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Introduction:

Based on a true story!
It was an early summer’s afternoon. Janie was in the kitchen in her snug sassy formfitting denim jean cut-off short shorts. Her bust was accentuated by her sexy sultry zebra print stretch formfitting lycra spaghetti strap halter top. She shifted as she set the eggplant on the cutting board and cut it into one inch slices. Her mind began to wander. Janie started to think about sex.

Janie loved sex. She loved penises. She loved to stroke penises, she loved to squeeze them and watch the pre-cum ooze out of and settle in the stiff penis’s puffed slit. She loved to lick the pre-cum ooze out of the puffed penal slit while stealing a glance at the gentleman she was servicing. Janie loved sucking a stiff shlong into her wet slurping pie hole and licking under the shaft while purring penis muffled “ooohs” and “ahhhs” to the concerned party attached to the aforementioned shwantzolla.

Janie preheated her oven to 350 degrees and and sprinkled salt on both sides of the eggplant slices and placed them in a colander with a dish underneath. She shifted as she reached for seven ounces of shredded mozzarella cheese. Her legs made a swoosh sound as they rubbed against one another in her slinky sheer summer suntan support comfort waistband flat seam ten denier reinforced toe cotton crotch glamorous, shiny yet sheer one size fits most pantyhose. Janie felt happy.

Janie could also be happy tea bagging a guy while stroking his rock hard man sausage until he shot a huge load warm man cream in her hair or all over her bare big nippled breasts depending on the position of the participants at the time of the male’s sploogy climax. Occasionally, Janie would encounter a man whose nut sack smelled like dank bile, salt, stale fishy cunt, yeast and Vieux Boulogne cheese, but she could usually suck the stench off a man’s scrotal sack in less than a minute.


Janie put the shredded mozzarella cheese into a medium bowl and mixed it with nine ounces of ricotta cheese, a half cup of parmesan cheese a beaten egg and a half a cup of chopped fresh basil. She waxed rhapsodic about how she really loved kneeling in front of a guy with her mouth wide open and her tongue sticking out while working his stiffy woody wiener with one hand and tickling his nut sack with the other. Janie would usually rest the penis head on her warm wet tongue while continuing to manipulate it in the aforementioned manner until a huge load of sploogy baby batter man clam chowder skipped off her tongue like a well thrown rock on a lake. If the aforementioned sploogy baby batter man clam chowder hit the roof of Janie’s mouth or the back of her throat she might choke slightly, but she wouldn’t move. She might moan as the lucky guy squirted out three or four more huge warm jets of spew before the force of the jizz cream stream subsided and Janie sucked the still throbbing stiff sperm nozzle into her mouth and slurpy sucked it as she swallowed.

Now that the eggplant had been soaking for over an hour, Janie rinsed the salt off the eggplant with cold water. As she heated up a large non stick skillet and used a bit of olive oil to brown each eggplant slice, Janie thought about how much she enjoyed having her hatchet wound slurpy sucked. Her stench trench was moist and slippery just thinking about it. Her cottony soft absorbent pulp panty liner protected her 82 percent cotton 8 percent spandex pink stretch thong by absorbing Janie’s cooze ooze. No worries there. Janie proceeded to evenly spread a cup and a half of spaghetti sauce in a 9 x 13 inch baking dish. As she arranged a layer of sliced eggplant over the sauce, Janie thought about how a guy she picked up at an ice cream social stuck one his thumbs in her meat wallet whilst spreading her slick pussy lips apart as he sucked and lapped furiously on the area surrounding her clitoris.

Janie proceeded to top the layer of eggplant with about a third of the cheese mixture she had prepared earlier. She continued this layering process until all the eggplant and cheese mixture was used. Then she poured the rest of the sauce on top and sprinkled a half a cup of parmesan cheese on the sauce.

Janie pondered the effects of all the vaginal shenanigans she had involved herself in over the years as she put the dish into the preheated three hundred and fifty degree oven. Janie would let it bake for 45 minutes, checking it every so often.

Suddenly Janie had a dry mouth, blurred vision, constipation, headache, loss of libido and nausea. Janie felt that she may experience a gastrointestinal disturbance and ran to the levorotary. Once inside, Jamie felt the need to projectile vomit.


“Oh my gosh golly goodness!” exclaimed Janie, “I have a dry mouth, blurred vision, constipation, headache, loss of libido and nausea. In addition to the aforementioned afflictions, I feel I may have a gastrointestinal disturbance so I have run onto the levorotary. Now that I‘m here, I feel the need to projectile vomit.”


Janie forcefully expulsed the contents of her stomach through her mouth and nose; vomiting a stream of gelatinous bile chunks into toilet.

Janie looked down in the toilet at the gelatinous chunks of retchy puke she ralphed.


Suddenly, Janie’s phone rang. She answered it.

“Hello” said Janie

“Hello Janie,” replied the voice on the other end. “This is Leo.”

“Leo Sinephrine?” inquired Janie.

“Yes. Leo Sinephrine.” replied Leo. “How are you?”

“Funny you should ask!” answered Janie. “I just forcefully expulsed the contents of my stomach through my mouth and nose; vomiting a stream of gelatinous bile chunks into toilet. First I had dry mouth, blurred vision, constipation, headache, loss of libido and nausea. In addition to the aforementioned afflictions, I felt that I could have a gastrointestinal disturbance so I have ran onto the levorotary. When I got there, I felt the need to projectile vomit.”

