| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
|
|
|
| 2011-11-07 02:29:28 |
Everything for my Sister Chp. 4 |
@below
It's an odd coincidence that I happened to log in to this account for the first time in months and find your messages only two days old; lucky me. Back in the day I would have just went off, but I have matured a bit in the months have passed and I have one simple statement for you. Thanks for reading and giving your feedback on the whole series.
p.s. I logged in to delete these stories anyway, so thanks for the tip. They should be gone within a week; pretty funny that I turned in my own stories for underage characters just to make sure that they get deleted. |
| 2011-08-16 22:11:47 |
The Facebook Poem |
Why did I even click on this? Facebook was in the title, I should have just skipped over it, but nope. My curiosity got the best of me and now I am sitting here wondering what our social structure has come to if a 50 year-old guy is posting a poem about facebook,,,, on a porn site. I will be more than happy to show you some great poetry sites if you are interested in getting yourself out there in the poetry world. |
| 2011-08-14 11:52:27 |
Everything for my Sister Chp. 4 |
(guy below and one below that)
you are my hero |
| 2011-08-13 23:50:46 |
Camping with my daughter Katrina Day-1 |
Fuck dude; I can't stop laughing at these people's comments. |
| 2011-08-13 23:49:09 |
MY TWIN SISTER, TARA |
Fucking trolls are getting ridiculous on this site. Least this mother fucker isn't smart enough to do anything more than call you mean names. |
| 2011-08-11 22:39:44 |
Owning a Dominant Bitch - Complete |
Jesus christ; people now-a-days..... Sorry, read my pm to know why. |
| 2011-08-11 22:18:21 |
Everything for my Sister Chp. 4 |
(two below)
Thanks for confirming that you are, in fact, a douche. If you leave douchey comments, do douchey things, then leave more douche comments: I am going to call you a douche. As far you going as far as to tell people to vote down my stories... good stuff. The fact that people listened to you.... that is how hitler came to power. People with absolutely nothing going on in their lives follow a stranger out of spite. I applaud the amount of work you put into getting these stories down, and I am glad that my writing was so good that it brought you back for a second reading session. Yours truly, Dane.
p.s. I would love for you to post this comment on whatever the fuck you spend your time doing. |
| 2011-08-09 21:01:09 |
My Sister and I (Complete) |
This story too..... Seriously, I have absolutely no clue how a story can pick like 100 negatives in such a short period. Somethings afoot...... |
| 2011-08-09 20:58:41 |
Everything for my Sister Chp. 4 |
What the fuck happened to this stories rating? Like 50-something negatives in an hour span? *sigh* whatever..... |
| 2011-08-07 11:39:29 |
Blindfolds Aside |
(comment below)
Yeah, I fucked this story up. I would rewrite it, but my interest in this series is very limited. There isn't going to be a sequel if by some ungodly chance someone was looking forward to it. |
| 2011-08-07 11:36:09 |
Everything for my Sister Chp. 4 |
(comment below)
Sorry, but I am not posting NEW stories. I guess I shouldn't have phrased it as "leaving". There are people on this site that I enjoy talking to, and I am not going to just abandon the stories that I have written. On a side note; I have been retouching the story "abduction", but I haven't been very dedicated and it is taking a ridiculously long time due to the errors. It is a miracle that the story has a half decent rating still. |
| 2011-08-06 12:09:26 |
Ranchland - Chapter 3 |
Damn dude, you really put yourself in a situation with this one. It usually takes a whole week for them to delete a story so......
