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Introduction:

This is the second part of a series. If you haven't read the first part, you may be lost.
One thing to note about this chapter in regards to the series: there is a very long and detailed backstory I have imagined up between Amy and Kaylee, but I can’t go into it here. Perhaps it will make for a good “flashback” chapter later. But just know there is something deep going on there and you can use your imagination for now. :) And hopefully the intimate scene is satisfyingly long this time. I’ll be sure to include two in the next chapter.

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Jake was hardly asleep for what seemed like a few minutes when he was startled awake by a rather loud noise.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Then there silence again. Jake looked around near his head where he thought he heard the noise coming from while trying not to disturb Kaylee and noticed it was Kaylee’s phone on the windowsill above their heads. She must have gotten a text message. He reached up to pick up the phone, and Kaylee awoke in the process.

“Oh my...” was all she said in a kind of reminiscent voice as she become aware of her surroundings and everything that wasn’t just a dream... When she noticed Jake was grabbing her phone she nodded and motioned for him to pass it to her, while sniggling up closer to Jake.

Being an iPhone, Jake couldn’t help but notice who the text message was from and what it said from the main screen without even unlocking it, in passing. He also noticed the time (20:45). The message read:

Amy Peterson
Wake up lovebird, you know Dad’s curfew is in a few minutes. He’ll kill Jake if you don’t rendezvous by then. ;)

Many thoughts ran through Jake’s mind in the instant he handed Kaylee the phone, like was that really Amy at the door when he thought it was just nothing? He tried not to think about it right now or Kaylee might notice something else was on his mind. Kaylee texted a quick snarky reply and then sat up, suddenly noticing she didn’t have her shirt on and blushing in the process, covering up as much of herself as possible.

Jake quickly picked up her shirt and handed it to her. “Here you go.

Do you wanna talk about all... um... that stuff now or later?”

“We don’t have time now, you gotta be out of here in a few minutes, but we’ll talk tomorrow. It’s ok, I had a goo time, and I think you did too.” she said with a reassuring smile. Jake leaned in and when she leaned back gave her a quick peck on the lips.

They headed down stairs past Mr. and Mrs. Peterson, plus Amy who were all on the couch watching a Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls basketball game.

“Dad, Jake’s heading home.” Kaylee said as they walked towards the door. Mr. Peterson leapt up like a tiger and made his way over to the door faster than Jake thought humanly possible.

“Nice to meet you Jake. It’s good to see Kaylee has a nice young man like yourself to go to prom with.” Then with another few crushing pats on the shoulder he walked Jake out as Kaylee waved with a bright smile on her face from the front doorway.

Jake went home and felt a strange sensation. He was really horny but he didn’t feel like masturbating. It was kind of like his feelings for Kaylee were draining that need. Either way he shook it off looked at his schedule for tomorrow and noticed he was scheduled to get up at 6:30 to run with Steve before school so he went to bed early, but not before some deep contemplation while staring up at his celling over the events of the night.

------------------------

“It’s my life, It’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live for ever...” screamed the radio in Jon Bon Jovi’s voice as Jake’s alarm went off at 6:15am. He rolled out of bed and put on his shoes and some soccer shorts and a t-shirt and then checked his phone, something he normally didn’t but for some reason he felt inclined to.

NEW TXT MSG: Kaylee Peterson

“Hey, I’m feeling really sick today, can you take my sister to school? I know it’s a bit out of the way but she hates riding the bus and I’d mean a lot to me if you helped out. <3”

Jake replied back,

“Uh yeah sure. Make sure she’s ready at 8:20. Hopefully I didn’t give you something. ;)”

Next he sleepily made his way downstairs and then out to door. He ran about a half mile to the park between where Steve and Jake’s houses and there was Steve, already waiting so they set out on their regular loop right away.

Steve was in a particularly energetic mood, while Jake was still half asleep so Steve started up the conversation, “So how was your date last night?”

“Oh common it wasn’t a date. I mean, not...”

Steve’s ears perked up, “Not really? You gotta spill the beans man!”

Jake recounted the events of the night, only briefly describing the events after the movie, but Steve heard enough.

“Well I guess it runs in the family then.”

“What runs in the family?” Jake asked.

“Being easy, you know. I mean you’ve heard about Amy, right? Having a drill sergeant for a dad must mess with your head or something. I guess Kaylee was just waiting for the right guy!” Steve gave Jake an easy punch in the arm.

