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Introduction:

A Young Mans Adventure Begins
James Turner was a young looking nineteen year old just out of agricultural college and sampling the world of earning a living. He had started work three months after leaving college in the October of the previous year. His position at the caravan site situated deep in the beautiful countryside of Yorkshire had been gained through his widowed mothers next door neighbours being friends with the owners of the two hundred acre woodland park.
When he had started work the previous summer his duties had been described as a helper for whoever wanted his assistance, a general dogsbody in other words, grass cutting to photocopying was all included on his days agenda. He was 5’10” tall, blonde, thinly framed with a very boyish look that belied his years. He lived in at the park and had being given one of the static caravans as his base. This was a whole new beginning for James having to earn a living and look after himself but his mother and friends thought it would be character building and did not worry as there were plenty of staff around to keep an eye on the youngster. His mothers next door neighbours Jenny and Peter were regular visitors to the site and owned a caravan there; in fact they visited most weekends even in the cold winter months so James was well monitored. They had looked after James many times as he had grown up helping his mother when times had been difficult. They had treated him as the son they never had.

The owners, John and Maggie, were in there mid fifties, the same age group as Jenny and Peter, and had built up a very profitable business after buying a section of scrubland and forest which had been on the market for months and had got it for a snip. After a lot of hard work it had been turned into a well equipped caravan site with reception, pool, gym, sauna, shower block, bar and restaurant. The reception was the nerve centre when things were busy and Maggie oversaw the whole operation from her private office hidden away at rear of the brick building. Maggie had called James on the walkie talkie to come to her office as she had a job for him. He had been in his static having a shower after getting drenched cutting reeds from the edge of the fishing lake ready for the new season which was only a month away starting the first of March. He threw on some tracksuit bottoms and a t shirt not bothering with any underwear as he thought he would be back in a few minutes. His body was still damp as he made his way over the block paved square to reception. The light was visible from Maggie’s office. As it was closed season no staff were manning reception, so he made his way through and lightly tapped on the wooden door.

Maggie was 54 years old, 5”5” and very attractive, short bleached blonde hair to hide the greying of age. Her tummy was larger than she liked but James had heard many comments around the site about how fit she looked. She kept fit with all the work running the show together with mountain biking around the site regularly to keep an eye on things. The thing everyone immediately noticed about Maggie was that she never wore a bra and her breasts sagged heavily down nearly to her waist. James had difficulty keeping his eyes off them especially when it was warmer weather and she wore thin tops. The outline of her breasts was usually clearly visible, the protruding teats tenting the thin material as she went about her work. A proper outdoor woman at one with nature! James had fantasised many times over his boss as he lay in his bed stroking his young hard penis, night, morning and in fact anytime he could sneak a quick session of relief for his hard meat. He had internet in his caravan and trawled granny sites to feed his massive sex drive, reading stories and saving thousands of pictures making large albums of sagging tits and mature women which he would sit and stroke himself to, always ending in a powerful squirting climax. He was very well endowed for his age and had been sexually active alone for years but had not had much experience with girls. A few gropes while he was at the village dance and that was it. He always found younger girls treated it all as a bit of a joke and yearned after older women who had fascinated him since his schooldays. The size of his penis had actually frightened a couple of girls and he did for a time begin to wonder whether he was a freak. His build was fairly slight but his cock was just over seven inches and six inches in circumference. He had been tightly circumcised at birth resulting in the head of his cock being bulbous and always swollen. His ball sack was heavy and slack, hanging down sometimes being a nuisance, especially if he needed to masturbate and couldn’t. He suffered from blue balls regularly and knew that if he started becoming erect it was always better to rub his shaft and ejaculate his spunk to avoid the problem. He had very light pubic hair and had shaved it all off after seeing pictures on the net. It looked so much cleaner and felt so good as he felt his heavy balls.

