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Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Fifteen: Happy B-Day to the Erection Killer!

Disclaimer: Not mine, I own nothing. I'm not making any money
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.

Author's Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that's Out Of Character if you don't know). Also, this is my first smut- fic. If you don't like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!

Chapter Fifteen Summary: The gang goes to Ginny's birthday party where Harry and Hermione get their revenge on the twins!



Harry was in an incredible amount of pain. The last thing he remembered before blacking out was Hermione fainting and unexpectedly head-butting 'Harry, Jr.' and his luggage. As every bloke will tell you; any blow to the genitals is unbelievably painful - mind you this description only applies to the blow of the punching variety; when the blow comes from the lips, tongue, and mouth, the sensation is incredibly nice. Our hero never realized that getting some "head" could be so painful and downright dangerous.

With a pitiful groan, Harry opened his eyes. Judging by the sunlight streaming into the Common Room, he had been unconscious all night. Hermione was still unconscious... and in his lap.

Her head lay heavily in his crotch. Hermione's kinky hair was spread out all over his lap, and judging by her warm breath on/ 'Harry, Jr.'/ her mouth must've been very close to his penis. It was as if she was using Harry's lap as a pillow.

As gently as he could, Harry tried to rouse his girlfriend. He placed his hand on her head and spoke softly; "Hermione get up."

Hermione, who was apparently dreaming, muttered, "Not now. I wanna sleep some more." To show just how much she wanted to sleep, Hermione nuzzled her face into her imaginary pillow. As mentioned previously, Harry's lap was this pillow. She sleepily rubbed her nose and lips into 'Harry, Jr.' and his luggage. Now, Harry's bits were bruised and battered, but his beautiful (and naked) girlfriend was rubbing her face in his genitals, and therefore overrode the pain he was feeling.

Even though it was beaten, 'Harry, Jr.' found the strength to begin to stand. If it got the chance to stand even more, it'd be poking Hermione in the eye or perhaps up her nose.

Half of Harry's brain wanted Hermione to remain in her sleepy state and continue to nuzzle his bits. But the other half of his brain realized that Hermione would be quite irate if that happened. He rationalized that no witch would want to wake up to an erect penis jabbing her in the nose. So, Harry shoved that half of his brain that wanted a "face-job" into the corner of his mind and threatened to give it a stern lecture about inappropriate thoughts later. It also occurred to him, that even if 'Harry, Jr.' was completely flaccid and not aroused like it was, Hermione might not like the idea of having it pressed up against her conk anyhow.

Harry reckoned that the best way to wake his lovely witch was to lift her face up and off of his lap. He gently placed his hands on either side of her head and lifted slowly. Two things caught his eye once he removed Hermione's face from his groin. The first was that Hermione must have recently drooled a little; a thin line of spittle connected her lips and his bits. It was a rather naughty and intriguing image. However the second thing that caught his eye wasn't as intriguing. Apparently, when Hermione was nuzzling into his groin, some of her wild and kinky hair had accidentally gotten wrapped around 'Harry, Jr.' and a few strands looked like they were tangled in his foreskin. This was a bad thing.

He couldn't remove her with out pulling her hair out - which would be painful for her he imagined - and also the thought of strands of hair tugging at 'Harry, Jr.' didn't sound like much fun for Harry either. So Harry had to resort to his original plan of waking Hermione, despite the side-effect of her potential anger of awakening to find a semi-erect penis in her face.

He was about to poke her - with his finger, Merlin you people have dirty minds - when a voice drifted through the air.

"... it's horrible, Headmistress," the gravelly voice of Filch, the Hogwarts' caretaker stated. Harry heard no less than three pair of feet enter the Common Room. "I found the two bodies on the couch and heard the dreadful screamin' coming from the boys' dormitory." By what Filch was saying, it sounded like he had wandered into the Common Room and thought that Harry and Hermione were dead and must have decided to go to McGonagall for help. Looking around in a panic, Harry searched for his wand. He was desperately trying to find it to either conjure some clothes for him and Hermione or Disillusion both of them. "Seeing that I'm a Squib, I couldn't do nothing to help, so I fetched you," Filch concluded

"Oh my," Madam Pomfrey exclaimed as she saw Harry sitting naked on the couch with an equally nude Hermione in his lap.

"Wait, you're supposed to be dead!" Filch pointed an accusing finger at Harry while the nude wizard waved weakly at his elders.

McGonagall sighed in an almost forlorn way and spoke in a commanding voice; "Miss Granger." Which led to a very unfortunate incident; Hermione, being the good student she always was, was instantly roused by McGonagall's order, and by reflex stood rapidly.

After the sound of several strands of hair being forcefully torn out of her head, both of Harry and Hermione's screams bounced off the walls of the Common Room. Hermione clutched the area of her head where the dozen or so hairs were while Harry clutched his bits.

"My hair!" screeched Hermione.

Harry wanted to counter with "Who cares about your hair, it'll re-grow! My bits on the other hand have just been strangled and yanked!" But seeing as he was in agony and curled up in the fetal position once more, Harry settled for pathetic high-pitched sounds of pain.

With a frantic expression to her face, Hermione examined her hair closely, to see if any other strands were injured. She was so intent on this that she hadn't noticed that McGonagall, Pomfrey, and a very stunned Filch were watching her. Harry saw that the caretaker had his lamp-like eyes fixed on Hermione's shaved groin.

"Avert your eyes, man," Harry growled menacingly at Filch. Well as menacingly as one can get when they are rolled up into a tight ball and have tears of pain welling up in their eyes.

