||Jodie n Kazz
Overall a good story. A little rushed/disjointed at the end though.
||Good job Redlust! I enjoyed the story and liked the Misfits reference due to them being one of my favorite bands back in the day. If only Angela Bright realized the significance of the name Nick Black then she might have avoided the ending but what fun is there in that. Really liked their names, very clever without beating you over the head with it.
All in all a good story and good luck in the competition.
||The Gathering of 2012
||Amusing story horse. I liked the quatloo/Star Trek reference personally. I enjoy it more when the security code is 333 but that is just me. I'd warn anyone staying with horse to check for surveillance cameras before they do the nasty though. Wonder if he told all his friends about that part.
||A Dish Best Seved Cold or Bryan's Revenge 2
||To all those readers not happy how this story turned out - this is why I hate to write sequels. People are never satisfied with them.
For those who want ending spelled out or elaborated on - here goes. Part with mom at end was a red herring. Since some people expected possible incest as revenge and there are a lot of incest story fans I put it in. But no, they arent going to get together.
For those who wanted Bryan & Courtney to get together - no, not going to happen, never was going to happen as long as its me writing this.
Rachel & Bryan- maybe. It would be up to her character, but there would be issues as he brought about trouble, to say the least, to her parents marriage. Can this be overcome? Im not sure but Im not going to write it.
In the past 2 years Ive put up over 50 stories on this site. Maybe its time for me to move on judging by the reaction to my last 2 stories if this is where things are going. Not sure yet - either way thanks to all who read. r5
||Tristane of Eloise
I gave your story a pos vote but to be honest when you called Bellevue Hospital, Bellview instead it really threw me. I had to stop reading at the time. But I recovered and finished the story at a later date.
||The Librarian and the Bartender, chapter two.
||Ha, ha! Good one, saw it coming but still good.
||Falling in love with Uncle josh
||Good story, a few issues with grammar but a good read.
||Excellent! Another winner!
||The Librarian and the Bartender
||Nice romantic read! Good build up. Gets a positive!
||The Darkmoon Faire (part 4)
||Epic! Personally I find Thea more interesting than her brother, that whole elf dominatrix thing she has going on.
||Alyssa THE FILIPINA SLUT
||It would make it more readable if you broke the story into more and smaller paragraphs.
Then double or better yet triple the spaces between paragraphs. It can only help.
||A Captain Dorian story; A Chance Encounter
||Good story, call me a sucker but I liked it! Hope you continue with it.
||Auntie Courtney the Cougar Mamma
||Good story.You are very naughty! Will check out some more of your stories, will take some time - you've written a lot.
||Seduced By My Mother's Boss
||To all who read Thanks! A lot of you asked for a sequel and I really tried to come up with one but they didn't work. I even tied forcing myself to write one, and wrote over a thousand words for one but it didn't feel right so I stopped and deleted it. At least for now the story is ended and I'll start wor on something new Again thanks to those who've read and enjoyed!
|| Learning The Ropes
||I started reading this story when it came out but something interrupted and I couldn't finish it and didn't remember the name or author.
Then when I clicked on your stories I saw title and remembered it af finished it. I liked and thought you did a good job of it. Never played the game in question so not sure how reflective it is in that sense but it made me want you to continue with characters.
||The Darkmoon Faire (part 2)
||It was well written of course but very bittersweet in tone. Am hoping that things work out for Kara!But that is up to you ;)
One complaint - too short in length.
||Her Brother-In-Law's Revenge
||There is a sequel. It is titled
Kim's First Day At The Office
||The Girl Of My Dreams
That guy messed with your comment section, the douche bag but I say cheers to you!
||Good story Lilith and I wonder who Christine shall be visiting soon.
||Positive vote due to the italics. No, not really but positive vote nonetheless.
||Chante-Booze, Weed & Sex
||Put bigger breaks between paragraphs to make it easier to read.
||Hanging My Neighbor's Holiday Lights
||I don't usually comment on my own stories but two things.
1. Kingof rejects- once someone writes something they own the copyright whether they take the additional steps or not of registering it. That makes it easier to prove but isn't necessary - research it if you like or I could send you links.
2. As some other commenters pointed out to those who didn't read carefully enough he was married 6 months after high school and 23 years later sold house-he was now over 40. Affair started in December & in February she said she was pregnant. Peace :-)
||The Gift of Life (CAW #9)
||Story is well wrtten for the most part. You did kind of feel the ending (or a similar one) was coming with hints and clues.
My big problem was, like another commenter mentioned, the lack of her family being there including on the day of a possibly fatal operation. Plus since it appeared she was happy in her life as a whole the fact that she cheated so casually kind of threw me.Maybe she is a ho but I think at the least her kids should have seen her before the operation.
||Very good story! The two leads were likable and generally believable, especially the way many characters act fake in stories.
An overall good job.
||Bela Lugosi's Dead.
||Excellent story plus it made me laugh I must say. Love the title as I'm a big Bela fan but the only thing that would have made it better was if you had Pete Steele in the band on stage.
||Big Bull Daddy in Law Pt 2
||That is one naughty family.Cheers!
||Little Rod Riding Hard
||Just a piece of advice, double or triple space your breaks between paragraphs to make it more readable.Also many prefer if spoken dialog is seperate from the paragraphs, will help you get more reads that way.
