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Comments from Falconero

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Date Story title Comment
2010-11-21 22:42:02 Sister Catches Brother ...........by Ann Sky You know this story could become a gem if you use the dialogue, but have someone else narrate the actions. Also half the speech that is already there is nothing but triple or quadruple repetition.
" I have my brother's dick in my asshole... I'm letting my brother have anal sex with me... My brother is actually fucking me up the butt..." Those are just three sentences of the very same idea. Without this much repetition, your "story" would be a paragraph, maybe two, in length. Try narration next time. Just like how a story that has now dialogue to go along with the actions sucks, so too does a story with dialogue, but no actions to go along with it.
2010-11-21 22:42:51 Sister Catches Brother ...........by Ann Sky You know this story could become a gem if you use the dialogue, but have someone else narrate the actions. Also half the speech that is already there is nothing but triple or quadruple repetition.
" I have my brother's dick in my asshole... I'm letting my brother have anal sex with me... My brother is actually fucking me up the butt..." Those are just three sentences of the very same idea. Without this much repetition, your "story" would be a paragraph, maybe two, in length. Try narration next time. Just like how a story that has now dialogue to go along with the actions sucks, so too does a story with dialogue, but no actions to go along with it.
2010-12-05 21:16:53 Mommy's Twisted Little Fucker Now don't get me wrong here, but did you write this story with intentions for it to be erotic, or did you do it just to freak people out? If you were doing the latter, I recommend a career in satirical writing. If you were doing the former, I recommend a career in either Horror writing or Comedy writing. i was partly disgusted by the story, but I also laughed my ass off at how much it preys on the depraved things we humans feel inside.
2011-01-04 21:07:06 Nine year old cousin Abby First and second Anon, learn proper spelling and capitalization. For Anon 1, why would a ten year old have a console that doesn't exist first of all, you are thinking of Atari 2600, and it came out in 1977? Due to a PS3 being mentioned, it isn't even close to being 10 years since 77. You also call the author a molester, yet you say the cousin should be fucking the sister. Under law that is molestation. For Anon 2, you are being very hypothetical in your narration of events, you seem to be pissed that you never had a sister of your own to fuck. And as for the threats, how old are you? Only elementary school children make over the top threats like that. You trolls should be ashamed of yourselves, it is people like you that make destructive criticism that only serves to stifle creativity.
2011-01-12 21:27:30 When I broke my Arm It is a curious thing that your viewpoints are mismatched and scrambled, especially since you don't seem to have this problem with your four other stories. Despite this, I still would like a continuation of this story.
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