Comments from Von Armand
|2008-04-27 08:11:58||My summer Boss 6||Yeah, maybe sooner, I'm almost done. But I have a ton of school shit I have to do soo no promises.
|2008-05-08 18:35:28||Brotherly and Sisterly Love with a little something extra||I'll be honest, not my cup of tea, but hey to each his own. Um, first thing would be to separate the character diologue. For example, instead of-"Yeah fuck that shit!" I screamed. "I'll fuck that shit!" she replied. Go with
"Yeah fuck that shit!" I screamed
"I'll fuck that shit!" She replied.
Then you want to go for the spellcheck, type it up in word first. And take it slow, it seemed very rushed.
But really other than that, you've got yourself a great idea here and I think you should run with it.
by the by, where does a 18year old get an assault rifle lol?
|2008-05-26 15:48:29||Internship at AS&S - Chapter 1||Awesome, I find it hard to believe this is your first story, the writting is phenominal. Your girlfriend is lucky. Please continue the story, but be sure to keep close to the original theme/concept.|
|2008-06-27 20:58:58||Horny Little Women||Fantastic writing!|
|2008-06-30 15:24:34||My good friend Brook chpt 2||You have a good thing going here Q. All you need to do is slow down and use a spellcheck. You have the beginnings of something very entertaining here. Oh, and this one seemed a little disconnected, make sure you watch the flow of the story, try not to jump around too much. But again, it's a fantastic start, keep at it!