Since I like reimagined fairy tales I will give it a positve vote
||Awesome as ever, it might be my favorite of yours. I could see Tim Burton turning this into a movie.
||I am interested in where you take the story next. There are errors since English isn't your first language but you do as good a job as some people who don't have that excuse.If I tried to write in Portuguese it would make no sense so kudos to you.
||I'm Horny, Aren't You? Part II
||Overall I liked the story, the two main characters are somewhat amoral in their treatment of others but that is why it is called cheating.
Just a minor quibble. Not enoug breaks between paragraphs, there are some but it is somewhat block of text like.
But I give it a positive vote for thestory.
||Katy's Late Night Project
||You're welcome! I am kidding of course, but where I work there are a number of hispanic cleaning women, also some from south asia but their names are tougher. Sorry if you were offended but people also shouldn't be so thin skinned either.This is a work of fiction, plus I made the hispanic woman wise so that should mitigate your grievance. r5
||The Real Kate
||A litte advice if you don't mind hearing it. Double space the breaks between paragraphs and it seemed each pagraph became longer as the story went on. Smaller paragraphs with each person's dialog seperate from each other and not in the body of paragraph makes the story easier to read.
Story seems to be a little dry and if this is your true story you need to find a way to convey the passion and excitement you felt, it comes off a little matter of fact.
I think you just started writing here so work at it to get better. The more you write the better you can get.
||The Overlooked Girl
||Overall a good story! I liked the general sweetness of the story and mood. I noticed you are young so there is plenty of time for improvement to your style. If you enjoy writing keep working at in and your stories will only get better. I'm giving it a positive vote.
||Cousin Ashley Gets Her Own Story
||Okay Thanks to all who read and especially for those who voted. Voting is now closed. Ride with Sam is the choice but let me see if I can please all. We shall see.Though not great number of reads the voting was enthusiastic for the number and I may do this again.
||A Biker's Old Lady
||Good story - has some truth to it. With respect.
||My Uncle's New Wife; Part 4 Stacy and Mrs. Johnson
||For person asking about part 5. With any author on site just click on author name next to title of story, either on story title or on listing of all stories same thing.Click on author name.
||My first Time
||Like people said you need to space out your paragraphs a lot better. When it's a wall of text people will pass it by.
You should use a spell and grammar check if you don't have someone to proof it for you.
It's your first story, remember if you want to keep writing just improve these things and it will help a lot.Write stories you want to, just improve the presentation-Good luck!
||JAKOB AND JESSIE--PART 2
||Another good story senor!
||TAKEN BY SURPRISE
||Another great and erotic read.
||My Uncle's New Wife
||The second part of the series is now out!
My Uncle's New Wife; Part 2 The First Wife is up.
If you liked the first part then check out the second.
||The King in Yellow.
||Another haunting story.
Very well done.
When can we expect a Black Ronin anthology?
||JAKOB and JESSIE: THE IMPROBABLE COUPLE
||Good story and surprisingly sweet. Positive.
||Halloween with Kym
||Your pen name is funny, and clever pun!
||Another good story BR
||I Give My Niece A Ride 2;A Day At The Beach
||For those who want another part-sorry this is the end of story.
You can decide for yourself whether this star crossed incestual couple will continue or end it. Have fun deciding! And for those who read both parts I thank you!
||Sara The Bad Babysitter
||To those offended by certain conduct in story -I apologize. I wrote and posted this story in 2 days. Though I proofed it,it was rushed and maybe I should have added more tags. The threats and discipline weren't severe or serious but they were bluffing. My bad for not explaining better.
||As usual Black Ronin you capture the right tone for your story.
I wish more here appreciated your style, but I think another classic by you.
I love the final line.
You certainly captured the dreamscape and the horror of it all.
||Brandon's Secret Lover
|| I liked the story, not as depressing as some of the entries for sure.
Guess its too late as its posted but there's a typo near the bottom of story.
||My Stepfather 6
||to the last poster-thank you for getting it.
That was it in a nutshell. There was a break in writing this series because I felt bad what I was making character go thru, so I ended it with a ray of hope.
||Joe on the Road
||Very interesting story!
||Could That Have Been Her?
||Well written and erotic.
||It was an interesting twist, I must admit.
||Forgive Me Father 2
||Good stories(1&2) in this genre, you are wicked ;) . Too bad voting system not working, as these stories should be rated good. Checked out some of yur stories too.
||Hard Day's Night
||Another good story from you. Too bad the voting seems screwed up again, tried to vote for you :)
||MUSIC FOR A MOON-DARK NIGHT
||That was a good story. Nice atmosphere, hope you will continue with it. Is different than standard stories on site, you goth girl.
||SCENE IN AN ALLEY
||Your stories that I've read are always erotic and well written. You definitely have a flair. Bravo!
||The Security Guard Takes Charge
||You can obviously vote how you like, but there was a bondage and restiction tag on the story. The restraint was the bondage/ restiction. Happy New Year to all. See if you like part 2.
||That story is really good. Never heard celery green eyes before but it works. Keep writing.
||Slingshot Bill-part one
||Awesome. If Mark Twain wrote a sex story, this would be it
||Ashlynn gets disciplined
||You write a good story.
||Act like a whore...
||That story was hot. You did a good job for your first story.Keep it up. ;)