Regardless, these first two installments are great (as are all of your stories) and I am looking forward to the real chapter three. |
| 2011-08-05 12:14:16 |
Everything for my Sister Chp. 4 |
(comment below)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They did NOT die/commit suicide. The brother was supposed to drive Bethany to their grandparents house, but made the decision to throw away any life that he could potentially have to make sure that he and Bethany stayed together. Good stuff. |
| 2011-08-03 01:33:14 |
Abduction |
I still think that this story is my greatest creation, and I think that I will touch it up a bit (make the conversations flow better and fix the obscene amount of typos) and repost it. |
| 2011-07-28 12:16:36 |
Everything for my Sister Chp. 3 |
(guy/girl below)
No problem; check your email, I just sent the link. For future reference; just click on my name a the top of the page to get a list of all of my stories. |
| 2011-07-28 02:22:29 |
Love story, |
Good stuff. Nice start to a series that has potential to be great. Expecting a little more love in part two maybe? God knows that I have been known to enjoy a love story or two in my day. *wink* |
| 2011-07-27 21:33:50 |
Sharing My Room With Sis 10: Abby's Fear |
This series is what inspired me to write in the first place. I am so glad that I found this story again. Easily the greatest... |
| 2011-07-27 15:34:55 |
Everything for my Sister Chp. 4 |
Time to answer some comments I guess
(one comment below)
Thank you for the comment. I love reading feedback from a seasoned writer such as yourself. One of your stories was one of the first things that I read on this site, and I hope that I will get as good as you one day.
(two below)
It is vaguer than I wanted it to be, but I feel like I have done just about everything with these characters.
(four below)
Sorry about the whole crying thing.
(nine below)
Please stop putting that on my stories; I read it the first few times.
(ten below)
I have come to the conclusion that "Blindfolds Aside" is not a very good story. I can't ignore the mountains of negative feedback that the story generated, and it wouldn't be in my best interests to continue that story: sorry (hell, I thought it was a good story).
(very first comment)
Who doesn't enjoy receiving a wink? Someone can say something absolutely ridiculous, but if they throw a wink onto the end; you can't help but agree w |
| 2011-07-26 22:52:01 |
My Sister and I (Complete) |
(guy below)
Good thing that you are on the case about the apparent "under 16" rule, but I'll be damned before I go back and rewrite this story. Oh yeah.... a good amount of stories on this site have characters under 16; so go tell them to change their writing. I thought the stories just couldn't contain pedophilia (someone over eighteen with someone younger than eighteen). Sorry about my horrendous miss-use of words; I know that I am not very good at proof-reader and I am sorry that it ruined the story so much for you. |
| 2011-07-22 00:21:29 |
Death gestured toward a grave II |
Two years... jesus christ I thought I was procrastinating when it's taking me weeks to write a sequel. I guess a lot does change in two years. I wish your writing the best because like I have said, that first part of this story was perfect. |
| 2011-07-21 11:41:22 |
Blindfolds Aside |
I retract the bit about not being able to check who has voted because I found that you can. I am still curious at what story you are talking about though. |
| 2011-07-21 11:37:02 |
Blindfolds Aside |
(continued form below)
I am not threatening to leave.; I am. Now I have to post like six stories. I am just about finished with part four. So much time has passed since the last part that I doubt that there will be much interest. |
| 2011-07-21 11:34:40 |
Blindfolds Aside |
(one below)
I didn't delete the stories; the admins did. I am not sure if there was some sort of mistake, but I going to send and email to support. I asked them to delete the reposted story about five days ago.
(two below)
Good stuff troll. I can put pieces together rather well and this is what I have come up with. You have my page saved somewhere so that you can have quick access to it (that's how you track what comments I make). The story that you are referring to me voting down had to have been written by you because not just anybody can check votes. That said, that means that you are a douchebag. I don't know what story you are referring to, but for some reason you find it impossible that I didn't genuinely like it. I also came to the conclusion that you are a pussy. You didn't feel like logging in for some reason or another. I am also a little curious at what story that you are talking about because I have only voted down a couple stories.
(message for everyone)
I am not |
| 2011-07-20 23:31:49 |
Death gestured toward a grave II |
I feel like a completely different person wrote this. The first story was so good; it was organized and had a logical plot progression. This story feels like you rushed it to the point that you wrote it on the fly. It was okay, but I know you could have done so much better. I'm somewhat looking forward to a part 3 because now I am curious as to where this story will go. |
| 2011-07-20 20:59:12 |
Blindfolds Aside |
(one comment below)
Good stuff. You are correct, I just tested it myself.
