| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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| 2012-01-13 19:35:08 |
The Box |
Interesting, well written and easy to read. |
| 2011-12-20 18:59:37 |
The Gift of Life (CAW #9) |
Very interesting story, a few weaknesses, but overall well concieved and written. (posted then noticed I had timed out - anon. horny?
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| 2011-12-13 19:30:33 |
Young Indy Jones & the Gift of Wet Pussies |
JAT - Loved your story. It all works to nth degree. Can't believe the Anne comments considering Norma Jean. The familiar names serve familiar imagery to support the character development - very effectively. Definitely a contender, good luck.
horny? |
| 2011-12-11 13:31:00 |
Gift Unwrapping |
I enjoyed your story very much. A few gramatical errors that are easy to fix would make the reading easier. Good luck in the competition. horny? |
| 2011-12-07 21:01:57 |
Ellen's Gift CAW9 |
Very good story, the proofing worked to keep me interested. The sex scens worked for me. horny?
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| 2011-04-14 22:58:27 |
My sisters freinds...Part III |
Stay with it.
Keep your details straight, it's like a train jumping the track when the details contradict ( ex. like when he grabbed his clothes - wasn't Noel working on him with his pants on, seemed to me that's what I read).
Not sure where this is going, but when you interrupt the BJ and kill the mood, you risk losing the reader. I think you recovered with the Ms going from cuting his junk to kissing/petting lesson.
(and the Ms has potential to be a major character - a lot of potential - I'm thinking Claire's mentor as the club mistress). |
| 2011-04-14 22:37:25 |
My sisters freinds...Part II |
I'm really liking this story, your on a good track.
Be mindful of a few errors (easy fix with editing/proofreading), things like the name change throw the reader off track. |
| 2011-03-22 21:38:02 |
Best of Both World's |
Definitely a good read, very effective erotica. |
| 2011-03-20 20:33:20 |
My Wife wants to Cheat |
I liked this. It is a tad awkward to call them cousin and older sis. Could help to feel more real with names. What about the other sisters? |
| 2011-03-20 20:13:04 |
Last Will and Testament |
'strong erotic imagery' my post, had to fix the typo. |
| 2011-03-18 19:42:59 |
|
I really like your stories.
The young girl sex is intoxicating.
While having more girls and mom/daughter parties is great, be careful not to get things too mixed up. It can be difficult to keep the action straight. Also I would have focused more attention to each of the three sessions.
The sex with Lara was great, made me very horny. |
| 2011-03-15 19:37:54 |
Annie's Angel |
Thanks for the kind remarks. Hope you will vote for this story in the CAW 5 competition in the stories forum. |
| 2011-03-11 18:15:41 |
Mistress Hazel |
I really loved this story, the writing is easy to read. I understood the scenes and the characters. Last but not least the erotic element is effective. Well done. |
| 2011-03-11 17:50:48 |
The Party's Over |
A lot of potential, get past the obvious mistakes and there is a good imagination working here. Sometimes I need a little help moving between scenes and characters? |
| 2011-03-10 21:35:13 |
Could That Have Been Her? |
Very well done. Good story, nice tie-in to the scene from the pic.
I liked the characters, the pace, and the action (trust me it works). CAW5 contender!
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This was my comment, login timed out. |
| 2011-03-10 19:05:57 |
Disaster at Antonio's |
I liked the changing viewpoints, which at first were a bit unclear.
The breaks with ID could help, maintain the rotation through the characters.
This is a good story to work with, continue?
Add gratuitus sex to get more votes? |
| 2011-03-09 20:57:34 |
An affair to remember |
I liked it, you have imagination and talent. Keep writing, I hope to read more. |
| 2011-03-09 20:31:44 |
Lost... |
Very interesting. I liked it, even made me horny.
I didn't quite buy the doc bj, the attempt by Nora is Ok. Just don't see it finishing. |
| 2011-03-09 19:50:31 |
Memoirs |
I liked your story, interesting take on the CAW5 and it does provoke imagery and emotion. |
| 2011-02-24 19:09:34 |
|
I liked this story and I have read a few of your other stories.
You have interesting ideas and a unique view of sexuality, your writing is strong. There are a few errors that need attention and thats okay, it takes bit of the edge off but doesn't interrupt the story. The difference is with a few grammer and spelling corrections your stories could go from very good to become compelling and powerful prose. Good luck. |
| 2011-02-13 16:39:00 |
Annie's Angel |
Thanks for the comments. I was disheartened at the ratings, but the positive comments make me feel good about the story.
I intentionally avoided the urge to describe the details of intercourse, allowing each reader to incorporate their own imagination into the story.
I recall an english prof who declared that there are only two subjects of interest in great literature. One is sex, the other is death. |
| 2011-01-08 16:38:08 |
My First Hotwife Experiance |
Loved the story, you are a very sexual person (be proud).
I would love to be on your list of regular guys. |
| 2011-01-08 16:36:59 |
My First Hotwife Experiance |
Loved the story, you are a very sexual person (be proud).
I would love to be on your list of regular guys. |