| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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|
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| 2012-07-28 06:15:28 |
Jessica's Scarf and the Old School Copier |
!!!! TAKE NOTE !!!!
This story has been revised and significantly improved. Please read newer version.
Revised version: Much improved and 10% longer
--- fixed spelling, verb tenses, improved wording, sex scenes extended, more dialog,
!!!! TAKE NOTE !!!! |
| 2012-07-09 04:23:02 |
Babysitting the Twins Again - Part 3 - Jenny's Halloween Sleepover |
OK. I've got a plot line for part 4 using (a). It starts something like this:
Twins have taken lots of very interesting photos of Jenny.
Twins give copy of 100 best to Jenny and she puts on her computer.
Jenny has password protected screensaver, but when she runs for school one morning, she fails to activate screensaver expecting it to time out soon enough.
Her father sneaks into her bedroom quickly, finds photos and makes memory stick copy of all photos.
Father puts pictures on his computer and keeps it locked up well.
His automatic backup copies photos to family archive disk.
Father jerks off a lot looking at Jenny's pictures.
Jenny's very conservative 42 year old mother snoops on backup disk and finds all.
All hell breaks loose!!!
|
| 2012-07-07 16:58:13 |
GETTING BETTER RATINGS AND MORE READS |
I am still unsure about tenses. I originally wrote
"Babysitting the Twins Again - Part 3 - Jenny's Halloween Sleepover"
in the past tense and then switched to present tense. This is a story with about 70% dialog, and the mixing of dialog with past tense narrative was difficult. Consider this excerpt:
"Your party is boring, and I want sex. This was a great opportunity to have some but you forgot to invite any boys, Jenny."
Jenny looks shocked, "But you can have sex anytime, can't you?"
"But not for hours and hours. My boyfriend is SO GOOD and gives me so much pleasure."
Now it's Sally and Lucy's turn to looked shocked. These girls haven't done anything
not even with each other. You can see it on their faces.
"What's the matter? Don't you know what sex is?" Alice isn't being nice.
"Sure we do.. It's just that
"
"
that no boy wants you. Right?"
"Oh Alice. That's not nice," complains Jenny.
If you rewrite that in past tense, it becomes very awkward.
|
| 2012-07-04 14:43:00 |
Babysitting the Twins Again - Part 3 - Jenny's Halloween Sleepover |
"good job except the part when the girls tie the twins up id leave that out for part 4"
I want each part to be a complete stand alone story, so I couldn't really do that. Lucy and Sally are the real stars of Part 3.
"part 4 come on just one more chapter pleaseeeeee"
I had not planned a Part 4. What do you want part 4 to be?
a) Twins help Jenny and Debbie get a little sister?
b) More with Alice and her friends (or enemies)?
c) An explicit story based one one of the epilogue sections?
d) Something else with current characters?
e) Something else with new characters?
|
| 2009-09-24 03:58:33 |
My sister, the Bitch (was taken down i found it) |
It hasn't been taken down. It's #2 on the most read list. Still a great story though...
Most of the best stories are on the first two pages of the most read list. |
| 2009-09-23 11:39:41 |
The too small airline seats |
Sorry. It's a formatting error. I'll see if it can be fixed. |