay home and satisfy me all night, now it’s a quickie when he gets in late.”


Alice knew what Trixie was talking about. One year when the four of them went camping they hardly saw the Nortons but they certainly heard them, day and night. Alice looked up and realized that Trixie had asked her a question while she daydreamed about a man treating her like that.


“Sorry Trix I didn’t hear you?”


“What I asked you Alice is have you thought about what we discussed the other day. You know about that “job” opportunity.”


“I don’t know Trix, it seems kind of risky. How well do you know these people really?”


“You know that I worked with Joan before I met Ed and I can tell you that she can be trusted. You would only have to do what you were comfortable with and she is very discreet and she only deals with the right sort. Well you think about it and let me know but it would end you begging Ralph for money.”


“I don’t know but I’ll think about it and let you know soon.”


Later that night Alice was in bed when Ralph finally got home. He was feeling very horny as that night at the lodge after the regular business was taken care of the ‘boys’ had hired a stripper for entertainment. She had been very sexy and had started his motor running but if he had paid her for a blowjob it would have blown his other plans for the week.


Now he was hoping to get Alice to perform her wifely duty for him. Once in the bedroom he took his clothing off and slipped his ghostly white bulk into bed next to Alice. She had awakened from the noise of him coming home but hadn’t revealed this to her husband. He lay on his side next to her and began to nuzzle her neck while his fat fingers worked between her legs and rubbed her neglected garden.


“Alice honey wake up. Your lover boy is home” he whispered in her ear.


“What do you want Ralph?” Alice said sounding half asleep.


Ralph maneuvered his girth so that his erection pressed against the leg of Alice. Meanwhile he had raised her nightgown enough so that his hand was rubbing against her pussy lips making them wet. Alice gasped and her eyes opened when his first fat finger slipped inside her and began to work in and out. Her legs spread involuntarily wider in reaction to his probing of her and soon he worked a second finger into her stretching her open.


Sensing she was ready to accommodate him now Ralph got up and walked to her side of the bed. He pulled her to the edge of the bed and easily flipped her onto her stomach then adjusted her until her legs slid off the bed and her feet hit the floor.


“Arch your back Alice” he told her as he worked his dick into her pussy. She complied which allowed him to slide his full length inside. Ralph’s fat fingers drew her hips backward to him while he pushed his hips forward to her. Her tight pussy clamped on him as he started to fuck her as fast as he was able. One of his hands worked under her nightgown and mauled her small breast and delicate nipple. Her tight muscles along with his memory of the evenings stripper was enough to make Ralph blow his load.


Alice was just starting to get close herself when her tubby hubby shot his cum into her and his body crushed her to the bed in his ecstasy which effectively killed her chances for orgasm as well as almost flattening her. Pushing up with his hands he stood up and his still dripping dick emerged from Alice’s pussy. He climbed onto his side of the bed and within minutes was asleep and snoring. Alice managed to get back in bed but it took time for her unsatisfied body to fall asleep. She lay there thinking late into the night. The next day she ran into her friend and neighbor in the hall.


“I’ve thought about it Trixie, I’m in” she said.


“That’s great Alice. Come up to my apartment after the boys go out tonight and we’ll get ready. I’ll call Joan and let her know that we’ll be coming tonight.”


That evening Trixie helped Alice apply makeup to her pretty face and advised her to wear her hair down for a change as it made her look younger than when it was up. Soon the Brooklyn wives were riding the subway to midtown Manhattan as their first night of being women for hire would soon begin.


When they reached the apartment door Trixie rang the bell and a good looking woman soon answered the door whereupon she ushered them into a fashionably decorated living room.


“Trixie how are you? You look well” the woman said while taking in Trixie’s appearance with a shrewd eye.


“Hiya Joan, this is my friend Alice that I told you about” Trixie answered as she gave her old friend a hug “you seem to be doing well.”


“I’m doing all right” the woman answered her back. She walked up to Alice and extended a hand in greeting “I’m Joan nice to meet you.”


Alice shook her hand and noticed the woman’s expensive manicure and dress and also that the woman was wearing a diamond ring and earrings. She also noticed that the woman’s eyes were in fact harder than her diamonds. There were three doorways in the room, one that led to a hallway, one that was the front door and the third led to the kitchen. Standing in the kitchen was a hard, well dressed man smoking a cigarette.


“That’s Johnny my associate” Joan said gesturing to the man. She then turned to Trixie. “Trix why don’t you go to the second room on your right and change. There are plenty of working duds there. I have to talk to your friend, if you say she can be trusted is enough for me but I still have to see if she has what it takes. Better to find out now rather than later from an unhappy customer or worker.”


“Okay Joan, see you in a little bit Alice” Trixie said as she headed down the hall.


Joan sat and smoked as she studied Alice closely.


