| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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| 2013-03-31 02:06:52 |
Enigma Mothman |
Well reader, the urban myth of the Mothman is inextricably tied to the collapse of the Silver Bridge in the same West Virginia town in the same year. With that in mind, I tried to find another, similar disaster to tie its presence to in this story. I picked the I-580 collapse simply because it had no casualties; I didn't want to be writing about anyone's real death.
The idea, of course, is that the Mothman and the Men in Black go around brainwashing people into causing these seeming accidents. To what end? Only it knows. The seeming senselessness of the actions of what we call aliens and the inexplicability of their nature was a big part of Joh Keel's book "The Mothman Prophecies," from which I took the inspiration for this story. |
| 2012-10-31 15:37:08 |
Shocking True Confessions of the World's Last Horror Writer! |
That's odd, I thought of this principally as a comedy and didn't consider it even slightly scary until the end. ...but I guess my sensibilities are a bit different from the average reader's. :P Thanks for reading. |
| 2012-10-29 00:17:45 |
Monstrous. |
Well, it's pretty clearly a werewolf story, that is, if you read it. |
| 2012-10-04 17:54:10 |
Breaking in Katee |
Maybe the troll isn't the problem after all. In any case, good luck. |
| 2012-10-04 15:31:49 |
Breaking in Katee |
Well, it's less the problem of a lack of explanation and more a lack of explanation that makes sense or is at all consistent. I can't imagine anyone in that situation coming forward so candidly. Of course, the story is full of unlikely actions and motivations and that is, by and large, the point, but as I said, that it feels very grounded sometimes and not others detracts from it a bit. In any case, no story is perfect. Personally, I think you should keep posting here, as there's no use hiding your work from the people who would see it here otherwise. But of course, it's your decision. I'll look for your material elsewhere if you make a move. |
| 2012-10-04 02:47:05 |
Breaking in Katee |
This is not bad. You juggled the multiple perspectives pretty well and each of the three characters was felt fairly well-drawn and organic. My one big criticism would be that the scene where Josh confesses to his father just doesn't make sense; why on earth would he do that? Now, I get that it's a fuck story and an incest story to boot, so logic takes a backseat to necessitating fuck scenes, but in many other aspects the psychology of the characters, from Josh's sudden anxiety to Katee's initial trauma, feels pretty sound. To suddenly switch from that to something more implausible broke the story a bit. Criticism aside, this is a good read. I'd keep it up. |
| 2012-09-19 01:59:17 |
a very bad nightmare |
I'm sorry, but this is almost unreadable as it is. Try breaking it up with some indents and posting it again, I'm sure it will prove more popular. |
| 2012-09-18 01:35:39 |
A Pale Horse. |
Um, yes, ghost story. Was that not clear? |
| 2012-08-10 07:25:27 |
New Arrivals. |
You obviously didn't understand the story at all, my previous dear Anonymous Reader, and indeed, I prefer it that way. Please feel free to never read one of my stories again if you're going to ugly them up with your hateful, ignorant, racist comments. In fact, don't read them even if you're not going to comment. Just plain stop reading. |
| 2012-07-24 02:49:32 |
The Green River: Chapter 1: Lust & Beauty |
Hey, congrats on the first story; it's really gratifying to be expressing yourself in a public forum, isn't it?
By way of advice, I'd first say, be sure to use the tags in the upload form. Not only will it mean your story is linked on more parts of the site, it'll also give readers a heads-up about the content. Second, I'm never one for preludes, warnings, or any other such waivers; your story will speak for itself, one way or the other, and these waivers tend to lead people to pre-judge your work before even laying eyes on it.
The story is not bad, but there's not much remarkable about it. Put it in a lineup with similar stories and it would blend right in, as there's not much in the way of a plot or characterization. This doesn't make it bad, of course; on the contrary, you've giving readers what they want up front, and more likely than not they'll appreciate it. But they might be prone to forget about it pretty easily because it doesn't stand out.
