Gender: Male Age: Secret Location: N/A
Ronnie combed his hair and considered his options. His top grain brown buffed buffalo fringe leather jacket with zip out lining, 7" fringe, snap front pockets, decorative conchos, and a handy inside chest pocket smelled warm and leathery. This was a problem for Ronnie. His top grain brown buffed buffalo fringe leather jacket gave him a boner. It was the smell and the warm damp leather feel of the jacket. The constant motion of the fringe did something to warmly tickle his scrotum.
Ronnie had been out for more than four hours in his top grain brown buffed buffalo fringe leather jacket and he’d had an erection the whole time. He knew he should call a doctor and tell them he had a stiffy for over four hours.
Ronnie didn’t had health insurance, so he did not have a doctor. He knew of a drug dealer called “Doctor James”. Dr James attended the local collage for a year and a half. Ronnie decided to give him a call.
Ronnie rang up Doctor James on his cellular telephone.
“Doctor James.” said Ronnie, “I’m calling you because I’ve had an erection for over four hours.”
“Truly I saith unto thee, wank the flank, dude yank on the tube steak until you shoot out your warm sticky baby batter cream corn. That should do it.” Offered Doctor James
“I’d do that, but I can’t now. I’m out in public shopping for a small shank titanium trombone mouthpiece." explained Ronnie. "I prefer a 24.62mm rim diameter and a .979 inches throat. It’s a medium size Jazz mouthpiece with a shallow cup. It produces a warmer fuller sound than
most mouthpieces. It has an even response, great projection, and is a comfort to play.”
“Besides”, continued Ronnie “This is a problem whose solution is much more complicated than just slappin’ the hog. You know my top grain brown buffed buffalo fringe leather jacket with zip out lining, 7" fringe, snap front pockets, decorative conchos, and a handy inside chest pocket?”
“Yes” replied Doctor James, “That is a fine looking jacket. Excellent sartorial pronouncement. It’s like a jelly in a cream covered in chocolate. A truffle with sleeves. A fringed fluffernutter.”
“Well, the jacket is the problem.” offered Robert. “It gives me a boner.”
“It gives you a boner?” replied a startled Doctor James. That’s one magic jacket. It’s like a warm and leathery Viagra. That would explain it.”
“Explain what?” asked Ronnie.
“Well” began Doctor James slowly, “Whenever I see you in that top grain brown buffed buffalo fringe leather jacket, I want to kneel down before you, unzip your pants, and slurp your still flaccid penis into my warm and thirsty mouth; feeling it stiffen as I wrap my arms around your hips and squeeze your manly buttocks. That’s not going to help you in your current predicament.”
“Well what would you suggest?” asked a desperate Ronnie.
Doctor James paused and took his 1 1/4" diameter, fancy center Celtic weave solid silver snuff box out of his shirt pocket. He opened the box and took a pinch of the P?l Tabak Gawith Apricot snuff out, brought it up to his nostril and sniffed.
“What you need,” began Doctor James slowly “is some junk. Heroin. That will make you limp.”
“What do I owe you for your advice, Doctor James?” asked Ronnie
“Thou shalt truly tithe all the increase of thy seed, that the field bringeth forth year by year.” (Deuteronomy 14:22) said Doctor James.
“Cool.“ said Ronnie. He hung up, bought some heroin from a catholic priest. The priest explained the heroin kept him away from the young boys.
Ronnie shot up in the bathroom of a laundry mat. His boner was gone. Ronnie decided to write an email to a girl named Leslie he met about a month earlier at a church social.
How are you? I am fine. I’ve been so busy lately that I’ve hardly had time to enjoy the summer. I guess it really helps keep a guy out of trouble…hahaha
Well, I noticed you at church last Sunday, but I didn’t get a chance to talk to you. You know Leslie, the good lord has blessed us all with gifts we should use to bring him honor and praise. It was obvious when I look at you that the good Lord had blessed you with a decent rack which could draw the attention of most males of the specie. A guy would want to procreate with you based on your cute face and perky breasts. A guy would attempt to engage in in harmless banal conversation, attempting to draw your interest, make you laugh, and just feel comfortable with him. In this way he would hope to gain your trust. His aim with all this cloak and dagger subterfuge would be to get you alone in a place where he could fondle your breasts and get them out of your shirt and brassiere. Once the aforementioned male got your breasts out of your brassiere, he would have an enhanced feeling of arousal and would want to put your pink upturned nipples into his mouth and suck upon them as he rubbed his rock hard penal boner into your mons deferens region. In this way, perhaps your stench trench would become sufficiently lubricated so as to allow the male’s penal boner entry into your quivering quim where he would be able to shoot a load of baby batter into your bearded clammy gash perhaps impregnating you. Perhaps we can talk about this and Jesus over coffee.
Let me know!
Ronnie went to purchase small shank titanium trombone mouthpiece with a 24.62mm rim diameter and a .979 inches throat. When he checked his email later, Leslie had sent him a reply. She wanted to meet the next day at a coffee shop in her neighborhood. Ronnie went home and took off His top grain brown buffed buffalo fringe leather jacket. When the junk wore off, he boner came back. Ronnie felt that this was due to his close proximity to the aforementioned top grain brown buffed buffalo fringe leather jacket. Ronnie heated up some cream corn on the stove and put it in a rubber glove. He put the rubber glove over his schwantzolla and yanked until he shot a hot jet of baby batter into the warm cream corn glove.
