| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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| 2013-05-03 20:47:27 |
Fire Class - Chapter 1 |
AWESOME!!! Also, I agree with some of the comments. I may send a PM later because you deserve my uneducated and unasked for opinion. |
| 2013-04-23 16:38:34 |
He Said I'll Love You Till I Die |
I agree. I like a lot of your stories as well. Maybe when/if you come back you can let us know about some of the underrated stories that you see, or tell us were else to look. I have seen too many writers go off to be 'pros' to be okay with one leaving because the world isn't fair. |
| 2013-04-11 16:57:42 |
Returning Chapter 03 |
send me a pm with where i can get it and i will buy it. then stalk you to find your address so i can send it to you for an autograph. ^_^ |
| 2013-04-08 18:26:30 |
The Perks of Being a Wallflower with a Huge Cock: Part V |
Love Always,
Your adoring fans |
| 2013-04-08 18:23:50 |
The Perks of Being a Wallflower with a Huge Cock: Part V |
Oh the horror indeed. Forget about what you do for money and hiding this from your family and come back here to your real job. Entertaining us. |
| 2013-02-08 19:56:26 |
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Wow. normally i'd post another long one but, i think every one else has already said what i wanted to say. I'll admit it. I'm drinking again so i never once saw any of these errors but i suck at spelling anyway.
I think a Myka sequel. would be perfect. if you're up for writing in the female perspective. hell, maybe a story about Rhys while on our earth. I wonder what you could do with your characters if they didn't have magic.
I check everyday for a new one. Just like the rest of your fans. Keep it up. |
| 2013-02-07 17:35:13 |
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I'm actually biting my nails here man. Do I want more story? sex? tears? elaboration? Another cliffhanger? Okay to be honest, every chapter leaves me chomping at the bit like a cliffhanger. I know you wont disappoint.
And, I would also like to know what happened with the "proofreader." (wink wink) |
| 2013-02-04 18:19:05 |
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And here I was telling you, or at least tring to explain what you could do to better your abilities to do so. And i forgot what this site was all about. And you brought the sex back. I don't think that I will comment any more for fear that the triple post will happen again or that my suggestions will affect the story. (I don't think they would. or at least I hope.) Great! That is all I can say. A minor error (we all make them I already see a few that I have made an this is shorter than your story) or two an that was it.
I have to admit. This one had it all. Sex, love, blood, gore and I think I may have had to wipe a few tears from my eyes. I'll blame that on the beer. Feel free to PM me if you want any more help. I don't think you need it. |
| 2013-02-04 17:00:16 |
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...ions and run off in a random direction. I really think that you are one of the most skilled Authors on this site. And, undeniably the most open to criticism. Thank you for your mention of me in your forward no matter unnecessary it was. And on to suggestions! (I do have another chapter to read tonight and I can't wait.)
"Hi my name is..." NOOOOOO! When it was Likka I understood that she, the unflappable companion could write in Rhys' journal (Really?!! Didn't know this was a journal) the way she did. But, Morgana? No. 'Hi this is Morgana' should have been blotted out on the page with tears. Or, when someone else writes in it their text should be italicized or otherwise differentiated. Then, either signed at the end (great trick for confusing readers in a good way ;-) ) or let the reader know in some other way.
"...I heard my name..."
"Morgana's fingers and feet are turning flesh!"
BTW I like the vocab you toss in there every now and then too. Opps out of space |
| 2013-02-04 16:59:49 |
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Its hard to imagine that Likka would know of such a mundane animal like a rhino. I mean I know they have dogs and cats and horses so it stands to reason that rhinos could be there too. I don't know. I guess i wasn't in the right mindset to expect it. It has been a while since i read the last one. ok enough griping. onto suggestions:
A tower of black basalt, eh. Had to look up pictures of basalt just to imagine it. This my friend, was an excellent chance to let us (your fervent readers) see what you see. Expound upon that ominous tower you see before you. It would seem out of place at first but, when you realize all the other parts that could use a little bolstering the story will flow like a river. I won't tell you those parts. That's too much like telling you what to write in the first place and NOBODY wants me to write your story. It would suck.
Gotta continue in another comment box. I hate to take up so much space here but, i like to see you take one of my suggest |
| 2013-02-01 17:20:18 |
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Great! I do so enjoy your stories.
Only minor mistakes so few and far between that I hardly noticed. My only suggestions if you do plan to clean this up and publish (I think amazon does have an erotica section) would be to clear up some of the confusing language.
I'm not talking about your unique names or anything like that but, there were a few sentences that may have been worded awkwardly.