Congrats again, and keep w |
| 2012-06-21 04:50:10 |
The Girl In The Photograph |
This really ought to have more reads. |
| 2012-06-20 01:41:15 |
|
That was a good read. I rather enjoy the atmosphere of a salty sea tale. The prose gets a bit purple here and there, and I'm not sure the thing about getting turned on by watching a naked woman eat raw fish really pans out (although I suppose that's surely someone's fetish...), but still, a good read, with genuine conflict and a folkloric bent that's rarely seen. PM me sometime, it seems like we might have some common interests in source material. |
| 2012-06-19 12:56:35 |
The Changeling Baby. |
If you have a more specific question I'd be happy to address it? |
| 2012-06-10 04:06:03 |
Roses are Red (or, "The Red Girl"). |
I appreciate your opinion, but that's not terribly constructive. Can I ask in a bit more detail what you didn't like? |
| 2012-05-31 04:15:10 |
Roses are Red (or, "The Red Girl"). |
Well, there are tags clearly marking the story as being "Extreme", having "Violence", featuring "Cannibalism", "Rape", and "Murder", among other things, that felt like proper warning to me. And I call it a sex story because it's clearly all about sex. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it, but I wanted a story that explores sex and violence and the underbelly of popular folklore; 'Little Red RIding Hood' really IS a story about rape and murder, after all (at least, going by one interpretation), and many older variations of it really did feature cheerful things like cannibalism, and so this story does too, by extension. |
| 2012-01-10 13:15:21 |
|
The italics were actually an error; only the fantasy sequence (and the use of the word "It") are meant to be italicized. But you slip and put one / in the wrong place and this is what happens. |
| 2011-12-13 04:28:12 |
Ramadan. |
Hi, thanks for the feedback. That's not strictly true though; the Koran has several statements discouraging drinking, but it's not expressly forbidden. More importantly than that, the "1001 Nights" showcases people doing all sorts of things that aren't particularly pious, including, above all, lots and lots of fucking outside of marriage. The book's frank depictions of things like drinking and sex made it controversial in the region, but also are a big part of the secret of its longtime popularity. A great many of the tales included predate Islam, by the by. |
| 2011-12-11 05:53:35 |
Festival. |
I very rarely write direct sequels to things. If at some point I get an idea for another story about the same character then it's certainly possible, but by and large I believe this is the end. |
| 2011-11-22 00:57:48 |
The first day of the rest of your life |
This was a pretty standard plot, but the setting helps refresh it and put a new edge on the proceedings. Gotta watch out for those adverbs though, they take all the air out of your sentences. |
| 2011-11-18 03:51:26 |
Eliot Walker and the Beautiful Angels. |
The chemicals et al. are supposed to represent the Angels trying to break down and understand physical existence the way you would computer code. That was the idea anyway; it didn't work as well as I expected. If I could, I'd probably rewrite the whole thing. |
| 2011-11-10 05:46:24 |
Working Late |
Strangely, the previous commenter seems to be very angry at this writer for creating a violent fantasy, but himself has just indulged in an even more violent one. |
| 2011-11-10 01:44:23 |
Bloodbath, Case #2 - Part 1 |
Well if your work isn't particularly popular, at least a little of the blame probably just goes toward the violent themes, which turn certain people off as a matter of kind. Although I actually that you're doing this with gay characters, something you pretty much never see.
The story itself, though, is too brief by far, gives us scantily little to care about the characters before putting them in danger, and features some turgid prose ("sliced the still, cold air,") that weights it down |
| 2011-11-10 01:38:56 |
Maria Gonzales (Chap 1) |
This is a little ungainly; the present tense is always awkward (in my opinion), but when you list suddenly into past tense now and then it's dizzying. A lot of the sentences run on, and while the general syntax is correct, much of it is awkward. And why on earth do we just slam right into a few stray paragraphs from the other character's point of view toward the end?
It seems that Maria is rather resigned to her fate from the outset, which is disappointing. While the pattern of victimization established is insightful in its own right, it's not as appealing hearing about a character who is already broken-down before the downward arch even starts.
I appreciate the exploitative style, but it feels forced to me. Still, there's lots of places go to, and I see several other chapters already posted to general acclaim, so congrats on the popularity of the series, and good luck on your other projects. |
| 2011-10-31 22:21:30 |
The Company of Wolves. |
My advice if you're twelve is to stay off of this site for pressing legal reasons.
About Poe I would recommend 'The Fall of the House of Usher' and 'Murders in the Rue Morgue.'
But, seriously, you shouldn't be on this site. Now, granted, I was twelve once too and I know how it is, but cut me a break here. How am I going to be able to write this stuff if I think about sixth graders reading it later? |
| 2011-10-28 01:27:20 |
Matty Groves. |
As far as I can tell, they're no one at all, just the characters of a very old song. First written version dates from the 17th century, but it's almost certainly older than that. I stuck as close to the plot and some of the dialogue from the original ballad (which you can find recordings of all over the internet) as possible while trying to add more depth to the narrative. Not sure if I like how it turned out, but it was an experiment. Thanks for reading. |
| 2011-10-26 01:50:05 |
Twisted Fairy Tales: Introduction |
Unreadable? Not even close. Oh, it's got problems, no doubt about that, but this is far from the worst style featured on the site. In fact, I'd say there are a number of things going for this story. The Prince Charming section is actually quite funny, and the Red Riding Hood business is mining fertile territory, since that 'fairy tale' is really all about sex.
