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One day James Jimmy Jameson was returning a bottle of catsup to the grocery store down the street from where he lived. The store had a poster posted prominently through out the neighborhood and the store itself which had a picture of a beautiful blond vixen wearing a thong and a short t-shirt standing in a provocative pose which involved her jutting her hip out so her posterior was in a prominent and un-ignorable position in the poster. The caption read “SATISFACTION GUARANTEED OR SUCK MY ASS”

James Jimmy Jameson was planning on returning the bottle of catsup and sucking on the tight succulent ass of the young tart featured in the stores promotional poster.

James Jimmy Jameson walked into the store. He saw a long line of gentlemen leading to a desk at the front of the store that said returns. It was a long line of gentlemen like himself, each with a bag, like himself, waiting to return an item and suck on the tight succulent ass of the young strumpet featured in the stores promotional poster. Some of the men were nervously fumbling with their receipts.

James Jimmy Jameson checked his bag for the receipt. It was there in the bottom of the bag. He thought about how he had planned on shopping at the store and returning at least one item as unsatisfactory to get a taste of the tight succulent ass of the young trollop featured in the stores promotional poster. He had bought some tea, a loaf of bread, three bananas, a bottle of catsup, and a pork chop yesterday. He had planned on making up a lame excuse and returning the tea.

When James Jimmy Jameson got home, he was surprised to discover the catsup he had purchased was not “Fancy Catsup”. It was just plain, ordinary catsup. James Jimmy Jameson was actually dissatisfied with the purchase he had made. He had always purchased “Fancy Catsup”.

James Jimmy Jameson thought of Jesus. He was happy to know that now that he was truly dissatisfied with his purchase of “Catsup” at the grocery store down the street from where he lived, he could return the “Catsup” to the grocery store and honestly say that he was dissatisfied with his purchase. He could explain that he had always purchased “Fancy Catsup”. He would tell them how surprised he was to discover the catsup he had purchased was not “Fancy Catsup”. It was just plain, ordinary catsup. Then, he could get a taste of the tight succulent ass of the young hussy featured in the stores promotional poster. How could Jesus blame him for that? He would not be lying so Jesus would not have to damn him to unimaginable eternal torment burning in a lake of fire under the dominion of the Devil Satan Beelzebub. James Jimmy Jameson felt damn good about that. James Jimmy Jameson had heard that the Devil Satan Beelzebub had a huge warty penis, and James Jimmy Jameson didn’t want to encounter that.

An hour and a half later, James Jimmy Jameson was next in line.

“Next!” said the man the service desk.

James Jimmy Jameson stepped up to the desk. A sweaty overweight man looked at him. The tag on his shirt read “Rich”

“What seems to be the problem?” Rich asked as James Jimmy Jameson put the bag containing the catsup on the counter.

“I purchased this catsup here yesterday and I was quite dissatisfied to discover that the catsup I had purchased was not “Fancy Catsup” explained James Jimmy Jameson. “It was just plain, ordinary catsup. I have always purchased “Fancy Catsup”. I would not settle for less, and frankly, I am surprised you even sell this swill. I didn’t even open it.”

Rich, the fat sweaty clerk looked at the catsup in puzzled bemusement.

“I’d say you have a legitimate complaint here.” Said Rich, “I suppose you are not satisfied and you would like to suck some ass.”

“Yes” said James Jimmy Jameson.

“Go down the hall to the left. You want to go in the second door on the right.” Said Rich

James Jimmy Jameson was very surprised when he entered the room. He didn’t see the floozy with the tight succulent ass he longed to suck in hopes of curbing his sincere dissatisfaction with the catsup he had purchased. He saw an obese man with a lot of body hair lying on a bed.

“You here to suck some ass?” asked the obese man, “My name is Ronald, but everyone calls me Fat Ron.” Fat Ron was lying on his side trying to part his ass cheeks.

“You know, I was actually looking to suck the woman’s ass featured in the stores promotional poster.” James Jimmy Jameson said.

“She quit last week and the hired me.” Said Fat Ron, “I’ve been friends with the boss’s son since I was a kid, and the boss felt terrible about me with my disability, so he hired me. I’m obese”

“Yes, I noticed” said James Jimmy Jameson. He looked at Fat Ron who had managed to pry his humongous ass cheeks apart and was now presenting James Jimmy Jameson with his gaping bung hole.

“I’ve already lost eight pounds.” Said fat Ron, “It’s a cool job. I just lie around watch TV and get my ass sucked all day. At home I watch TV and eat fudge and donuts and cheeseburgers. Here, they bring me carrots and celery. It’s not a bad job.”

“Your cornhole looks like a big randy mollusk! What a wonderfully delightful chocolate starfish you have” said James Jimmy Jameson ass he approached fat Ron’s huge turd cutter.

James Jimmy Jameson knelt, pushed fat Ron’s huge ass cheeks further apart and sucked fat Ron’s ass.

“Yummers!” said James Jimmy Jameson, “Your ass tastes like chicken. Damn good chicken!”



fin
14 comments

anonymous readerReport

2012-04-22 06:13:15
I'm sorry, but you have a horribly redundant writing style, we don't need to read hid full name 100 times. Also, needs better description and try not to use coloquial terms, ie: catsup should be ketchup.

Anonymous readerReport

2010-04-10 19:56:09
this was very very very terrible, one of the worst ive ever read

Anonymous readerReport

2008-08-06 17:15:27
this was terrible

READERReport

2008-02-04 23:13:44
who eats catsup these days?!!!

READERReport

2007-10-18 03:18:53
wow thats so fucking stupid

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