This is the first pt. to a real story I am writing so plz feel free to give me "constructive" oppinions ty [=
Forever young (chapter one revised)
I will tell you my story, as best as I can remember.
It started in the winter, a winter I wish never happened. The sun seemed to inch its way over the ocean as if it was never going to return. A full harvest moon was impatiently forcing its way into the sky. My cell rang, it was my father. I remember, because that was the last time we ever spoke... "Dorian! HELLO?! This is your father!" The classic tale of Dorian Grey was dads favorite so as a child he would read it to me at bed time. After I turned 18 I changed my name to Victor. I hated the idea that I was named after what I thought was fictional story. "Dorian! Damn it, are you there?!" I took a deep breath before I answered him. "Yes dad I'm here, what is it?" I could hear him coughing, he was a chronic smoker. "Dorian, listen I am leaving the country on business; while I'm away I need you to look after the house for me. I will call you as soon as I... " My cell died before he could finish. "FUCK!" I knew he would think I hung up on purpose. I was driving home from work and didn't have my car charger. Traffic was jammed up; it sucked even for a friday. Eventualy the grid lock seemed to dissipate, as I drove through down town an establishment caught my eye. I pulled over and parked a decent distance away. I sat there for a while, reflecting my year thus far. My ex had run off a few months ago, leaving me in a state of re-discovery. It had been tough on me and as of lately I found myself unable to concentrate at work. I needed, no I CRAVED something, I just couldn't figure out what it was. I got out of the car, walking always helped me plus I lived in a big city so slipping into life's shaddows was easy. My walk led me to a low end strip club named The night shift. A naughty yet charming little house of sin. I sat in front of a girl who called herself Diamond. She appeared to be in her early twenties and was pretty, to say the least. A healthy young body; long legs, thick round ass, perky little breasts, short jet-black hair and hypnotic blue eyes. She moved seductively like a snake and my wallet was her charmer. Diamond and I sparked instantly, we flirted and did shots between her sets until her shift was over. Shockingly, she asked me to drive her home and I quikly obliged. The drive to her place was uneventful despite our growing sexual tension. We chatted briefly and I learned her real name was Ramona but that was about it. When we arrived at her place, she invited me in, waisting no time I followed her. Her place was dark and empty, but I didn't care, three shots and I had her pinned against the wall. We kissed, working our way down a hallway leading to her room. Undressing eachother between kisses we left a trail of clothing behind us. Half naked and fully drunk we made it into her bedroom. She dropped down skillfully undoing my pants with her mouth. I watched her tease my semi-hard cock through my boxer briefs. Planting wet kisses on my ab's she traced her nails down my sides slipping into the waist band of my boxers. Pulling them down slowly she followed with kisses until my throbbing cock was directly between her big blue eyes. She looked up at me gigling like it was christmas morning. Her warm pink tongue extended out as she licked a wet trail from my balls up and around the head of my cock. She playfully grinned teasing me then put her plush lips around my dick with out touching it. She pulled back before I could react then engulfed my entire girth and length. "OHHHMMMY GAAAWWD!" I groaned. Gracefuly she savored every inch of my cock, licking and sucking furiously. Gurgling me down she proved to not have any gag reflex as she swallowed my hard cock. Knowing I wouldn't last long like this, I pulled her to her feet. Bending her over the dresser I spank her. She gasped then growled "Oh yeaa! I love it! spank me harder" I slapped her juicy ass until she jumped purring "0WW mmm" I positioned the tip of my dick at her entrance. Teasing her I slowly rubbed the head up and down her slice then circled her pulsating button. "Mmm..." She moaned looking back at me. She pushed back impatiently trying her hardest to get me inside of her, I pulled away as a sly smile appeared on my face. She glared at me with lustfull eyes and pouty lips. I grabbed her hips and sunk deep inside of her warmth, the feeling was incredible. Slowly I slid in and out of her melting pussy creating a smooth rhythm, she thrust back harder with each stroke. "Mmm YOU FEEL SO GOOD!" She purred. I pulled her head back by her hair kissing her over her shoulder. As our rhythm increased she curved her body forword, bracing the mirror and vigoriously demanded "oh my god! FUCK ME!" I fucked that hot little monkey with passion, spanking her ass untill it was bright red. Suddenly I withdrew, spun her around and then sat her on the edge of the dresser. She put her heels on the edge, spreading her knees wide. She pulled me close, and whispered "come here baby" I was lost in her eyes, when I felt her push my cock back into her wet tunnle. She wrapped her legs around me and I began to pound her like a jack hammer. I manhandled her flawless frame, I let her have it and she took it all. Quality testing her dresser, I banged her against the mirror so hard I thought it was going to break. Then she pushed me back and tackled me to the floor. Impaling herself she slid down on to my dick, then began riding me like a cowgirl. Bouncing her supple tits in my face she cooed "baby immm so fucking close!" Then she turned around reversing the cowgirl, and giving me another veiw of her perfect ass. I was floored literally "OHDAMNNN!" I moaned watching her pink glossy lips stretch around my hard dick. I couldn't help it, I pushed her forword into a doggie position. I grabbed her wrists and put them behind her back hand cuff style with her face down. I went to work, smashing her soaked pussy. Each stroke deeper, harder, faster until I felt her walls squeezing and pulsating tighter around my swollen cock. She screamed "FUCK!FUCK!FUCK! YES! HARDER! DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP! AAAAHHHSSHHHIIT! IM CUMMMINNNG!" She arched her back and exploded, squirting her sweet secretion all over my dick. Feeling her hot nectar gushing out I arrived, maching her spasm for spasm. Our place slowed as our bodies rocked back and forth, I dismounted and we both collapsed on the floor. We laid there out of breath for a few minutes then we both bursted out laughing. She looked into my eyes, and I knew she didn't want this to end. We climbed into bed as the exhaustion set in, soon we where both asleep...