Maggie told him to come in and sit down. She was in her tracksuit bottoms, standard staff issue like his, her fleece was open and his eyes were immediately drawn to the tanned wrinkled cleavage showing above her white running top. She explained that John was going off to a big caravan show in France for a week so she would be staying with him in his static. No one else would be on the site so John and her had discussed the matter and were not prepared to leave him alone on site in the middle of nowhere. The few workers that had employment all year round were mainly looking after the paths and mountain bike trails but lived off site, as John and Maggie did normally. The wardens had gone off to Spain for the winter and would not return until the end of February. James had two bedrooms in his static and there was plenty of room of course, his only worry was that he would have to curb his internet nights of wanking pleasure! Maggie announced that John was leaving in around an hour and would he take her bag to his caravan. James was eager to get back and move all his porno stash and clean up before the boss arrived so picked up her bag and made a quick exit not even bothering to study her drooping breasts has he would normally have. He nearly ran back across the square unlocking his door and dumping Maggie’s bag on the room floor. He had a strange feeling in his groin as he grabbed piles of erotic granny stories and some porno mature DVD’s he had bought, shoving them in his bedside cupboard until he could think of a safer place to hide them. He shot into the bathroom next to tidy his wet towels and clothes up and could feel his penis becoming harder as he moved around, subconsciously he was delighted at the thought of a week with Maggie and a teardrop of precum had already leaked from the wide piss slit on his swollen cock head leaving a sticky coating on parts of his inner thigh.

It was now nearly five and although still light the rain had started with vengeance as John’s Discovery disappeared down the long stone drive heading for the late night ferry at Dover. James was busying himself still cleaning, the cooker, worktops, the shower tray – he had done a days cleaning in less than an hour. He had set the heating high to dry the bathroom out. Sweat was dripping off him as Maggie swung the door back. Her dark fleece soaked through, she was like a drowned rat, her short normally spiky hair was flat to her head and she looked frozen. It was a welcome relief when she commented how nice and warm it was. James was pleased. He thought that he had made the caravan welcoming. The curtains were drawn and it felt cosy and nearly clean for his guest. Maggie took her sports bag into the “computer room” and removed her soaking fleece. James was reading a rubbish gossip magazine so it looked as though he always sat doing that all night as she walked back into the large living room and asked James if he could put it over a radiator to dry. His eyes nearly popped out, Maggie stood in front of him holding the wet fleece, and the white sleeveless running top she wore was also soaked and was very nearly transparent. Her heavy sagging breasts were visible like a wet t-shirt competition. The top of the dark aureoles pointing down to her feet and the teats poking out of the material looking all crinkled through the soaking thin material. He took the fleece and she said she would have a shower, then she could get the rest of her clothes dry. The washers and driers were part of the shower block so it made no sense to go out and get wet through again until the rain slowed a little. James could not help himself. His hand slipped inside his loose tracksuit bottoms and he squeezed his cock shaft from base to the large ridge at the head. He was solid hard and waited for Maggie to go down the short hallway to the bathroom before he could stand to go to the radiator. Maggie knew exactly what she was doing and had deliberately displayed her big saggy tits to the youngster. The rain had been a bonus, she could almost sense he was feeling his young cock and the months of eyeing up the large bulge in his trousers had made her so wet. She stripped off and looked in the mirror at herself. God she felt so horny. Her mound was shaved clean and she was blessed with the longest pussy lips, the big meaty flaps hung down between her legs, she could wrap them over the gusset of her panties so they touched easily and the constant panty rubbing of her big clit always made sure she was soaked by the end of the day. Maggie was an equal pervert to James even though he did’nt know she knew all about his nocturnal activities. The plan she had drawn up was working well!

She was keen that he did not orgasm before she could get showered and changed so shouted to him to get ready as they were going out for a pub tea in the next village. James cleared his throat. He was sat with a tent in his tracky bottoms, desperate to wank off after the display he had just had. Maggie slipped a thin black robe over her shoulders and went to the bathroom. James breathed a sigh of relief as he went to the radiator with the ridiculous erection stretching the material. He then got in his room and shut the door. He discarded his clothes and stood naked stroking his cock squeezing the shaft to force the clear liquid out before spreading it over his smooth shiny helmet. He thought Maggie would be ages in the shower as women usually were from his experience of family life back at home. Wrong. He jumped out of skin when she tapped on the door and asked if he was ready. He stammered breathlessly he would not be long, Maggie knew what he was doing! She went to her room and delved into her bag retrieving an outfit she had prepared specially for the night. Black twelve strap deep suspender belt, grey stockings, just below the knee grey skirt with splits front and back, three inch black high heels, a thin white blouse and a short black jacket to hide her breasts in public. No panties as she wanted to feel her heavy pussy flaps dangling obscenely between her legs. She had actually measured them hanging freely and they were two inches long! James was trying to think of anything other than sex to make his erection subside to a reasonable level. He chose to wear some fairly baggy fronted black trousers covering Calvin Klein underpants to hold his package and a deep blue shirt on top. Maggie quickly dressed and applied minimal make up, her hair was back spiky again after the shower and a fierce rub dry, a squirt of gel and hey presto his fantasy was about to confront him.

