Sex Psychologist gives the advice she always wanted to give.
Dear Abby - Sex Therapist

Dear Readers,
Please don't take any of this advice seriously. I am just having a little fun, wondering what it would be like to respond to my mail-in patients with totally off-the-wall advice. So read this with your tongue in your cheek, and have fun.
Now have a great day,

Dear Abby,
I know I am a little young to be writing you but I need your help. I'm 12 and have been having sex with my 17-year-old sister's boyfriend, who is 18. He told me he really loves me, not my sister. But he has to pretend to be her boyfriend so he can be near me. He says that I am too young and that we would get in trouble if anyone knew about us. I know that's true and it all makes sense. Last month he said he wanted to make our sex even hotter by having me watch him have sex with one of my girlfriends. But she had to be a virgin. So I convinced a friend of mine to have sex with him while I watched. Then he had sex with me and it was the best we ever had. I heard rumors at school that he is seeing my girlfriend behind my back and having sex with her. Why would he cheat on me? What should I do? Should I confront him about what I heard or should I ignore it and just keep having sex with him? Signed Feeling Betrayed.

Dear Betrayed,
What did you expect from a guy, an adult, who cheated on your sister for you? You have two choices. You can turn him in to the cops in which case you'll have to find a new sex partner, and probably have your sister hate you forever. Or you can talk to this girlfriend about getting a three-way going and revitalize your importance in his life. Go with the three-way and enjoy.

Dear Abby,
I have a teacher that is so hot, but as much as I try he doesn't seem interested. I'm 15. What should I do? Signed Desperate.

Dear Desperate,
You didn't say if you were a boy or a girl, but the advice is the same either way. It looks to me like you need some real help, perhaps some after school tutoring. That's when you set your trap. Smile a lot, touch a lot, a light touch to the arms and hands at first. Sit close and rub knees, then a hand on the knee, a light caress to the upper leg. Move the hand a little higher until you are at the threshold. Light fingernails at this point as he is sure to have a hard on for you. Look up now because this is your chance. He wants to kiss you. Do it. The rest is up to you.

Dear Abby,
My son and his wife are getting a divorce. The thing is I think my son is an idiot. We love his wife to pieces and don't want them divorced. But he is driving her away. We would surely miss her. What should I do to keep her around and save this marriage? Signed Sad in New York.

Dear Sad,
If you want to do something to keep your daughter-in-law around, no matter how bad your son gets, then you need to give her something she wants and is not willing to give up by leaving your idiot of a son. That something is you. Fuck the bitch. And you better do a damn good job of it too. She won't stay around otherwise. Good luck.

Dear Abby,
I'm a 16-year-old boy and my 45-year-old dad just remarried to a hot 22-year-old girl. I fantasize about her all the time. How can I get her to go to bed with me? Signed Hot and Bothered.

Dear HB,
You don't have to convince her. She's 22. Your 16. She already wants to fuck you. She just needs to feel safe. Get her alone for an hour and let nature take its course. Oh, and help her around the house. She'll continue to show you her appreciation for years to cum, if you know what I mean.

Dear Abby,
My daughter had a girlfriend spend the night a couple of months ago. I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and literally bumped into her. We laughed and talked and before you knew it we were kissing. We ended up having sex right there in the bathroom. Now I'm afraid she'll tell someone and I'll end up in jail. She was only 15. Signed Scared Stiff.

Dear Stiff,
It only takes once so you're screwed if she does tell. You might as well get as much as you can before you end up in that cell. Mention to your daughter that you haven't seen her girlfriend in awhile and that she was one of the friends that you think is a nice girl, a good influence on her. Tell her you don't mind her having the girlfriend over now and then, even this weekend if she wants. Oh, invest in a hot tub. There are things you can do hidden under those bubbles even when your daughter is in the tub with you two. One more thing, give her some money next time. That makes her a prostitute and less likely to tell.

Dear Abby,
In a weak moment, when my daughter and husband were away, I fucked my daughter's 16-year-old boyfriend. Now he wants more. What do I do? Signed Frustrated.

Dear Frustrated,
Are you kidding? He's a growing boy who needs care and attention and most of all training. You do want a well-trained son-in-law don't you? Become his teacher, and have fun. You deserve it girl.

Dear Abby,
I'm a 55-year-old male, interested in a 30-year-old female at work. I have made veiled passes but she doesn't seem interested and just ignores me. How do I get into this girl's pants? Signed Not-Over-The-Hill.

Dear Mr. Hill,
Once you do get in her pants, it doesn't matter how old you are, it all feels good, I promise. Your problem is that you're her father's age. So you can either drop this whole thing or try something really out there. I have read about a perfume that can help you. It will turn your worker girl into a raving sex maniac, just for you. Search on the XNXX web site for the word Perfume. Good luck.