It was at this point that Hermione finally noticed their "guests" and dove behind the couch to hide.

"Argus, you may leave," McGonagall said.

"But what about the screams and moans comin' from the boys' dormitory?" Filch asked.

As if on cue, Luna's groan floated down from Harry and Ron's room. For a moment, both McGonagall and Pomfrey were visibly concerned with the groans and it was obvious that the two older witches couldn't tell it was a pleasurable moan. Harry was about to tell McGonagall not to worry, but hesitated when he realized that he'd have to tell his stern mentor that Ron was shagging his girlfriend in their room. He paused, trying to find a more civil explanation for the sounds simply because he didn't want to use the words "shag," "sex," or "bang" in front of McGonagall, let alone /to /her. Thankfully, Harry didn't need to tell the Headmistress what was occurring because Ron unwittingly announced it.

"Oh, yes, pinch my nipples," Ron's voice requested and a overjoyed giggle told everyone in the Common Room that Luna was more than happy to oblige.

A blushing McGonagall pretended to ignore Ron's cheer of, "YES, THAT'S IT!"

"I don't think we're needed here, Poppy," McGonagall said to Madame Pomfrey. "Would you mind taking Argus out with you?" she asked indicating Filch. The Headmistress nodded her head toward Harry and said, "I'll see you tonight at Miss Weasley's birthday party."

With that, McGonagall, Pomfrey, and Filch left Harry and Hermione in the Common Room with what was left of their dignity.







After their elders had left, Harry and Hermione got dressed - although Hermione kept rubbing the side of her head where her hair was torn out and Harry spent a good amount of time untangling her hair from his bits. Once they were finished dressing, the two young lovers sat on the couch.

"I'm sorry about the head-butt," offered Hermione sincerely.

"S'okay, it was just an accident," supplied Harry. "I'm sorry 'bout your hair."

"It's alright, it'll grow back," Hermione replied, and then added in an undertone, "I hope."

As a sign of support, Harry kissed the assaulted area on her head. She smiled at his gesture and kissed him back. Of course Harry was hoping that Hermione would've copied his action and kissed his assaulted area, but he settled for a kiss on the lips.

"So about this prank against the twins, how does it work?" Harry asked.

"It's fairly simple," began Hermione. "All you have to do is stimulate me while I focus on the twins and concentrate on a non-vocal incantation. My orgasm will trigger the ritual and every old witch that the twins see will be completely starkers."

"So the hard part will be not letting anyone see us doing the ritual," Harry put in.

"Yes, but we could do a series of Disillusionment and Glamour Charms to make it look like your hand is in your lap and not mine," replied Hermione. "But the illusion won't be perfect; if someone looks at us long enough, they'll see a shimmer around you arm and that may give it away."

"And they'll figure out what we're doing if they see your face," added Harry.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hermione asked slightly offended.

"You become very... animated when you climax," explained Harry

"Fine then, I'll just have to control myself, won't I?" Hermione stated.

"Still, we'll need a distraction to help us hide, just to be safe" offered Harry. "Maybe we'll do it when Ginny is opening her presents. Everyone should be focusing on her at that point."

"That'll work," agreed Hermione.

"So, what should we do until the party?" asked Harry.

Hermione shared a look with Harry that said that she wasn't in the mood to fool around just yet; a sentiment that Harry wholeheartedly shared. At least, not so soon after their discovery of why Voldemort kept the traitorous Wormtail around.

"How about we read?" Hermione suggested.

"Oh that reminds me," Harry said and stood. "I got you some books yesterday."

The raven-haired wizard made his way up the stairs and knocked on his dorm room door. Seeing that there was no answer from Ron or Luna, Harry assumed that they were asleep. Harry's suspicion was proven correct when he opened the door and found his two friends asleep. Mind you, they were still both very naked. And on Neville's bed. Seeing his friends nude wasn't troubling Harry because he had already done that the day before; he was just glad that they didn't have sex on his bed. But judging by the crumpled and wrinkled bed sheets, not only did they shag on Neville's bed, they also did the deed on Dean's and Seamus' beds as well. It was safe to assume that the only bed that Ron and Luna didn't perform any type of sex act on was Ron's own bed.

Silently, Harry retrieved the books he bought but placed the "Hello Kitty" lingerie to the side. He doubted that Hermione would be pleased with such a gift, and decided to go to Diagon Alley and return it shortly.

Hermione squealed in delight when Harry gave her the books. She immediately flopped down in her favorite chair and began reading them. Harry took this time to go read through his favorite book. He opened up "The Magic of Making Love" to a random page and began to read.

The section he had chosen was entitle "Unusual Rituals and Spells." One of these unusual rituals was called "The Sticky Widget". According to the special book, when the ritual was performed, the wizard remained fully erect and functioning until the ritual was ended with the special incantation /"Conquiesco Fessus"/. The major side effect of this ritual was that the wizard's erect penis would be stuck inside his partner until the ritual was cancelled, allowing at the most a motion of two or three inches while inside the female partner's bits. It was as if the ritual put a Sticking Charm on the penis for some reason. The idea of being firmly stuck inside a witch didn't seem too appealing. Why anyone would do such a ritual was beyond Harry.

But the idea of being able to last longer, and thereby pleasing the witch more, was very intriguing to Harry. That way he could easily make Hermione very happy... other than using his magical mouth... and other than using the Pleasure Pressure Points.... Harry wanted to broaden his horizons and be a Jack of All Trades when it came to pleasing Hermione. It was something that he set his mind to achieve: be an expert at pleasuring Hermione.

