| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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| 2013-04-22 00:51:26 |
Buddy & daughter |
Horrid writing - simply horrid. Learn to create sentences, use proper grammar and punctuation, include separate paragraphs. |
| 2013-02-16 21:44:42 |
Returning Chapter 02 |
Correct words and grammar and punctuation. |
| 2013-02-16 21:08:10 |
Returning Chapter 01 |
Dang net logged me out. Last comment was mine. I also agree with Wolf_Knight - watch the writing and make sure to use the correct word.
WSCLG |
| 2012-09-17 18:15:01 |
MOM'S YOUNG STUD |
SSB - great story and I, for one, would love to see if and where you will take this. There are so many chapters that I can think of, and I am sure there are many more that others would be willing to share. I truly enjoyed it.
Please don't get overly concerned about the moderators and the timing of their corrections. Remember, they just might have another life outside this forum and, well gee, there are a few other writers that ask for corrections as well. Be kind and give them some time. As for the additional stories you have, please feel free to share with us. I am sure we would truly enjoy them. You are a good writer and for the most part, you take the time to make sure the grammar and spelling are correct. In my opinionn, that says a lot about quality. |
| 2012-09-02 19:58:23 |
Three is the Way |
Simply awesome story, well written and very erotic. Would love to see where you take this - college, marriage, family, etc.
Thanks for the story - WSCLG |
| 2012-08-28 00:29:32 |
Daughter Fucks Dad, He thinks it's actually daughter's friend! |
Spelling, grammar, punctuation, and general formatting. Sorry - even the overall plot and story were bad. Get some help writing else don't quit your day job. |
| 2012-08-28 00:27:44 |
Madison loves her daddy's cream |
Kadri - good start to what may end up being a good series. Looking forward to seeing where you take this. Remember, proofread for the little things. |
| 2012-07-20 00:04:45 |
Me and my horses part 1 |
Seriously sad story. Not the story in and of itself, but the telling of the story. No details, no sensuality - ok, yeah, it is horse fucking, but you get the idea. Sorry - had to rate it Negative. |
| 2012-05-01 22:59:41 |
n love with my 5 pedifiles part 2 |
You know, some, as you call them, speeling and grammer mistakes are one thing - but a whole fucking story of them? Please, grow the fuck up and learn to spell. Then learn grammar.
Oh - yeah, that's right, your story sucked shit from the asshole of a dead turtle. |
| 2012-05-01 22:57:06 |
Generational Sluts |
Ok, if Macie was 16 when she got knocked up and Jessie is 4, how the fuck is Macie only 18? Even the F student in 2nd grade knows 16 + 4 = 20. |
| 2012-03-13 06:51:51 |
Window Belly |
Good story, well written. But please separate your paragraphs. |
| 2012-02-22 06:53:04 |
Family Games - Chap 7 |
Sorry - should have stated Chapter 7 in the preface. |
| 2012-02-22 06:52:38 |
Family Games - Chap 6 |
Sorry - should have stated Chapter 6 in the preface. |
| 2012-02-22 06:52:12 |
Family Games - Chap 5 |
Sorry - should have stated Chapter 5 in the preface. |
| 2012-02-20 06:46:25 |
Family Games - Chap 1 |
So, Mr Anonymous - you think the one posted on lushtories.com is the original? Check out: neatopotato.net/xnovel/bee6084a-incest-games
Sonnick is the one you should be going after for plagiarism. And, so you know, the originally published story was part of a double novel with Unnatural Acts. But, I did additional research and determined the original name of the story was going to be Family Games.
I never claimed it was my story - and I NEVER CHANGED A WORD. What now, Mr Anonymous? |
| 2012-02-20 06:45:29 |
Family Games - Chap 2 |
So, Mr Anonymous - you think the one posted on lushtories.com is the original? Check out: neatopotato.net/xnovel/bee6084a-incest-games
Sonnick is the one you should be going after for plagiarism. And, so you know, the originally published story was part of a double novel with Unnatural Acts. But, I did additional research and determined the original name of the story was going to be Family Games.
I never claimed it was my story - and I NEVER CHANGED A WORD. What now, Mr Anonymous? |
| 2012-02-18 16:16:17 |
Family Games - Chap 1 |
No - it is not plagiarized - it is copied. I never claimed it as mine. To be honest, the author of the copy I have is Jolene Homes. Obviously a pseudonym. |
| 2012-02-18 16:14:31 |
Family Games - Chap 2 |
No - it is not plagiarized - it is copied. I never claimed it as mine. To be honest, the author of the copy I have is Jolene Homes. Obviously a pseudonym. |
| 2012-02-13 16:31:16 |
Sara's Protective Dad part 1 corrected |
What a total waste of time this story series is. I read this chapter then went to Chapter 2 hoping for improvement only to be sorely disappointed at the totally preposterous plot. And to top it off, readers cannot make comments on the bullshit after Chapter 1.
