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Author's infos Gender: Female Age: Secret Location: N/A |
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| Introduction: Simply venting the past | ||
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No catchy title, in a way what I’m about to post just another of my ways to come to grips with myself, my past and who I’ve become from it for good or bad. Though for many years I’ve kept much of my past hidden and secret, as I’ve come to accept myself have this urge to share more and more. Though not the point of the story yet having relevance, from a very young age being the only child and stuck with a father who quite simply had decided since my also young mother had run off when I was born, that I clearly was her replacement. As you can imagine it was a rather terrible time for me. Forced to serve him in all ways, it really all I had ever known. It not really an option and there would be no help coming till I could get out on my own. Being a very rural community, those that did know of us for the most part shunned us. My father a drunk (which at times was a saving grace when he’d pass out), and for the most part us considered white trash so simply left to our means. The worst part perhaps being I had no one to turn to not even to just simply be around others. As you can imagine no other parents would want their children around me, and adults knowing much of what was happening considered me I suppose to already be a lost cause. Add to that it being us so poor or my father’s perverse ways, most of the time I was kept naked around the farm. So it was just him and I. There was one saving grace however, unfortunately just as twisted I suppose as the rest of the situation. That being the comfort I found via Buck my fathers hound. Now before I continue know that though things changed eventually, Buck had always comforted me when sobbing away, or hurt from that days beatings. So though things eventually turned I believe with all my heart his was always in the right place. The day things changed had been a rough one. My father drunk as usual was unfortunately not drunk enough. What started out as one of his usual ravings, quickly as was often the case ended up with his cock in my mouth and even at this young age had learned not to resist. Now the day could of turned out one of three ways, even though just a child I had learned to some degree how to manipulate this man. So when his insults turned to a slap, and then an undoing of his belt, I knew if I made him cum hard enough the whole day might be over. Unfortunately it was not to be. He had not drunk enough so that meant there would be more to come. The second way it could of turned out was he’d leave for a bit, then most likely come back very drunk where it would simply be a repeat of the morning. Sadly, it was not to be that way either leaving the only other option of these sorts of days. That being to have to endure him fucking me, and there was nothing enjoyable about it his 6’+ frame over my own of maybe 3’. Done with me I suppose and off to do whatever he did when not at home, I was quite simply left laying there legs spread wide and hurting bad enough I didn’t want to close them. Now on most days like this, Buck would of simply jumped up on the bed and laid his head on my belly. Yet this day be it my pose, or perhaps the cum flowing from me, Buck instead did something he had never done before that being to quite simply walk up between my thighs and start bathing me. It startled me to be sure, yet though I guess reflex having learned not to resist any contact I froze instead with Buck just lapping away at my cunnie. As you can imagine I really didn’t want anything touching me there. Yet as he continued I began to relax, and soon the tension of being touched where I didn’t want to be turned to soothing comfort. This was a new sensation to me, touch not harsh and brutal, and though my father had made me service him in all ways, I had never felt his mouth on me ever let alone be gentle and comforting. Now I didn’t cum, in fact at this point in my life I had never even had an orgasm, yet by the time it was done Buck as usual jumping up and cuddling I had discovered the first and only soothing I had ever experienced, and it would set a tone for much of my remaining days there. My routine had suddenly changed. What had once been a very lonely existence, devoid of any caring contact found me now seeking it out. To me initially there was nothing sexual about it. Quite simply comfort, and something to look forward to. Now when my father was around, maybe Buck more intuitive then I, he’d keep his distance from me. Yet when we’d go into the fields, barn or down by the creek, and always when my father wasn’t home it would always start the same. A nuzzle here, or a lick there, Buck quite often taking to bathing my body fully I quickly gaining a penchant for having my armpits, bottom and especially my feet bathed. To me there was nothing sexual about it, yet in time I found the soothing licks and bathing of my cunt brought on new sensations, and these most definitely sexual as after about a couple weeks of this I experienced my first orgasm. I’ll never forget the day, up early as always fetched my father his bottle him leaving me alone too hung over from his night before, and quickly made my way out to down by the creek where he’d never go naturally Buck in tow. Though embarrassing now to think how ridiculous I must of looked, like always when alone it took me all of two