So Harry searched for a spell or ritual that would increase his stamina, and in short order, he found one. It was easy to find because it was called "The Stamina Ritual". It would only double the times the wizard could normally perform. But Harry rationalized that two times was better than just once and he memorized the simple ritual. All Harry had to do to get this boost was hop around on his left leg while chanting "Accipio Amplus" seven times.

After he had memorized that ritual, Harry continued to read the book. He was still amazed what was in it. Not just spells and rituals, but positions meant to heighten the pleasure. Some of these positions were called "Churning Cream," "The Black Bee," Splinting the Bamboo," "The Elephant," /and "The Stag"/ (thankfully not related to Harry's father and his animagus form).

A while later, Ron and Luna finally came down. They had showered and dressed for the party. Taking their lead, Harry and Hermione showered - separately, they were running late - and got ready for Ginny's party.

When Harry returned to the Common Room, he found McGonagall waiting along with Ron and Luna.

"I've made a Portkey so we won't get soot on our robes if we go by Floo," announced McGonagall as she held up an old shoe.

"Thank you, Professor," Hermione said as she returned from dressing.

The five gathered around the shoe and McGonagall touched her wand to it and incanted "/Portus/." In a moment, all of them touched the shoe and were magically transported to the Burrow - of course Harry crashed to the ground.

The first thing that Harry noticed was that it was rather hot and unusually humid outside. It was like someone had place a hot wet cloth over his head.

"Bloody heat," grumbled Ron and he helped Harry to his feet.

"Wotcher, gang," a cheerful voice called out. Harry turned and saw Tonks walk out of the Burrow with several chairs floating behind her. The Auror waved her wand and the chairs flew off and landed neatly around a number of tables that were already set on the lawn.

"I thought you were on duty tonight?" Hermione asked as she greeted Tonks.

"Got called off the last minute," Tonks replied with a cheery bloom to her face. Whether the bloom came from happiness or the heat, Harry didn't know. "So I decided to give Molly a hand setting up Ginny's party. 'Course I got the newbie to help me out," she finished by jerking her thumb back at the Burrow. Just then, Courtney, Tonks' Auror trainee, stumbled out of the Weasley house. The witch was carrying two massive tankards of butterbeer while sweat poured off her skin.

"Courtney, are you alright?" Harry asked with concern.

"Yeah," the future Auror responded. "I'm just super hot is all; it's a burden I have to live with. That and it's really warm out today."

"Wow, those are some big jugs," commented Ron while he eyed the large tankards of butterbeer that Courtney was carrying.

"Well you could be a proper gentleman and give her a hand," Molly scolded her son as she too came out of the house, carrying more butterbeer. "Instead of standing there like a buffoon."

Fearful of his mother's temper, Ron snatched the tankards away from Courtney and Harry asked Mrs. Weasley if he could take the ones she was carrying. For the next twenty minutes, Harry and his friends helped set up Ginny's party. While they were setting up the party, the Creevey brothers, Colin and Dennis, arrived via the Knight Bus. Both of them had their cameras, and the moment they saw Harry, began circling their idol and snapping pictures of him.

"Is it true that you're ga - err... dating Draco?" Colin asked with a hopeful tone in his voice and a desperate gleam in his eyes. Harry got the distinct impression that if he replied "yes" then Colin would drop his camera, disrobe and offer himself to his idol, saying something along the lines of "Leave that hooligan and take me!"

/ /"No, I'm not," Harry responded, and Colin's desperate gleam turned hopeful. Wishing to quell the younger wizard's hope of dating the Boy Who Lived, Harry threw his arm around Hermione and concluded, "I'm very straight."

The Creevey brothers both uttered a sad "oh" and sulked off.

"Speaking of the rumors of your orientation," Hermione began as she scanned the growing crowd of guests. "Where are Fred and George?"

"Dunno," Harry said. "Maybe they're closing the shop and will be here late."

Two loud cracks announced the arrival of Luna's father and Neville. Harry heard Ron make a soft noise of panic somewhere behind him. Harry turned and saw a very ashen faced Ron standing behind him. Apparently, Luna's tactic of calming Ron's nerves about meeting her father by shagging her new boyfriend's brains out wasn't completely effective.

"Daddy!" Luna cheered and ran to her father while half-leading, half-dragging Ron behind her. "There's someone I'd like you to meet!"

Harry couldn't hear what Luna was saying to her father, but it was obvious by both wizards' expressions that she was introducing Ron as her boyfriend. Mr. Lovegood was giving Ron a steely gaze while Ron looked like he was about to soil himself.

"Hiya Harry, Hermione," Neville greeted them as he walked away from the awkward situation that was developing between Ron and Mr. Lovegood.

"Hi, Neville. Did you enjoy your trip?" asked Harry. He was stunned when he saw Neville; his friend had lost a little weight around his midsection - a few pounds - but had gained a bit of muscle around his arms and chest. He wasn't muscle bound or athletic, Neville was still a big wizard, but it suited him.

"It was great," heralded Neville. "I got to see so many unique and exotic magical flora."

"Have you been working out?" Hermione asked.

"Kind of," Neville admitted bashfully. "A bunch of the plants that I tried to uproot weren't too keen on the idea and fought back. So I guess in a way I did work out."

A polite cough drew Harry's attention. He turned to face a very ruminative looking Ginny.

"Harry, I'm sorry -" Ginny began.

"There's no need to apologize," Harry interrupted. "I forgive you."

Harry gave Gin-Gin the Erection Killer a comforting hug; much like the way a brother would hug his little sister. He was surprised by his own actions. He had intended to stay away from Ginny as much as possible and had planned only to speak to her in short, but polite, conversations. He had no intentions of accepting any apology from the red-haired witch, much less forgiving her for her actions. Harry was amazed by his unintentional show of maturity.