“Well, no I actually haven’t heard anything about Amy. I mean she was there and all but she seemed pretty nice and certainly not slutty or anything if that’s what you are trying to suggest.”

“Well of course she’s not gonna dress that way around her parents. I thought you were the smart one, dude.”

“Aww don’t give me that. I still can’t believe what you’re saying. She’s 15...”

“Yea, 15, but she’s probably been with half the guys in the school. And I even heard from one person she’s a lesbo.”

That last comment lingered in the air like some foul smell, and they were both silent for a while until Steve decided he should change the subject.

“Anyway, don’t worry about it man, Kaylee is probably the exact opposite. So are you coming to the party tonight? It’s gonna be off the chain, bro. My parents left for business trips this morning, and they will not get back until Sunday afternoon. Half the school’s gonna be there. You can bring Kaylee!”

“I don’t know, I think Kaylee is feeling sick. But I really do want to come, I haven’t been to a good party in a while.”

“Don’t be weak dude, you’re coming. I’ll put you on the list. Just don’t be surprised if you gotta park your car at the elementary school a little walk away because there will be so many people there because it will be AWESOME!”

“Yeah yeah I hear ya. Cya later” Jake said as they got to the park between their houses and split ways.

“Offffff the mother fucking chain!” Steve said over his back. Jake shook his head at that goofball, but he was a good guy at the end of the day.

Jake got back to his house and did his normal routine before grabbing a quick bowl of cereal and orange juice from his mom and then heading out.

When he pulled up the the Peterson’s house he all of a sudden felt like he had a rock in his stomach. Part of him was afraid of another interrogation session from Mr. Peterson, and the other part of him was worried he would look at Amy wrong and the entire car ride would be extremely awkward. Not to mention that he had developed a raging erection on the car ride over. He wasn’t sure if it was one of those random ones or some type of built up tension with Kaylee or even anticipation of seeing Amy in the new light Steve described her in. He did the classic up-tuck behind his jeans waistline as he got out of the car to cover it up.

Ding dong...

The door opened and there was Kaylee standing in the door in her pajamas with a stuffy nose and looking very tired. She wore a yellow cami and flannel pants bottoms. By the looks she wasn't wearing a bra, but Jake quickly diverted his eyes from his sizing up and smiled, “Hey there!”

Kaylee offered a weak smile in return and said with a slightly croaked voice, “My sister’s still getting ready, welcome to my life... Common in. Don’t worry, my Dad already left for work and so did my mom.”

The sat on the couch and made small talk for a few minutes about Jake being up so early and “going for a measly 5 mile run” by Kaylee’s definition. Kaylee kept her distance and Jake assumed it was because she was sick.

Finally at around 8:25 Amy came down the stairs. Fortunately his head was turned to Kaylee’s back as she did so, or otherwise with his shocked look he might have had some splanin’ to do... Amy wore an extremely short jean skirt with a revealing v-neck spaghetti-strap top, complete with what had to be a serious push-up bra.

“Thanks for giving me a ride, Jake. The school bus is a pain in the neck, and Kaylee here can’t tough it up and go to school with a little bug...”

Kaylee rolled her eyes and waved Jake off as he got up and headed out the door, knowing he was already running late.

In the car there was an awkward silence for the first minute or so, fortunately there was a good song on the radio so it was lessened. Eventually Amy reached over and turned the volume all the way down.

“So, did you have fun last night?”

Jake considered his words carefully, “Uh yeah the dinner was really nice and I survived your Dad’s questioning in one piece so I guess I had fun.”

“Oh common that’s not what I’m talking about”

Jake gave her an awry look, “Well Kaylee and I watched ‘The Crazies’, which was a pretty good movie.”

“Really? That’s good. You know I’ve seen that movie before and it was pretty sweet, but there were a few things I didn’t remember.”

“Uh... ok?”

“Yeah, you know, someone in the movie named Jake. I don’t remember that, but I swear I overhead something like that... A scream maybe?”

Jake caught Amy glancing at his waist as she said this, and almost swerved out of his lane in distraction as he felt blood rushing both down to his crotch and up to his head.

Jake’s didn’t say anything as his heart was racing at this point.

