| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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| 2013-03-22 12:40:41 |
Me And My Brother Pt. 2 |
A little better. Since you didn't mention birth control and she was horny, she could have easily been in the right time of the month to get pregnant. I also take it that she wasn't a virgin because of the panties and boxers and didn't bust her hymen yet your description clearly says 'virginity'. |
| 2013-03-22 12:17:57 |
Me And My Brother- Revised And Edited |
Just to reiterate, we want to see, touch, hear and smell everything. In your descriptions include those elements. Take the suggestion to have someone edit your stories. Even when you re-read a story, because you wrote it, you'll read what you meant to say instead of what you actually wrote. |
| 2012-10-09 19:10:52 |
When I Was a Kid Part IX |
To Anonymous reader 2012-09-25 12:45:02
It has been my experience that parents tend to believe, ' Not my child!', when it comes to their sexual activities. Unfortunately, in this case, it really happened. All fiction should be base on some reality. The single mom was doing her best to feed and clothe her family and was just too busy to notice the warning signs. |
| 2012-08-10 16:49:47 |
the girl across the street |
I really liked the story. It could use more detail in the sex. Take your time. I'm not the grammar nazi but sentences start with a capital letter and 'I' is always capitalized. Use spell check. |
| 2012-03-04 09:01:14 |
home alone |
Well, I liked the story spelling and grammer aside. Two questions or observations. One, if she was using the dildo to fuck herself how was the hymen still intact? Two, there was no mention of birth control so did she get pregnant? Alot of us perverts like a good pregnancy story. |
| 2012-02-07 22:25:06 |
i fucked my neice |
Wall of text. Didn't even try to read it. Where is the 'young'? |
| 2012-01-07 21:25:13 |
Summer Surprise |
Toewars? Is that like Thumb Wars? He was historical? What does history got to do with it? She's tried from swimming? How about tired?
I gave up! It's a good story but you need to proofread.
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| 2012-01-05 22:36:08 |
Shelly's Secret Chapter 1 |
Screw Anonymous reader 2012-01-05 19:27:24 they wouldn't know a good story if it were run up their butt. This was a great story!
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| 2011-12-30 14:40:37 |
Secret Room 4 |
From loving mother to total slut.........I'm done. |
| 2011-12-30 14:21:58 |
Secret Room 3 |
I agree with ombligo. WTF? It went from maybe plausible to unbelievable in a heartbeat. The boy was at his grandparents, now he's a school? Come on, think, it's not illegal yet. |
| 2011-12-30 11:36:31 |
Our first time together |
That was a nice story. You mentioned that you had a condom in the beside table but didn't mention putting it on. In the heat of passion, did you forget? Did she get pregnant? |
| 2011-12-19 21:01:45 |
Adopted Brother shows kid sister true pleasure |
I liked the story. However, I'm not one of the Grammar Nazis, but you use the word YOUR when you mean YOU'RE it's a contraction of you are. It is just a distraction from the good story line. |
| 2011-11-11 23:33:33 |
my summer love |
English aside, this was a good story. However, word spelling, word use, and punctuation make it easier to read and convey your thoughts. Please keep trying. Read some of the better authors on this sight. |
| 2011-10-03 02:12:46 |
Twins found love. Part 2 |
Good story but you have got to proof read. He had a 9 inch cock in the first story, now it's 10 inch. Average size of a man is 7 inches. Must be a metric thang. |
| 2011-10-03 01:56:25 |
Twins found love. Part1 |
Slow down a little. We don't want just an eye witness account. We want to feel it, taste it and smell it. Use all your senses. |
| 2011-09-30 11:08:05 |
Mom's Kids 2 |
Oh My God! That was intense. You had me cumming halfway through. My hat is off to you. Great story! |
| 2011-09-23 16:57:50 |
It Started On Skull Island - Chapter 2 |
I smell a pregnacy coming on. No mention of birth control for either girl. I like it when they get pregnant. |
| 2011-09-22 17:15:22 |
stolen |
You never mentioned birth control. So does she get pregnant at 13? |
| 2011-09-21 10:59:07 |
Looks aren't everything! |
While english isn't your first language, I can tell from the misspelled words and poor grammar, it is a very good story. Keep writing! You must live in England, I can forgive that. |