I don't "attack" people that don't like my story. I "attack" people that leave stupid comments on why they didn't like it. My tolerance level for stupidity is VERY low. So when one person says that they had no problems following the story, and then another person says "this is garbage, I couldn't even follow the story". I feel like the second person is just a dumbass who needs to read stories more suited for the mentally handicap.
One thing that I don't like more than stupidity is patronizing. You left that comment fully aware that you were being a dick because you used the term "hurt your feelings". I know how people think, and it doesn't take a psychology degree to see that you were doing your best to be a douche. Had you left off the last part, I would have considered your comment constructive, but... you fall into the category of reasons why I am leaving this site. |
| 2011-07-20 16:14:29 |
Death gestured toward a grave |
That was the single greatest ending anyone has ever come up with on this site. I am not kidding; I have read hundreds of stories, but this one's ending is clearly the best. The overall story was great, and if you would have just wrote the last bit and nothing else, I would still have given you a positive. Needless to say, you have a positive vote from me and my first favorite. |
| 2011-07-18 11:25:45 |
|
(douche below this comment)
Good stuff... It is exactly people like you that are making leave this site (yes I have already put in my like 3 day notice now). I am sorry that your mind is so fucked up that you are basing your opinion of my story on a comment, but that is the type a dumbass bullshit that I have come to expect from the illiterates on this site (was that respectful enough for you?). I also like how mentioned that this was a great story. I am glad that you said that because now everyone that reads your comment is going to think of you exactly how I do (a dumbass illiterate). I only respect people that respect me, so there for that retard that you are basing your comment over, and you, are not going even going to see a sneak peek of respect from me. Also, what the fuck is a 4-10 vote. I assume that it is 4 out of 10, but those words lose their impact after stating that you thought the story was great. You are just an example and I am not going to miss you. Yours truly, Dane |
| 2011-07-18 11:18:01 |
Blindfolds Aside |
1. User votes count as four. Not sure why because that is a sure-fire way to screw someone over.
2. The story does have a couple errors, but they are minor to the point that only sentence nazis notice them. If someone wants to vote the story down for them, then they need to go to hell.
3. No.... It is not easy. There are thousands upon thousands of stories on this site. This story only has a few themes and it has a shitty rating. It is a miracle that anyone would see this story among thousands after scrolling through countless other stories, then read it and find it to be the worst story that they have ever read. |
| 2011-07-17 23:06:41 |
|
(guy below)
Yeah... weird huh? I usually try to fill my stories in with "words". I should seriously go back and re-evaluate my writing style. |
| 2011-07-17 20:38:30 |
Blindfolds Aside |
It's pretty funny watching the story's rating just keep going down. Another reason why I need to get away from this site. This story's rating was already in the mid-eighties, so there is no way somebody can stumble upon it by accident. The only other way is if people just check up on my stories, just to vote them down. |
| 2011-07-16 12:14:51 |
|
(one comment below)
Every time I see that you left a comment, I feel like you tweeting ;)
(two below)
It was after the funeral; not his death. Like I told the other guy, it wasn't because their dad died. (you guys are starting to creep me out)
I actually am posting this comment to say that I am starting part 4 right now. It will be my last story, so you better believe that it will be as great as my writing will allow. |
| 2011-07-15 20:41:11 |
|
Pyrasius (I think that it's spelled like that) raised a great point that I should at least finish up the series I have been working on. If you have been anticipating the end of "Everything for my Sister", then you have to thank him. |
| 2011-07-15 11:19:22 |
|
It isn't an accidental triple post. I posted the comment three times to get peoples attentions, but that apparently didn't work. |
| 2011-07-15 10:54:51 |
|
Well as anyone can see, this story and the other post got instantly trolled. They both had about 6 negative votes before they even made it on the list. I am sorry to say that that is the tell-tale signs that I need to hang in the towel. What is the point of writing when people are making it their personal mission to vote my stories down.This story may (probably) will be the last thing that I post on this site. Sorry to everyone that enjoys my writing, but there just isn't enough of you to cancel out the obscene amount of enemies that I have made. |