“You know, Jake. The doorknobs in our house have these little holes for sticking a paperclip into to unlock the doors, but you can also see through those holes.” as Amy said this she unbuckled and leaned over on the center console and placed a hand on Jake’s right leg.

“What are you doing, Amy? I’m trying to drive here be careful.”

“I’m not doing anything you wouldn’t want Kaylee to do if she wasn’t sick.”

“You’re crazy, sit back and put your seat belt on.”

“Don’t worry I got permission. Besides I’m an expert with these things.” Then she reached over and lifted up Jake’s shirt and started to unbutton his jeans. “Nice abs... and Oh my!!”

“AMY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?”

Jake felt paralyzed. Half his brain was stuck on the task of driving so he knew he couldn’t move from doing that and the other half of him was scared to death as the 15 year old sister of someone he was hoping to date was undressing him.

His raging erection from earlier had’t gone down at all and now it was even bigger, with it sticking up well above his waistline to above his bellybutton. When he realized this is what Amy exclaimed about he almost swerved off the road again with a loud, “SHIT!”

“Just focus on the road, Jake, I’ll take care of things down here. It’s too bad I had to promise not to use my mouth.”

Now Jake’s jeans were being unzipped and pulled down slightly. He didn’t even realize it but he was lifting his hips to make it easier for Amy. Then she pushed his boxers down out of the way too so he was bare-bottomed on his leather seat.

It seemed like all of the feelings he thought he didn’t have last night before bed were coming raging back now and the only thing he wanted in the whole world was to cum, and cum a lot! But not from AMY! He must have looked like a madman with all of these conflicting emotions on his face.

“You’re a big one, Jake. I don’t think I’ve seen any this big before. Eight or so? Very nice.”

Then she placed one of her hands around Jake’s cock and started to slowly and methodically work it up and down. Her hands felt silky smooth and Jake was in heaven. He could feel the waves of pleasure coursing through him and he couldn’t help but let out an animal-like groan with every other stroke of Amy’s petite hands.

His head started to waver back and fourth as the pleasure increased and he could feel that feeling in his balls beginning to build. Slowly Amy worked her hand faster and faster over his cock, up and down, up and down with her strong yet soft grip. Jake’s breathing got heavier, and as the groans became louder Amy noticed this and picked up her stroking even faster, matching him in a sensual rhythm. It was just about now that a few drops of precum oozed out of his cock and dripped down around Amy’s small little hand.

“Ahhh that looks sooooo delicious!” Amy said with crazed excitement on her face.

Jake had masturbated before but this was completely different. The feeling of having someone else moving their soft hand up and down his shaft was unbelievable, and he knew he was not going to last much longer even though it had only been a few minutes.

“Amy, I’m gonna cum soon, so you should probably stop or it will get everywhere, I mean it.”

Amy’s breathing was now getting very heavy too, and Jake realized that for the first time. “You better cum everywhere, my wonderful big cock. I’d massage your balls but I’m a little preoccupied over here myself” she said with a little giggle.

Jake felt the waves of pleasure continue to wash over him and he forced his head back against his seat, his eyes struggling between rolling back in his head as he always did in the seconds before cuming and staying focused on not crashing and killing both of them.

“Oh Amy!

Yes, don’t stop!

Pump me, Yes! Yes!

Oh my gosh,

Ohhhhhhh my gosh. Nooo I’m gonna cum everywhere!”

A red light! Jake let out a sign of relief between deep breaths as he stepped on the breaks and surrendered himself to pleasure, letting his head go limp. The feeling in his balls had built almost to the limit of his restraint. Then he looked over at Amy, and that was the final straw. She was squatting on her knees in the passenger seat, legs spread, skirt hiked up, thong pulled aside with her hand buried in her crotch. Her thumb massaged her clit and her middle two fingers thrusted deep in and out of her pussy, just like a car piston.

And with each thrust Jake could hear the sexy juices of her pussy squelching, dripping, getting everywhere.

“YES JAKE! Cum all over for me, I know you want to, do it now!” Amy said as she finger fucked herself like a monster and stroked his cock up and down at almost million times per minute.

Jake surrendered himself to the ovewehelming feelings building deep within his balls and emanating all over his entire body

“Arghhhhh!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

OH my GODDDD!”