“What did the vomit look like?” asked Leo.

“It looked like puke.” replied Janie.

“No wonder you threw up” sniffled Leo Sinephrine, “Your stomach was full of puke!”

“Yes.” replied and amazed Janie. “That must be it!”

“I’m just calling to tell you I was thinking about our time together last weekend. It was fun!” exclaimed Leo.

Janie recalled their carnal encounter the previous weekend. She gave Leo Sinephrine and his two cousins blow jobs at Leo’s apartment.

“Yes, it was fun!” replied Janie. Leo Sinephine fell asleep after getting a 2 minute blowjob. He didn’t know about his two cousins getting sucked off as well.

“When I think about it, my penis hardens and lengthens.” confessed Leo. “The cylindrical erectile tissue in my penis becomes engorged with blood. The blood fills my flaccid penis and it becomes stiff. I get a lightheaded feeling of euphoria, a tightening of my scrotum and a swelling of my penis. I want to fondle it, Janie. I want to fondle my stiff rod, damn it. My corpora cavernosa and my corpus spongiosum become engorged with venous blood. The blood rushes from my head to my throbbing cock and I suddenly feel a sudden decrease in blood pressure and lightheadedness that could result in fainting.”

“You sound so romantic, Leo.” replied Janie. “I’m about to pull an eggplant parmesan out of the oven. Why don’t you and your two cousins stop by for dinner? What are there names?”

“Oh that would be marvelous, Janie,” gushed an excited Leo. “My cousins are named “Dio” and “Neo”.”

“Your cousins are named “Dio Sinephine” and “Neo Sinephine”? Oh my!” Exclaimed Janie.

“Yes. Dio was named after legendary American heavy metal vocalist Ronnie James Dio.” replied Leo. “Ronnie James Dio performed with Black Sabbath, Rainbow, Elf, and his own band, DIO. He has a powerful voice and he does the devil horn gesture with his hands when he’s rockin’ out.“

“The night Dio Sinephine was conceived was May 25, 1983.” continued Leo. “That is the same day that Dio’s first album “Holy Diver” was released. He was partying with some hot mamba jamba named Julia he met a week before, and he scored on her hatchet wound. Dio Sinephine was conceived to the song “Gypsy”. That’s when his father shot his hot manly spunk into Julia‘s well lubed meat wallet.”

Suddenly there was a disruption in the time space continuum which resulted in a big whooshing noise followed by a sharp sucking thunk not unlike a new giant bottle of condiment being unscrewed for the first time and the vacuum of the jar being broken. It was a more concentrated and intense whooshing than a mustard or mayonnaise jar would allow for. It was much more the sound of a giant fancy catsup bottle being opened for the first time. It did not sound anything like a train whistle or a car horn or a baby crying. It was a swishing whoosh that could pop eardrums with the pressure. It didn’t sound like a orange in a fruit basket or a dog barking at a squirrel. It was a sucking pop with a whooshy “s” sounding resonance followed by a popping thunking. It didn’t sound like a brass band playing “76 Trombones”, or a sewing machine stitching a pair of khaki trousers that were too big for an excited practitioner of sartorial correctness.

Janie flicked her long lizard tongue at a musca domestica or a common house fly because after the disruption in the time space continuum which resulted in a big whooshing noise followed by a sharp sucking thunk not unlike a new giant bottle of condiment being unscrewed for the first time and the vacuum of the jar being broken, Janie was indeed turned into a reptilian, four legged. cold blooded midsized lizard of the Cordylidae family. Actually, since the disruption in the time space continuum which resulted in a big whooshing noise followed by a sharp sucking thunk not unlike a new giant bottle of condiment being unscrewed for the first time and the vacuum of the jar being broken, Janie had always been a reptilian, four legged. cold blooded midsized lizard of the Cordylidae family.

Janie had rows of plated spiny scales covering her body. Janie got protein from her insectivore diet and nothing in her reptilian, four legged. cold blooded midsized lizard nature desired getting four guys to all squirt their hot loads of protein rich baby batter into her lizard yapper so she could lizard gargle with it before swallowing it down.

Yes. Janie was a lizard.


fin
5 comments

anonymous readerReport

2013-04-25 04:45:33
Parrish - Cheers. You can credit yuresolf for training me to drink my coffee black. It's a great way to think of you in the morning! You've got talent, gal. Don't sweat your imminent success!May 25, 2011 10:22 am

anonymous readerReport

2013-01-13 17:01:09
G Vishwanathकई साल पहले इस a0रूसी कहानी का अंग्रेज़ी अनुवाद पढा था.शीर्षक था How much land does a man require? प्रश्न का उत्तर भी कहानी के अंत में दिया गया a0था a0 Six feet from his head to his toe was all that was filnlay required to bury him G Vishwanath

Anonymous readerReport

2009-09-28 14:56:33
Umm... Ok.... That was really weird...

Anonymous readerReport

2009-04-05 00:30:05
dio.
yes.

redwizardReport

2009-03-21 15:07:14
very enjoyable satire. the use of language was very original....t.y.!!!

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