| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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| 2013-05-04 19:18:55 |
Boy Scouts Part 4 |
I like seeing a story written from a woman's viewpoint. It looks like there might be some confusion in this "lust story". One thing you may want to know tho; a 15-17 yr old boy has at least 3 shots for every round. |
| 2012-04-27 19:50:56 |
Jake's Incredible Summer-Chap. 2 |
You mixed up Lori and Em in 1 or 2 of the earlier paragraphs, unless BOTH were laying on the boy. |
| 2011-09-16 14:45:06 |
my ex-wifes niece |
I think we know her name is "Kirsten". You can use "she" at times. |
| 2011-08-16 14:30:12 |
My Cousin, My Love Part 1 |
A story that looks as good as one of mine. See "Billy's Summer Job 5". |
| 2011-08-16 13:52:53 |
The Neighbor (Story 1) |
Try one story at a time.
There is a big difference between 9 and 15.
Also, even if it is not the real name, give "the brother" a name. An age, physical shape would be good too. |
| 2011-08-10 15:22:15 |
Ryan's Sleepover Part 3 |
Cock rubbing...not bad.
Describe the sizes when rubbing them together. |
| 2010-11-03 16:48:33 |
Jayson |
First, an 18yr old guy has more than one shot. Second, the first event he doesn\'t need oral; maybe the second or third yes. Third, after shooting a load or finishing for the evening, there is a need for relief (bladder). Fourth, the birth control is a good choice to include. |
| 2010-11-03 16:23:08 |
My husband's love of sperm. |
Try ONE story at a time...not 20-30 events over whatever time this story takes. I got too tired with your ADD/ADHD problem to continue. Freestyle is fine for your outline but, don\'t just write your outline. I was gonna state \"diary\" instead of outline but, there is never enough DETAIL for it to be a diary. |
| 2010-11-03 16:21:26 |
My husband's love of sperm. |
Try ONE story at a time...not 20-30 events over whatever time this story takes. I got too tired with your ADD/ADHD problem to continue. Freestyle is fine for your outline but, don\'t just write your outline. I was gonna state \"diary\" instead of outline but, there is never enough DETAIL for it to be a diary. |
| 2010-06-01 17:59:29 |
My Older Brother and I P2 |
Don't add the "ask me on yahoo if u want to see them."
It distracts from the story.
What were your breasts doing as you were on top of him? |
| 2010-05-11 09:48:14 |
Jess's first Slumber Party |
As a young one yourself, you should know that 14 yr-olds and a 16 year-olds have more than 1 shot each. And in that situation, they wouldn't be falling asleep.
|
| 2009-12-02 18:37:26 |
Truth or Dare |
I thought I would see some better critiques.
You start out describing yourselves as 11 and 13, physically.
Then later, at the main course, you state you're 14 and 16.
Then what? No description of development over those 3 years.
In the encounter itself, you NEVER stated that she disrobed by herself or by you. Should we imagine her clothed or nude?
But she did remove your pants and shorts.
I agree with the posts about protection.
I could see kissing cousins but siblings doesn't make sense. |
| 2009-11-25 19:37:58 |
Megan's Little Brother |
I disagree with those who wanted you to screw each other.
That would have made things much more uncomfortable.
You should have described his boy cock from the first time you saw it, reached, and touched it.
You should have described yourself when he first saw you naked; breast size, tan-lines, etc.
For a story; 9 of 10 |
| 2009-11-25 19:36:48 |
Megan's Little Brother |
I disagree with those who wanted you to screw each other.
That would have made things much more uncomfortable.
You should have described his boy cock from the first time you saw it, reached, and touched it.
You should have described yourself when he first saw you naked; breast size, tan-lines, etc.
For a story; 9 of 10 |
| 2009-11-12 16:01:12 |
FIRST TIME NAKED |
I would drop the last 2 paragraphs. Continue with the story so she takes care of him for the 3rd time, maybe a doggy-style position where she reaches back and guides him in. Ah, youth. |
| 2009-11-05 10:11:10 |
Julia's first fuck |
So she had "chestnut brown hair" and "her wet cunt was covered in a light patch of blonde curls"? A natural blond goes brunette? Why?
"cum dripped out of her deflowered pussy. " That would not be the only thing dripping if she is a virgin. She would be tasting her own blood.
It is difficult to believe this is written by a woman. Just one clit lick and a complete blow job with 3 different positions doesn't sound like it would be equatable. It sounds like a porn movie just like his controlling hands and "brushing her hair out of her face".
I'd call it FAIR, but not at all realistic. |
| 2009-07-18 17:47:00 |
BUDDY TURNED FUCK BUDDY ? |
Get real.
A 12 yr-old (you) doesn't want to hang out with a new dork in the neighborhood (who is a wimp) who just happens to be 15.
And yet again, another 12 yr-old with an 8 inch dick and the stamina of a porn star.
How many stories with those stats have we seen on here?
True Stories??? LOL or HAH |
| 2009-05-27 11:38:24 |
Where did you get that?! |
I get tired of seeing stories of 10-14 year olds with 6-10 inch dicks and having the self-control of porn stars. No mention of him cumming in this story. |
| 2008-11-26 11:15:40 |
My boy Olly! |
Two categories you listed were "incest" and "rape". Neither of those is in the story, which is good.
Fairly good story |