First chapter of a novel I am in the middle of writing. Feedback would be much appreciated.
As he sat down at the end of the bar, he got the now familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t even glance into the corner where he knew the feeling originated from. Looking at the bartender, he smiled and asked for a drink. It wasn’t for him, but he knew someone would want it soon.
“Hi.” He heard from behind him. “I don’t normally do this, but when I saw you come into the bar, I just knew I would have to come and talk to you. My name is Kim.”
Looking over, he got his feeling confirmed, and he was not disappointed in the least. “Hi Kim, my name is Kevin,” he said handing her the drink with a smile.
Looking curious, she took a sip of the drink and asked in some surprise, “Is this a rum and coke? That‘s my favorite!”
“Yes, I know.” He said mysteriously. “Where are you from?” He said to her, though he knew the answer before she said it.
“California. Well, just outside of L.A. I just moved here a few months ago to live with my dad.” She said in between sips. “What about you?”
“Let me guess, you were looking for a job? Not a lot out here, but more than in L.A. I imagine.” He asked, dodging her question.
“Yea!” She said excitedly, “I just got a job as a nanny for a baby. She’s still really young and she cries a lot, but it was all I could find. And the pay is pretty good, too. Aren’t you gonna get a drink?”
“I am not really thirsty right now. Maybe later,” he said looking her over. She really is gorgeous, he thought to himself. Tall, red hair, legs for days. Good lord! What an ass! She has a naughty streak to her, too. He wasn’t always able to read people so well, but, then again, she is a sensitive. Not many of those left. Must be my lucky night. In the world Kevin comes from, sensitives were highly sought after, mostly because people like Kevin could read and manipulate them easily, though sensitives tended to be strong-willed among their own kind. Sensitives are rare, because they tend to attract and in turn get seduced and turned by people like Kevin.
“Its so weird.” Kim said.
“What’s that?” Kevin asked.
“I don’t know, something about you is just so attractive to me. I am never forward, especially since I have a boyfriend, but I just couldn’t stop myself from talking to you.” It probably didn’t hurt that Kevin was extremely good looking, either. With a chiseled jaw and just a hint of stubble and dark blond hair, Kevin was the kind of guy girls flocked to anyway. It also became apparent to Kim after a cursory glance that Kevin kept in shape. At 6’ tall, he wasn’t particularly huge, but the way his shirt bulged around the arms and shoulders was proof of a strict routine. Through his v-neck shirt, Kim could tell that Kevin’s chest was totally smooth, another turn-on for her.
Kevin smiled again, knowing what was going through her mind, even as he ordered her another drink from the bartender. “Just one more, then the tab, please.” Placing the drink in front of Kim as she finished the first one, Kevin continued checking Kim out. Bet she looks great naked.
This time, it was Kim’s turn to smile, seeing Kevin checking her out. She was a little self-conscious about her body, which made it all the more of a turn-on when she knew a guy found her attractive. Though Kevin had no idea how she could be self-conscious when she had such a beautiful body, and a flat stomach like hers would be the envy of many women.
“So Kevin, what are you doing in a small town like this?” She said to him, flashing her radiant smile.
“Passing through. I am on my way to meet up with some friends in Tucson.” Which was strictly true, though his stop in this particular town was due to his premonitions from earlier, premonitions that led him into this bar.
“How long are you gonna be in town?” She asked sweetly.
“Depends, I was thinking of spending a day or two looking around. I have some time before my friends get to Tucson.” He began pushing into her mind, knowing now after two drinks she would be more open to his suggestions. You had to be careful with sensitives, push too hard and they became frightened, not even knowing why. With any other person, fear would have served his purposes, but if wanted her pliable later he needed her to trust him.
She frowned, which made her nose look all the cuter to Kevin, then asked “Well where are you staying tonight?” She wasn’t sure why she had asked that, but it seemed right.
He shrugged, knowing he had forced her to turn the conversation this way. “I don’t know, I will probably end up finding a motel or something,” he said looking into her blue eyes. God I want this woman. He thought. Then he pushed again.
“Well, why don’t you come over to my place instead? My dad isn’t home, he is away training before deployment, but I am sure he wouldn’t mind anyway.” She knew perfectly well her father would not approve of having a total stranger staying at the house, but she couldn’t stop from asking. “Geez, I must sound like a slut,” she said. “But just so you know, absolutely nothing would happen between us, okay? I have a boyfriend, and I won’t cheat on him.”
“What? Of course not. I know you are just trying to be nice,” he said. But he could feel the thoughts racing through her mind, and pushing he was able to get her thinking along the lines he wanted.
Looking at Kevin, thoughts flashed through Kim’s mind, but the one that stood out to her was of him and her locked together in a passionate embrace, her crying out loud with the pleasure he was giving her. The thought was totally erotic and so vivid she could almost feel him inside of her. “Well, I finished my drink. Do you want to head out?” She asked innocently, even though she was starting to get really wet.