| 2011-07-14 21:19:45 |
|
I posted this story twice (due to the mistake of adding no themes), and I would prefer you post any feedback on the other one because this one will probably be deleted within the next couple days. |
| 2011-07-14 21:19:39 |
|
I posted this story twice (due to the mistake of adding no themes), and I would prefer you post any feedback on the other one because this one will probably be deleted within the next couple days. |
| 2011-07-14 21:19:22 |
|
I posted this story twice (due to the mistake of adding no themes), and I would prefer you post any feedback on the other one because this one will probably be deleted within the next couple days. |
| 2011-07-13 23:34:06 |
Blindfolds Aside |
Sorry if you are looking for sex, but I honestly don't couldn't give two shits if you didn't get off to the story. All over the place? Not exactly sure why you think that because the story only has two flashbacks and they fit snuggly into the storyline. Head-hopping? It only changed switched four times and it was extremely obvious when it did. Don't vote my story down then spit bullshit at me to make yourself feel intelligent because this story was clearly at of your thought range. I love how patronizing you are with comment also "keep trying"; like my writing future depends solely on some half-a-tard's comment. This isn't my first rodeo and it isn't my last. I am sorry if I sound like a jackass when I decide not take advice from an anonymous user who barely passed the fifth grade. |
| 2011-07-12 21:14:36 |
Lifelong Exhitionist |
I am not sure of the possibility of an 8 year-old girl having an orgasm, but I am also not an expert so I will take your word on it. The story was okay I guess (true stories tend to be just okay, if the person writing it isn't a porn star). I feel like you missed a chance of a life time when you first walked in on your sister, but then again you were also young. The art of seduction is a powerful tool, and you made it about halfway through the classes. You knew how the to get the girls interested, but never took advantage of their weakness. Story is worth a better rating, but I can honestly say that it didn't strike my interest. Of course the name caught my attention, and I am sure that there are people that will like this story; while others will hate it. For that, I choose not to vote, but I guess the fact that I read it is a silver medal. |
| 2011-07-12 20:58:52 |
a vapiric succubus part 1 |
You have a pretty fucking crazy imagination my friend. The most important part of a story is the title (disagree if you want). The title is what makes the reader choose your particular story over another. That explained, I must say that I clicked on your story because I saw the word Succubus (a female dream-demon). I was a little curious about how someone wrote a story concerning a Succubus; so I proceeded to read this story.
Explanations, explained, I have to critique your story. For starters, this was obviously not my forte, but I read the whole story anyways. One elementary tip I can give you is to PROOFREAD (countless careless mistakes). Also, try to avoid using words like "thing", a proper description would suffice.
The sheer amount of imagination that went into this story could have been enough to make this story great. Alas, I feel like you rushed your ideas, and the overall story suffered. This story obviously will attract others, but throw other people off. Neutral vote. |
| 2011-07-12 11:20:20 |
Game of Thrones: You Fuck or You DIe: Chapter Two: A lion in wolves clothing |
Fuck: I meant "Lion in wolves clothing", sorry about commenting twice, but I guess I should have proofread my previous comment. |
| 2011-07-12 11:18:27 |
Game of Thrones: You Fuck or You DIe: Chapter Two: A lion in wolves clothing |
I am going to just assume that this is a parody of that television show (correct me if I am wrong). I am not going to lie, you know how to tell a story. I felt like I was reading a novel, and the story had a semi-enjoyable plot. I say "semi" because there was an abundance of grammar flaws that made a few parts hard to understand. You also flowed from a passive voice to a real-time as the story progressed (small problem that I have the same trouble with in my writing). All-in-all, this story was a decent read read, and the title is what captured my attention. "A lion in sheep's clothing" is a little too high on the badass meter. The rest of the title could have been shortened. Pos. vote ;) |
| 2011-07-11 14:19:41 |
Blindfolds Aside |
(1-4 comments below, lol)
Not everything I have written has been good *cough*. Happiness? That isn't the emotion that I figured my stories would target, but I'm not going to complain; Cheers. You don't have to hope for me to comment back; I have read every single comment that has ever been written on one my stories, and I write back to the ones that I can.