One look at Hermione told Harry that she, unlike him, had no intention of showing such pardon. The devilish grin on his girlfriend's face warned Harry that she would not let Ginny off so easily. Harry imagined that Hermione was fighting the urge to ask Ginny "Is your vulva still bruised?" or "Boy, Harry can eat me out like nobody's business. Let me tell you Ginny, you're missing out!"

"Hi Neville, I'm glad you could come," Ginny said. Hermione still had her devilish grin and Harry knew that she would be patient. Her revenge against Ginny may not come today, or tomorrow, but one day. Perhaps Hermione would make Ginny be her personal slave in penance. Harry could imagine Hermione making Ginny call her "Mistress."

"Um, hi Ginny," Neville returned her greeting nervously. "I got you this on my trip." Neville withdrew from his robes a pretty red plant with yellow-gold blossoms in a simple pot. He handed it to the birthday girl and explained, "It's called '/Verecundus// Rosa"/ or 'The Shy Rose.' It literally feeds off of attention. If you don't notice it, it wilts and dies. If you give it negative attention, both the leaves and blossoms will turn black and twisted. But if you shower it with positive attention; it will grow strong and beautiful. When I saw it in a forest in Burma, I was struck by its beauty and I thought... well..." Harry could tell that Neville was nervous and embarrassed, but that he was brave enough to finish his statement after regaining his confidence. "It was so beautiful that I thought of you, Ginny."

Ginny's eyes popped open in surprise and her face grew red at Neville's compliment. Neville muttered a "Happy Birthday" and walked away with his cheeks red as well. As he retreated, Neville would occasionally glance over his shoulder.

"Has he been working out?" Ginny asked in a distracted way as she watched Neville walk away. "It suits him."

Another set of loud cracks heralded the arrival of the targets; Fred and George. One of the twins thumped Harry on the back and said in an overly effeminate way, "Hello there, how's your love life, sailor?"

"Oh Feorge, don't pester the poor girl," Fred added in an equally feminine way and slapped his brother in a limp wristed sort of way. "Can't you tell that Harry doesn't like to kiss and tell. She's a shy little princess."

"I will get you two back," Harry threatened.

"Look out Gred, this kitten has claws!" George mocked.

"Meow!" Fred added.

"Live it up," Hermione countered. "But soon, you won't be the ones laughing."

"Ooooo" the twins mocked in unison. "We're so scared!"

Fred and George barked in laughter and walked away.

"Let's start the ritual as soon as possible," Hermione suggested through gritted teeth. Harry nodded his head in agreement; not only would he have his revenge against the twins for starting that rumor about him and Draco but - more importantly - Harry would get to pleasure Hermione, which was always fun.

"It's a simple ritual, but there is one major side effect," warned Hermione.

"What?" Harry hissed. "What side effect?"

"Once we begin the ritual, we'll have to finish," Hermione explained. "The magics used in the ritual will compel us to finish once we start."

"How's that bad?" asked Harry. To him, the idea of being forced to pleasure Hermione wasn't a bad side effect but a nice one.

"Because if we're found out or discovered, we'll still have to complete the ritual," stated Hermione. "That means that you'll have to bring me to orgasm, even if everyone in the party finds out and is watching us. I may be kinky, and the general idea of being caught in the act may be a turn on, but the thought of being actually caught really frightens me."

Harry gulped as the image that Hermione was describing entered his mind. He could imagine that Molly would faint, the Creevey brothers would recoil in disgust (/"eww, a vagina,"/ they'd say), and the twins would offer pointers; "Give her nipples a pinch Harry!" or "Give her the shocker!" they'd say. But whatever the twins had to offer in the realms of humiliation was nothing compared to the threat of Tonks. Oh, gods, just the thought of the horrors that Tonks, and by proxy Remus, would inflict made Harry want to cry in fear.

"Don't worry," Hermione said comfortingly. "We can do this. We need to focus on exactly why we're tempting fate. We do this and we'll get our revenge on the twins."

"They'll see every old witch completely nude," Harry said happily. As fortune would have it, just as Harry said this, an incredibly old witch slowly crept into view. Judging by her squat frame, she must've been one of Mrs. Weasley's relatives... one of her really old relatives at that.

The young couple waited until Fred and George took their seats at the table before sitting a few chairs down on the opposite side. Harry and Hermione ended up sitting near the end of the long table with Tonks and Courtney two chairs away from them. Ginny was at the head of the table with Ron and Luna sitting right next to her.

Everyone was chattering amongst themselves and Harry knew that it wouldn't be a good idea to start the ritual just yet. All the guests were talking to each other and would most likely talk to Harry and Hermione as well, so it was impossible to begin the ritual without someone noticing.

After a few minutes, platters piled high with food flew out of the Burrow's kitchen and landed gracefully on the table. The guests ate while continuing their conversations. Harry was starting to get worried, if it kept on like this he'd never get the chance to finger.... err... perform the ritual and get his revenge against Fred and George.

But thankfully, after supper was finished a large cake magically appeared in front of Ginny and everyone's attention was drawn to the head of the table. Sixteen candles sparked and burned on the cake and everyone began to sing the birthday song.

While the others were singing, Hermione discreetly waved her wand under the table in the direction of Harry's arm while muttering an incantation under her breath. Harry felt his right arm tingle and he held up his hand as an experiment. Hermione's Disillusionment and Glamour Charms worked perfectly. Harry waved his invisible hand in front of his face and marveled over how it looked like his arm hadn't moved at all. He stuck his invisible fore and middle finger in his mouth to wet them with his saliva before sliding his hand under the table and up Hermione's skirt.