Kevin nodded, paying the bartender and leaving a generous tip. The bartender winked at him as he got up to leave with the gorgeous red head. Outside, he unlocked his car and went and held the door to his Red ‘67 Mustang. Looking at the pristine interior, Kim could tell that this car was lovingly maintained. “How did you get this car? It must be a classic.”
Kevin looked over and lied, saying “Picked it up from an original owner.” Kevin was the original owner, and had maintained the car himself over the last fifty or so years. When you are around as long as people like Kevin, you tend to pick up a lot of skills, and engines on a ‘67 like his weren’t hard to keep up with.
Kevin drove like a maniac, scaring Kim slightly. He was able to weave in and out of traffic intuitively, knowing when switch lanes and when to slow down. Cops weren’t as easy to detect as a sensitive, but the cops in small towns like this tended to pick the same spot to catch speeders from. After a few years, these spots would get a feeling of watchfulness over them, and Kevin could pick up on that if he was paying attention. Looking over at Kim, Kevin could tell that she was still thinking about what she had visualized in the bar. She was squirming in her seat as she became increasingly attuned to Kevin’s presence. He slowly reached a hand over and put it on her knee, and she tensed. Not wanting to push anymore, Kevin began to feel the need to conquer this woman. He didn’t want to use his mental abilities as a crutch, he wanted a challenge.
Kim felt Kevin’s hand on her knee and thought to herself I want him so badly right now. But despite her feelings she pushed his hand away. He could sense her thoughts, and knew that he would have to wait until the right time to start making his move again. The thoughts he had pushed earlier would just now begin to seem more immediate to her. He knew what she would be thinking, even without his ability to read her. She would start by remembering the hand on her knee, and imagining it moving slowly up her leg, tickling the insides of her and thighs. She could almost feel his fingers exploring her upper thigh as he caressed closer and closer to her now wet pussy. Its lucky he has leather seats, she thought, as her black lace panties began to be uncomfortable. Kevin sensed this thought and laughed, though Kim had no idea why. She began to suspect that there was something special about Kevin, but she couldn’t place her finger on it, and put it down to the arousal she was feeling. Even now though, her mind raced as she imagined taking his shirt off and rubbing muscled chest. She knew she shouldn’t be thinking thoughts like these, she shouldn’t even be in the car with him, but she felt like she was being pulled by something out of her control. She gasped as the image of him biting her nipple ran through her mind.
Again, Kevin reached over and placed his hand on Kim’s knee. She didn’t tense up this time, and didn’t push his hand away. She was looking out the passenger window, pretending like she didn’t notice his had on her leg.
As she gave him the last directions and he pulled in the driveway, Kevin removed his hand and could sense her disappointment and even her confusion. All he could think was, I will have her tonight, even if she resists me. Kevin watched Kim’s ass as she walked to the front door. She purposely dropped the keys, feeling his eyes on her and bent over to pick them up, giving him the slightest view up her skirt. Her panties were soaked and sticking to her, and with the full moon out this gave him a great view of her pussy lips. Finally starting to become aroused himself, he conspicuously adjusted his cock inside his pants. As they walked into the house Kim asked “Would you like to sit down and watch a movie?”
Grumbling a yes, Kevin sat down on the sofa as Kim went to pick out a movie. Kevin knew that he wouldn’t be seeing most of it anyway, so he let her make the choice. Slipping in her favorite movie New Moon Kevin realized that Kim had a thing for vampires, knowing this was yet another sign of her being a sensitive. “What do you like about vampires?” He asked of her.
“They are so mysterious. I am not really sure what it is about them that I like. I have always just had this fascination with them, ever since I was little.” Kim said.
Kim came over to the couch and unconsciously sat away from Kevin. This annoyed him, because it meant she was still resistant to the idea of sleeping with him. But he remained steadfast, wanting the pleasure of seducing a woman, and a sensitive. Without using his powers, she would still have that unconscious desire to be nearer to him, but Kim appeared to be stronger than most of the sensitives he had met over the centuries.
As the movie continued, Kevin got up, asking “Where is the restroom?” Kim pointed him down the hallway to the door. After returning, he sat down much closer to Kim than before. She looked at him, knowing what he was thinking, but not putting up any resistance. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer, and she gave in, thinking This doesn’t mean anything is going to happen.
As she laid her head on his shoulder, with his arm around her waist, he rested his hand on her abdomen, and started doing circles around her belly button with his finger. He knew Kim was still thinking she could resist him, but he also knew she imagining him using his fingers to enter her. So slowly, Kevin started making his circles go lower and lower. Hitting the top of her waistband on her skirt, he reversed direction, this time, getting his hand underneath her shirt. She slid further down giving him easier access to her whole body. He looked down, into her eyes, which she had shut tight, trying to drive the sensations away, but unable to. Her breath caught in her throat as his hand reached her bra. She reached her hand up, as if to push his away, but then put it back at her side. Kim slid even further down, with her head resting in Kevin’s lap. She could feel his hardness through his shorts, and this only made her want him more.
