||Charity Starts At Home: Chapter 1 : Mother-Daughter Reunion
||I must have been reading an entirely different story to everyone else.
Really, author, this is simply AWFUL! Your writing style is painful to read and your plotting is clumsy. Please, if you have plans to continue this series do yourself - and everyone else - a favour and drop them. Put your energies into something else.
You have some talent, but you are not as good as you think you are.
I make no apologies for being so blunt. Somebody has to give you a reality check.
||The Other Half Of Me
I am delighted you enjoyed the story. I am very flattered you like it enough to download it. Thank you :-)
||I did not like the slang terminology you used. Spolit the story for me.
However, it gor me hard, which is no bad thing!
||The Other Half Of Me
||Read the full story and you'll find the answer :-)
||The Neighbour's Daughter
||There are some VERY strange comments posted here. It seems very obvious that a great many people cannot tell the difference between real life and fiction. Oh well, they are the sad bastards!
Lollylover; great writing yet again. Love the style, the content and the character/plot development. Up to your usual high standard.
||The Shed Club. (Part One)
||The conversational tone at the start of your story, coupled with the 'use your imagination' turned me off before I read very much more. I'm sorry, but if you want to write a story then WRITE THE STORY.; all of the extraneous stuff is annoying and distracting. It does not encourage reading on.
From what I did read there is the basis of a good, sexy and interesting story. It's a pity that you have chosen to write it the way you have.
May I suggest that, in future before you post any more stories, that you ask someone else to independently read and possibly critique your work?
I would also urge you to read some of the work by the recommended writers on XnXX. It'll give you some indicators of how to write a better story.
||The Librarian and the Bartender
||Hey HP! You have nice, easy 'conversational' style of writing that makes your characters and situations believable and easy to relate to. Although your themes are not 'my thing' (I only looked you up out of curiosity!) I can see that you have talent in abundance. I foresee a long and successful XnXX story-writing career ahead of you. :-)
||I CAN'T RESIST MY NEIGHBOR-OR HER TEENAGE GIRLS!-3
Boring, repetitive and unexciting.
Plotting is plodding; characterisation is clumsy and the sex scenes are about as erotic as watching paint dry.
4/10 for effort
||A Model Sister
||I would like to see a sequel to this story just to see where you take it...
||A Walk In The Woods
||The thick twat that made the last post needs everything spelled out to him or her: it's fucking obvious to me that the ending is hinting that the guy telling the story has grown SEXUALLY close to his sister. Get it, now, thicko?
A strange story, but still erotic. i just pretended the little girl was a few years older (I made her 11 in my mind rather than seven) while I wanked over it!
||Man, I am as straight as they come, yet my cock STILL got stiff reading this!
I am a fan of your writing, Lollylover, so I'm going to put it down to the way you write that turned me on and not the subject matter!
||The Neighbour's Daughter
||Jessica In Jail - Part One
||Nice, very nice.....
I hope part two rocks my boat, too :-)
||Jessica in Jail - Part Two
||Here here! I fully agree withy the post before this one.
A great story well told. Not brilliant, but very good!
||I was totally mesmerised by the careful and deliberate pacing of this story. having the girl herself tell the story is a terrific and clever idea that works beautifully.
I don't understand the morons who complain about this standard of writing: the 'problem' is tthat it's not another of those crappy 'suck and fuck' stories that swamp this forum. it is a PROPER well-written story by a writer who not only knows how to tell a fabulous erotic story, but also knows how to tell that story in a manner that is engaging and interesting. Well done, Lollylover!
||THE CURIOSITY OF YOUNG GIRLS - PART TWO
||As I expected after reading Pt 1, this is just as sexy and erotic. Personally I loved the 'gay' stuff: I had experiences like that when i was a young lad and to this day those memories still get me off. thank you for including the boy-on-boy stuff. Will you be writing a Part 3?
||The CUriosity of Young Girls - Part One
||OMG! I have NEVER read anything that has made me so fucking horny. It's made me think about my sister in a different light, wondering if she and her friends were like that when they were that young (she's 32 now)... I'm off to catch Part Two...
||The Things Girls Say! Part Two - Telling Tracey
||Yes! Yes! Yes! Exactly what I hoped for. I'm not usually into incest stories but the way you write makes this so romentic and sexy it really doesn't matter that it's brother and sister sex. Fantastic writing! Made me cum again and again. This one goes to the top of my favourites list :-)
||The Things Girls Say! Part One - Debbie
||Oh wow, this is more like it! I LOVE the way you build up the story instaed of just jumping right into thye sex action. I came TWICE reading this. I hope Part Two is as good!
||I agree with other comments that you should think about writing this as a full-lenth story like your other ones.
||family home prt2
||Why did you bother? Really, I cannot believe that (a) you wrote this story and (b) that you thought it was good enough to inflict on the rest of us! Jeez...
Take some helpful advice: DO NOT EVER give up your day job to becoem a writer because I can guarantee that you'll starve!
||Julia cums clean with Mitch, her brother.
||Okay story but clumsily written. Try 'pacing' the action so that it flows better. 3/5