The spotty grammar is not the major problem. Rather I would say that the big problem is just a general lack of maturity. Not intellectual maturity or maturity of content (prurience is actually a good thing in this context), but maturity of style, the kind of deftness and craftsmanship with language that really good stories show. If BTK69 wants to write sexually-themed fairy tales, he might want to read Angela Carter, particularly 'The Tiger's Bride', which could do a lot to inform anyone's reading of 'Beauty & the Beast.' |
| 2011-10-25 05:34:19 |
The Five - Witches' Brew CAW 8.5 |
This is not bad, but troubled. The dialogue feels unwieldy and, to be brutally honest, flat. Traditionally dialogue is always the hardest thing to write. Take a few lines, particularly from the beginning of the story, and say them out loud; if they don't sound natural, and if they're not pleasant to say and listen to, then something is off. Writing first person narration helps too, since it's basically a way of turning narration into dialogue.
I wish I had better advice, since there's no good criticizing without offering a solution, but I'm afraid it's just a really tough thing. I do notice, though, that the more colorful a character is, the better their speech comes through in this story; the sleazy principal, for example, has a bit more spark to his spoken lines than some of the others. |
| 2011-10-25 05:12:26 |
In the Blink of an Eye |
This is not bad, but sloppy. Grammar, spelling, and syntax are pretty rundown, and it inhibits the story. Basic stuff like this is dull, but still important. |
| 2011-10-25 02:42:57 |
The Company of Wolves. |
I'm not much of an Agatha Christie fan, although I did read "And Then There Were None" many years ago and liked it. A story I'm working on now is something of a murder mystery, and although it's informed more by "The Phantom of the Opera" maybe I should read a little Christie as a reference. Thanks for the comments, it makes all the work worthwhile. |
| 2011-10-02 06:20:29 |
Hardcore Porno: a Now That's Fucking Hardcore! story |
This has a polished quality, and the prose is very measured and controlled. There's genuine tension leading up to the scene, and the narrative voice feels natural and engaging. The plot's a little formulaic, but that's not always such a bad thing, since formulas became formula because they were good to begin with. |
| 2011-10-02 05:01:56 |
Mom's Second Husband |
The frame story of an anecdote amongst a group of friends is a classic device to provide context, and it's put to good use here. The body of the story exercises a dynamic but minimalist style which is engaging. I'm not sure I like the ending though, as it feels heavy-handed. |
| 2011-10-02 04:50:32 |
One Special Day. CAW-8 |
This is not bad, but it feels too brief and the style is somewhat jittery and fragmented. |
| 2011-09-14 06:30:17 |
The Storm |
This is not bad, though as some people have already mentioned it ends at the WORST possible time (I'm aware there are more chapters though).
Your prose flows surprisingly well, and to be honest at times it's so lyrical (in a coarse way, naturally) that it becomes a bit intimidating. The flashback subplot about obsession was good enough that it probably should have been a story in itself.
Your main problem, I think, is structure; you have an ENORMOUS info dump here, and it's not pretty. Granted, there's really no good way to deal with exposition on this scale, but you really want to at least break this up a bit.
The story also occasionally suffers from a lack of clarity of tone; comparing a character's cock to an M16 is, from a certain point of view, a hilarious and pointed deconstruction of Freudian imagery in pop culture. But it's a little hard to tell if that was intentional or if the image was meant to be played straight.
You have the makings of a hell of thing here. Ke |
| 2011-09-13 03:40:12 |
Midsummer's Eve, First Kiss. |
Well, they're not really Wiccans, that's just the character's misinterpretation of what he's seeing. What's going on is much older than any word that human religions have.
I'm sorry you didn't like the characters, but they're supposed to be amoral and impulsive, like nature. Thanks for the feedback, whoever you are, and thanks for reading. |
| 2011-09-12 07:00:30 |
The Wolf |
Decent, but too brief. This plot could serve for something 10,000 words long. |
| 2011-09-12 05:56:55 |
Theme Spotlight Series: Alien - The Cornfield Rape |
I like the idea of spotlighting each theme. Keep writing. |
| 2011-09-06 03:17:41 |
|
-to be loved superficially is better than being ignored entirely.-
I like that. |
| 2011-07-17 02:16:57 |
Penny, May I Rescue you from Hell? |
This was compelling right off the bat, which is always nice to see. Lots of stories spend there first couple of paragraphs giving exposition or telling us how big the main character's tits are (or whatever), but I always think a better use of those all-important opening lines is to set up a conflict or ask a question. I dug the exploitative style throughout as well. If I had to complain, I'd say it wrapped up in too much of a hurry, but no story is perfect. |
| 2011-07-17 02:08:05 |
|
This isn't bad, although it didn't quite grip me. The measured pace and controlled tone are easy on the reader, and from a technical perspective it's generally clean and precise (some weird capitalization choices though). |
| 2011-07-16 02:57:08 |
Ms Reynolds new breasts |
Paging Dr. Benway?