To start, there is absolutely no way a 19 year old will ever be the Executive Producer of a major motion picture. So you get negative points for that. Then you also expect us to also accept the father is also a black belt and can handle 3 punks without a sweat?
Then there are all the horrendous spelling, grammar, punctuation, and formatting issues. If anyone actually likes the fact that you cannot even use semi-good English, then they are just as stupid as you are. Your writing sucks - period. End of story.
If you are just now finishing Chapter 1, do not waste your time on the rest. He's just a bad writer with a large audience. |
| 2012-02-07 17:17:06 |
daddies fall pt 1 |
Ok, you want feedback, you get feedback. Insufficient formatting, no spaces between the paragraphs, totally disjointed story, rambles from subject to subject with no ease of flow. If I had to grade this, I would say go back to middle school and relearn English and proper grammar. Yes, I said it - grammar.
Keep the story and characters straight, set up a plot, develop the plot, create smooth transitions, etc etc etc. Sorry ,dude, but you asked for feedback. This was horrid. Unless you improve, I just can't see reading any more of your writing.
Think about getting a proof reader - they might actually help you with the whole process. |
| 2012-02-07 17:09:04 |
i fucked my neice |
WTF - ever learn how to format? Separate paragraphs? Anything? As for using the Young tag - well, I suppose being 21 is young to you, but not in the true sense of this site. Sucked. |
| 2012-02-05 04:46:15 |
The First Night She Tried Anal |
Good story, most well written with a few minor spelling issues. Easily overlooked as your description of the scene was very sensual and erotic. Thanks. |
| 2012-02-05 04:36:45 |
My Dogs Name Is Buck, And He Likes To Fuck |
Well, kind of a good story, although I had to give you a Negative. Reason? Spelling, grammar, and you have no clue how or what it is like to mate with a dog. Go back, learn what there is about bestiality with dogs, and try again. Oh yeah, also learn how to write. Paragraph separation works wonders, as does learning how to properly put together a paragraph and a story. |
| 2012-02-05 04:27:51 |
My BFFs Daddy |
The spelling left a lot to be desired, the premise was ok, though. The grammar - girl, get a spell checker or a proof reader, but come on. This was almost as bad a reading a middle school boy trying his hand at writing a novel. And what exactly is a dick bomb? |
| 2012-02-05 04:22:02 |
Deep down her throat |
I am only giving you a Positive because the premise of the story, and the basic story in and of itself, is good. You do need to get either a spell checker or a proof reader. It is spelled choke - not chock. Chock is what you use to keep wheels from turning. Choke is what happens when a throat is blocked. There were other spelling mistakes, but all in all, not too bad for a first time. |
| 2012-01-15 01:32:10 |
A surprise |
A bit on the strange side, but not too badly written. Work on the paragraph spacing and looking forward to the next chapter. |
| 2012-01-15 01:31:53 |
A surprise |
A bit on the strange side, but not too badly written. Work on the paragraph spacing and looking forward to the next chapter. |
| 2012-01-15 01:18:17 |
Tiny Cousin Amanda first time, |
What the hell was that supposed to be - a story? Sorry, go back and finish middle school and then high school. Maybe one day you'll learn how to actually write a cohesive sentence. |
| 2011-11-26 10:03:13 |
The Wetter The Better |
Piece of shit writing. |
| 2011-11-26 10:02:31 |
The Wetter The Better |
Horrible - writing skills of a 12 yr old. Poor grammar, story line non-existent. What, you get your rocks off to this shit? |
| 2011-11-26 09:56:20 |
vacation with family |
Ok, spelling errors - Ava or Eva? Remebering? ewe? Then we get to the grammar and sentence structure - horrid. We won't even start in on the lack of paragraphs. For a "44 yr old" man, you write like a 14 yr old boy. Wouldn't surprise me to find out you were. Go back to school - learn to write and learn proper grammar and story writing.
Oh, by the way - this story sucked big time. |
| 2011-11-26 09:49:59 |
Cassies first time 2 |
Again with the spacing problems. You really need to work on your writing some, add spaces between paragraphs, improve typing and grammar errors, and work on the overall sentence structure.
Now for the story. Yes, Chapter 2 was pretty well written, considering it is supposedly from the girl's point of view but written by a man. There's more to the whole sexual awakening of a girl that age, though, and you didn't cover any of it. What - suddenly after moving in with her Uncle she gets the urge? No prior development to that part of the story, which I would have loved to have read.
