||The Prince and the Princess
||Split it into paragraphs, please?
||Mother and daughter
||This would have been much easier to read if you had put "quotes" round the speech parts as: I said, "What was that for?"
||The Hitchhiker Part 1
||An interesting start. I agree about the spacing, and it is written almost all in the past tense which is good, but occasionally you have dropped into the present, which jars a little.
||Young virgin blacked in a barn...Chapter 2
||Don't worry J; at least six of those were the same anonymous idiot (see the times). I have already seen this chapter elsewhere and am waiting for chapters 3 onwards. Please don't make me wait too long.
||slaver or collecter HANNA COMES TO THE USA
||Please read your PMs
||Not given a chance (chapter 4)
||I have sent you a private message.
||Enslaved, Entrapped 14-16
||You ask, "What would you like to see happening in the 'scene' in the upcoming chapter 17?" I don't know - I am reading your story because it's YOUR story, and not my ideas.
If I want to read my ideas I'll go to my stories.
||This story is stolen. It was originally written by Captain Swing.
|| White Slavery or is it Really Part 8
||Is part 9 still coming?
||Taking Liz's Pussy for a Drug Debt
||It isn't as bad as the Anonymous cowards make out, but it isn't very original - I have read a lot of stories on this theme.
||Will there be any more chapters - please?
||Berry Patch Cherry Picker Chapter 6
||As to age limits, they SAY no under 18, but have a look at the stories in the section called "young". It is clear that this limit is not enforced.
||Doomsday, the day my life changed!
||A very good start to the story, if not in perfect English.
See the PM I sent you.
||Please check your private messages.
||Executive Decision -- 6
||Mixing present tense and past tense almost randomly is off-putting for the reader. Stick to past tense as this is a story, not a commentary on a football game.
||The Real Man of the House: Ch. 1 Taking the Mother
||Ignore them. The bad grammar fits a 14-year-old narrator perfectly.