(five below)
No problem Colin; shouldn't take too long for me to get around to the sequel.
(six below)
I do like writing character dialogue (sarcasm; or was it?).
(seven below)
I am going to write Part four before writing this sequel, but I have a small project that I am working on at-the-moment.
(eight below)
Damn Prime Minister will get you every time. |
| 2011-07-10 11:37:22 |
|
(two comments below)
You want to post an angry comment, so I will reply to your comment angrily. Are you fucking retarded? Want to know what the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world is (google what aphrodisiac is because I can almost guarantee that you have no idea what it is)? It is sorrow, emotion, sadness; they realized that they only had each other left. If you want to link that to the fact that their dad died, then I think that you might be the fucked up person in this situation. I'm used to dealing with ignorant people like you. Nonetheless, I love tearing down hater's comments and making them look like the asshole. Please, at least put more than 6.3 seconds of thought before posting another comment. Yours truly, Dane. |
| 2011-07-09 00:29:21 |
|
I finally started got back to writing (sorry about the long wait), and I am happy I did because I didn't even move for seven hours today. I am going to bed now, and I should have the story posted tomorrow afternoon. Sadly, it is not the part four of this series, but the start of something else. I will get back to this series; I am just drawing a blank on this series and I want the finale to be perfect. |
| 2011-07-08 10:01:31 |
|
(one comment below)
really, you're 13? Well, I guess it is cool to see that all ages can appreciate my writing.
(two comments below)
You do not understand. There are reasons why I can't write as often as I would like. BUT, as it is; I do plan on writing today because I am feeling a lot better (I wasn't sick).
(four below)
Evan sounds good |
| 2011-07-07 13:06:16 |
My Story (seriously) |
gamertag is Savvy Squidlet. I know; you wish you had thought of that name ;) |
| 2011-07-07 11:46:38 |
|
(one comment below)
I would rather work it, than it work me.
(two below)
You're right; I have put off writing the next part too long. I just haven't felt any drive to write over the last week. I go through phases like this every two weeks. Please be patient a little longer.
(three below)
due to about a 100 people asking me my email; I guess the only thing to do is take the advice of a well respected writer on this site ad create a new one just for it. I'll get back to you when i create it.
(4 below)
A side story that I am working on needs the names of five guys. There shouldn't be a problem with using Colin.
|
| 2011-07-06 12:32:09 |
My Story (seriously) |
Of course I play on xbox live :) |
| 2011-07-05 20:42:08 |
A Brother's Enjoyment (Revised) |
I don't know why every time I see your name on a new story I read it. I am not going to sugar coat it; your storytelling ability is horrendous. It feels like you are skipping around a lot; whether or not you are is a mystery. I guess I just read your stories because you seem to have great ideas, but you just lack the skill at getting them down. I am not tearing you down or anything, but your style feels rushed and even a quick look-over before posting would benefit your writing. I am not going to tell you how you should write, but please check your work before posting. I guess a neutral vote is in order because, like I said before, you have great ideas; you just need to tell them better. |
| 2011-07-05 20:26:54 |
My sister and I Pt. 1 |
(to comment below)
Once again I am baffled by the arrogance some people have. The story is already posted (for over a month now) and when I obtain a time machine I guarantee that I will space the paragraphs to your preferences. I am not saying that I disagree with what you were saying, but the way you should have worded it was "I wish you WOULD have spaced the paragraphs". That aside, I am going to finish by saying that this was my first story and I didn't know how it would publish. |
| 2011-07-05 20:21:30 |
|
I do not know when part four is coming out. My story-boarding only made it this far and I am drawing a writer's block at the moment. I haven't felt like writing in about a week. I did start a side story, but only made it two paragraphs before I stopped. I haven't been feeling very good the last couple days and I don't want my writing to reflect that. Sorry. |
| 2011-07-05 14:11:19 |
|
(One comment below)
Not an advertisement, just music for the mood. I have no idea how you figured this was an advertisement because I didn't even mention the name of the song, and I just politely asked you to put it in. If you didn't like the first two stories in the series, it might have been in your best interests to not even read this story.