All in all, though, not bad. You have potential. Looking forward to more from you. |
| 2011-11-26 09:46:18 |
Cassies first time 1 |
I'll give you positive rating, but only because the story has promise. You need to space out your paragraphs, will make for easier reading. There are some punctuation issues and some grammar and sentence structure issues. But, as I said, the story has promise - we'll see how Chapter 2 turns out. |
| 2011-07-09 21:04:01 |
Our Family and My Sisters Friends |
Good story line - bad grammar and spelling. |
| 2011-06-12 09:45:19 |
A weekend with My hrony girlfriend |
Again, this is another prime example why your parents should put you back in English all over again. Of course, it could also be that you're just a schmuck. As for your sexcapades - yeah, right. Nice try claiming use of proteins. More like a wild imagination. |
| 2011-06-12 09:43:02 |
Fukin my young sister in law |
It doesn't matter if you use a computer or your phone, if you can't use proper grammar and spelling, you shouldn't post. Period. And if you truly got a B+ in English, perhaps your parents should go back and slap the teacher, cause no matter what excuse you use, you should have failed. |
| 2011-04-06 09:48:36 |
Timmy And Jessica |
Has potential. If you have OCD, then use it to improve your writing. You do not have to capitalize everything, even with OCD you can fix that using the word processing software you have.
The story is a bit jumpy, needs work. Spelling and grammar, but as I said, has potential. Would like to see refinements and corrections. |
| 2011-04-06 09:35:49 |
After school incest |
Well, it's obvious English is not your strong subject. Grammar, spelling, plot direction - it all just sucked. Not even a good story, either. Oh well. And for those who choose not to log in, sometimes it's because you get logged out. Even still, criticism should be criticism - not derogatory, just criticism. |
| 2011-04-06 09:22:42 |
unexpected camping guest |
This rambled way too much, had no real plot outside of the third wheel about to get nailed. The paragraph, sentence, and grammatical structure was horrendous. Do us all a favor, next time you try to write, take lessons or go back to high school and relearn, |
| 2011-03-31 15:33:45 |
The Olsen |
You call this a story? |
| 2011-03-31 15:22:34 |
Religon Class |
The writing sucks - period. |
| 2011-03-31 15:19:12 |
Father/Daughter bonding |
Good story, pretty good writing, excellent lead into the action. The end was a bit too fast, though. One criticism - make sure to add lines between your paragraphs. Helps the flow of the story. |
| 2011-03-20 06:14:12 |
Mistress Hazel |
Cija, excellent writing, as I expected. Great story and awesome plot. However, if I might indulge myself, there were a few typo's - minor, certainly, but there none the less. Thanks, as always.
WSCLG |
| 2011-03-17 15:54:35 |
Last Will and Testament |
This is one of the better stories I have read on this site. Excellent plot, excellent line, excellent writing. I am looking forward to the continuing story.
Thanks so much. |
| 2011-02-28 08:44:39 |
Sharing my Sister part one |
Shite- can't add - 30 years older, which makes you 45. That or you were lying about the year?? |
| 2011-02-28 08:43:49 |
Sharing my Sister part one |
OK, let's see - April of '81 you were 15, so that makes you now 20 years older so you are 35. But your stats say you are 41. Hmmm - wonder where those extra 6 years came from or went to ...............
As for the story, not bad but it could be improved. You should have included some of the earlier enticements she made, some that you apparently were too blind to see. You should also be more descriptive in telling us how it felt, as well as how your sister felt during and after. But - if this truly was your sister's first time, even if you were having your first time at the same time, why didn't she experience any hymen breaking discomfort?
Work on it some and you might be able to spin a fairly good yarn. |
| 2011-02-27 08:14:03 |
Early Morning Wake Up |
BTW - I am not a fan of this comment page turning quote marks into ". Kind of takes away from the whole scenario of what one is trying to quote. |
| 2011-02-27 08:12:40 |
Early Morning Wake Up |
Ok, you want constructive criticism, here goes. First, your spelling needs work. You may have spelled most words correctly but that doesn't mean you used the correct word. Than versus then, for example. Second, grammar needs a lot of improvement. For example: "I had gone in in just a pair of swim trunks." You do not gone in in - you went in just a pair of swim trunks, maybe, but not gone in in. Third, you do not capitalize words unless they are proper nouns. Sorry, cumming is not a proper noun. Fourth, your punctuation is atrocious. Whenever you use the word "too" at the end of a sentence, a comma must precede it.
Find an editor/proof reader. Get a grammar book. But, please, before you submit your 2nd installment, improve your writing skills. |
| 2011-02-22 12:23:26 |
My Little Sisters Friends |
Nice try for an amateur who hasn't even finished high school yet. Go back and learn grammar, spelling, and sentence structure. |
| 2011-02-16 21:52:12 |
cottage retreat |
Won't be much wanking to that story - sorry, mate, sucked big time. |
| 2011-02-15 10:59:42 |
|
Well written and thanks. |
| 2011-02-15 10:59:10 |
|
Well written and thanks. |
| 2011-02-10 14:37:38 |
A Daughter's Request |
Not bad for an initial foray into Daddy/Daughter sex. Keep working it and you'll go a long way. |
| 2011-02-10 12:12:12 |
Warming her up - Ch 1 |
Initial impressions leave me desiring more, but the jury is still out on overall grade. Looking forward to the next chapter. |
| 2011-02-10 12:08:25 |
Daddy Cracks 2 |
Go back to school and learn how to correctly write dialogue. God, this was difficult to read. Sucked, actually. |
| 2011-02-10 12:06:19 |
Hard Day's Night |
AnalSlave - excellent writing, good story. Thanks for the hot scenes and action. Look forward to reading more from you.