seconds to flop on my back and put my feet up in the air for Buck to bathe. After a short while as usual, my legs went down and I patted my cunnie signaling Buck to lick there, and with his usual attentions it began, yet today things would change. Quickly I noted a churning feeling in my belly. My thighs and chest began to tingle, and a feeling of something was happening yet though it scared me I didn’t want it to stop. It didn’t take long, my back arching a little as I shook and trembled, Buck just continuing to lap away till I pulled my legs together him then as always laying his head on my belly. That day alone I guess I must of cum maybe 4 times. It was new, felt obviously good, yet really I think more it simply felt like something that was just mine. Quickly my body I guess began to change. Daily I’d wake up with a buzzy feeling in my gut and cunnie. Soon I also began to notice I had started becoming whet, and that whetness seemed to be almost constant and rather copious what I guess was my bodies new found defense mechanism from my fathers attentions. That almost constant whetness seemed to help a LOT when my father decided on fucking me rather then one of his more usual demands for a blowjob or hand job. It made it all so much less painful, though it seemed to anger him to no end him even making me wipe myself off before hand, there was no stopping the flood now that it had been started. What it did however do past making life a bit easier, was inform me that it was a sexual thing. It coming from there, it aiding in my fathers rapes, and I guess to a great degree I also realized in how when I thought of Buck licking me, how it would simply flood out of me often to a point I was dripping Buck also seeming especially excited by it, and naturally doing all he could to lap it up. The final piece to the puzzle I suppose as to discovering all this to be sexual (not having put that term to it with my father or buck till much older), came the day Buck and I were in our hiding place in the barn. Having already cum a couple times and recuperating, Buck had shifted to over me as he bathed the sweat from the heat of the day and my orgasms off my body. Perhaps just the first time I paid attention, yet I found myself looking straight up at his cock and balls the tip out of the sheath maybe an inch and dripping slightly. No doubt it being bright red catching my eye, yet knowing what they were used for due to my father, it suddenly struck me that Buck was male, and having known when my fathers cock was swollen and oozing (with precum), knew what a male wanted done with it. I’m not sure if it was just habit, or maybe a sense of obligation as I doubt it was a sexual desire, yet when I saw the tip of Bucks cock I simply knew what I was either supposed to do or needed to, and raised up my head and licked the red tip. Buck froze yet he did not move away, raising up higher I tilted my head back, and as soon as my hand reached for his cock gripping it Buck began to thrust his hips. Almost instantly I could taste his precum flowing, MUCH more then my fathers ever had. Yet I simply sucked and stroked away though Buck did most of the work the position so awkward, and in a very short time I had a mouth full of Bucks cum. No doubt just habit I swallowed it down, Buck quickly stepping off me yet unlike the usual slap or vile words of cunt, whore, or half-breed I ‘d get from my father, I instead was met with what seemed to me to be thankful licks to my face, and the tide had shifted in our relationship. It still strikes me how I felt after. It felt right, it felt to me like this is what my father was supposed to do after his maulings, I also felt shame yet not for the reason you may think. The shame I felt is it struck me how I had been using Buck like my father used me, and that moment I vowed to never do so again. The same day was met with more of the same, more of Buck making me cum via his tongue, and more of me doing the same for him with my mouth. That afternoon when my fathers drunken shout of “get your ass in here half-breed” had me running, I’ll also never forget how what had been fear and loathing soon turned to a defiant animosity. He even mentioned it how I had stopped screeching to leave me alone, how I didn’t try and run when I normally would, or how I’d glare at him when he’d make me do him. Oh it netted me a few slaps, yet each day I’d spend with Buck simply showed me that my father was the fucked up one, and his way of life was not normal. Having finally put two and two together I soon realized that all my father had been doing to me Buck should be allowed to as well. It only right I thought I suppose, Buck doing things right and doing them for me not himself so I believed. So our oral play soon turned to that of full blown intercourse. The first time came only two days after my first blowjob to buck. My father gone for the day and as usual instantly mine and Buck’s play beginning (there nothing else to do no electricity, or really anything). It starting with him licking my feet, almost instantly it moving to my cunnie, yet I remember for some reason no doubt just because I liked it moving off the bed to have him lick my bottom. Within a couple of minutes I had already begun to cum, yet us doing all this so often every day, I found it odd when Buck paused instead of moving around for me to go down on him and began to whine. Catching my breath I looked back, Bucks hips softly humping in the air I guess it my pose of all fours having inspired this, so without hesitation not knowing