“You certainly have the looks and the figure but can you handle the work is what I need to know. Come in here Johnny.”


The man walked from the kitchen and stood next to Alice. She was able to study him up close. He was around six feet tall with a thick but not fat body. His hair was black except around the temples where it was graying and it was cropped close to his scalp. He wasn’t bad looking but he had a faint scar that started just above his thin lips and worked across his cheek. Alice also noticed a bulge in the side of the waistband of his pressed trousers.


“Alice I need you to strip down to your lingerie” Joan said in an authoritative tone and as the pretty housewife complied Johnny licked his thin lips.


With trembling fingers Alice unbuttoned her blouse and removed it and placed it on a table before she unzipped her pencil skirt and slid it down her wide thighs leaving herself clad in an under wire bra, white panties and black stockings with a matching garter belt. Feeling shy and unsure of herself Alice’s eyes were cast on the floor in front of her. Johnny’s reaction was a sharp intake of breath through his mouth as he beheld her nearly flawless body. Her skin was like porcelain and the swell of her curves caused a reaction in the man’s groin.


“Exquisite my dear” Joan honestly said. Part of her job was appraising female flesh and Alice was breathtaking. Joan wished she had time to audition her as well but business came first but the madam made a note to arrange some time for that as soon as possible.


“Alice I know you’re married but let me ask you, do you know what a blowjob is and can you give one?”


“I know Joan and I’ve given some to my husband but I doubt I’m very good at it.” On more than one occasion Ralph had begged for one and Alice had tried her best but she didn’t do it often as it was just more work for her with no payoff.


“Well you will have to get better at it and you can practice on Johnny. In fact I expect you to give him one now, partially for practice but mostly to prove yourself to me. Get on your knees Alice.”


Nervously Alice sank to her knees in front of the hood as he eagerly unzipped his fly and removed his hard dick. It was red and angry looking with veins crisscrossing it and a big swollen head. Alice reached out and took it and guided it between her lips. She started to take in a little before pulling back when Johnny grabbed her head and pushed her all the way down his shaft until Alice nearly choked.


“Take it to the back of your mouth housewife. Bob your head up and down. Ahh that’s it” he said as Alice proved a fast study. “Now use your tongue as you go, swirl it around but don’t stop moving your mouth. Yes that’s it, good girl.”


Alice took to it like a duck takes to water and soon Johnny was gasping as Alice drove him to the edge and with one final lick pushed him over. He grabbed her head as he shot his load deep into her mouth. She didn’t miss a beat as she continued to work his spewing manhood. When he finished he pulled it from her mouth and wiped it with a handkerchief before tucking it back in his pants.


“You did very well Alice, now come with me” Joan ordered. Alice followed down the hall and into a room where Trixie waited dressed in a corset and stockings and a smile.


“Your friend did great Trix, you can help her find something to wear. Tonight will be easy for you two. I have a regular, a business man who is entertaining a client. He likes to watch a two girl show. Trixie can tell you what to expect,” she directed the last part to Alice. “And if either of them want more, you ladies get first choice but if you don’t want to you can direct them out here where they can be helped.” Saying that Joan left them.


“What’s this about a two girl show Trix?” Alice asked nervously.


“Don’t worry about it hon” Trixie told her friend “just follow my lead and you’ll be okay. Men like to see two girls going all lesbian for some reason. Joan and I used to do this when we were burlesque dancers for special customers. I think it’s what gave her the idea to go into business for herself. If you don’t enjoy it, just pretend. They’ll never know the difference but I’ll do my best for you to enjoy it. Here wear this.”


Trixie handed her a corset similar to the one she had on, the only difference being Alice’s was white and Trixie’s was blue. In a little while Joan stuck her head in the doorway.


“Ladies your clients are ready and in the next room.”
They followed Joan into the room and saw two men in suits sitting in chairs next to the bed with martinis in their hands.
“Gentlemen the performers are here” she said before departing and closing the door behind her.


Trixie took Alice by the hand and led her to the bed and had her stretch her full length upon it before getting on the bed next to her. Trixie began kissing her passionately and Alice found herself eagerly returning the kisses. It was different than kissing a man, gentler and sweeter somehow, and when Trixie’s fingers slid between her best friend’s thighs Alice was already damp in anticipation. Trixie brought her mouth down and took one of Alice’s pink nipples into her mouth and sucked it, thrilling her. Alice responded by reaching to her friend’s breasts and tweaking them.


Sliding down the bed Trixie couldn’t wait to deliver some Sapphic love to Alice. She nibbled on her inner thighs before burying her face in Alice’s musky smelling pussy. Her tongue started to lick her glistening lips and probing inside her wet opening. Alice found herself pushing her pussy into her friend’s mouth in response. She moaned when Trixie’s tongue found her clit and began to feverishly lick it. When Trixie slid her finger up her yingyang Alice drenched her with squirting pussy juice as she came.