klaxx - isn't the purpose of having a beautiful, young, innocent girl skewered on the end of your cock soley to have her spewing obscenities? Gosh, go figure, that's what I always thought they should do. |
| 2011-02-07 12:42:30 |
Life 5 |
Certainly hope this is the last chapter in the series. Again, your english skills suck worse than the story. |
| 2011-02-07 12:40:40 |
Life 1 |
Well, it's obvious to the most casual observer that either English is not your native language or you flunked grammar, spelling, and punctuation miserably. Come back when you learn how to use all three, as well as learn how to write a story with a plausible line. |
| 2011-02-07 10:46:37 |
She Really Wanted It |
The only thing that would have made that story better would have been if you pushed your cock into her mouth while she was getting fucked by Rhett. Then, as she is cumming from the dog cock up her pussy, you could be filling her throat with your cock and emptying your balls into her mouth.
All in all, a good read, but you need to work on the grammar some, as well as develop the sex details more. |
| 2010-10-25 15:26:48 |
Show Daddy |
There was some potential to this story, although you kind of screwed up the story when you said she was 15. Most 15 year old girls already know what \"Daddy\" has in his shorts and most 15 year old girls already know men lust after girls. The beginning had me thinking she was younger, which really isn\'t my bag, but the whole dialogue kind of fell apart at the end.
Never mind the poor spelling and grammar throughout. Work on the plot and the dialogue - you have room for improvement. |
| 2010-10-25 15:26:39 |
Show Daddy |
There was some potential to this story, although you kind of screwed up the story when you said she was 15. Most 15 year old girls already know what \"Daddy\" has in his shorts and most 15 year old girls already know men lust after girls. The beginning had me thinking she was younger, which really isn\'t my bag, but the whole dialogue kind of fell apart at the end.
Never mind the poor spelling and grammar throughout. Work on the plot and the dialogue - you have room for improvement. |
| 2010-09-23 14:11:57 |
sisterly wake up surprise |
A little far fetched about being 11 and all, but good story line and good attempt at a plot. Needs some work on grammar, but not to bad. |
| 2010-09-23 14:07:46 |
Alexandra's Secret Advice to Her Brother |
It was a good story, plot line was excellent. Your attempt at writing from a female perspective was noteworthy, although it lacked the feminine touch. The irony of the last sentence, though, truly made the story. |
| 2010-09-23 10:19:18 |
Young Lust |
Good story and plot line, but the paragraph separation and length need some work. I noticed a couple spelling and grammar errors, but nothing egregious. Looking forward to more of your work. I rated it Positive. Thanks. |
| 2010-09-23 09:47:07 |
|
You know, you do beg the question in that how prevalent is this fantasy? But, the story, overall, isn't so much a story as a diatribe on what the fantasy is all about. Then there are the obvious spelling and grammatical errors. Sorry, didn't like it. |
| 2010-09-23 09:44:32 |
my sis's bad day |
Pretty good story - but if it's not yours, who's is it? Why didn't you cite the original author? Even though you say it's not yours, if you don't cite the author, people are going to believe this is your work - which is called plagarism. BTW, that's a fancy word for lying. |
| 2010-09-23 09:44:07 |
my sis's bad day |
Pretty good story - but if it's not yours, who's is it? Why didn't you cite the original author? Even though you say it's not yours, if you don't cite the author, people are going to believe this is your work - which is called plagarism. BTW, that's a fancy word for lying. |
| 2010-09-23 09:40:17 |
Me and Julies wet morning |
What a joke - horrific spelling, even worse grammar as obviously english is not your first language. If it is, go back to school and learn it all over again. Next, the entire plot is ludicrous, unfeasible, and not realistic. If you want to write erotic stories - learn how. This was simply NOT erotic in any way shape or form. |
| 2010-09-23 09:24:59 |
Daddy's Little Minx: Maria |
Good story, well written and detailed. I would have enjoyed it even more if there had been a little lead-in to the overall story and more detail to the actual fucking. Thanks - look forward to more from you in the future. |
| 2010-09-15 09:46:23 |
My Roommate Judy |
Well, the story plot was good but the writing wasn't. Poor grammar, poor spelling, and horrible punctuation. By the way, when you refer to a women's pajamas - it's spelled nightie, not knighty. Did you actually pass English in high school?