When Maggie appeared he could not speak. She looked so different; he had never seen her in anything other than work attire. She snapped at him not to stand there gawping and get the keys for her car. He grabbed his fleece and they ran through the still persistent rain the few short yards to her 4x4. He jumped in the passenger seat and in the murk of the interior light he stole a glimpse of thigh as she fastened her seatbelt. He was fantasising already about her wearing stockings. He never thought she would be. After all she was nearly old enough to be his granny and only the ones on his favourite web sites dressed like that - didn’t they?

Once in the Dog & Duck he settled at the bar as Maggie declared she was in no rush to eat. He noticed she had unbuttoned her jacket revealing the usual tanned wrinkled cleavage that then became two taught swells of skin signalling the weight of her breasts pulling downwards. The landlord Jack knew her well obviously and engaged in several minutes of chat on the local gossip. She introduced James as her minder for the week and said they would eat in an hour or so. Maggie bought a bottle of red wine and James was given a pint of his favourite lager to go on with. Maggie then started asking him what his interests and hobbies were, delving deeper and deeper into his non working life. He said he usually spent time on the internet most nights surfing, she asked what were the best things he had found on the net; he said he found plenty to read of interest. “But what” she probed, he did not know what to say, “history” he said. “Oh you are interested in history are you, old things I suppose – yes?” Well he stammered again – “yes I suppose you are right” He laughed inwardly thinking if only she knew. She did know and as she shuffled on the bar stool her legs parted enough to reveal a little darker nylon high on the top of her thigh and the metal clasp of a suspender. She could feel her clit pulse with excitement as he flashed his young blue eyes in disbelief. It was now her turn to laugh. James had downed his lager quickly and he never noticed another waiting, all part of the plan, she thought. They went through to the restaurant and were alone in the small cosy room. Maggie positioned her self with her back to the door. She only ordered a main course and ate quickly. She told James to go and get another beer as she was going to the loo. He watched her bottom move beneath the tight skirt, her stockinged legs and high heels, god this was a dream come true just to look at her. He was now on his third pint and as Maggie returned she removed her jacket. They were still alone in the room. He was crimson. She asked if he was ok and he honestly could not speak. She asked again and he replied he was fine, she remarked he looked flushed; he said he was fine just a little warm. The blouse was so thin that he could see the divide from her cleavage right down to the rounded ends of her heavy tits with only the buttons getting in the way. He could not see the nipples as they were hidden by the table edge. Maggie started questioning him again about the internet and how he must show her what he had mentioned earlier. He was really hoping he could find something about history to show her that would not make him out to be a liar. Maggie moved around reaching for the unused butter knife to fondle. She dropped it. James bent down under the table to collect it, he saw her legs open and the darkness split by the flesh of her thighs, it was just a brief glimpse but it started his erection growing. While he had been down there she had unbuttoned another revealing more flesh. James was desperate for the toilet after all the liquid he had slurped. Maggie said they should be getting back then she could have a drink back at the caravan as she was driving. James wished that she would go into the bar and pay so he could get up without the obvious bulge showing in the front of his trousers. She stood and put her jacket back on making sure he got a good look at her breasts, it made her pussy throb more and she could feel her sticky flaps fall to hang between her legs once more. James had to go. The urge to urinate was making him harder and it was shit or bust if he did not go now he would have a solid hard on in front of her. He stood and turned quickly but Maggie had seen the cock bulge and knew she was doing it all right. She said loudly that he shouldn’t be long hoping he would not have time to masturbate in the toilet. He let his strong jet of almost clear piss wash the urinal with relief. God how he needed that. He finished and thought about stroking the now heavily veined semi erect shaft but knew Maggie was waiting so rinsed his hands then waited while the hand dryer resembled an aircraft engine but with little drying effect as Maggie opened the door and shouted him. Jesus he thought it was good job I did not start a wank session!

