| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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|
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| 2011-05-15 22:02:42 |
The Suicide Attempt |
Sad. Caden has a woman who loves him so incredibly but still he wants to end his life? Why? |
| 2011-05-15 01:10:02 |
teased to deception |
Good story. I wondered why there were 13,000 views and one negative vote. There isn't anything wrong with the story. |
| 2011-03-22 00:09:34 |
Sarah and miss Summers |
I think the line breaks are the effect of pressing enter at the end of a sentence or line. Other than the mistakes, it's a good effort.
Repost at least without the weird line breaks, and add more of a story to it. Why was her teacher suddenly turned on by her? There is a lot to explore about the backstory.
It made no sense for the teacher to just go and attack Sarah for what I thought was no reason other than her being attractive. And I agree with LT about the guys liking her but not saying anything to her. It would have made sense to make Sarah younger, then her isolation would be justified. |
| 2011-03-13 16:08:32 |
Sweet Melody |
Very interesting premise |
| 2011-03-05 22:50:42 |
Oh So Versatile |
Enjoyed it thoroughly. Thanks. |
| 2011-02-28 00:02:31 |
Sexy Stater Sis |
My vote won't do fuck, but you need to work on your dialogue. I still don't see why you were voted so lowly. The story itself is decent, but the communication between the characters seems strained. Just listen to conversations people have and try to imitate it using your characters. Hope this helps you.
FamilyFuckerIII |
| 2011-02-26 22:03:19 |
Revenge Against My Ex-Wife and her Daughter - Part One |
Slip covers on the shoes, cable ties on the wrists and a spreader bar between the ankles. But so far, so good. Keep it up horse! |
| 2011-02-26 21:53:21 |
LetÂ’s Give This a Try Then |
I don't see why the story got 50 percent. It kind of involves bestiality in a different light. Very well done Guardian. |
| 2010-07-08 20:46:26 |
Mrs Prim |
A little mundane for me but I liked the part about the yellow jackets. Mentioning the kids so briefly might as well have been omitted altogether if they had nothing to do with the story. Just say the kids are these ages and look like this and just leave it up to the reader to imagine the rest. |
| 2010-07-08 20:45:59 |
Mrs Prim |
A little mundane for me but I liked the part about the yellow jackets. Mentioning the kids so briefly might as well have been omitted altogether if they had nothing to do with the story. Just say the kids are these ages and look like this and just leave it up to the reader to imagine the rest. |
| 2010-06-29 19:40:44 |
The AntiChrist's puppet master. |
It does go downhill about halfway through. You bring in this Damien who is the AntiChrist as you call it. But this little Sierra turns the kid into mush, though the AntiChrist would be at the height of his power during pubescence. Still there is potential to redeem the story. |
| 2010-04-04 21:41:09 |
|
I think Rob should describe what sex with Ria was like. I'd be interested to know just how snugly him and her fit from his perspective. |