Anyway, you need to really work on the writing. Like I said, the plot and story line are good - it's all in the mechanics. Sorry, but have to tell it like I read it. |
| 2010-09-11 15:27:27 |
Pleasure Cruise, Part 1 |
Not bad, not bad at all. Good plot, great story line and transitions throughout the story. I only have one question: Have you thought about adding some spacing between the paragraphs? That would make the flow go a little better - make it easier to read. |
| 2010-08-26 07:47:45 |
A Road Trip with My Grand Daughter-Final Part |
I loved the series and the development of the whole plot throughout. Well done. Thanks for your time and your effort. |
| 2010-08-26 07:25:20 |
Family Only Part 3. Beth's pre night incestation. |
It is a bit strange, snippets here, snippets there. The writing is not what I would expect, nor should it be in the Joke category. Unless that was your sole purpose. BTW, you really shouldn't vote for your own work, a little narcissistic, don't you think? |
| 2010-08-24 13:55:14 |
My Mentally Unstable Friend |
Well written, good plot and excellent development of the overall story. Looking forward to the continuing saga of the monster. |
| 2010-08-24 11:26:59 |
A Roed Trip with My Grand Daughter-Part IV |
This series is excellent and I am waiting for the next chapter. You're doing good, but you need to work on spelling and grammar and punctuation. I know I seem to be hammering that, but it is important. The story, the plot, and the overall development is great - keep up the good work. |
| 2010-08-24 09:55:59 |
A Road Trip with My Grand Daughter-Part III |
Great third chapter, looking forward to chapter 4. Work on spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Try using a spell/grammar checker. Outside that, the plot and development of the plot is awesome. You don't jump into the sex too fast, you bring us along quite nicely. |
| 2010-08-24 09:42:38 |
A Road Trip with My Grand Daughter-Part II |
Great second chapter, good plot and story line. Loved the time you took to describe and develop the plot of this chapter. My only concern is with some of the spelling and grammar. I am looking forward to reading the next 2 chapters. Thanks. |
| 2010-08-19 14:27:37 |
Oh Daddy |
Awesome story, very well written. The plot and execution was simply one of the best I have read on this site ever. And the ending, never saw it coming. Thanks so much. |
| 2010-08-19 10:29:40 |
the war god's bride |
Very well written. You have quite a talent. And the battle rages still - what an excellent line. |
| 2010-08-19 09:24:16 |
|
Good writing - but way too perverted for my tastes. Next time, try to keep the kids at least of an age to be able to make good choices as to whether or not to participate. |
| 2010-08-18 16:01:41 |
A Road Trip with My Grand Daughter |
Good story and glad you posted. Well written and deserves more chapters. Thanks for letting us in on your fantasies. |
| 2010-08-18 15:56:29 |
Vera:Susan's Surprise |
Not bad - pretty well written, although there were a few grammatical issues. Nothing to be concerned about, but next time, try to keep the transitions a little more separated. You moved too quickly between scenes a couple times.
Outside that, looking forward to reading more. |
| 2010-08-18 14:40:58 |
Jessica, My Next-Door Neighbor |
That was a good read, well written. The plot was well thought out and it engaged the reader to keep reading. Minor grammar, but nothing to be overly worried about.
The story left me wanting the next chapter. Really wanting the next chapter. I most definitely would enjoy reading the continuing saga. You did a good job. Thanks. |
| 2010-08-18 14:40:29 |
Jessica, My Next-Door Neighbor |
That was a good read, well written. The plot was well thought out and it engaged the reader to keep reading. Minor grammar, but nothing to be overly worried about.
The story left me wanting the next chapter. Really wanting the next chapter. I most definitely would enjoy reading the continuing saga. You did a good job. Thanks. |
| 2010-08-04 07:27:02 |
Sharing My Room With Sis: Being a Friend |
Again - very erotic and well written. However, now that I have read the first three, I am beginning to see a trend. Your buildup is excellent but then you rush through the sex as if it's something you don't know how to write about. Take time, develop the sex and the love between the two, expand on it. You have excellent details leading in to the activity but fail to keep that part of the detail going. Keep working on the spelling and grammar. You tell a great story, just need to work on it some. |
| 2010-08-04 07:08:45 |
Sharing My Room With Sis: The 2nd Day |
Again, very erotic and well written. Again, needs some additional proofreading for typos and grammar. However I am so looking forward to chapter 3 in this story. |
| 2010-08-04 06:37:48 |
Sharing My Room With Sis |
All in all, very well written plot and story. Very erotic without being aggressively sexual, I could feel the story unfolding as I was reading it. There was great development and the climax left me wanting to read more. A few small spelling and grammar errors, but nothing that can't be corrected with some additional proof reading. Thanks for sharing. |
| 2010-07-31 07:09:22 |
An Incestous Party |
To those who complain this is too long, my apologies. Again, this is the entire text as originally published. I thought it would be easier for readers to copy and paste the story into their own document for ease in reading at their leisure. That will be something to consider if/when I post any additional novels. |
| 2010-07-30 06:45:29 |
Daddy's Little Girl |
Great story, well written even with some spelling errors, but I overloked that. The plot was fairly predictable, but it still carried me along to the final conclusion. My only complaint was you didn't take enough time with the descriptive passages of the sex. Work on that some, make it last longer, give us a real reason to enjoy ourselves and get totally wrapped into the story. Otherwise, good effort - 8/10 (if we had that type of scale). |
| 2010-07-28 11:26:00 |
An Incestous Party |
Thanks for the feedback, but if you read the intro you would see this wasn't my work. This was published in paperback in or around 1975. So, if it's too long or doesn't satisfy your needs, I apologize, but remember, this was all we had back then. |
| 2010-07-28 09:30:09 |
The Story of Carol and Charlie-Reposted |
What a well written story. So believable and yet so ..... |
| 2010-07-27 16:41:39 |
Sinful Cyndi |
klaxx you thought it was too "slutty" for your tastes. This was originally published in the '70s. Check out some of the other stories I have posted, may be there is something there to your liking. If not, feel free to drop me a line indicating what you would like to see and I will do what I can to fill that request. |
| 2010-07-27 09:31:29 |
Homespun Fun |
READER: You are correct, I didn't write this and I hope I made it clear about that. I certainly hope you enjoyed reading it either way.