Once back at the site it still rained heavily and he was mystified when Maggie parked her car as far as was possible from the static. She said it would be out of sight over at the other side round the back of reception. James did remark how wet they would get but Maggie just said they could soon change out of wet clothes.
Then she commented that the gate was open beyond the square down the road to the main site area. She had deliberately opened it before leaving the office. James said he would run and close it. She locked the car with the blipper and waited in the rain feeling the cold February night air breeze up her skirt and cool her burning pussy. The rain was torrential and she grinned as it ran down her front soaking her blouse. Her nipples were hardening but they had had plenty of training with pumps elongating the thick teats to almost an inch long and as thick as the shaft of a wooden spoon. It was so erotic standing getting soaked; she unfastened her jacket as James struggled with the lock. It would not lock as it was the wrong key she had given him. He ran back over and asked for some more keys. He also was soaked and after another two minutes they walked over to the caravan. It was warm inside as she had turned the heating up even more before they left for the pub. She took off her jacket and stood brazenly displaying her soaked body to James. He was puffing and huffing after his struggle with the gate. “Sit down” she said “I will get a towel for us” She arrived from the bathroom and was rubbing the towel over her breasts down her skirt and legs, on the upward stroke she raised the hem of her skirt revealing her stocking tops and all the suspender clasps just stopping short of displaying her flaps. Her nipples were so hard as was James! Maggie told him to stand up and proceeded to rub the towel over his shirt and down over his trousers. Her hand caught his thick penis being held by his Calvin Klein’s and he froze as she rubbed his groin. She never flinched but just had a little smirk. She had managed to feel it already, her plan though, had only just begun. “Go and get changed” she said, it was only just after nine, “put a robe on its lovely and warm in here” James remarked that he did not have a robe of any description. Maggie disappeared to her room and brought a short ladies blue silk robe. “Here use that I wont tell anyone” she laughed. Again all part of her plan. Once in her room she removed everything but her stockings and suspender belt. The suspender belt had a lace firming panel from the top at her belly button right down to the bottom just level with her crotch. It hid her pussy mound but not her dangling lips…..perfect. She wore her identical robe to the one she had given James only black.
James went to his room and removed all his clothes and put on the robe, his cock hung swollen and sticky, his ball sack heavy and aching. His cock head touched the silky robe and he jolted it was like electric – he started to swell immediately.
Maggie was sitting in the living area, the main light was off and two side lamps were on making it so warm but welcoming after the chilly rain. “I am going to read a little James if that is ok” He said he would just check his e-mails if it was ok to go in her room. Of course she said and maybe you can show me some of your history sites or maybe tomorrow we will see. He hurried barefoot and stooped a little because he had realised the thin robe actually revealed like a second skin the shape of his penis. Maggie was loving it, she let him get logged on and check his mail then went to the fridge in the kitchen part of the large room and poured him a lager from a tin. She drank a litre of water as fast as she could then poured another to follow, together with a glass of red wine from a bottle she had opened and planted at lunchtime when James had been out working on the site.

She then put the television on to drown out her approach to the second bedroom. James was relaxing back in the swivel chair he had purchased along with the computer desk from his first months salary. He was content now quickly checking some of the forums to see if any older women had posted replies to his request for pictures. He then got brave and visited his favourite granny site to look at the latest thumbnail galleries. He got way laid with a particular lady. She was so good, hanging breasts, shaved - everything he liked, his cock was hard and sticking up pushing the robe high. It took him all his time not to just pull the ladies garment aside and wank furiously to relieve his ache. He glanced down and enlarged another picture of 50 year old Chrissie from the Netherlands. His penis was throbbing. The door opened and Maggie plonked a pint of lager on the desk beside his mouse mat. She could not see the screen as he frantically clicked the red box at the top corner to remove the images. She knew exactly what he was doing and then saw his hard on twitching. She said she thought he deserved a proper drink after looking after the gate not once looking at his cock while he looked at her. James thanked her and as she turned her robe fell open. She was turned away from him and apologised wrapping it back around her waist and lightly tying the cord. He said it was ok but he had had a glimpse of her left breast and he could not move. The urge to milk his shaft was so bad.