Deciding to switch to a sixtynine Trixie repositioned her body. As she did she noticed that both the men had removed their dicks from their pants and were stroking them. The regular was of an average size but his client seemed to be huge in that department. Ignoring that for now Trixie lowered her now burning bush onto Alice’s face as she again began to perform orally on her friend.


This time however every lick or stroke that Trixie delivered Alice mirrored the move right back. When Trixie sucked on Alice’s clit she returned the favor. When a finger slid inside one pussy the same would happen to the other. This time when Alice released her juice, Trixie’s juice was filling Alice’s parched mouth as well. The two friends moved so that they were cuddling after their interlude. The house regular was cleaning himself with his handkerchief after reaching a solo climax while watching the show but the client was still stroking his member slowly while talking to his colleague. He then got up and headed to the women for hire on the bed.


“Howdy ladies” he said “my name is Tex and I’m wondering if you ladies would be willing to entertain a lonely fella this evening. I greatly enjoyed your show and I was wondering if one or both of you would like to go for a ride so to speak.”


“Well Tex my name is Lulu and this is Fifi” Trixie said “give us a minute to discuss this between ourselves.”


“Certainly Ma’am” Tex said stepping back.


“Oh my goodness Alice did you see the size of his longhorn. Even Ed can’t measure up to that. They say they come big in Texas. There is no way I could forgive myself if I took a pass on that whopper. How about you?”


“I should say no, but with what I’ve already done tonight why not. Why did you use fake names for us Trix?”


“Its better that way, makes it harder to track down if some joker gets the wrong idea Fifi. All right Tex we’ve decided to give you a ride. Just work it out in the front and we’ll be waiting.”


The two men left the room and in a couple of minutes Tex returned alone. He undressed quickly and his erection hadn’t subsided at all. They both oohed and aahed over it as they sat on the edge of the bed and he stood before them. Trixie reached out and gripped it at the base though she could barely fit her hand around the thickness. She then placed her other hand higher on the rod but there was still some not covered by her hands Tex was so long. Alice immediately took the head into her mouth even though it was a tight fit.


The ladies alternated sucking him, each taking a turn as their jaws would tire from accommodating his girth in their mouths. After ten minutes of this Tex decided he wanted to proceed further.


“Pardon me ladies but I really would like to split some pussy with this here tool of mine. Do you have any preference?”


Trixie grabbed him and dragged him toward her. She lay on her back and spread her legs wide.



“I’m first.”


Tex smiled and knelt on the bed between her thighs and pushed his head right to her opening. He leaned forward and her hungry pussy took a few inches inside making Trixie moan. Tex was an experienced hand so he slowly worked deeper until he reached the limits of her pussy and he was touching her cervix.


He pulled back a little and then put his hands on the bed on either side of Trixie to support his weight before beginning to vigorously fuck the minx from Brooklyn. Tex moved in a steady rhythm sliding in and out of her pink pussy until she couldn’t take any more. It had been going on for at least ten minutes and Trixie had cum twice and Tex showed no signs of stopping soon.


“Please Tex can I take a break? It’s been a while since I got it like this and never with one so big.”


“Certainly Lulu” Tex said, ever the gentleman. “Maybe Fifi would like to give it a go.”


Alice had watched the whole thing on the bed while she had played with herself. She had to try it but his large sized organ did intimidate her.


“I want to Tex, it’s just so big I’m a little scared.”


“No need to be frightened Fifi. I tell you what, I’ll lay on my back and you can ride me like you would a bronco. This way you control how deep I go.”


It was a good plan and as Tex lay there Alice straddled him. Trixie helped her friend by guiding his dick to her pussy opening. Alice had never been with a man besides Ralph and he was much smaller but she was so wet and excited that she managed to fit three inches in before she had to pause and catch her breath. Tex was in heaven as he was being squeezed like a piece of melon at a fruit stand. Slowly Alice moved up and down his dick, stretching to accommodate his wideness. She had paused again, when Tex held her hips and just rotated his own. That was enough to cause Alice to climax on his big dick.


Her muscles squeezed him so tight that he was unable to control himself and his longhorn shot spurt after spurt inside Alice. It oozed out her there was so much but eventually it stopped. Alice eased her well fucked pussy off him and sprawled on the bed. The Tex longhorn didn’t shrink at all but stayed rigid.


“That was wonderful ladies but I have a favor to ask of y’all. Back home my wife won’t do a particular thing for me and I was wondering if one of you city fillies might be willing to.”


“And what would that be honey?” Trixie asked.


“Back home we call it corn holing but you could say I would like to assfuck one of you.”


Both women’s mouths opened wide in amazement from what he proposed to do.