Sertii: Thanks for the feedback. I wish I had written this, as I would love to take the credit for it. Alas, I did not. But I am glad you enjoyed the story. There will be many more in the coming days, weeks, and months. |
| 2010-07-26 11:32:55 |
SHE SLURPED AND GAGGED ON MY DICK! |
Poor grammar, terrible spelling, incorrect capitalization, and the story just generally sucked. I'm truly sorry I wasted any time with this drivel. |
| 2010-07-26 09:36:34 |
|
What, you copy the same drivel twice? If you have nothing better to offer, don't offer it twice. That's a waste of time and energy. Get a grip on reality. |
| 2010-07-26 09:35:01 |
Woman With Plumage |
DIfferent. Not sure if I liked it or not. |
| 2010-07-26 09:33:34 |
A late birthday gift! |
We'll leave out the sick perversion that you wrote, as no 7 year old could have survived that form of abuse, much less any man been able to do what you purport. Instead let's focus on the writing.
Bad spelling, bad grammar, horrific sentence structure. No paragraphs, run on sentences, and there is no plot whatsoever, except what is in your little mind.
Tell you what, you want to write like a 8th grader, fine - but learn how to write better before you post anything else here. It's not so much the theme, but others would disagree with me, but it is all in the presentation. This is just not plausible. |
| 2010-07-26 09:14:50 |
Roberto's Feast |
Strangest story on the site. You are a bit depraved. If it turns you on, fine. Otherwise, take it somewhere else. Thanks but no thanks. |
| 2010-07-26 09:09:01 |
Kim's Anal Romance |
To the reader below:
1) There is nothing in my bio
2) I never claimed to be a woman
3) Agreed - real women are a gift
4) I don't want to be a woman as my better half simply amazes me everyday.
5) You're a blithering idiot
If you didn't like the story, say so, but don't put forth garbage. This is the original printed edition of this story, and unless I misread the author's name, it was written by a man. Whoever you are, get over yourself. |
| 2010-07-24 12:42:04 |
Bitch in Heat |
Honestly, that was fantastic. |
| 2010-07-24 12:12:03 |
Fun with Dianne |
So, is it Diane, Dianne, or Dianna? Once I saw all three names in the first minute or so, I was lost. Couldn't concentrate. If this is yours, you need to find a way to make sure the characters always have the same name throughout. If you can't keep that little detail straight, why and how can I expect you to keep other details straight. |
| 2010-07-24 12:08:14 |
The Tower |
Sexiest parking lot - where in the hell did you dig that out of? Please, if you're going to write trash, let us know in the Intro. I couldn't get past the first couple paragraphs - as nothing made any sense. Or, perhaps that was what you intended? If so, sorry - go somewhere else. It doesn't work here. |
| 2010-07-24 12:04:34 |
Cult of Incest |
Ok, you have promise but you need to learn how to write better. Use of punctuation is a must, as is learning to draw out the plot a little more. Spelling is another hit, so use an editor. Try creating your stories using MS Word or something similar then running it through the Spell & Grammar Checker. That would be a great start.
Outside that, your story shows promise. Thanks. |
| 2010-07-24 12:00:28 |
That's my girl |
Actual sex between a man and a 5 yr old is not as simple as you are trying to make it out to be. Nor is just having your way with a 5 yr old as simple, but the premise is there. Now you have to work on your writing skills, specifically the creation of the plot and developing the story. Grammar and writing were ok, and it has promise. Keep trying - you'll get there. |
| 2010-07-23 06:54:59 |
The Neighbor's Daughters |
Great story and exscellent wreiting. You developed the plot quite nicely and carried it through to the end. Now I have to go get cleaned up before my daughter comes home from school. |
| 2010-07-22 15:02:57 |
Fuck that feels good |
What, are you a fucking idiot? You think because you copy and paste the same shit over and over again you're going to get any kind of an answer? Grow up, learn to use a damn computer, and come back when you learn how to fuck. |
| 2010-07-22 07:21:08 |
Caught In The Charity Thrift Shop |
Personally, I am not into tranny sex, but you did an excellent job of writing this. A few missed words, but nonetheless, good work. Thanks for sharing. |
| 2010-07-21 15:11:11 |
My teen years |
Good story telling, excellent way to carry the plot through to the end. Thanks and now I need to go clean up. |
| 2010-07-21 14:56:50 |
Sis lets me |
Good story, good plot, excellent building to the end. You're such a tease and I want so much to read more and more about you and your sisters adventures. Please, keep writing.
