| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
|
|
|
| 2011-08-22 00:04:56 |
Crossroads of my life - Part 1 |
The in-browser spell checkers work better. I think Opera and Firefox have them, or a plugin/extension for them.
Good first effort. |
| 2011-07-05 19:33:46 |
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Well paced and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for writing it PP |
| 2011-06-07 21:38:21 |
In Your Honor |
Anonymous reader
2011-06-04 21:56:14 deep, and u other two people, U SUCK
Thank you, anon. |
| 2011-06-07 21:08:58 |
I Had To Please Daddy Somehow |
It's too abrupt. Thoughts to oneself are usually italicized. Alex transitions from taking a nap to getting right up. Did she rub the sleepiness from her eyes? Was her slumber interrupted with the events happening in the next room where her father was?
Alex's masturbation should have been elaborated on. Sights, smells, tastes, textures, thoughts, was she fantasizing while she touched herself? Were the images on the screen encouraging her to diddle herself rudely? What did her father's cock taste like? Was there precome dripping out? Did he grab behind her head and choke her on his veiny monster or did she voluntarily block her airhole with his prick?
These are points you could work on. Even just writing an elaborate masturbation scene would have received a positive rating from me. |
| 2011-06-07 21:08:35 |
I Had To Please Daddy Somehow |
It's too abrupt. Thoughts to oneself are usually italicized. Alex transitions from taking a nap to getting right up. Did she rub the sleepiness from her eyes? Was her slumber interrupted with the events happening in the next room where her father was?
Alex's masturbation should have been elaborated on. Sights, smells, tastes, textures, thoughts, was she fantasizing while she touched herself? Were the images on the screen encouraging her to diddle herself rudely? What did her father's cock taste like? Was there precome dripping out? Did he grab behind her head and choke her on his veiny monster or did she voluntarily block her airhole with his prick?
These are points you could work on. Even just writing an elaborate masturbation scene would have received a positive rating from me. |
| 2011-05-30 18:23:59 |
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I applaud you. I enjoy reading your writer's voice BR. |
| 2011-05-30 18:09:47 |
Chroma. |
A unique take on story writing. Thanks BR. |
| 2011-05-16 19:26:22 |
The Minister's Daughters |
The twins went from DD's to F's in little over 3 months. And I'm not talking about their grades.
Nice ssalo. Hope to read more from you. |
| 2011-05-15 12:43:19 |
Still Life. |
Nice BR! A very engaging story.
Christine got shown a good time that she never would have shown herself. But the painting is what interested me overall. |
| 2011-05-15 12:10:56 |
Brandon's Secret Lover |
I wasn't expecting the ending. Good job.
I wonder why Brandon never found out where his online buddies live, or if any are nearby, and made friends with them. |
| 2011-05-15 11:04:39 |
Dreams Without Guilt or Shame: the CHALLENGE |
The names threw me off and I couldn't get past half way. I think it should have been posted in two parts. It's a colossal undertaking to read all of it.
Didn't vote on it since I didn't finish. |
| 2011-05-15 10:23:55 |
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Tastefully written. Sad to think of John saluting his dad's casket though. One can only wonder what he was thinking at the time. |
| 2011-05-15 10:16:57 |
Love forever... |
Wow. Jenn's a fiery little bitch, isn't she. Good job on the story CJ. |
| 2011-04-10 16:24:31 |
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That's understandable. Basically I saw it as most people have someone that they work with and can relate to lusting after them. This is a representation of that idea. My version anyways, for what it's worth. |
| 2011-04-04 23:52:50 |
My sisters freinds... |
Wow. Just...wow. More definitely. |
| 2011-03-30 16:27:27 |
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You are improving. Proofreading is very important, Mr Kool. |
| 2011-03-27 14:02:13 |
MY beautiful Angels of Sex part 2!!!!! |
Keep flattering yourself with logged out comments. Fucking pathetic. |
| 2011-03-24 19:23:41 |
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Another satisfied customer. Thanks for reading, no name. Glad I made you happy.
Anonymous reader
2011-03-23 21:18:01
Your a suck cunt. The only reason rape "victims" feel so tortured worthless, ect is because we as a people insist that they feel this way. We insist they have be traumatized and are broken. Get over it. Chicks get drunk and fuck random dudes all the time. half of them are sluts and the other half just dont care. |
| 2011-03-20 18:23:13 |
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Do me a favor and don't read stories like this if you clearly don't like them. Thanks for reading, though.
Anonymous reader
2011-03-18 22:18:43
Do us a favor and please don't write stupid stories like this !!!!!!! |
| 2011-03-20 00:12:08 |
Fucking the Porn Reader Girl |
Good story. Especially her description. |
| 2011-03-17 16:59:03 |
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Very sad. Well written though. |
| 2011-03-17 16:54:05 |
Phone sex is not good enough |
Other than the 16 year old having a babysitter, I thought it was decently written. |
| 2011-03-15 22:21:12 |
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This is the rewrite. |
| 2011-03-14 16:52:44 |
Liz falls |
I liked it because it's different, and I mean that in a good way. Good job. |
| 2011-03-14 16:22:42 |
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Anonymous reader
2011-03-14 08:46:57
To the Halfwittedtypist... the guy's right. It's a stupid assed story. Exactly what was the fucking point?? There was barely a flash of eroticism to it and then it turned dumb-assed stupid. You get a well deserved negative.
Thanks alot. Glad you loved the story. |
| 2011-03-13 14:58:31 |
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Anonymous reader
2011-03-13 14:44:23
Dumbest story I have ever read..... Not even really a rape story
Thanks for the comment. Hope to hear more from you. |
| 2011-03-12 19:06:24 |
Swapping Girlfriends |
Good job blueheatt. The only thing is if there was a little bit more detail in the sex parts. Other than that, I liked it. |
| 2011-03-07 22:09:28 |
Nothing Compares |
Kind of sad. It speaks of regret, of wishing what could have been, was. |
| 2011-03-07 16:50:01 |
Could That Have Been Her? |
I can tell you put alot of time into your story. It shows. Very nice. |
| 2011-03-07 16:35:46 |
Disaster at Antonio's |
Fuck the complainers ssalo. Great story. Damn the consequences and space each paragraph as much as you want. I don't think it took away from the story. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. |
| 2011-03-07 16:26:48 |
Let yourself go |
Good first effort. I have to stress the importance of paragraph spacing. Keep writing and I'm sure you'll improve. |
| 2011-03-07 16:23:20 |
Memoirs |
Well written. It doesn't deserve the low rating it has received. Good job malummens. |
| 2011-03-06 18:54:27 |
Susie's Introduction |
I liked the dialogue alot.
Proper paragraph breaks would have made it easier to read, but good first effort. |
| 2011-03-05 18:19:29 |
Moms Dark Room |
You created a new dimension (at least new to me) explaining what each person is thinking because the two of them were in the dark and understandably wouldn't have seen anything for themselves. Good job blueheatt |
| 2011-02-26 17:39:42 |
Disaster at Antonio's |
I liked it. You have a unique way with words. Things are stated as they are and not as they might be. Everything...falls as it may, and rightly so. Very good story. |