| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
|
|
|
| 2011-12-22 12:37:40 |
|
Haha very funny and cleverly written! More please. |
| 2011-12-12 02:30:58 |
Sibling Rivalry - Coping with Retirement Ch5 |
You wouldn't have a chapter just to introduce a relatively minor character though. He's explained by being a teacher at the school all of them go to and the way the story is about that exact kind of thing; then the story has to keep moving. I think your expectations are a bit out of kilter with the storyline tbh.
Anyway glad to have had your interest, if I do any more on this story maybe I'll flesh him out a bit, as it were. |
| 2011-12-11 05:58:55 |
Sibling Rivalry - Coping with Retirement Ch5 |
Mmm, well there's been a time gap between this and the previous episode, during which stuff has been happening that Vicki's been jealously observing. One of those things is that Lettie, who runs the show, has invited their Greek God of a PE teacher to join in. They all know him of course, except David who is under her spell.
So it doesn't seem odd to me! The plot is basically Lettie taking over David's house and bringing who she wants in a modern-day commune that echoes David's hippie days. Though I'm grateful you commented. I'll keep thinking about it, maybe I'll see it. Other characters have popped in like girls on the lawn, that seems in-plot to me.
He IS a dramatic necessity, to make the need to involve Vicki so urgent, so maybe that makes it seem a bit forced. Or perhaps it WAS a bit forced! How would you have 'introduced' him? |
| 2011-12-05 09:02:49 |
House Guests pt. 3-4 (w/ revised/re-edited pt. 1-2) |
Terrific story thanks! |
| 2011-11-29 12:35:14 |
|
Superb! Really loved it. I hope you're going to take it forward as fiction?? It has all kinds of potential. The mind boggles at the idea of you and Raquel, just for starters... |
| 2011-11-20 13:27:59 |
Sibling Rivalry - Coping with Retirement Ch5 |
Out of nowhere? I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'introduced' but In the first chapter Lettie strikes a deal to bring lezzie girlfriends round, that's various unspecified girls as it's going to be a place where they can have sex, which they can't at home.
Then in Chapter 3 Janie explains more about girls coming round and the first one - Lara - comes. In Chapter 4 Lettie likens it to School of Rock except it's a school for sex :))
Everyone except David goes to the same school, maybe I needed to make that more clear? It's covered in Ch3.
So David's house is a destination, and in this chapter Seeta and Graham are new, invited by Lettie.
|
| 2011-11-06 16:14:43 |
Daddy avenges his daughter |
There are later chapters, at the top of the page there's a yellow MrSoftee link to my profile :) |
| 2011-10-30 20:47:03 |
|
Re the previous comment, glad you enjoyed it. Lettie, John and Vicki are the three Mellor children who appeared in David's porch and also at the party and swam in Chapter 1.
After that, as far as the initial Whitaker 'household' is concerned John and Vicki are a surprise, so they couldn't have too much of an introduction.
In my mind there isn't too much of an overall plot, the big happening is the establishment of the commune then Ch 4, 5 are snapshots of events within it. I suppose they're more episodes than chapters, that's true..
Anyway its read numbers are wrecked now unless an awful lot of people vote for it, so I don't what I'll do with it. I guess I have to see if I could have made it clearer without making it horribly obvious with a "Lettie I Love You" ending :)) |
| 2011-10-30 03:09:46 |
|
Re the previous comment: in real life nobody enjoys rape; it's a vile, disgusting business.
This story is a FUN story, poking fun at sisters. Vicki bitches about everything but is gradually cuddled and fucked into BELONGING.
What's happened is that one or two people have skimmed the story and projected themselves onto it. Their experiences were ugly, evidently, but they are NOT the story. It's a story with a happy ending.
It just needs to be read slowly enough to take in the detail. Or maybe I should have put it in the Fantasy genre? |
| 2011-10-30 03:08:02 |
|
Re the previous comment: in real life nobody enjoys rape; it's a vile, disgusting business.