Maggie sat back and drank more water plus a sip of wine. Her bladder was getting full now and her tummy was swollen being held by the firmness of the suspender belt just like a corset. She knew it would become a lot more uncomfortable but pleasurable before long. James resisted wanking off as he just could not relax not knowing when Maggie would walk in. After all it was her room, her caravan to be honest and if he could not resist for a few days then he was bad boy!!
He was heading for the toilet with the intent of having a pee and wash his penis to get rid of the sticky precum that had oozed out. Maggie sensed where he was going and shouted him above the television to get her more wine and himself a top up. He turned and did as he was asked. She told him he ought to sit down and relax a little. She then asked him, with nose still in book, if he had found anything interesting. He said he had not, “nothing older tonight then” she asked. He was nervous. Had she seen what he was looking at?
He sipped his lager and sat back in the comfy seat. Maggie was on the sofa and slid round a little so her body was facing James. He was trying to watch the telly but his attention was constantly drawn to Maggie. He legs were slightly apart, she was desperate for a pee, he could see her stocking tops at one point, she twisted constantly shuffling as though she could not get comfy. He asked if she was ok and she just replied she was fine. The truth was her cunt was on fire and it was so wet she knew it would be engorged and swollen. Her clit was like a small penis, so large in fact that she could hold the base and actually wank it like a miniature cock shaft. This brought he the most explosive orgasms ever especially if her big cunt flaps were being pulled and stretched also. James eventually started to concentrate on the TV programme and Maggie drank more water and wine still with her nose in the book. James got up to go to the bathroom as by now he needed it. The lager had gone straight through him it seemed, Maggie asked if she could go first as she was desperate. James said of course as she eased her self up and headed down the hallway. She did not even shut the door she was so horny. The robe slid from her shoulders and she cupped her heavy drooping tit flesh flicking the hard teats with her thumbs. She studied in the mirror her swollen stomach and then her soaking creamy slit. She moved her right hand down to run a finger between the meaty flaps and coat it in slippery cunt cream. She jolted as she hit her clit and nearly let a dribble of piss escape. Standing up had been good and relieved the ache a little. She knew James was desperate to come to the toilet and wanted to make him ask. She could hear him pacing up and down outside. She knew also that when you cannot go the urge becomes greater and hopefully he would have become fully erect also…….cruel but erotic.