(guy who felt his opinion was so important he had to use up two comments)
I laughed when I read your comments because you through so much trouble to tear me down without actually saying that you were. I talk like you are a professional writer. Your rules about writing are more like suggestions on how to write. I have never read a book that had only one characters dialogue per line/paragraph. As far as emotion goes, I don't know what else you want. A brother and sister going through their parents death would take the cake in a sane person's mind. Finally, "Mr. Anonymous Expert" where the hell are your stories? |
| 2011-07-05 14:00:59 |
|
Time to answer some people's comments.
(one comment below)
I have heard this at least seven times already. I do want, and plan, to use quotes in my future stories. Also, I think they are quotation marks, not "talking" marks ;)
(two below)
or you could just make an account on this site so that I am not putting my personal email on public display.
(three below)
For starters, I had an extremely shitty day that day. Secondly, a sense of humor only benefits when something funny is said; some guy down rating my sorry because it didn't quite fit his standards is annoying. Lastly, check part three's comments to see me tear down some wannabe trolls/critics. |
| 2011-07-03 10:01:52 |
|
(to guy one comment below)
Good call, glad to see that that is the only thing you noticed about the story
(2 comments below)
I am no expert on dick sizes, but 5 3/4" sounds average for a 14 year old
(3 and 4 comments below)
People tell me what they think and I tell them back. Yes, you can post pictures on the forums. Also, people would think it was odd for me to be on this site to. ;)
(5 comments below)
I don't have the attention span to write a book, or probably even the skill. It is a great song, and I do not dabble in film-making. Thanks for the triple post. ;)
(9 comments below)
Hold your horses! I am not finished yet. Part 4 will be out soon; I have know idea how many installments I will make.
|
| 2011-07-02 21:02:57 |
|
(to same guy as first story)
Dude, get the fuck off my stories. If you didn't like the first one, why the hell did you even click the second one. "Pretty good 7/10 looking forward to the next one" (you probably typed that thinking that you were giving me some long forgotten knowledge). 7/10 isn't looking forward to the next one and I would rather you just go get yourself off to some illiterate's suck and fuck extravaganza. (still pissed) |
| 2011-07-02 20:58:08 |
|
(to guy below)
It is people like you that make me want to not write, or at the very least get rid of anonymous votes. I find it a little too coincidental that you post that comment and all of my stories drop in ratings. Thanks fuckhead. (as you can tell I am a little pissed off at the moment) |
| 2011-07-02 11:08:08 |
|
I have been debating whether or not to put a few pics of me up, but personal reasons are holding me back. Also, no dick pics because I have a little class. So don't be surprised if one day I decide to post a few pictures of myself.