This story is a FUN story, poking fun at sisters. Vicki bitches about everything but is gradually cuddled and fucked into BELONGING.
What's happened is that one or two people have skimmed the story and projected themselves onto it. Their experiences were ugly, evidently, but they are NOT the story. It's a story with a happy ending.
It just needs to be read slowly enough to take in the detail. Or maybe I should have put it in the Fantasy genre? |
| 2011-10-28 17:20:57 |
Milking daddt dry. Literally. Part 2 |
Haha going well! Excellent story. |
| 2011-10-27 10:24:19 |
|
Sadistic rapists??
Presumably the last 2 comments/votes are the same person, naughtily using their phone for the second one.
Is this your idea of sadistc rape?...
"Janie slid in under me and in a moment I felt her SEXY fingers on my clitoris.
Fingers stroked my right tit and pulled on my nipple. I looked down Lara. She was gazing up at me, so BEAUTIFUL.
Fingers on my other tit and a kiss on my neck Seeta. The GORGEOUS young girl with her long black hair and rather delicious brown skin.
This time I was finished, I knew. Four people working me over, and Mr Whitaker David was an expert, even on my first time second time already, strictly speaking I could tell. He pistoned slowly in and out, and each stroke sent a burst of ECSTASY through me."
The story has nothing whatsoever to do with real-life rape you silly. Is the end so obscure??
What kind of comeuppance do you want for Lettie anyway? Do say! When whatever you're on wears off. I'll get her pu |
| 2011-10-27 06:55:00 |
Coping with Retirement Ch4 - Lettie's Brother |
Chapter 5 is now out - Sibling Rivalry
use the yellow MrSoftee profile link at the top of the page to select it. |
| 2011-10-26 15:24:28 |
Coping with Retirement |
There are later episodes :)
check my profile link at the top of the page. |
| 2011-10-25 17:37:07 |
|
Tune me in Stark2468
The theme is teen girls saving people with great, affectionate sex.
They save the retiree (who returns the favour by showing Janie & Lettie great sex with a man), then the pubescent boy from his anxieties, and now the uptight, judgmental frigid older sister.
The story is told, this chapter especially, with a good deal of humour,
Did you read it too fast, or what?? |
| 2011-10-25 12:22:16 |
|
To the anonymous moralist below, all the characters in my stories are sexually developed. There is no paedophilia at all. The stories go out of their way to make this clear.
The boy has been having erections, wet dreams, and feeling-up sessions with his friends. The girl is nearly 13 and has been masturbating for a long time.
And the men don't touch them anyway.
So IMO it's YOU who's being unethical, rushing to judgement without reading the full story. |
| 2011-10-25 10:03:16 |
|
Is there much interest in the pictures of the characters?
Just wondering if they're worth putting time into, before I do Vicki and Seeta? |
| 2011-10-22 16:16:15 |
Coping with Retirement Ch4 - Lettie's Brother |
OK thanks for the previous comments, I'll try and feature John and perhaps other boys some more then. ATM eldest sister Vicki is on course to be the star of the next chapter... |
| 2011-10-18 16:36:58 |
Coping with Retirement Ch4 - Lettie's Brother |
OK Spazzman fair comment, I guess it depends whether you identify or not. The idea was to cover the male age range with the teen girls being a universally appealing constant :)
I probably am going to do another chapter and if so hopefully that'll work better for you again. |
| 2011-10-14 16:10:20 |
Owned By A Teenage Goddess |
TOP story, sooo well written!!
Really kept me involved and amused all the way through. |
| 2011-10-14 11:56:41 |
|
Lovely story! Really involved me. |
| 2011-10-05 16:02:02 |
Coping with Retirement Ch3 - Janie's Tale |
In response to the previous interesting comment, my approach to Janie's retelling of her fuck with David was not really a 'review' but more about what SHE got out of it. This not being a what-happens-next adventure story like Daddy Avenges but more about relationships.
So the pensioner is saved by the teens, who help him rediscover his freedom, but also the teens have their horizons broadened by the pensioner, and that's what Janie's tale is about..