The first squirt wasn’t that bad. Jake’s legs and toes contracted, and he thrust his hips up to meet Amy’s hand, and he shot an inch or two into the air and then the cum fell down around Amy’s hand, but she didn’t stop, and if had been even possible she would have picked up her pace as she got even closer to the edge herself.

“Yes!

Good boy!

Don’t stop!

Ohhhh Jake yes!” Amy screamed witch each thrust inside herself and with each successive squirt from Jake’s big cock as Jake thrust up his hips over and over again to meet Amy’s stroking. The second shot was even more than the first, and Amy had started to loose control so it splattered on the steering wheel and over his pants/legs. The next two were even more in volume and force and this time they squirted up onto Jake’s abs and his shirt, but Jake didn’t care, he was in heaven, entertwining his cock with Amy’s little hand in a sexual rhythm of pure lust.

Thrust and stroke, squirt, thrust and stroke, squirt, over and over again.

“Yes!

Like a fountain!

Oh my gosh I’m cummmming Jake!!!

Don’t stop, yes, keep exploding like that, it’s so hot, it’s so amazing, I think I’m in LOOOVE!!!”

Amy screamed even louder, almost hurting Jake’s ears.

The following half dozen squirts were nowhere near as powerful or as much volume, but they just kept coming, again, again, and again. Jake’s muscles spamming and thrusting up to meet each stroke from Amy’s soft and delicate yet strong hand. Then as Jake began to come down and get soft she let go and took her gooey cum-covered hand and placed it on the headrest of Jake’s seat and threw her head back in ecstasy as the continued to fuck her hand in and out of her pussy while rubber her clit at an animalistic pace.

“AHHHHHHHHHH yes!

Yes!

Jake!

OHHHHHHHHHHHH my!”

Finally as he body erupted in shaking convulsions she stopped fucking herself, preoccupied and consumed with the waves of pleasure coursing through her.

But only until one orgasm was through, then she would pick up fucked herself even harder, working to bring on more waves of pleasure and convulsions through her body.

Each thrust into her tight teen pussy yielded another blood curdling scream and grunt of euphoria.
And alas her pussy! It was dripping like a faucet all over the seat. Each contraction of her body followed by that low animalistic grunt and scream was followed by a squirt of more liquid out of her body onto her hand.

She sat there like that for what seemed in Jake’s mind to be an eternity. Propped up on her knees, fingers buried in her pussy, giving off quieter and quieter moans as the convulsions got smaller, and her screams and grunts became quiet whimpers.

As she came down from her orgasm her head fell forward as she leaned on Jake’s headrest with her cum-hand for support. Her breathing deep and quick, like someone who had just finished a race.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

HOOONK HOOONK!

Jake snapped back to reality for long enough to realize the light had turned green, and even though this was one of those 5-minute-long red lights it probably had been that way for a while.

He quickly lifted off the breaks and pulled into the school, hoping whoever was behind him hadn’t been able to see anything in his tall Ford Escape. He glanced behind him and saw the car following. A red Mustang! Shit! That was Steve’s car. Jake didn’t head straight for the student parking lot, he drove around back to the service entrance where he knew nobody would be at this time of day while at the same time surveying the damage.

There was cum everywhere. The steering wheel, the windshield, the dashboard, the drivers-seat side panel, his stomach, shirt, boxers, jeans. and the headrest from everything on Amy’s hand dripping off.

Then there was Amy, sitting slumped in her seat catching her breath with her cum hand in her mouth. Her other hand was still stuck un her pussy, gently massaging herself. Then she looked over at Jake with a look that you could never ever forget in your entire life. Imagine mixing the sexiest, dirtiest, mischievous look on the face of an angel and a smile of someone who might have just won a beauty pageant, yet with utterly disheveled hair and sweat all over her body.

She just sat there for a few seconds as Jake parked the car and lifted his hands up in that “What on earth am I going to do” motion.

Then Amy leapt across the center console and grabbed Jake’s head with a tremendously lusty force and plastered her face to his.

She lashed out with her tongue like Jake could have never imagined. Her mouth was wet and hot, and she attacked with her tounge like it was a weapon.

Stabbing out at Jake’s tongue like it was an enemy, then she would attack less, and intertwine her tongue with Jake’s as they would dance together before Amy would change things up again, now exploring Jake’s mouth like she was searching for something between one of his teeth.