I also need to stop promising dates for when I come out with new stories. I almost never keep them because some reason or another. Last night I couldn't write because my girlfriend's little brother wanted me to go to his B'day party, and it is 4th of July weekend, so I am going to be too busy to write. |
| 2011-07-01 23:12:00 |
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I used to have a facebook, but it got disabled for some reason (I honestly have no idea), and I didn't feel like making a new one. |
| 2011-07-01 14:01:15 |
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(to guy below this comment)
Site must have been down or some other anomaly. It was just a song to intensify the experience, and didn't "make-or-break" the story. I hope you still enjoyed the story anyways. |
| 2011-07-01 12:47:34 |
My sister and I Pt. 6 (conclusion) |
Only in fairy tales do girls not get pregnant after a guy cums inside of them. You can safely assume that Katie did get pregnant and now they lead a wonderful life together. It would be pretty cool if I wrote an afterwards type of story. I am going to run that idea by some dedicated readers that I have come to know. |
| 2011-07-01 12:43:16 |
My Story (seriously) |
(directed at comment below)
When something interesting happens. This is a sex stories site, so I need some sex ;) |
| 2011-06-30 19:39:51 |
|
I am going to start part 4 tomorrow night (I have to work all day). |
| 2011-06-29 21:12:40 |
My Story (seriously) |
(directed at comment below this one)
It is funny that you should mention committing suicide because when I was 16 I started seeing a psychiatrist. My anxiety was at its worst and kept me in a constant state of depression. The depression overwhelmed me and I began to contemplate suicide. My parents came to their senses and made me start seeing the aforementioned psychiatrist. I found ways to control my thoughts and emotions and that was when I started to work out. Working out has a way of preoccupying someone's mind. When I got better control over my mind, I stopped going to the gym. I slowly started to slip back to my old state, and that was when my mom bought me my Xbox. I played video games for hours upon hours everyday before my parents took me back to a psychiatrist. After going for about a month; I learned how to properly deal with my own mind. Now, in the present, I have "almost" full control over all my thoughts. And read the comment two spaces below to understand my reference. |
| 2011-06-29 17:50:31 |
|
I published part 3 last night |
| 2011-06-27 20:15:22 |
Abduction |
(to guy below this comment)
It sounds like you should try your hand at writing. (seriously)
Those are brilliant ideas and normally I would have described the scene with detail, but the story was solely driven with character dialogue (so any emotions would have had to come out through what they were saying).
|
| 2011-06-27 20:04:26 |
|
I feel dumb about commenting on my own story like five times now, but I figured I should give an update on part 3. I was up until 3 in the morning writing it and I had to work today. I am still not finished (it is A LOT longer the anything that I have written) and I may not finish it till tomorrow because I have a splitting headache right now. Sorry about the delay, and I am also sorry about being wrong about when I will be done. |
| 2011-06-27 11:02:15 |
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A non-sex incest story is a bit of an oxymoron don't you think? |
| 2011-06-26 18:30:09 |
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Just woke up and looked at the clock and realized that I should start part 3 if I want to get it done by tomorrow morning. Part 3 is going to be considerably longer because I have a lot of ideas before I head to part 4. I should have posted some time tomorrow (hopefully) because I am having someone proof read; I miss way too much when I proofread my own writing. |
| 2011-06-26 15:02:11 |
My birthday surprise |
Decent story; definitely better than the very poor rating it has. The first couple sentences actually made me crack up a bit. It is a bit odd for someone to look at a room full of their family and wish to lose their virginity? I just thought that it was somewhat comical. Write a few more stories to get your footing, and you will be a great writer. Positive vote, because everyone starts somehow. |
| 2011-06-25 21:28:56 |
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(To anonymous poster below this comment)
Wow; I try please every type of reader but my god. I thought that I was a little bit to detailed in my writing, but what you ask of me is to create an entire universe. Your points are valid, but a little bit of positive would have made me feel like I didn't just get shot in the face. As for the quoting part... I have heard this before and I am just going to tell you to notice that the story is being told (therefore it is sometime in the future; quotes would only occur in a real time story). Also, I would love to include actual quotes, I truly would, but it is ridiculously time-consuming to do so. I may be lazy or selfish, but I think you are asking too much.
And finally, thank you for being the first person to ever say that I didn't build a realistic plot.
Finally, I appreciate the amount of time you put into writing your feedback. Due to this comment, I feel compelled to dig deeper. Also, I would like to read a story that you found perfe |
| 2011-06-25 11:10:06 |
Delirium |
Great story. I could leave just that, but where is the fun in that.
This is a very well written story with an original storyline. The length of the story is one of the only small drawbacks that could have been remedied with separate installments. The fact that I read the whole story at once shows that it is interesting. I am usually not one to complain about sex scenes (I think that story should beat out sex), but these ones were a bit under developed. The characters were easy enough to understand and they each had distinguished personalities. Finally, I would have liked to have learned more about the history of Becca and Gracey's race, species, ancestors, etc. All-in-all, it was a fantastic story and shoot me a couple more messages when you come out with something new. |
| 2011-06-24 12:43:43 |
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(directed at my own comment)
Damn; I meant to type that they won't be there much longer. Dumb mistake. |
| 2011-06-24 11:56:54 |
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For the comment two spaces below this; I completely agree with you. Adding the dialogue does give a much more in-depth look at the characters. The problem is it becomes extremely time consuming to think of exactly what they are going to say. As for the moving part; I don't want give too much details, but you can safely assume that they will be there for long.