Kevin’s hand slid around Kim’s breasts, brushing against her hard nipples through the bra. Slowly, he slid the bra down and heard Kim choke as he pinched her nipple. She reached down to the hem of her shirt and slowly slid it up her abdomen as he continued to play with her nipples. Sitting up, she reached behind and undid her bra strap, removing her shirt and bra at the same time. There was no more doubt in her mind, especially when she saw his hungry gaze. She turned to face him, and reached down to feel the bulge in his pants. He also reached down, but instead of undoing her skirt, he put his hand on her thigh again, slowly rubbing further towards her pussy. She opened her legs, and squealed softly as he bit her earlobe. His hand continued to rub her legs, teasing her. Several times he came close to touching her pussy, always to pull away or move around it at the last second. She became frantic, wanting his hands to touch her and feel her. She unzipped his shorts and reached in to grab his cock. At six inches, it was only average sized, but Kim knew she had a tight hole, and she couldn’t handle bigger cocks anyway. As she stroked his length her hands faltered as he finally touched her lips. His hands were like fire on her body, and his lips always stayed near her neck or collar.
He pushed a finger inside of her, feeling how tight and wet she was. She moaned in his ear and squeezed his cock, making him moan, too. As he pushed another finger inside of her, he began rubbing her clit with his thumb, ever so gently. She moaned again, and ground her hips against his hand. As he entered more and more into her, he felt around and found her g-spot. He began moving his thumb and his fingers quicker and quicker. Using her moaning her gasps, he was able to find spots that she didn’t even knew she had. She moaned loudly “I’m cumming!” he increased pace, and whispered into her ear. She grew frantic, grinding his hand faster and faster. “Oh my god!” she screamed as she came on his hand.
As she slowed her shaking body, she realized that Kevin had been positioning himself between her legs. Shaking her head, she tried to push him off. “It wouldn’t be right.” she said.
Kevin looked into her eyes and knew she would struggle, and the thought alone made him even harder. She closed her legs and tried to kick him away, but he grabbed her hands roughly, and flipped her onto her stomach. Lifting her skirt, she screamed “No!” and tried to wriggle out of his grasp. Holding her two hands above her head, he used his free hand to pull her hair back.
With her head close enough he whispered, “I am going to stick my cock in you, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.” He released her hair, and then sensed something new from her. She was becoming turned on by the thought of being raped by this strange man. She kept moaning no, but Kevin kept hearing her mind say yes. With a tear rolling down her cheek, Kevin took one of her hands and pulled it behind her and placed it on his cock. She stroked it, and began pulling it towards her pussy. Kevin held back though and said to her “Tell me you want me to rape you. Tell the stranger that you just met tonight how much you want his cock inside you.”
“I can’t! If my boyfriend ever found out he would kill me! Please don’t fuck me. Please!” she cried through her tears. But her words and her actions didn’t match, she was still stroking his cock furiously and trying to pull him into her.
Knowing this would make her say it, he rubbed her slit with his hand, causing her to gasp in pleasure. “Say you want me to fuck you, you little bitch.” he said.
“I want you to fuck me! Put your cock into me…I want to feel you inside me,” she said, still crying.
Satisfied, Kevin pulled her hand away from his cock, and put it back over her head where he held both her hands now. Reaching back down, he held his cock against her pussy lips, rubbing up and down, and hitting her clit. Kim whimpered, so he began to slide his meat into her, and inch at a time. “Please,” she moaned “fuck me harder.” Kevin decided to prolong her agony, sliding his cock into and out of her slowly, building the tension inside of her. He felt her pussy contract around his dick, and the sensation was unreal. He had never been with a girl like this before, in all of his centuries. She flirted with all of his senses, making him lose track of the outside world. All he could smell was the muck from her wet pussy, all he could feel was her wrapped tightly around his cock. All he could hear was her moans, as his pace increased. Pulling one of her hands away, she reached underneath herself and started massaging her clit as he began pounding into. He let go of her other hand, and grabbing her shoulder and pulling her hair, he repeatedly slammed his dick into her pulsing hole.
Both of them moaning openly, he could feel himself losing control, but managed to hold on. With her pussy filled, and her fingers rapidly rubbing her clit, Kim felt another orgasm begin to hit her, and instinctively flexed her pussy muscles, trying to pull Kevin even deeper into her. He felt the contractions and lost control, spraying the inside of her vagina with his seed. This pushed her over the edge and into uncontrollable spasms. Never before had she felt an orgasm like this one, her toes curling and her back arching painfully.
They both fell over, exhausted from the incredible sex they had just had. Looking into Kim’s eyes, Kevin knew that this was one girl he could never let go. He knew she would be the kind of girl to spend an eternity with. And so, he began to tell her his story.