||Interstate Innocense pt1
||You've maintained just the right pace in this story, well done. We're all now wondering what happens next.
||I really enjoyed this, you built up the tension nicely and described things well without jarring us out of the fantasy, which many writers do by mistake. I can imagine many things I'd like to have seen happen next but that's a story for you to write! Well done and let's have some more soon.
||My daughter. The porn star.
||It's a common enough fantasy, though not one of mine. There are a number of stylistic flaws in the writing that interfere with the ability of the story to cause either arousal or empathy. It certainly felt rushed; I would recommend you relax and let your stories dictate their own pace. And to switch from narrative to describing a movie/tv style fadeout at the end was the ultimate jarring moment here.
Readers need to inhabit the world of your story for the time they are reading. Smoother less rushed style will enable them to experience what this fantasy feels like for you. Good luck with your next one.
||brook the neighbors lil girl
||What you need to do is team up with another member who is happy to edit your stories for you. Then commentators can focus on the eroticism of your story instead of acting like English teachers who can't switch off outside their work.
||My Wife's Project Schoolgirl, Part 1
||This is a really well written story. Often a slow story like this will leave me skipping ahead to the action or even clicking "back" to the list to find something quicker, but the quality of the writing and the natural feel you have for what is erotic kept me glued to the story. I'm only sorry I'm in work with other people in the room or there would have been at least two loads from this guy to this story. Really well done, Mr Softee, keep this up, I'm gagging to know what happens next. lots of ideas but I can't wait to know what Lisa gets up to next!
||Catching them at it
||Thanks for th great feedback everybody. I am encouraged to write part two now!
||Catching them at it
||Thanks, 19:13! I can see things developing in this story between the characters so I think I will get cracking on part two...