Harry was certain that Hermione would defend her decision to go knicker-less was purely in preparation for the ritual. But he also knew that his girlfriend had a huge kinky streak in her and he doubted that she did so solely for the ritual. He placed his wet fingers on Hermione's flower and traced over her bud and petals. Hermione bit her lip while Harry worked his fingers.

Ginny blew out the candles with one breath and Arthur began to slice the cake. After Ginny got her piece, Mr. Weasley turned his attention to Harry.

"Harry would you like some?" Mr. Weasley asked.

'"Um, ah," stammered Harry as everyone at the table turned to face him. Even though he had just started to finger... err... started the ritual, Hermione already had a bloom to her cheeks. He was worried that someone would notice her condition and tried to pull his fingers away from her flower. Unfortunately, his fingers would not heed his command and instead continued to stimulate Hermione's flower. Hermione was right; the magics used in the ritual were preventing him from stopping. "Err... no thanks sir."

"How about you Hermione?" Mr. Weasley asked.

"N-n-no thanks," she muttered and then bit her lip.

"Okay, more for the rest of us," commented Mr. Weasley and continued to pass out slices of cake to the guests.

Judging by how wet Hermione was, Harry realized that he must have been doing a very good job at stimulating his girlfriend. That, or she was really turned on by the fact that they were performing a sex act in the open in front of friends and family.

A soft squelching noise came from Hermione's lap and the two lovers shared a concerned look. They had planned on disguising Harry's arm to hide the ritual, but they had forgotten to mask any sounds.

After everyone had their cake, Ginny started opening her presents. The first box she opened was from her parents which contained earrings that belonged to her grandmother.

"Thanks Mum and Dad," Ginny squealed and moved on to the next present which was Harry's. She read the title of the book and said "Thanks Harry, it's wonderful."

"Um... you're welcome," replied Harry. His worry about being discovered was growing with each second. He was certain that no one had yet noticed that his arm was charmed and Hermione wasn't being her usual energetic self; she wasn't gyrating and moaning like normal - but her face was flush and tiny beads of sweat were blossoming on her skin. Ginny went to open another present and Harry breathed a sigh of relief, obviously no one had noticed Harry or Hermione's actions.

"Oh, thank you Hermione," Ginny squealed while holding up a pretty silver bracelet, obviously Hermione's gift. Harry was surprised at the present; he had been expecting Hermione to give the girl either something simple and meaningless gift like a book on Quidditch, or something mean and derogatory, like a book with a title along the lines of "/You Can't Have Him; Tips on Dating After a Bad Break Up."/ But the bracelet was quiet pretty. With eyes shimmering with tears, Ginny continued; "It's so beautiful! This is too much," the birthday girl objected.

"IT'S NOTHING!" Hermione blurted out. Apparently, the brunette witch was having difficulty containing her composure and let her guard slip a little.

"Thank you," Ginny smiled and opened the next present.

"Are you okay Hermione?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"Oh - oh- oh I'm f-fine," Hermione groaned out.

Ginny continued to open present after present as Harry continued to rub Hermione. The brunette witch was so wet that Harry's fingers were dripping and she was practically flowing. It was probably the fact that they were performing a sex act in public and she was a kinky little witch, but Harry could tell that Hermione was going to have a hell of an orgasm.

"Excuse me, you two, but I have to ask you something," McGonagall said. Harry turned to see the Headmistress standing right over their shoulders. His blood ran cold while his fingers caressed and rubbed Hermione's petals. The Headmistress wore her normal stern expression, but Harry detected a hint of happiness in her voice. Harry just hoped the happiness wasn't over the fact that she had just caught her two favorite students fooling around. "The Board of Governors has finally decided to let Hogwarts remain open."

If Professor McGonagall was expecting thunderous applause from the two teenagers in front of her, she was sadly mistaken. Harry and Hermione were very silent and lost in thought; both over the news that McGonagall had just shared with them and the fear of being caught performing the ritual.

Harry was torn; he was happy that the school was not going to be shut down, but he had made a vow not to return. They had Horcruxes to hunt and he really couldn't bother with school.

"Now, I'm not going to be delusional and hope for a full class," the Headmistress continued with the joy in her voice becoming more and more evident. "We'll be lucky if half the student body returns."

"Oh no," moaned Hermione. Her resolve not to alert anyone that she was being pleasured was obviously starting to crumble.

"Thank you for your concern, Miss Granger, but I don't want to fill myself up with false hope," McGonagall commented. Apparently she mistook Hermione's moan as a show of support and not a sign of pleasure.

Harry and Hermione shared a worried look; they too were torn. They didn't want to bring McGonagall's mood down with their refusal to return to school. That and they were both scared that McGonagall was about to ask what Harry was doing to Hermione.

"Professor... I'm sorry..." Harry began hesitantly.

"I have a proposition for you, Mr. Potter," McGonagall interrupted. "As I said before, we'll be lucky if half of the students return. Such a low amount of students to teach will give the instructors' ample free time. When you two showed up at the castle a few days ago, Miss Granger asked to remain in the castle so that you can train and study in order to fight You-Know-Who. Seeing that I and my peers will have free time, I am offering to give you and some of your friends special advance training. I'm certain that Filius and some of the others would be more than pleased to do the same."

"Oh w-wow," groaned Hermione. Harry knew that she was both pleased by McGonagall's offer for advance training allowing her to learn many new and fascinating things as well as being stimulated by his fingers at the same time.