One suggestion, make sure the spaces in the paragraphs are there and always check the spelling. Outside that, yummy story. Thanks. |
| 2010-07-21 14:56:32 |
Sis lets me |
Good story, good plot, excellent building to the end. You're such a tease and I want so much to read more and more about you and your sisters adventures. Please, keep writing.
One suggestion, make sure the spaces in the paragraphs are there and always check the spelling. Outside that, yummy story. Thanks. |
| 2010-07-21 10:33:46 |
Sara - Cristina's first Time |
Good story line, but as you said, English isn't your first language. If you ask, I'm sure there are many here who would be willing to help you making your stories read better.
Good work, hope you post more. |
| 2010-07-21 10:18:14 |
The Log |
Grammar, spelling, run on sentences, no paragraph separation - what more can I say. Desperately poor attempt at writing. I wonder if English is even your first language. |
| 2010-07-21 10:18:02 |
almost caught |
Grammar, spelling, plot, paragraph spacing. Dude, you need some serious writing help - ever think of trying to find an editor? How about using MS Word to write it with and using the Spell Check and Grammar Check functions? |
| 2010-07-21 10:16:35 |
The Log |
Grammar, spelling, run on sentences, no paragraph separation - what more can I say. Desperately poor attempt at writing. I wonder if English is even your first language. |
| 2010-07-21 10:12:47 |
Alice the slut just wants cock! |
Ok, let's start with the obvious - bad spacing, bad grammar, bad spelling. Now, the story. Obvious attempt at a take off on the Twilight movies and theme, and it didn't work.
Go back to the writing pad, start over, and use an editor. Then make sure the storyline flows better. |
| 2010-07-20 12:56:46 |
Vacation For Two - Monday |
Whew, damn near lost it reading this chapter. Good story - glad you posted it. |
| 2010-07-15 19:51:39 |
And The Dog Made Three PT 10 |
You did a great job of plagarizing this from the same book in the Pet Book Series, authored by David Crane and published in August of 1986. So - tell me, why are you trying to pass this off as your own work? |
| 2010-07-15 19:51:15 |
And The Dog Made Three PT9 |
You did a great job of plagarizing this from the same book in the Pet Book Series, authored by David Crane and published in August of 1986. So - tell me, why are you trying to pass this off as your own work? |
| 2010-07-15 19:50:40 |
And The Dog Made Three PT8 |
You did a great job of plagarizing this from the same book in the Pet Book Series, authored by David Crane and published in August of 1986. So - tell me, why are you trying to pass this off as your own work? |
| 2010-07-15 19:50:27 |
And The Dog Made Three PT7 |
You did a great job of plagarizing this from the same book in the Pet Book Series, authored by David Crane and published in August of 1986. So - tell me, why are you trying to pass this off as your own work? |
| 2010-07-15 19:50:08 |
And The Dog Made Three PT6 |
You did a great job of plagarizing this from the same book in the Pet Book Series, authored by David Crane and published in August of 1986. So - tell me, why are you trying to pass this off as your own work? |
| 2010-07-15 19:49:49 |
And The Dog Made Three PT5 |
You did a great job of plagarizing this from the same book in the Pet Book Series, authored by David Crane and published in August of 1986. So - tell me, why are you trying to pass this off as your own work? |
| 2010-07-15 19:49:26 |
And The Dog Made Three PT4 |
You did a great job of plagarizing this from the same book in the Pet Book Series, authored by David Crane and published in August of 1986. So - tell me, why are you trying to pass this off as your own work? |
| 2010-07-15 19:49:05 |
And The Dog Made Three PT3 |
You did a great job of plagarizing this from the same book in the Pet Book Series, authored by David Crane and published in August of 1986. So - tell me, why are you trying to pass this off as your own work? |
| 2010-07-15 19:48:45 |
And The Dog Made Three PT2 |
You did a great job of plagarizing this from the same book in the Pet Book Series, authored by David Crane and published in August of 1986. So - tell me, why are you trying to pass this off as your own work? |
| 2010-07-15 19:48:22 |
And The Dog Made Three PT1 |
You did a great job of plagarizing this from the same book in the Pet Book Series, authored by David Crane and published in August of 1986. So - tell me, why are you trying to pass this off as your own work? |
| 2010-07-15 09:13:42 |
Bound and Raped: The First Night |
Good story, good writing, would love to read more. However, as a critique think about separating your paragraphs. It would make it way easier to read and follow along with the transitions. |
| 2010-07-15 09:07:24 |
Sisterly love |
Good story, although a bit too fast. Take your time, build it up to a good ending. Would love to see you take this story and extend it during the 4 week absence. |
