| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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| 2013-06-16 09:42:22 |
The student teaches the tutor part one |
Yeah it could do with some more tension really, for example a reason to think she's NOT going to suddenly take her clothes off and seduce you lol. So the reader gets a 'what happens next?' feeling.
Then some more insight into the protagonist's emotions would be good too; not necessarily by baldly stating them.
Last suggestion would be to blend the physical descriptions into the narrative, just a bit more.
OK one more...some things that are ongoing could be present tense, like her tits perhaps.
It's a nice story and you will improve so keep going :) |
| 2013-06-16 06:14:28 |
I'm Just Her Toy |
Very sexy! love it, looking forward to more... |
| 2013-06-03 10:10:25 |
Seducing my Preteen Sister and Friends |
Hehe great, as usual! OMG I can't wait for the plan for innocent little Amy |
| 2013-05-19 16:24:22 |
All because of my suisters panties |
Wow this is fantastic! Can't wait for the next part. Don't worry about any nitpicking you have IT babe, keep it fluent like you just do. |
| 2013-05-19 16:13:27 |
Jojo’s Teen Lesbo Incest Adventures 3 - From Ellie’s Perspective |
I love it when you have these sex-mad girls just show up and join in lol. |
| 2013-05-10 19:25:06 |
Jojo’s Teen Lesbo Incest Adventures 2 |
Epic! Can't wait for the next episode... |
| 2013-05-10 19:13:54 |
Jojo’s Teen Lesbo Incest Adventures 1 |
Hehe very sexy and fun :) |
| 2013-04-16 08:44:30 |
Lust Sisters |
Hehe Lust Sisters, fantastic!
I loved it, thanks :)). |
| 2013-04-15 17:33:23 |
Sammie and the Taylors, Part 2 |
Part 3 is up now. you can get to it with my profile link at the top of the page.
Something might happen with Danny, have to see what people think :) |
| 2013-04-11 18:32:26 |
I Dream Of Angels: The Whole Story |
This is an amazing story! |
| 2013-03-22 13:47:47 |
Sammie and the Taylors |
Thanks for the support everyone, Part 2 is up now - you can find it by using my profile link at the top of the page. |
| 2013-03-16 04:19:33 |
Sammie and the Taylors |
Mate (2 comments down) I agree with you about rape. I love my character Sammie and I would never write her being raped.
She wants it. The story says several times she likes him, likes him being a 'sex fiend', admires him. The three characters are a little mutual admiration society. They are all extremely highly sexed and that in the end overrides the conventional morality and also Louisa's jealousy.
That's why Sammie thrusts her pelvis up and opens her legs to him, why she cums like crazy and why afterwards she says "Oh yes I loved it."
She is not raped, honestly. I would never write that. You need to take in the nuances. It is simply unplanned and unexpected, but it is mutual. |
| 2013-03-15 09:19:14 |
Sammie and the Taylors |
Of course it's not 'rape'.
Read it properly, before being so unfair voting it negative...
"Sammie had a second in which she could have made a big fuss and escaped. But she was sex-crazed too. Without consulting her brain her pelvis flexed up, her thighs spread even wider, and in an instant the cock was sliding in. Two inches wide or whatever thickness it was, it didn’t make any difference.
His big hands spread under her ass, taking control of her, and in two strokes she felt his bone press on her clit and pressure all around her pussy. It had been so easy. So right; so elemental and natural."
She could have avoided it, chose to go with it, and it was great.
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