I woke up because I was suddenly afraid. For some strange reason I firmly believed that someone has gotten into my apartment and killed Dylan while I was asleep. I sat up with a gasp and he looked at me, frowning slightly. Nobody killed him, I realized while my heart was thumping wildly against my ribs. He is just sitting here, finishing the doughnuts, doing something on the laptop.
“Bad dream?” he asked.
“Ugh…” I muttered. “You are my bad dream… I thought someone killed you while I was out… Jesus, it’s just gonna get worse from now on, isn’t it? I’m gonna wake up in cold sweat every freaking time, thinking that something bad happened to you… Especially after you heal. I mean, you’ll be able to go do whatever the hell it is that you do… And I won’t even know where you are or what…”
“You are blabbering”, he interrupted me calmly. “And no, I won’t go anywhere if you don’t want me to. Simple, really…” he shoved another doughnut in his mouth and returned to his typing. “I’ll stay home while you work”, he mumbled with something that resembled a snort. Was hard to tell with his mouthful of doughnut. “Not gonna cook or clean or anything… But you’ll know where I am at any given moment.”
“That’s a relief”, I said sarcastically.
“Yeah”, he nodded energetically. “I thought you’d like that.”
“What are you doing?” I asked after managing to swap the last doughnut out of his grasp.
“Looking for porn”, he said solemnly.
“And killing my laptop with some nasty virus?” I frowned.
He looked at me and rolled his eyes.
“It was a joke”, he said evenly. “I don’t need porn to get off, you know it.”
I knew that indeed.
“Just looking for more information on Ms. Waters”, he sighed. “Just in case.”
“Like what?” I sat next to him.
“Well”, he said thoughtfully. “For example I am curious if she has a concealed weapon permit.”
“She is from Texas”, I hemmed. “Of course she does.”
“Probably”, he muttered. “All this information is outdated”, he grimaced with annoyance. “This is ridiculous… Ah, screw it”, he closed the lid on the laptop and pushed the computer away.
“Still having those mood swings, I see”, I said calmly and he just shrugged. “Some things are so permanent that it’s not even funny”, I nodded.
He looked at me through his eyelashes.
“You are the only permanent thing”, he murmured, grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards him.
“Since when do you get off on your own pain?” I asked as evenly as I could after he started running his mouth down my neck.
“I don’t”, he muttered without releasing his grip on my shirt.
“You do realize that if you don’t stop doing this, it’ll hurt you like hell, right? It hasn’t even been a week since your ribs… Oh Jesus…” It seemed like he remembered all my sensitive spots. “Dylan… I don’t have any willpower, you should know that better than anyone else… If you don’t stop right now… Oh God… Dylan, you can’t even breathe deep enough… Knock it off, seriously… You… Oh my God…!”
“Breathing deeply is overrated”, he muttered. “And this is totally worth a little pain…”
“A little pain…? Dylan, you’ve got three broken… Ohhh… Ribs and it won’t be just a little… Mmmm… Pain… Oh my God… But you know what… If you are willing to endure that, who am I to stop you…”
“Oh, I am willing”, he muttered feverishly. “I am more than willing… Just don’t squeeze me too hard, I don’t want to bleed on your couch again…”
“I won’t”, I whispered and helped him to pull my shirt off.
I knew there was no way in hell that I’ll last long right now. I haven’t seen him for eight freaking years and I missed him more than I can describe. Him waltzing back into my life out of the blue, without any warning, brought back every single memory and every single emotion that I ever had for him. And all those emotions combined, threatened to blow me to pieces right now. I didn’t care about anything anymore. He was back and he was with me, that was the only thing that mattered.
I got him out of his pants, my entire body shaking uncontrollably. Even in my very hazed state of mind I tried my best not to touch his side or his damn ribs. I held onto his hips instead. And then he was on top of me, his fingers locked on the back of my neck, his eyes half-closed, hair falling down on my face. I think I blacked out for a while. I remember saying over and over again:
“Oh my God… Oh my God… Oh my God….” as if I couldn’t remember any other words.
“I didn’t… Know… That… You are so… Religious…” he panted after a while.
“Oh my God…” was my reply.
Being with him - in him - after all these years finally, was tearing me apart.
“Oh my God… Oh my God…” I started the same mantra. “Oh my God, Dylan… Oh God… Dylan… Dylan… Oh my God…”
He yanked my hair right before I was about to explode and then my eyes literally rolled all the way back into my skull. He was as vocal as I remembered him.
“Oh my God…” I whispered after we both stopped spasming. “Oh God…”
He collapsed on top of me as if all his bones suddenly turned into jelly. His quick shallow breaths felt amazingly good on my skin. I started kissing his neck like it was the last thing I would ever do in this life. I was completely lost in him and I didn’t want to be found.
“Oh God…” I muttered after several minutes of kissing his neck feverishly. “Oh God, help me… Oh my God, I love you so much… Oh Jesus…”
“I love you…” he whispered into my shoulder. “Always have and always will. You are the only one… Seriously.”
He raised his head and looked at me without even a hint of a smile.
“I have never loved anyone, Connor”, he muttered. “Not even Kay. I was grateful to her, I liked her, I felt good when she was around me but I never loved her. I always thought that was the way I was built, you know? I knew that most of the people loved someone, I knew that. But I also knew that I wasn’t one of them. Until I met you. And then after you left…” he paused for several seconds. “I don’t know… I figured that it was the way it was supposed to go for me. I figured that it was actually the easier way. When you don’t love anyone, you are not bound by anything. You don’t have any weak spots… And then I went after you and…” he closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. “You know, I didn’t plan on stalking you, I swear… I just wanted to see you, to get closure or whatever it’s called. And when I saw you, I couldn’t leave…” he opened his eyes and mastered a weak smile. “So I started following you everywhere… And now that I have you again…” he slowly ran his fingers down my face. “I will never let you go.”
“I am doomed, aren’t I?” I asked him seriously.
“Yeah”, he nodded as seriously. “You are.”
“Good”, I whispered and buried my face in his neck again.
I was back where I left off eight years ago and instead of getting frustrated and mad, I was deliriously happy. I finally felt complete again now that he was with me and I wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything in the world.
“How are your ribs?” I muttered and he shifted slightly in my lap.
“They’ll be fine”, he said. “You know, you don’t have to sleep on your damn couch anymore…”
“I am not going to”, I reached for his earlobe.
He grabbed my hair and pulled me off. He looked into my eyes for almost a full minute and then kissed me with unusual for him carefulness.
“You are bad influence on me, Connor”, he muttered and I just snorted at that.
“I am bad influence on you?! Look what I’ve become thanks to you…”
“I suppose it evens out”, he agreed and wrapped his arms around my neck.
…That night we slept together, his arms wrapped around me, my face in his hair. Right before I fell asleep, I had the same old thought flash in my head again. “I’ll do anything for him.” And this time I could care less if I will lose myself completely. Somehow it didn’t matter. I felt happy. A hell of a lot happier than I have ever felt in the past eight years.