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One day Mr. Johnny number eleven was watching television when he remembered a gal named Jen. He had flirted with her in his bar hopping days. Mr. Johnny number eleven wasn’t really Mr. Johnny number eleven’s real name. Mr. Johnny number eleven’s real name was Jack. He sold furniture in a store in Waukegan Illinois. He lived in a trailer in Beach Park Illinois. His trailer smelled like socks.

Jack pulled out his shwang and yanked out creamer thinking about Jen’s fine legs.

Jack figured there was no harm in sending Jen an email…

Dear Jen,
How are you? I am fine. I see you are selling insurance in Chicago. I was thinking about you the other night while I was watching the “Law & Order”. You kind of looked like a character in the show. I ended up pulling out my shwang and yanking out creamer thinking about your fine legs.
I have the google on my computer, so I looked you up and got your business email.
I always thought you were a fine looking lady. I could never pursue you because you had dated my best friend Larry for a year. I really thought you looked super sexy in your short skirts and slinky sheer pantyhose. Sometimes you seemed to spread your legs a little and expose your crotch to me on purpose. I have often thought it would have been dandy to kneel down in between your legs and slurp at your exposed pussy through the hole cut out of the cotton crotch of your pantyhose; sucking your warm tasty twat into a hot quivering quim.
Anyway, I’m selling furniture and living in Beach Park. Let me know if you want to get together and hang out sometime!

Jack

Jack got back an email from Jen the next day. He met her for coffee at Starback’s later that afternoon.

“Oh my,” said Jen, “Your email was so intriguing. I never realized that you were attracted to me but could never pursue me because I had dated your best friend Larry for a year. I never really thought you thought I looked super sexy in my short skirts and slinky sheer pantyhose. I must admit that I sometimes would spread my legs a little and expose my crotch to you on purpose. I couldn’t imagine you had often thought it would have been dandy to kneel down in between my legs and slurp at my exposed pussy through the hole cut out of the cotton crotch of my pantyhose; sucking my warm tasty twat into a hot quivering quim. I would have loved you to munch and maw my musky mound. Larry’s Prick was ugly and smelled like ammonia, limburger and, old sweat socks.”

Jack sipped my coffee and looked at Jen. She spoke in a soft murmur. What came out of her mouth was crazy, but it was a quiet kind of crazy. She looked super sexy in her short skirt and slinky sheer pantyhose. Sometimes she seemed to spread her legs a little and expose her crotch to Jack on purpose. Jack thought it would have been dandy to kneel down in between her legs and slurp at her exposed pussy through a hole cut out of the cotton crotch of her pantyhose; sucking her warm tasty twat into a hot quivering quim. Jack considered excusing himself, going to the restroom and yanking out a creamer.

“Really? Ammonia, limburger and, old sweat socks?” Jack asked. “I would have thought his hygiene habits to be better than that…”

“Well, I wish!” said Jen. She spread her legs a little and exposed her cunty crotch to Jack. “I bet your shwang smells like a blueberry muffin!”

“Do you like blueberry muffins?” Jack asked taking a bite of his cranberry scone

“Only when they taste like balls.” replied Jen, smiling and taking a sip of her latte. “Sometimes a guy’s balls are so rank, I just skip the sack and toss the salad instead. Ass can only taste so bad, but at the end of the day, it’s a judgment call.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“No matter what Larry did, his prick was ugly and it smelled like ammonia, limburger and, old sweat socks.” Jen said, “I had to end it. He was really bent out of shape when I told him I was leaving him. The day before, we went to the Cornfest at Angell park in Sun Prairie. We had a great time and I told him that I loved him as we shared our last ear of corn. Anyhow, he was really upset, so I knelt down over him and evacuated my bowels into a glass mixing bowl for him. He always loved that. He had a real romantic streak in him...”

Jen had a faraway look as she sat lost in her thoughts for a moment. “My fresh stool steamed in the bowl. It was full of corn from the day before. I think we both thought the same thing. We thought about what a wonderful and loving time we had at the Cornfest, how I told Larry I loved him as I bit into the ear of corn we were sharing and chewed up a savory mouthful of those golden kernels before swallowing. Before I could work that corn through my system, everything had changed. The proof was right there in that glass blow. There in the kernels of half chewed half digested corn sprinkled in my dookie.”

“You know,” said Jen “Larry was amazing sometimes. He once told me he was going to stick his tongue so far up my ass that he would be able to taste my next meal. Sure enough, he worked his tongue up my bunger about as far as anyone has ever gone and said “Uno’s Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza, and a brownie bowl!” Later we went out to dinner at Uno’s and I ordered a Bacon Cheeseburger Pizza, and a brownie bowl like I always do. It was amazing!”

Jen spread her legs a little and exposed her crotch to Jack again. Jack felt it would have been dandy to kneel down in between her legs and slurp at her exposed pussy through a hole cut out of the cotton crotch of her pantyhose; sucking her warm tasty twat into a hot quivering quim.

“Do you want to hear a poem I wrote?” Jack asked
“Sure!” said Jen, “That would be just dandy!”

“Ok…It’s called “Make Me Dinner”” Jack said…

“Her face was thin through vomit
A chemical sheen on her forehead caked over a tan booth bronze
Looking at her gave me a warm scrotal rush that was not unpleasant
And oh to have my stiffened spunk hose
Embraced by the sleek and shiny lips
Lips glossed with ultra-lip plumping ingredients for irresistibly luscious lips - glazed with unsurpassed shine
Locked around my pole of joy in a selfless spaghetti suck of love
Then I’d want that bitch to make me dinner.”

“Oh my” said Jen, “You make me want fuck, but first I want to play Parcheesi!”



End of part 1
12 comments

anonymous readerReport

2013-07-02 17:10:55
Very very clever writing style. Your points have surprising counterpoints with a lot of humor. I greatly loved it. Of course, I would have loved it better if the hero would have done some dookie dining.

NYCPunkSlutReport

2008-11-28 19:07:16
How disappointing.

READERReport

2007-11-16 08:40:28
(9 comments)

READERReport

2007-08-28 23:14:28
wtf no sex? u suck

READERReport

2007-08-17 14:16:14
dumb

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