Also the pensioner facilitates their lesbian relationships obviously by being actually MORE broad-minded than their (younger) parents..
Not sure about it being hard to follow. Anyone else found this?
The grammar is deliberately a bit incorrect, and the syntax less structured I suppose, with its being 'written' by a 15-yr-old. Is that it?
Thx for the comments! MORE comments please!!! :)
|
| 2011-09-28 18:24:02 |
Coping with Retirement, Chapter2 (fixed) |
OK I've reissued this story to fix the problem that the original one was 2/3 in italics and hard to read! |
| 2011-09-28 09:57:52 |
|
Sorry about the italics, everyone - formatting cockup, I've asked the mods to fix it :) |
| 2011-09-24 12:20:57 |
Coping with Retirement |
Thanks for your comments everyone. Chapter 2 is just getting under way.
Daddy's Vengeance series - in my mind that was concluded, and the ratings and no. of comments seemed to point that way too. But...do other readers think it still has somewhere to go? I originally meant to stop after Ch3, then after Fruition, so now after Ultimate... :))
|
| 2011-09-23 03:50:25 |
Factory Life, Chapter 4 |
The easiest way to get to my Lushstories.com stories is to put
'Lushstories MrSoftee' into Google :)
Maybe I'll bring one or two over here; not this one though as it runs to 17 chapters :) |
| 2011-09-16 04:21:52 |
Daddy avenges his daughter, Part 3 of 3 |
If you want to follow the rest of the series (there's another 5 chapters), use the yellow MrSoftee profile link at the top of the page, you'll see Daddy's Vengeance... and Becky.....and then finally Daddy's ULTIMATE vengeance <eek!>
:) |
| 2011-09-08 11:04:09 |
Rebecca Chapter 01 |
Heh, terrific writing! Not my genre normally but so well done I really enjoyed it. |
| 2011-09-07 16:56:26 |
Becky's Ordeal with her Bad Teachers |
OK I'll start on the next chapter. I guess the gorgeous teen girls should emerge victorious in the end? :) |
| 2011-09-05 05:15:08 |
|
I love the way you tell the story. For me personally I'd be wary of letting the mind control theme take charge of the story, as it gets harder to suspend my disbelief and there's less suspense when the hero can do just anything. My 2c :)
For spellchecking I just use Chrome browser and check in the site editor after pasting.
Very enjoyable! |
| 2011-08-26 10:12:13 |
Becky confesses to ravishing a younger girl |
Heh, great to know Captius, & just18, that we can inspire each other :) |
| 2011-08-25 08:50:03 |
Amy Part 1 |
Wow super hot story!!
More please! |
| 2011-08-11 15:42:38 |
My Pick up at the mall |
Great story! Love the spontaneity and pace. |
| 2011-08-07 11:30:24 |
Coed's Slave Girl Fantasy |
Fabulous story! How has been so unappreciated???
Talk about pearls before swine :)) |
| 2011-08-01 16:09:21 |
Ingret's First Noelle |
Wow you really know what you're writing about! Terrific. Love the end as well. |
| 2011-07-30 19:19:20 |
Daddy's Vengeance Keeps Going Awry, somewhat... |
Please debate in the Forum rather than here guys.
13 fits in with the story, being vulnerable and inexperienced, but I accept it's too young for some, so fair comment.
'Rape' in this series is not the ugly real thing obviously, it's used as a close relative of power. |
| 2011-07-28 08:24:53 |
Daddy avenges his daughter, Part 2 |
Another spoiler comment. DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS
below, if you haven't read Part 3.
come back afterwards :)
|
| 2011-07-25 09:59:12 |
Daddy avenges his daughter, Part 3 of 3 |
Oops yes, Sally is 28 indeed, arithmetic fail :(
Still gorgeous though :) |
| 2011-07-25 09:04:10 |
Factory Life, Chapter 4 |
This series is continued on Lushstories.com, under the title 'How to Choose a Secretary'. |