And next Jake felt an astonishing feeling he couldn’t believe. Deep within his balls he felt that slow building to come, and he realized Amy was riding him like a crazed cowgirl.

With each jab or swirl of her lusty tongue she would grind hard up and down against Jake’s cock. Amy tightened her grip on Jake’s hair, but broke the kiss, saliva dripping from both of their mouths.

Amy took one hand off of Jake’s head and reached over and reclined his chair all the way down for a better position. Then she shook her head back in another ecstatic animalistic scream.

“Yess, Jake, I know you want me!

I know you want Kaylee!

Think of this as practice”

Jake allowed his head to fall back limp against the seat, only paying attention to the incredible feeling in his crotch.

Amy’s juices were gushing out from around her soaked thong and through it as they drowned Jake’s cock and his entire crotch area.

“Yes Jake! Make me come again you amazing stallion! Come for me, I want to see you go crazy!”

Amy rode Jake even harder as she said this, thrusting up and down along the entire length of Jake’s huge cock, rubbing her clit furiously against him the whole time.

“FUCK JAKE, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!!”

Amy screamed at the top of her lungs as she came first this time. Her body erupted again with convulsions like Jake never knew possible as she contorted this way and that, throwing her head around, hair swinging, and moans and screams ensuing.

With each orgasm Amy would squirt ore love juices from her pussy onto Jake’s cock, soaking him even more, and with each time she would grind her clit even harder against his cock, bringing him to the edge.

“Oh my GOD AMY!” was all Jake could say as he squirted again and again in synchronization with Amy’s orgasms. Each time she would scream and grind her clit against his cock with a squirt of juices, he would thrust up to meet her and ejaculate a massive load onto his stomach.

Ever so slowly each of them came down from their orgasms. Amy again just sat there and shook as she experiences decreasingly smaller convulsions. Jake came down more quickly, but still laid there with his eyes rolled back in his head, basking in the pleasure each of Amy’s mini-orgasms gave his quickly deflating cock. Then, Amy collapsed onto him and nobody said anything for several minutes as they caught their breaths.


Eventually Amy rolled back over into the passenger seat and pipped up in a cheerfully seductive manner followed by another giggle,

“Wow, you cum a lot!”

Jake shook his head.

“What the fuck Amy? What did you do? And I’m not talking about the cum, I should have warned you about me, I always do that. But seriously what is Kaylee going to say? What am I going to wear? School starts in 5 minutes? God dammit!”

Amy shook her head and tasted the hand she had jacked Jake of with, before sticking in down to her crotch to wipe up some of her own cum and give it a taste. Then she reached into her purse and pulling out a pack of tissues and a Shout easy-clean wipe for clothes. She left them on the center console, quickly adjusted her skirt and thong, and then hopped out of the car while coming her hair.

“We’re not done yet, that was only a warm up...” she said with another dirty wink as she closed the door and headed to the school.

Jake, in disbelief mopped up as much of the cum as he could with the tissues and the used the Shout wipe to clean his clothes off so the only looked wet, but they would dry soon enough. Then he pulled his car back around to the student parking lot and parked (very, very far away since school had already started) and ran to his Physics class.

He was on good terms with the teacher so all he got was a head shake and a smile from him for his tardiness.

The school day was uneventful. Steve made a funny “driving at the wheel and falling asleep” motion at him as they passed in the halls but otherwise nothing happened. he sure did miss Kaylee though, and the guilt of what he had done this morning mixed for a lot of complicated emotions. As soon as he got out of school he pulled out his phone and texted her.

“Hey, we need to talk. Hope you’re feeling better.”

Then he met up with Steve at his locker. “Hey man, sorry about this morning. I wasn’t paying attention”

“Oh it looked like you were paying attention alright, but not to the wheel.” he said with a grin that showed he knew a lot more than he was suggesting.

Steve got up close to him, “Don’t tell anyone about that! I didn’t have any say in it!”

“Don’t worry man your secret’s safe with me, seriously though it is. Buuut, don’t say I didn’t tell you so...”

“Ugh yeah. Seriously though I feel like shit about it.”

“I don’t blame you. Hopefully Kaylee has a nice doghouse outside for you to live in.”

Jake just shook his head.

Steve continued, “Anyway, why don’t you come to my party if you’re still alive tonight and try to take the edge off.”

“Maybe, I need to talk to Kaylee first.”