any better, I patted the small of my back and said “up Buck”. It just seemed right, as though if I could do this for someone I hated, I most definitely could for someone I cared for. It taking no more prodding as in almost an instant I felt Buck’s weight on my hips him rather heavy actually bigger then I, and then felt something that to this day still thrills me as his paws set to the inside of my thighs and pressed them open wide and back. I could feel my cunnie open, could feel my whetness flowing down, and finally could feel not the usual hard jab I knew, yet him searching gently to find my vagina and once he had he seemed to pause though was just a moment. Oh he ended up fucking like dogs do to be sure. His efforts fast, I remember his drool and hot breath on my neck as he thrust into me quite rapidly. It was odd yet I was not surprised or displeased by it, it all as said before just seeming right. I even remember a great source of pride in being able to do this for him. Though I didn’t cum, I remember how much more he did and me racing around to get the mess up before my father came home later. Instantly after Buck licking me to another orgasm as I remained in place, to then lick himself and this time being the first though in subsequent times I tended to do it. All in all that day he probably came inside me taking me the same way perhaps five or six times. My father asking about the scratches my claiming it from the hay, yet most of all I’ll not forget my hateful smirk when he was grunting over me that night him slapping me for it yet unnerving him enough he couldn’t even finish. My thoughts simple, I had just taken away from my father that part of me. In fact all of me as now all of this sexual stuff was now mine. In time Buck and I playing daily, in fact how as much time as I could get was spent I’ll never forget a lesson I learned from it. My father had stayed home, and there was no getting out of the house to be with Buck. I remember my cunnie was sopped, and my father sitting in his chair had whipped out his cock commanding the “halfbreed cunt” get over there. I’m sure of what I was thinking. Not that I was just horny thinking of Buck yet how much my body was not his to use. In kind I suppose I wanted revenge, to use him for once and make him feel like he made me. So when he reached for my head I simply slapped his hand away, and before he could react I was on his lap, my heels locked under his thighs, and had shoved his cock into my cunnie and was riding him as hard and fast as I could to make myself cum. He was stunned trying to wrench me off him. Shouting at me too close to hit, I guess I don’t know what came over me yet I leaned back at one point and slapped him for the first time as hard as I could and told him as he had me so often “shut the fuck up whore!” He froze, more so, his cock almost instantly became soft. I remember trying to finish myself then getting angry and getting off announcing “worthless whore” as he had said to me so many times when through. Oh be sure, I had the tar beat out of me that night worse then ever and naturally that exciting him enough to fuck me then. Yet that day I took it all back from him, and in the months to come that lesson served me well as in a way I think he either began to fear me though just a small child, or maybe just it threatening when you couldn’t terrify the one you were about to abuse. For another two years it went on like that. Buck and I daily having sex in every way you can imagine, my father getting his licks in, yet all in all, much less, and much less brutal him almost seeming nervous when he rape me, even the hateful words growing much less. For whatever reason the day came when I was ten, that Buck one day simply did not come home. After a few days I guess I assumed he had been killed, and in silent mourning I guess I just shut down. About a week went by, then came the day my father and all his buddies decided to drink at his house. Naturally I entertainment though nothing short of lifeless making it worse them angry yet not stopping them never the less. Often I imagined though I’m sure untrue that it was Buck’s way of saying “time for me to go”. So like my mother before me, doing something I never dared to do putting on my cutoff bibs and nothing more, I walked out the door like my mother had, and not till much older was ever to return. Over the years and in all my travels I was often forced to be with animals for others entertainment or torture I suppose. So maybe I have a fucked up outlook yet during those times it never felt to me like the animal did it to be cruel like all the men I knew were being when they took me. To this day though having resolved my hatred of people having sorted out the whys of so many, I’ve never hesitated when it came to dogs mostly to give into them when so inspired. No doubt a twisted sort of thinking, in my mind it just seeming right. I know it’s not, yet I know that when a dog wants sex with you it’s because he wants you and simply sex. It seeming always appreciated, never encouraged by me yet never refused. In fact part of that a lie, as there have been times I’ve sought comfort from dogs yet rarely. In the end Buck having taught me what a healthy sexual attitude was, and though maybe wrong for me at times is right. Perhaps if well received I’ll post a subsequent and less ugly encounter…..Yet know if you’re reading this past my husband, you’re the first to know of Buck and part of my youth. Hush…..an alias |
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