He walked back and forth, he was going to have to use his empty lager glass soon. He then saw the empty litre water bottle at the side of the sofa. He picked it up and removed the cap. Opening his robe and letting his rigid cock out he entered his piss slit, which only just fitted in the neck of the bottle, as he held his throbbing shaft and let a jet of piss hit the depths of the plastic bottle. Maggie calmly walked from the hallway on the soft carpet and started apologising immediately, James was facing away from her and was stuck. He did not know what to do. He could not stop the flow, the bottle was filling fast and Maggie was stood behind him. He started saying sorry over and over again squeezing his shaft to stop the flow. Just in time it stopped, the bottle was just about to over flow. He shakily put the top on the bottle and looked down at his cock throbbing wildly. Maggie told him to hand her the bottle and not to be embarrassed as it was her fault for making him drink too much and hogging the bathroom. He turned and handed her the plastic bottle which was hot and full of pale piss. She nearly lost control as she went to the bathroom and emptied it in the toilet letting it run over her left hand as she poured with her right. Maggie was so happy - this was so horny.
When she returned to the room James had sat down again and was as red as a beetroot. Maggie had loosened her robe and was revealing the whole of her long deep cleavage, the swell of breast flesh was inches away from James as she bent over him to show him the empty bottle and congratulate him on holding it for so long. Stark contrast to the scolding he had been expecting. She continued telling him not to worry and that many older ladies had weak bladders meaning they have to sometimes go in the strangest places. Maggie was so close to him and now gripping his shoulder with her free hand. Her Prada perfume smelt gorgeous, she said even she sometimes had to squat behind a bush down the site as she would not make it back to the office. She omitted to tell him that it was all done for sexual pleasure and she would more than likely have a very intense orgasm as she let the stream flow as she worked her clit knowing people were only yards away. James smiled and took the opportunity direct the conversation to older ladies and their problems. He somehow now felt totally at ease with Maggie. She still rested her hand on his silky robe covered shoulder and had relaxed her grip. She squatted down at the side of his chair. Risky as her bladder was so full, she felt a little dribble escape and saw the dark wet spots on the carpet. She knew her flaps would have droplets hanging from them. James had not noticed and was busily racking his brain to ask questions but not appear too interested. Maggie put the bottle at the side of the chair and relaxed a little more onto her haunches, this let another dribble out staining the carpet more, her robe had parted and she was very nearly past the point of no return. The fire was building, the suspender belt was gripping her in the position and squeezing her bladder, she said to James that it was her turn to be sorry. He looked at her legs were apart and he could see the big dark fleshy flaps hanging, the wet on the carpet and the glazed look in her eyes. “Are you alright Maggie or do you need help?” She said she needed help and started apologising profusely saying she had not realised but she needed to go again herself. It must have been emptying his bottle and talking about it but could he help her up. She clutched the chair arm as James stood behind her and eased her to her feet. Her robe was now fallen open and her heavy drooping tits were revealed. James had inadvertently pulled it open as he lifted her. Maggie winced and said she was in a similar predicament to the one he was in. She pleaded with him not to tell anyone about it. He promised of course. His own robe was now falling apart and his thick cock became visible, his heavy ball sack swinging as he held her, she turned to face him and gritted her teeth as the wave of pain hit her. He asked what to do. Maggie urged him to get a bowl from the kitchen. He flew to a cupboard and brought a plastic Tupperware bowl. She said put it on the floor as she trembled enjoying the last moments before release. James was in a dream he could not believe this was happening, his cock was rock solid and as Maggie went back down to her haunches spreading her gooey piss flaps she told James to place the bowl underneath her. Her piss started with a strong gush. He caught the stream in the bowl but it was so intense it splashed up the sides and all over his hand. His cock was twitching uncontrollably as Maggie deliberately pulled both of her cunt flaps apart letting him see close up the little piss hole just below her massive hooded clit. She let a long flow go and it was all too much for James his penis which was touching Maggie’s nylon covered knee erupted, jet after jet off thick white spunk pumped from his cock. She let go of her flaps and stroked his shaft until he had finished. Her piss stream slowed and the bowl overflowed. Nothing was said she just lunged forward and took his cock in her mouth licking the remaining come from it. She then scooped a thick puddle from her stocking and fed it to herself. James whispered “can I lick you clean” She turned and sat back in his chair offering her beautiful creamy wet lips to him. He went down and knew instinctively what to do. The taste was so good; she was so open he could easily get his tongue right inside her hole. Maggie started to shudder, her stomach rose and fell, her big saggy tits parted and fell to either side as the first wave of orgasm hit her. James continued lapping at her big cunt hole. She screamed and pissed in his mouth. He gulped and continued. She squirted again, forcing herself down in the soft chair. James licked down now flicking the tip of his tongue over the tight dark sphincter of her anus. This was too much and she very nearly passed out pushing his head away to stop him. He was better than she could have ever imagined. The internet had taught him well. This of course was only the start of a wonderful journey for James and Maggie, plus of course many of her friends.

As they slowly recovered from the intensity of orgasm James suddenly felt awkward. He stood up, his cock hanging swollen, still engorged with blood from such a powerful erection. Maggie pulled herself up in the chair her reddened slack cunt hole still gaping, oozing sticky cream which clung to her massive labia. Her heavy udders swayed forwards as she stood to plant a light kiss on James’s cheek. She told him that if he wanted he could have plenty more of that. Only if he had enjoyed it of course. He could not look at her but mumbled he would love more. Maggie told him she knew what he liked as she had been in his caravan and read the stories he had printed off detailing debauchery involving mature women. He said he was sorry; she reassured him and assured him it was fine with John and her. He was appalled John her husband knew all about this! Maggie again reassured him that it was not a problem and John would be pleased about the progression from him just being a worker to becoming one of the ‘family’ “The family” James said. “Yes James, you were chosen to become part of the work force recommended by Jenny and Peter as they knew you were different to most young men and would enjoy being part of the team here”
7 comments

READERReport

2007-11-17 13:55:28
Sorry about the paragraphs. Do not know what went wrong from cut and paste to appearing on here. Next part will hopefully ok.

READERReport

2007-11-11 16:35:26
Jeeeeeeeezus, that was hard to read. Put a little pepper into your stories. Never mind those achingly long paragraphs. My Lord.. Shorten things up and let's get to the fucking. There is some fucking, isn't there? I couldn't read it all because everything was so jammed up.

READERReport

2007-11-10 17:51:18
Paragraphs are too long; spelling is only so-so; but the story is quite good. 8/10

READERReport

2007-11-09 18:21:01
Great stuff and please use more paragraphs

READERReport

2007-11-09 17:25:57
Spectacular subject matter - just use some shorter paragraphs pls. We're already in danger of going blind ;)

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