“Yeah I understand, but you own me, so you better at least make an appearance!”

“Yeah yeah. I’ll text you later so you know if I am KIA or not.”

“Sounds good, peace bro.” Steve said as he heaved to his parking spot, one that was relatively close to the school unlike Jake... When Jake finally did get to his spot his stomach just about fell through his feet. There was Amy leaning up against the passenger-side door. “You’ve got to be kidding me” Jake though to himself...

“Heya Jake!” Amy said, like nothing had happened this morning.

Jake obstinately replied, “You’re sitting in the back. And yes I’m being serious.” he said as he went over and opened the door for her as she got in, slamming it shut. He noted to himself he was probably more mad at himself than her. He had never cum that hard in his life, even though he knew he had an issue with cumming way to much.

The car ride to the Peterson’s house was uneventful. Jake blasted the music so even if Amy had wanted to say something he couldn’t have heard her. Only as they pulled up did he turn it down.

Amy hopped out of the car and ran inside giggling like a little kid. Jake followed slowly, hoping Kaylee would be up to talking and her parents would still be at work.

Amy left the front door open as she ran in, and Kaylee showed up as Jake got there, holding her phone and wearing the same thing as earlier in the morning. She offered another weak smile.

“Hey. I just got you’re text since I was sleeping. But I am feeling a bit better, what’s up?”

“Are your parents home?”

“No they don’t get back from work for about another hour. You wanna go up to my room?”

Jake nodded his head and they walked upstairs with an awkward silence. When they got inside Kaylee was the first one to speak.

“So...?”

“Uh... I guess what happened last night?”

“Uh, well I think you got me sick, but it felt good doing so.” she said with a sweet smile and crock of her head. Then she sat down on her bed indian-style and patted next to her for Jake to join her, and he did.

“Well why did you ask why it took me so long to ask you out?”

“Because I’ve had the hots for you for like a year and a half.” Kaylee said laughing a bit and then coughing.

“Oh... Well sorry. I did have fun last night though, and I don’t just mean after the movie. Maybe we should do it again sometime, I liked spending time with you...”

“Me too” and Kaylee grabbed Jake’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “I’m never this forward with anyone but with you I don’t feel scared or anything. It’s a nice feeling”

“I know, me too. But there is one thing.” as Jake said, gripping Kaylee’s hand less.

Kaylee saw the pained expression on Jake’s face and squeezed her hand around Jake’s even more.

“I know, Jake. My sister and I...

we’re...

really close.

You can’t understand but know I’m not mad. It’s all part of the plan, well not my plan but, uh... yeah don’t worry. Me getting sick messed things up a bit.”

Jake sat there in silence for a moment and tried to not act shocked. “Well, I’m still really upset with myself about it.”

“Don’t be, Jake, I really like you.”

“That’s good because I really really like you too.” Jake replied.

Jake also felt lots of blood rushing to his head and he followed his instincts to pull Kaylee down to the bed, cuddling with her tight in his arms. He knew he might get sick but he didn’t care, the way he felt about Kaylee even though he couldn’t explain it was worth getting sick for.

“Will Amy wake us before your parents get home.”

“Yep.” she said with an innocent angelic smile.

He kissed her on the forehead and stroked her back gently as he drifted off into another light blissful sleep in Kaylee’s bed.
14 comments

anonymous readerReport

2012-08-16 16:15:33
Will you be doing anymore of the story ?

JohnLockeReport

2011-07-12 21:35:37
Part three will be a prequel focusing on Kaylee and Amy (Teen Female/Teen Female). Part four will continue the story. When I have time I will write them.

anonymous readerReport

2011-06-30 00:51:29
I don't mean to be asking something for nothing, but I really liked part 1 and 2, so could you at the least let us know if a part 3 will be forthcoming? If not, then whatever, but personally I would appreciate knowing if I should get my hopes up or not

anonymous readerReport

2011-06-23 12:40:33
C'mon ive been waiting for weeks. Part 3, 4, 5 etc. already

anonymous readerReport

2011-06-11 23:49:57
There were a few mistakes in sentence structure, nothing that a quick check of sentences as you go won't fix, things like decreasingly smaller instead of increasingly smaller, you just got part way through a few sentences, wanted them a little different and then didn't change the beginning. I love the story though, definitely a positive rating.

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