Dear Abby,
This will probably be a strange letter for you. I can't identify the town for fear someone may recognize me. I am a minister of a small church. I am married and do marriage counseling. The problem is I have ended up in bed with several of the women I am counseling. I don't know how it happens but I get so involved with their emotional life that before you know it we are sleeping together. How do I stop this vicious cycle? Signed A Small Town Sinner.

Dear Sinner,
Why would you want to stop? You are providing a desperately needed service to these poor women. They need to feel loved. You are giving them love. They need the attention of a man in their lives, something that their husbands are denying them. You give them that attention. Don't stop. In fact you should show them more love and attention, not less. God will bless you for it. P.S. Don't get caught.

Dear Abby,
I have known for over a year that my husband has been cheating on me but didn't know with whom. He denied it when I confronted him. I have spent many a time crying over it with my best friend. We have known each other since childhood. I love her dearly. But I just found out she is the one sleeping with my husband. Apparently this has been going on for over a year. What do I do? Signed Lost.

Dear Lost,
The only thing you have lost is your cheating husband. Husbands are a dime a dozen. Best friends are for life. Tell that to your best friend, and that you don't blame her. Then go file for divorce.

Dear Abby,
I have betrayed my best friend. We have been friends since childhood. I have been sleeping with her husband for over a year now. She has known he was cheating on her for a long time, just not with whom. She and I have spent many a night together, her crying her eyes out over it all. The thing is I have always been jealous of her. She was always better at everything, including getting the better boyfriends. I just decided enough was enough. So I seduced her husband. It took me awhile as he was reluctant to cheat on her. But eventually I wore him down and have been fucking him on a regular basis since. From my talks with my girlfriend, it seems the more I fucked him the less he fucked her and the more miserable she became, until he no longer had sex with her at all. It became a game for me, even though I never really liked the guy in the first place. I just wanted to have something she couldn't have. In this case it was sex with her own husband. Anyway she just found out he has been cheating with me. How do I get myself out of this mess? Signed Mistress.

Dear Mistress,
Sometimes friends hurt each other. You don't want to throw away a lifetime of friendship. Tell her that and beg for forgiveness. I have a feeling she will take you back. I don't think the husband will be so lucky. Oh, and next time you want to fuck her husband, ask first. She may be into watching, or perhaps it's time to take your friendship to the next level. Ever try a three-way?

Dear Abby,
In two weeks I am getting married to a wonderful woman. We are both in our mid twenties and wanted to marry as virgins. The problem is I blew it. There was this bachelor party for me and her younger sister, who will be the maid of honor, crashed it. There was drinking and some strippers and a whole lot of fun. But before the night was through I ended up in bed with her sister. Now I'm no longer a virgin. To make matters worse I have had sex with her nearly every day since. I don't love her, but the sex is incredible. Her home life is terrible and she wants out of the house as soon as possible. Maybe she was hoping I would help her. I don't know. I do know that I still love my bride-to-be and want to marry her. What do I do? Oh one more thing. The younger sister is under age, a lot. Signed Two-Timer.

Dear Timer,
Marry the girl of your dreams as planned. That doesn't mean you have to stop fucking her sister. Just be discreet. You not only have her age to worry about but also your new wife. So be careful. One suggestion to help the girl might be if you and your new wife could let her stay with you. That would get her out of the house and into yours. You could slip home for lunch and a quickie each day. Maybe you could even get the two girls together. Have fun.

Dear Abby,
I am a 13-year-old teenager. Last night my dad and I had sex. I know it was wrong but I love him. He cried afterwards and said he was sorry, that he would never do it again. He begged me not to tell. If Mom finds out she will kick him out and I don't want that. But I also want to do it again. How do I get my dad to have sex with me again? Signed Wanting More.

Dear Wanting,
You are underage and should not be having sex at all, especially with your dad. That's incest. That being said, it was hot wasn't it? You can now get your dad to do anything you want, just by threatening him that you will tell if he doesn't. If more sex is what you want then that is what you'll get. I have a feeling he won't mind being blackmailed.

The End

anonymous readerReport

2012-10-11 22:36:01

that was a bit of fun. :)

anonymous readerReport

2012-02-04 13:20:13
i'm a 15 year old girl with no sex life i'm a virgin and my parents are very old fashion and don't let me date i mustrbate a lot almost 2 or 3 times a day any advice

anonymous readerReport

2012-01-24 18:31:33
funny story LOL an X rated dear abby

anonymous readerReport

2011-01-27 09:32:13
Ye yeah yea! Lol this fukin rulz... I can't fuckinng wait to share this with every one on the planet... :)

Anonymous readerReport

2010-05-20 03:04:43
What a cool collection of shots.

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