Harry was honored; McGonagall was offering to give him special advance training. Even though he believed that whatever the Headmistress was going to teach him would be useful, he still needed to search for and destroy the Horcruxes. He couldn't do that if he was cooped up in the castle.

"Before you make up your mind, I want to tell you two things," McGonagall added. "The first is that I am officially offering Miss Granger the position of Head Girl and I want you, Potter, to be Head Boy."

Hermione shivered, the combination of McGonagall telling her that her dream about becoming Head Girl was going to come true and the ecstasy caused by Harry's fingers was driving her wild.

"But Ron's our year's Prefect," Harry countered as Hermione slowly wriggled on his hand.

"You don't need to be a Prefect to qualify for Head Boy, Mr. Potter," explained McGonagall. "Look at your father; Remus was their year's Prefect but James was Head Boy.

"The second thing I wanted to offer should be considered unofficial and between us," McGonagall went on. "Albus' portrait told me that if you did return, you'd need to make special trips throughout the term. What kind of trips, I don't know. But I trust Albus and I will allow you and your friends to make these excursions. I only ask that you don't take them while you should be in lessons."

Harry considered McGonagall's terms; he would get the training he needed and he would be allowed to continue his quest. He turned to Hermione to see what her thoughts on the subject were. Of course he saw the look of desire in her eyes, she had dreamt of being the Head Girl the moment she had entered the castle doors.

"What do you say Miss Granger?" asked McGonagall.

Hermione let out a very low, long, and impassioned "YYEEESSS!"

Harry was amazed at his girlfriend, she was literally throbbing in his palm. The public sex act combined with his fingers working her quim along with the news McGonagall had just told her was making her reach the pinnacle of pleasure.

"And you Mr. Potter?" McGonagall inquired.

"I don't know," Harry said hesitantly. The Headmistress was being very giving in her offer, but Harry was still concerned that going back to finish his seventh year at Hogwarts would interfere with his quest.

McGonagall added in an undertone, "Did I mention that the Head Boy and Girl each get their own private quarters where neither one would be disturbed by any unwanted interruptions."

"I'LL DO IT!" explained Harry joyously. The idea that he'd get his own room where he and Hermione could fool around without any interruptions was enough to seal the deal.

"Thank you very much," McGonagall said genuinely and walked away.

A muffled moan emanated from Hermione and Harry could tell that she was about to erupt and that she wouldn't be able to control herself. She was going to scream bloody murder and everyone at the table will find out exactly what they were doing. Harry couldn't let his girlfriend be embarrassed in such a way; he had to do something to drown out her cries. Sadly, Harry came up with the perfect plan to do just that.

From across the table, Harry mouthed the words "I'm sorry" to Ron. The red haired wizard looked at his best mate in confusion.

"Ron and Luna had sex loads of times on their first date!" Harry announced loudly. All eyes turned to Ron and Luna. Ron looked like he was about to have a stroke but Luna's expression looked calm and passive, as if Harry had just told everyone that the sky was blue.

"RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY!" Molly screamed.

Mr. Lovegood was glowering at the wizard who deflowered his daughter as Mrs. Weasley stalked over to Ron while everyone watched her in fear. The heat of rage coming from Mrs. Weasley was intense, but so was the heat of passion from Hermione's flower. Harry's girlfriend gripped the table and was obviously forcing her orgasm back until the proper time.

Mrs. Weasley started to scream at Ron. "HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING! DID YOU SLIP THE POOR GIRL A LUST POTION?"

Molly's unnaturally loud voice drowned out Hermione's cry of "SWEET BABY MAEVE!" as she came in Harry's hand.

The twins blinked and shook their head as the magic from the ritual entered their bodies. Fred looked at his mother and his eyes almost popped out of his skull.

"Mum," Fred screeched. "Put some clothes on!"

"Holy Shite!" George screamed while looking at Professor McGonagall. "Y-y-you're s-s-sh-s-shaved?"

"What the devil is wrong with you two?" demanded Mrs. Weasley. Her twins' outburst distracted her from the anger she was feeling toward her youngest son.

"What's wrong with us, what's wrong with you?" shot back George. "You're naked!"

"As a jaybird!" added Fred.

"Aunt Gisele," George murmured in fear as his eyes locked on the ancient witch that Harry had seen earlier. "W-w-wh-what's with the piercings?"

Mr. Lovegood was still staring daggers at Ron - who looked like he was going to faint at any second - and Luna seemed fascinated by the pattern on the tablecloth. Mrs. Weasley was arguing with the twins that she wasn't naked and that Fred and George better straighten up. As this was going on, Ginny shrugged her shoulders, picked up the plant Neville gave her, and sat next to Neville and proceeded to talk to him as if her family wasn't having a knock-down-drag out fight around them. Or merely that this was pretty much an everyday affair for her family.

"Merlin, I wish my boyfriend was that brave," sighed Courtney.

"Brave? What do you mean?" asked Harry.

"Brave enough to finger bang me in public," the Auror in training explained and batted her eyes at Harry.

Hermione let out a pathetic whimper and Harry coughed uncontrollably. Their plan failed; Courtney saw them! And judging by the devilish smile on Tonks, she had seen them do it too.

"Oh, I think he'd have to be more kinky than brave," offered Tonks.

"Oh, my boyfriend's plenty kinky," retorted Courtney. "He can do this thing with his tongue-"

"You saw?" Hermione interrupted. The panic and fear was evident in both her voice and her eyes.