| 2011-09-18 20:08:54 |
First time with my cousin Part 3 |
Again you have strayed from the story. In part one you said it was summer break and now you are worried about school again. WTF |
| 2011-09-18 20:06:09 |
First time with my cousin Part 2 |
I love the story. I thought she was a virgin. Then she takes control and has no pain? WTF??? |
| 2011-09-05 11:31:36 |
Amy's Panties- Part 3- Amy's Birthday |
In the first story her panties were pink that she put between the rocks. Now they're white? She is sixteen so she would be a sophomore not a freshman. I loved the story. Pay closer attention to detail. Very good! |
| 2011-08-29 22:16:22 |
My cousin and I |
We have got to have another part. A series would be great! Wish it could have been a virginity story. Can't have everything I guess. Like to get her pregnant though. |
| 2011-08-09 08:23:35 |
When I Was a Kid Part VII |
Thanks Carl, as always I appreciate all comments. Readers please comment or at least vote. It lets the writer know if we are on the right track. Thanks for reading. |
| 2011-08-01 17:57:19 |
Siblings can't be Separated |
Plagerism is wrong. I gave you a negative vote. Write your own stories. |
| 2011-07-04 22:26:29 |
Hot Summer |
Proof read, proof read, proof read. Good story but did I mention you should proof read? |
| 2011-07-04 22:26:28 |
Hot Summer |
Proof read, proof read, proof read. Good story but did I mention you should proof read? |
| 2011-06-30 22:02:38 |
Body Of A Man, Mind Of A Machine 6: Power And Passion |
I have enjoyed this series very much. I was wondering if she was on birth control? If so then the prescription would be expired after a year and she would have to see a doctor to renew it. Might have to have a parent sign for her. If no birth control she could be pregnant and would compromise their flight from the law. Also he could have pleaded self-defense after the first killings but now he is seeking out thugs and has become a murderer. Forensics would prove self-defense. |
| 2011-06-09 17:03:37 |
The Hotel- REPOSTED |
Yeah, you've got to write more. Slow the pace a little. |
| 2011-06-09 16:41:58 |
My Thanksgiving |
It was a bit rushed but a good story. I gave it a positive vote. Would like to see another part with more character developement. |
| 2011-05-22 21:42:16 |
My Brother, My Husband, My Lover - Mike |
You need to proof-read. They were on the couch,bed, counter and then upstairs to their bedroom. What the heck? Good story line. Would liked to have heard how they got started; lose of virginity, first time, etc. |
| 2011-05-15 21:49:49 |
Big Brother Bodyguard ch 1 |
Holy crap where did you go to school? I agree with Fix'm; Good story line but the spelling errors detracts from the story overall. I don't want to discourage you from writing. One more thing, "Spell Check" would not have caught the misuse of THROUGH when you meant THREW and KNIGHT when you meant NIGHT. |
| 2011-04-09 11:58:37 |
My sisters freinds...Part III |
I hate the formating of this comment system. Not mam it's ma'am. Good story. Keep it going. Remember we want to taste it, smell it and feel it. Use all your senses to discribe an event.
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| 2011-04-09 11:49:47 |
My sisters freinds...Part III |
Not "mam" it's "ma'am". Good story. Keep it going. |
| 2011-04-09 11:35:18 |
Kelli 1971 |
I loved it. Keep the pace. Everybody wants you to have them fuck right away. Most kids don't just jump into bed real fast. She'll be afraid and he'll be unsure. Write it your way. I am looking forward to a second and third part. |
| 2011-04-07 15:57:03 |
Me and Kayla |
Not very likely that a virgin would be on the pill. Like the other comments, good story, more detail, and proof read. We want to taste, smell, and feel it. Use all your senses to describ things. |
| 2011-04-05 17:14:47 |
A Rainy Day |
It's "hymen" not "hymeine" and it is close to the entrance of the vagina. A virgin is on the pill? Not likely. Overall it's a good story and I'm looking forward to the next one. |
| 2011-03-22 23:06:52 |
My younger Cousin Amanada |
Where is the Authoritarian, Blackmail, and Pregnant? Nice try but horrible results. |
| 2011-03-22 22:23:16 |
PASSWORD to my sisters computer |
I agree with Anonymous reader 2011-03-09 19:40:08. Spelling isn't everything but helps the story flow better. Part 2 please.
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