| 2010-06-30 16:28:23 |
|
Sweet piece of writing. Good job, kept me interested during the entire story. Take this into many chapters, please. |
| 2010-06-30 12:39:53 |
Teasing Daddy's Friend Until He Can't Take Anymore |
Good, fun read. Well written, although one passage referred to her as teasing him for months when it was only a couple weeks. That's cool, though. Would love more in this series, her taking it up the ass, him cumming in her pussy, you get the point. |
| 2010-06-25 16:23:52 |
Incessantly Incestant Son |
For one, SDT doesn't know what he/she is talking about. Incest does happen and you do an excellent job of writing and describing the fantasy of intercourse between a son and his mother. Excellent write, excellent story. Thanks for sharing. |
| 2010-06-25 16:23:40 |
Incessantly Incestant Son |
For one, SDT doesn't know what he/she is talking about. Incest does happen and you do an excellent job of writing and describing the fantasy of intercourse between a son and his mother. Excellent write, excellent story. Thanks for sharing. |
| 2010-06-25 16:06:28 |
Forced Incest |
Good story. Not sure I would agree with one of the reviewers (Cly) about dyng instead of fucking. My philosophy is it is always better to be a live coward than a dead hero. Besides, being forced at gunpoint to fuck your sister can't be all that bad, can it? |
| 2010-06-09 20:28:10 |
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, HONEST! |
Excellent story, excellent story. Not like a lot of porn stories, but very well thought out and written. More than a joy to read, it kept me enthralled the entire way. Thank you so very much. |
| 2010-06-06 14:51:58 |
Blackjack! Part 2 |
The first installment was great, but this sequel was too rushed, too contrived, too predictable. You should have taken as much time with this "chapter" as you did with the prelude. It was obvious from the first portion that the Aunt would want some of the nephew, and it was predictable that she would show up during the cousin scene. Sorry, not quite as good as the first segment. Good writing, though. |
| 2010-06-03 00:18:50 |
The Necklace of Love |
Good story, although you do need to work on some of the spelling and some of the word choices. If you have one, use a grammar checker to make sure the wording and words are correct for the sentence. If you can find someone to proofread it and make editing marks, do so. Be careful with that, though - you never know what they might think or say.
Outside that, good plot and story line. Your next story should be fine with some editing. |
| 2010-06-01 21:28:54 |
Their Valentine Surprises |
Simply awesome story - could barely keep my hands from masturbation. Great writing, great plot, great action. Thanks. |
| 2010-06-01 18:58:55 |
Young Erin |
Great story telling and excellent twist at the end. Bringing the sister up for round two seems the perfect next chapter.
Thanks. Keep up the great work. |
| 2010-06-01 18:46:17 |
Young Erin |
Great story telling and excellent twist at the end. Bringing the sister up for round two seems the perfect next chapter.
Thanks. Keep up the great work. |
| 2010-06-01 18:20:44 |
Daddy's Naughty Daughters |
Why don't you own up and give credit where credit is due? This is a rip off of an actually published book you downloaded from an old story site - White Shadow.
What a sick fuck - can't even acknowledge that you plagarized the entire story. |
| 2010-06-01 18:18:19 |
to tell you the truth. |
Dude, not only is your grammar horribly bad, but the plot sucks worse than BP's attempt to plug the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico. Learn to write and come back when you do. |
| 2010-06-01 18:17:58 |
to tell you the truth. |
Dude, not only is your grammar horribly bad, but the plot sucks worse than BP's attempt to plug the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico. Learn to write and come back when you do. |
| 2010-05-31 13:54:16 |
Good Little 3rd Grade Girl |
4 years of story telling is great. This is another in a long list of excellent stories. I hope there are sequels.
And for the idiots who don't understand, it's all a fantasy. Get over yourselves. |
| 2010-05-23 23:46:57 |
LONG WINTER WEEKEND WITH THE GIRLS Part 1 |
Well written, although once Dolores referred to her Daddy? Good story, good plot, well laid out. Any chance of part 2? |
| 2010-05-23 23:07:56 |
My Daughter Loves Her Daddy |
Is it Kelli or Katie? What about separating the paragraphs? What about adding punctuation? And since when do girls getting laid for the first time say "OMG" and not "Oh my God"?
The story had it's ups and downs and needed a bit of work to make it more enjoyable to read. |
| 2010-05-23 19:18:36 |
|
Excellent story, well written. Keep them coming |
| 2010-05-23 19:14:22 |
|
Excellent story, well written. Keep them coming |