"Of course we did," Tonks snorted. "One of the first things we learn in the Academy is to spot, and more importantly, see through Disillusionment Charms."

Harry tried to swallow the large ball that had formed in his throat. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mr. and Mrs. Weasley lead Ron, Luna, and Luna's father into the Burrow. The parents looked very somber as they left the table.

"You two are the kinkiest lot I've ever seen," Tonks commented and then added to Courtney. "This is the second time they done this in public."

"He's finger-banged her twice! Bravo, Harry," Courtney exclaimed while clapping softly.

"Although when I caught them doing it at Bill and Fleur's wedding the charms they used to hide Harry's hand and arm were much better," admitted Tonks.

"Actually, we... err... I did that one by accident," Harry said with embarrassment.

"How can you do that by accident?" asked Courtney. "'Oh, I'm sorry, I just tripped and unintentionally pleasured you to an orgasm with my finger.'"

"I could see that," Tonks offered. "Though he'd have to trip a lot to do so."

The two witches laughed at Harry and Hermione's expense. Harry was a little ticked at their attitude.

"It's called Pleasure Pressure Points," Harry defended.

"/Pleasure/ what?" the two Aurors asked.

Lecturing was Hermione's area of expertise and she explained to Tonks and Courtney about "The Magic of Making Love" and its uses. After a few minutes of explanation, Courtney asked; "So that little finger bang was a ritual?"

"Yes, it makes the twins see through the clothes of witches, but only ones over fifty," Hermione clarified.

"And the book told Harry how he can do that thing with his Parseltongue?" inquired Tonks to which Hermione nodded. "That means not all the magic listed in the book has to do with rituals correct?"

"Well, the Parselmouth thing was a power boosting ritual," Harry explained. "But we've done it a few times since then simply for pleasure."

It seemed a little odd speaking so openly about sex in front of Courtney and Tonks, and Harry was surprised that he was offering so much information.

"Do you think I could borrow the book for a while?" asked Tonks.

"Why?" asked Harry.

"I want to see if it'll help me grow bigger daisies in my garden," Tonks said snidely. "Why do you think I want to? I want to use some of the stuff in there to shag Remus silly, that's why."

"I don't know Tonks," Hermione stated. "Harry's power core is kind of keyed to the book and its rituals; we'll be using it a lot and I don't think I could lend it out just yet."

As Hermione was speaking to Tonks, a sudden thought occurred to Harry; they could get back at Remus and the pink haired Auror for their practical jokes by using the book. His idea centered on somehow tricking Remus and Tonks into doing something embarrassing. Exactly what, Harry didn't know just yet, but he could think of that later.

"Well, can't we make them a copy of the book?" offered Harry.

"But magical copies only last a few days before disintegrating," Hermione said.

"Who cares if it only lasts for a few days?" Harry asked with a knowing look in his eyes.

"That's right, I'll thumb through the copy and memorize the fun ones before it disintegrates," Tonks added.

"All right," Hermione concluded. It was clear by the look in her eyes that Hermione was curious as to what Harry was planning.

Harry, Hermione, Tonks, and Courtney talked for nearly an hour; discussing techniques and positions (Harry was desperately trying to memorize something that Courtney called /"The Sunday Morning Scoop"/). After the sun had set, Harry and Hermione decided it was time to head back home. The couple got up and started to head to the Burrow to fetch Ron and Luna when Ginny spoke up.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," Ginny said. She was still sitting next to Neville and had stopped her in-depth conversation with him to warn Harry and Hermione. "About fifteen minutes ago, Dad came out and ushered McGonagall in. He said something about making it official or something like that."

Harry looked at Hermione and he could tell that she was wondering the same thing he was; make what official?

"Oh, by the way," continued Ginny. "What the hell was wrong with Fred and George? They left a while ago looking like they had thrown up and soiled themselves all at the same time."

A warm and happy feeling passed over Harry. Their revenge had worked perfectly. With any luck, the twins would be permanently scarred!

"I don't know," Hermione lied and had a huge grin on her face. It was obvious that she too was overjoyed that the twins were suffering. "We're heading back to the castle, happy birthday, Ginny."

Ginny waved goodbye and turned back to Neville. She then continued her conversation with Neville; the pair speaking in soft tones to each other.

"I guess we'll Apparate to Hogsmeade and walk to the castle," suggested Hermione.

With a crack, the couple disappeared from the Burrow and after what felt like being squeezed through a rubber tube, appeared in front of the Three Broomsticks. The moment they arrived, Hermione turned to Harry and demanded;

"All right, what do you have planned with the book?" she asked. "That look you gave me back there said you had something in mind."

"I figured that we give them a copy of the special book, but we change a few things around," Harry explained. "Basically trick them into pranking themselves."

"That's brilliant Harry," exclaimed Hermione while they made their way to the castle.

"But I'm a little concerned about Remus discovering the prank like he did with our first try," admitted Harry.

"Don't worry, Harry; Detection Charms won't work in situations like this," explained Hermione. "For a Detection Charm to work, the caster has to be very familiar with the item he or she is casting the charm on. For example, Remus would've had to read the special book and know what it contained very well if he wanted to use a Detection Charm on it. Without knowing what was contained in the book in the first place, Remus won't be able to tell what is different about it so any Detection Charms he'd cast on it would be worthless. So what kind of sticky situation are you planning on putting them in?"

At first Harry had no idea, but slowly, Hermione's comment about a sticky situation sunk in. The Sticky Widget! He'd trick them into performing the ritual he had read earlier in the day!

"You are the most brilliant witch in the whole world," Harry heralded and kissed his girlfriend. "I found a ritual in the book today where the two people will get stuck in mid-boink."