For the comment four spaces below; I can only applaud you. Those are impressive observations and I feel compelled to explain myself. I worry about what other people think because the readers are the reason I write. As for it being winter; I try to make the rest of the world mimic the mood. Finally, that lottery idea sounds more like a scapegoat if I can't think of a more elaborate plot. As for the sons job; you have a point, but the main action of this story has only covered two days and he should be back to work soon ;). Needless to say (because I mentioned this in the outro), I have big plans for this series. |
| 2011-06-21 09:33:59 |
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I read this story again and came to the conclusion that I hate everything about it. Starting with the worst title ever considered and moving on to the starting sex scene. The sex scene is mediocre and unrealistic; and now moving to the rest of the story. The details of the day to day lives of the characters suck, and are poorly thought out; now for the ending. I ended with a lazy ass cliffhanger that even a moron can figure out what will happen next. All-in-all this is the worst story I have ever written and I truly am sorry for writing it. I AM NOT WRITING A SEQUEL AND IF SOMEONE WANTS TO FINISH IT, THEN BE MY GUEST. On a side note I will begin writing a great new series that nobody has ever attempted tonight. (someone may have attempted it, but I have yet to see it) |
| 2011-06-17 18:47:55 |
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I just got back home so I am hoping to wrap up this story within the next couple days (June 17, 2011). Being away for a week got me thinking about a storyline for my new series (not this one, read 2 comments down) that will have everything that a great story needs. My motto is that "I am not arrogant enough to think I can please everyone, but I am courteous enough to try". |
| 2011-06-12 18:35:43 |
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After reading a few of these comments and re-reading this story a few times, I realized that this doesn't fit my writing style. I will finish this series up the best I can, and go back to my principles and crank out the greatest series ever created. I am sorry if you were looking forward to seeing a long series from this story, but i do not enjoy writing mindless sex scenes. I am also sorry because I am not going to be able to continue writing for a week, because I am going to be at high school senior week and I will not have any time to write. |
| 2011-06-10 08:35:01 |
Abduction |
Reading the comment two spaces below this one made me realize that I should have added this to the Introduction. I know this story is somewhat difficult to read, but it is extremely helpful to read this one slow so that you can switch seamlessly through the constant time change. Also, it is very helpful to imagine what is going in your head. |
| 2011-06-08 12:43:30 |
School Rape |
Im not going to lie, this would be a great story if you hadn't added racist comments to it. Considering the white population still outnumbers the african american, then logically you could assume that this site has more white than black and most white people will not take kindly to this story. I hope you write a couple more stories, but turn down the racial profiling a bit. |
| 2011-06-07 21:42:16 |
My sister and I Pt. 5 |
I have written and posted part 6. Sorry about the wait, I had school today. :( |
| 2011-06-05 18:57:55 |
My sister and I Pt.4 |
I am beginning writing on part 5 (6/5/11), I like writing these too much |
| 2011-06-05 16:03:30 |
My sister and I Pt. 1 |
I have written a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th part, and I'm debating about a 5th |
| 2011-06-04 18:59:29 |
My sister and I Pt. 3 |
Starting part 4 so look out for it over the next couple hours. I am still debating whether it should be the last in this series, but I really like the storyline that I built, but I really want to start something new |
| 2011-06-04 09:26:41 |
My sister and I Pt. 2 |
Starting 3rd part today, 6/4/11, might be final part, but I'll see after it's written |
| 2011-06-03 22:50:12 |
My sister and I Pt. 1 |
thx for the excellent feedback, starting part 2 right now 6/3/11, hopefully will have up later tonight or tomorrow morning |