The next day, Leslie woke up, smiled her sunny smile took a shower and now paused and pondered the dilemma before her. She was in quite a quandary. Should she wear her incredibly lightweight small blue fashion mesh low-rise 100% nylon mesh cotton crotch elastic lace trim thong, or her imported one size fits most sexy simple and comfortable ruffle turquoise nylon/spandex thong with cotton lined crotch? She decided to call her friend Jack and ask him.
“Hello, Jack?” said Leslie
“Yes” said Jack
“I’m meeting this guy I met at a church social at a coffee shop. I just took a shower and I can’t decide if I should wear my incredibly lightweight small blue fashion mesh low-rise 100% nylon mesh cotton crotch elastic lace trim thong, or my imported one size fits most sexy simple and comfortable ruffle turquoise nylon/spandex thong with cotton lined crotch. I also want to make sure my cunt doesn’t smell like a dead old goat. I’d sure want to get the dead old goat smell out of my cockpit before I’d present it to any respectable man, and this Ronnie guy is a god fearing patriotic respectable man. I gave my honey pot a double douche but Jack; I need you to come over and sniff my cooter and tell me if it smells like a dead old goat or something of that nature. Can you come over and give it a quick sniff this morning?”
Suddenly, Jack’s mouth tasted like the Devil Satan Beelzebub himself had shot a huge load of his hot satanic baby batter out of his huge warty satanic shlong into right into Jack’s gapping wide yapper. Jack popped a couple of breath mints and experienced a powerful burst of breath cleansing action that cleansed his mouth by neutralizing the hot satanic baby batter taste. Jack could feel the power of the slippery elm, aloe vera and the natural oil of peppermint sooth and comfort the inside of his mouth.
“Sure I can come by and give your groin trout a sniff” said Jack
Later, Ronnie met Leslie at the coffee shop. They sat a window table with their lattes and talked.
“Praise Jesus I just love to fart!” exclaimed and excited Ronnie. “I have a nice wrangler ass bubble butt that looks delectably juicy in faded skintight jeans or tight and squeaky shiny and squeaky vibrating vinyl or leather pants! I love to rip ass in my tight jeans with no underwear or slide around on a vinyl seat in a bar or restaurant with my leather pants on so I can dig the vibration and sexy fart sounds that it makes. I just love to fart in my black leather pants. The way it smells with the leather gets me hot. My farts smell like eggs or broccoli! Yippie! I’d love to sit on each of your faces and let loose a loud vibrating ripper through my tight jeans! It would smell like rotten deviled eggs!”
“Oh my gosh” replied Leslie, “I’m really into sniffing and sucking in guy's farts.” Explained Leslie, “My older brother and his friends used to sit on my face and fart when I was a kid. Now, I dig it when guys sit on my face and fart or I’ll rim their asshole while they fart. When I rim them I suck the fart into my lungs and I also put my nose in their asshole when they fart and sniff in all that lovely goodness. I dated one guy who would have me sit under a rim seat while he watched TV and drank cheap beer and he’d fart for HOURS...really, he could fart anytime, anywhere, non-stop. It was amazing and it still gives me a wet beaver just thinking about it. Several times I've cum without touching myself when guys have been farting in my face. That's always the best orgasm I have. Wish I could meet more guys who would be into farting in a good Christian lady’s face for whatever reason.”
Ronnie nervously played with the , 7" fringe on his top grain brown buffed buffalo fringe leather jacket. He had a huge boner.
“By the way, I have huge nipples.” continued Leslie. “There’s only one kind of regular bra I can wear that I like that covers my nipples well. It’s not like my tits are really big, I’m just average, but my nipples are huge.” Leslie went on, gently shrugging her shoulders, pushing her breasts together. “Like it’s asking too much for a bra to cover my nipples. It‘s the cross I bear through this short life.”
“I see” replied a befuddled Ronnie.
Leslie was intrigued by this handsome man in the top grain brown buffed buffalo fringe leather jacket with zip out lining, 7" fringe, snap front pockets, decorative conchos, and a handy inside chest pocket that smelled warm and leathery. She wondered what it would be like sucking his tube steak. She knew it wouldn’t be like driving to Cleveland. She knew it wouldn’t be like smelling pork chops cooking in Chicago. She knew it wouldn’t be like playing the trombone in a top hat. She knew it wouldn’t be like smoking a clove cigarette. She knew it wouldn’t be like eating a cheese omelet. She knew it wouldn’t be like listening to the Grateful Dead on LSD-25.
“Oh my gosh golly goodness!” Said Leslie, “You’re so passionate and romantic. Call ME a romantic, but I was just wondering what it would be like to suck on your man sausage.”
They left the coffee shop and went to the Leslie's apartment. At this point, Ronnie’s trivial banter had succeeded in gaining Leslie’s confidence, her curiosity, her trust so that Leslie compromised herself in a way which enabled Ronnie to have access to her bared huge nippled breasts. The sight of Leslie’s large nipples enhanced Ronnie already aroused state in such a way as to make his incredibly rock hard penis even harder. At that time, Ronnie fondled and sucked Leslie’s average sized huge nippled fun sacks as he touched her upper thighs and teased her. Leslie became sexually aroused enough so that she was willing to allow Ronnie to insert his rigid rod into her hot wet quivering quim. She assumed the doggie position. Ronnie decided to ram his sperm nozzle up Leslie’s chocolate starfish instead and pump her rump for a bit until he couldn’t help but shoot a huge wad of spermy jizz ejaculate in Leslie’s cornhole. In that way, Ronnie could be sure that he wouldn’t impregnate Leslie, even though he knew an infant born of this encounter would obtain ample nourishment from Leslie’s big nipple fun bags. He didn’t want the responsibility that bringing a child into the world would bring, so he fucked Leslie up her poop chute while she wore her big nipple brassiere.
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