"Why would anyone want to intentionally do that?" Hermione asked.

"I had no idea," answered Harry. "But I reckon we'll disguise it by mixing it with a stamina ritual and trick the two of them into doing it."

"And we can put a mild Compulsion Charm on that specific ritual. That way, they'd have to choose it," finished Hermione. "And don't worry about Remus finding the Compulsion Charm, a lot of books have them and it won't seem out of place."

"A lot of books have Compulsion Charms on them?" asked Harry in a disbelieving way.

"Yes," replied Hermione. "It's just a thing publishers do to make mediocre books sell well. Just look at The Da Vinci Code."

The young lovers spent the night making the copy of The Magic of Making Love with the altered ritual. The first thing in the morning, Harry sent the tampered book off with Hedwig to Tonks. Soon, revenge would be theirs.

He returned to the Common Room to find Hermione waiting for him.

"Have Ron and Luna come back yet?" he asked.

"No, not yet," Hermione replied. "They're probably just shagging like bunnies somewhere."

Hermione paused and her expression suddenly became somber.

"Harry, I just wanted to give you some time to prepare," Hermione stated. "The potion needed for my boosting ritual will be ready in four days."

As he stood there in the Common Room in front of his girlfriend, Harry's heart started to race. Not out of fear like it had the other day when he thought that they were going to make love right then and there, but out of excitement. Apparently, he was less afraid and more keen on the idea now.

"I just wanted to tell you so that you can prepare yourself," repeated Hermione and she walked up to hug Harry.

When she placed her arms around him, Harry could tell that she was both excited and nervous over the ritual where she will lose her virginity. In a show of support, Harry returned her hug.

But seeing that his heart was racing and he was excited over the thought of making love to the most wonderful witch in the world, /'Harry, Jr.' /was suddenly very awake. The organ was jabbing Hermione in her hip as if it was saying that it was up for the ritual whenever she wanted to give it a try.

"Is that that your wand in your pocket?" Hermione asked saucily.

"No, I'm just really happy to see you," Harry replied with a lopsided grin.

"You know, I had all the fun last night and you didn't get any," stated Hermione and she eyed the bulge in Harry's trousers.

"Well, it was fun for me too," offered Harry truthfully. It was correct that he hadn't climaxed, but he really did enjoy pleasuring Hermione.

"Regardless, I feel I have to return the favor. Besides, I have to practice being Head Girl," she said while placing a great deal of emphasis on the word/ "Head"/. Hermione gave Harry a naughty little wink and lowered herself so that she was kneeling in front of her boyfriend.

Harry's heart was no longer racing but rather it was pounding away faster then he ever remembered! He was becoming light headed over the prospect of getting a blow-job from Hermione as well as the idea of making love to her in a few days. 'Harry, Jr.' was throbbing in his slacks and Hermione playfully stroked his length through his trousers. Harry's mind was filled with the image of Hermione's naked body underneath him and moaning out his name while they made love for the first time. With her dainty fingers, Hermione opened his trousers. The image of he and Hermione making love combined with Hermione kneeling in front of him with her fingers hooked around the waistband of his boxers ready to pull them down made Harry's heart feel like it was about to explode!

Unfortunately, Harry's heart wasn't the thing that did explode.

Harry grunted and his body shivered as he involuntarily climaxed and soiled the inside of his boxers. With her eyes wide open, Hermione looked up and said to Harry with a chuckle "I guess you were really excited?"

The young wizard slumped his shoulders dejectedly. Harry had been about to get another "birthday present" from Hermione, but he had suffered a bout of premature ejaculation.

"Ron's record is what... six in a row?" Hermione asked as she continued to look up at Harry. "Let's see if we can give him a run for his money?"

Hermione tugged Harry's boxers down and freed a messy 'Harry, Jr.'. She placed his softening manhood into her mouth and began to work it.

With a gulp, Harry said "You are the best girlfriend ever!"

With the organ still in her mouth, Hermione replied "Yes I am, aren't I?"

It took some effort on Hermione's part, but after a minute or two, she brought 'Harry, Jr.' back from his premature nap. She bobbed, suckled, and hummed Harry's theme expertly. But this time, Hermione added a new technique; she began to gently massage 'Harry, Jr.'s luggage.

Harry's knees were shaking a few minutes into Hermione's fellatio. He had never done this standing up and added to the fact that he had already cum, Harry was worried that he might fall down. Thankfully, Harry remained strong and he felt the pressure build up.

"Hermione, I'm gonna cum," he groaned out.

The brunette witch redoubled her efforts and Harry unloaded himself into her mouth. He collapsed on the couch after he was finished and panted heavily.

"I'd definitely say that my experiment to change your taste is working," Hermione said happily after swallowing. She crawled over to Harry on all fours and played with his penis. Her pretty hazel eyes looked at the organ hungrily.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked while still trying to catch his breath.

"I told you that I wanted to give Ron a run for his money and I meant it," Hermione replied with steely determination in her voice before popping 'Harry, Jr.' back in her mouth.

"Her...my...oh...neee!" Harry groaned.




To Be Continued!
4 comments

anonymous readerReport

2011-03-27 09:34:56
Haha the part about the da vinci code was absolutely hilarious!! made me lol so hard!!

Redneck4lifeReport

2010-07-12 19:50:26
Who is Gorge. Spell check is a friend.

Anonymous readerReport

2008-09-09 17:55:46
where's #14

bunnyfuckReport

2008-09-05 18:33:15
it really funny about the prank against fred & gorge.

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