Biggest issue as an example:
"Cleaning up the room was problematical when I started to pull in my will Likka actually slapped me lightly."
Though, mostly correct it sounds weird when spoken aloud. Breaking this into two sentences might help;
'Cleaning up the room was[or became] problematic. When I started to pull in my will Likka actually slapped me, though lightly.'
Later, I'll point out areas that may benefit from elaboration (Not Robert Jordan or G. R. R. Martin elaboration). I don't even know if you want that.
I can't wait for your next chapter. |
| 2013-01-31 18:19:06 |
When My Dreams Came True. Chapter 4 and 5, |
One, I have to apologize. The previous comment was for chapter three. Apparently, it still applies and I'm less THAN (you mix this word up with another a lot) a fifth of the way through so I'm not that sorry. Two, a person shakes THEIR (another one) head no and (fucking) nods their head yes. Read a freaking book. A nod for yes a shake for no. Easy.
Still Angry Ed
P.S. More to cum [ ;-) ] still reading. |
| 2013-01-31 18:10:50 |
When My Dreams Came True. Chapter 4 and 5, |
Oh My God... You may have great ideas to and stories but, holy crap is your grammar and word usage off. I like to drink while i read because i have a (IMHO) great memory. This allows me to be able to re-read books and stories sooner. One, to save money and two, because i liked them so much. But, when i read this its like having a friend who is drunker than i am (hard to believe) emailing me a story. Maybe you should ask yourself if you should actually pay your editors... It would save you some embarrassment.
Angry Ed
P.S. I did this in the comments because I thought that a PM wouldn't kick you in the rear enough.
P.P.S I will keep reading this saga however.
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| 2013-01-31 17:40:29 |
When My Dreams Came True. Chapter 4 and 5, |
Oh My God... You may have great ideas to and stories but, holy crap is your grammar and word usage off. I like to drink while i read because i have a (IMHO) great memory. This allows me to be able to re-read books and stories sooner. One, to save money and two, because i liked them so much. But, when i read this its like having a friend who is drunker than i am (hard to believe) emailing me a story. Maybe you should ask yourself if you should actually pay your editors... It would save you some embarrassment.
Angry Ed
P.S. I did this in the comments because I thought that a PM wouldn't kick you in the rear enough.
P.P.S I will keep reading this saga however.
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| 2013-01-29 20:31:06 |
Returning Chapter 03 |
There were a few grammar issues. However, run on sentences... my gods. i also think you might be rushing it. keep to your style and elaborate. And just a little warning. Don't fall into Ka's (you know who I'm talking about) fatal flaw. Allow your main character to struggle. Even fail. We'll root even harder for him. (or her ;-) as the case may be)
You can't have love without hate. And you cannot win unless you know what it is to lose. I don't feel like Rhys has lost anything yet. The Wife yeah but, we don't know what that was like. A dream sequence might solve that. (Flash back Wayen's World style) |
| 2013-01-29 19:08:07 |
Returning Chapter 02 |
Also, sorry if someone else already said something about my corrections. I wasn't about to read through all the comments and take out what was mentioned already. I don't want to wait that long to read the next one.
And sorry about the double post. |
| 2013-01-29 19:06:19 |
Returning Chapter 02 |
maybe a comma here? I'm of the:
"across her back, bottom and legs" school.
And to go with the 'softcore' words, I like that some of your characters don't use contractions. Its how I write when I try to sound intelligent or proper and I think it fits.
"A screaming orgasm ripped her again passed out on the bed below me." could have been 'As a... she passed' or 'her again' and still nit picking i know.
Really? “What happen[ed]?” It's my name I always notice.
"relieve myself the[n] headed"
Can you put italics or something here?
“till The First Star winked out; I told them I would leave until the *first* star winked out..." still nit picking.
Also same spot. would it be possible to differentiate between spoken dialog and mental? Like: <Something > or [something else] instead of "everything" ?
" pistol, [h]olster, and ammo boxes."
There may have been more but I ran out of chars so deal with it. Editing LOL as I go. Love it! Can't wait for the next two. (6 and |
| 2013-01-29 17:32:51 |
Returning Chapter 01 |
"A young street tough was trying to pump his self up"
A person would pump himself or herself up. I only found one other but cant remember what it was. Near the end. Didn't even notice Maine... Really nice. |
| 2012-07-21 23:37:11 |
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I agree with the first comment. It is a good story and I also like the plot. However, it does need a lot of work. Take your time. The sheer amount of grammatical errors has become distracting and I think someones name actually changed within three paragraphs. You still have me aching for more though. Good luck. |