“Hold on there Tex, I’ve never done that and I’m not about to start with yours” Trixie stated emphatically causing Tex great disappointment.


Shocking everyone Alice answered “I might be interested if the price is right.”


A big smile came over the man’s face while Trixie gasped.

“How much are we talking?” he asked.


“You give me $100.00 and I’ll let you. But you have to take it easy as it will be my first time.”


The man retrieved his wallet and handed Alice five twenty dollar bills with a big smile then had her get on her hands and knees by the edge of the bed. First he slid back into her pussy and began to slowly fuck her as he wet his fingers in his mouth. As Alice was moaning from the fucking he spread her cheeks and worked a long finger into her virgin territory.


Alice gasped as he slid it all the way in and began to finger fuck her butt. Soon Tex worked a second then a third in there although it was a tight fit. He then pulled out and readied himself. Trixie meanwhile lay on her back and wriggled back between Alice’s legs so that she could see up close as well as lick Alice’s tasty pussy again.


Tex managed to fit the head in her and then he paused and waited. It was Alice who started to push her ass back at him first. He then grabbed her hips and worked deeper as Alice moaned. Trixie was a licking like crazy and Tex continued to work deeper. It took time but eventually his hairy nut sac rested against Alice. Emboldened by her success, as well as by Trixie’s mouth , Alice urged him on.


“Come on give it to me Tex. Use my ass like you want to. Slide it deep.”


Spurred on he began delivering long, smooth strokes, pulling halfway out before sliding all the way back in her. When the combination of Tex in her ass and Trixie licking her pussy proved too much Alice came like gangbusters. With her whole body tightening Tex couldn’t take any more either. Just as he was about to shoot he pulled out and his first shot hit Alice’s ass. He then aimed his longgun down and shot Trixie repeatedly in the head as well as spraying Alice some more until all his rounds were spent. After dressing Tex kissed both ladies goodbye and handed them each another twenty.


_____________________________________________________________________________________


Two nights later the friends were back at Joan’s place as the boys had gone out to play pool. They were lounging in a bedroom when Joan came in.


“Ladies we have a couple of regular customers in the living room if you are interested.”


Holding hands the two of them followed after Joan. Everyone was surprised at the results. Waiting in the living room was Ralph and Ed.


“Ralph, Ed what are you doing here?” a shocked Alice said.


“Homminna, hominna” was all Ralph could think of to say at first.


“This is why you have no money, because you spend it here?”


“ME, what are YOU doing here Alice?’ Ralph demanded.


“I was forced by circumstances, my husband gives me no money while he spends it on himself, including on sex. Meanwhile when he gives me sex it’s for two minutes and then he’s asleep and I’m left hanging.”


Listening to what she said Ralph began to feel guilty as he realized it was true. Meanwhile Ed and Trixie were talking.


“What’s good for the gander is good for the goose Ed. I’m not here for the money, well mostly not. You used to give it to me for hours. Now it’s only a quickie and you knew when you married me I had a strong sex drive.”


“Sorry Trix, I should have spent more time with the woman I love.” The two embraced.


“Honey” Ralph said “I’ve learned my lesson. No more spending money for sex when I have the best wife waiting for me home.”


“Oh Ralph do you mean it?” Alice asked.


“Of course” Ralph said “ baby you’re the greatest.”


Ralph wrapped Alice in his arms and kissed her.


End of transmission Cue theme song.
7 comments

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2014-03-04 18:42:47
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2014-02-11 16:00:13
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anonymous readerReport

2013-10-18 01:26:52
Posted by Julie | February 27, 2009 | 18:11:54*hugs* I'm so, so sorry. -Posted by Angela | February 27, 2009 | 21:29:48Andrea, I'm so sorry. -Posted by Lisa | February 28, 2009 | 18:52:59I'm sorry to hear about Trixie. My sympathies, Lisa ( Limarie ) -Posted by Andrea | March 01, 2009 | 01:15:04Thank you all. It was awful yetedrsay, but a little easier today. I got to have her for over 15 years and she got to live a very long, happy life. Not many little dogs who get thrown away in dumps manage to have that, but she did. And she deserved it, because she was my little guardian angel and I adored her. And I am of the opinion that all dogs go to heaven, so that makes me happy too. She was very loved and she will be VERY missed. I'll probably write more about her in an entry later on, but right now it is really hard to even write this much without crying. -

okieblueyesReport

2011-07-13 14:22:46
That was fantastic ,had my doubts at the begining, but you took the honeymooners to an entirely new level

BlackRoninReport

2011-07-12 04:43:50
That was actually hilarious. I didn't place the reference from the title, but I nearly did a spit-take when I read the first line.

Gotta tell ya though, never ever wanted to spend this much time thinking about Jackie Gleason's penis...

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