There's an impressive sense of verisimilitude, and very competent use of body horror and Kafka-esque institutional banality. There are a lot of basic errors though, you should be more careful about easy spelling and grammar errors, things like that can really bring down the overall quality of your work.
Edgy niche material is often poorly received, but don't let that discourage you from exploring whatever themes interest you. |
| 2011-07-14 01:59:46 |
Best Little Whorehouse on XNXX (includes gals from this site) |
This was good campy fun and frequently hilarious. Your economy of language isn't quite as good as in some other stories, like "Alanna", but that can happen given the number of different facets and the deadline you were working under. Not very many stories get me to laugh out loud this often. |
| 2011-07-13 04:02:34 |
Axe Murderer Under the Bed |
Well I didn't see anything wrong with the content, although it didn't really appeal to me. Moral guardians have too much time on their hands. Don't let people push you around about what you want to write, even if it does rub some people the wrong way.
I liked how clean and precise the language was, and that you have a sound grasp of spelling and grammar, which can be surprisingly rare. There are still mistakes, and engaging a proofreader would be a good idea if you haven't already, but there are far worse to be found.
The big flaw here is just narrative structure and arranging a sequence of events that feels organic and has good momentum, plus some thorniness with the dialogue. That's the sort of thing that comes with experience and being well-read though, so with time and diligence you can learn to sort those things out. |
| 2011-07-13 02:13:45 |
a vapiric succubus part 1 |
I think you should engage someone as a proofreader and get a firmer grasp of basic spelling and grammar. I know I sound tiresome and dull when I say that, but it really is the single most important thing about getting people to take your writing seriously. Congratulations on taking the first step toward expressing yourself, and for being fearless with your subject matter. |
| 2011-07-12 04:43:50 |
Alice and Trixie Turn A Trick: A Horny Honeymooners Story |
That was actually hilarious. I didn't place the reference from the title, but I nearly did a spit-take when I read the first line.
Gotta tell ya though, never ever wanted to spend this much time thinking about Jackie Gleason's penis... |
| 2011-07-10 01:26:22 |
The King in Yellow, Reprise: Opening Night. |
I thought Amy's comment was very reasonable and in fact I agree with her, I wish I had been able to incorporate a more overtly erotic element. Always feel free to say whatever you like, positive or negative, about the story, but please don't trash the other commenters. |
| 2011-07-09 03:21:42 |
FEMALES FOR HIRE |
Well, it's porn, a few creative liberties are allowed.
I think I know how the rest of this story goes, doesn't he find her again years later married and pregnant, then go off and shoot the guy she ran away with and end up in jail writing a confession and calling himself "Humbert"?
...wait, no, that's a different book entirely. Hmmm...
|
| 2011-06-20 16:09:31 |
Sugar and Spice |
And might I add a hearty "قصص سكس" as well, which I believe translates to "I approve." |
| 2010-11-13 04:38:58 |
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Thank you, hearing that means quite a lot. This was the single most difficult thing I\'ve ever written, so any feedback is really appreciated. |
| 2010-11-03 03:25:03 |
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I got held up on another project that took longer than expected, and then the server crash and this period where new material is not yet appearing on the site is holding me up as well.
I\'m glad people enjoy the story and I promise I\'m working hard to finish. Thanks for reading and thanks for the encouraging comments, I\'ll try not to disappoint. |
| 2010-11-03 02:38:09 |
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I got hung up on another project which took up more of my time than I expected. The server crash and this after period where nothing new has yet been validated are holding up the final chapter now as well. I\'m glad there are people who appreciate the story and I\'m working hard to finish. Thanks for reading and thanks for the encouragement.
|
| 2010-11-03 02:38:02 |
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I got hung up on another project which took up more of my time than I expected. The server crash and this after period where nothing new has yet been validated are holding up the final chapter now as well. I\'m glad there are people who appreciate the story and I\'m working hard to finish. Thanks for reading and thanks for the encouragement.
|
| 2010-08-05 16:35:40 |
The Red Fang Ch 1 Pt 2 |
Well that felt like a completely different story from the first part. Which isn't a bad thing, I think I enjoyed the side narrative better. The alley scene was downright hilarious with our poor, plucky heroine unable to extricate herself from the awkward situation (although I think when you find two people fucking behind a dumpster the standard reaction is for them to be embarrassed, not you).
A few gripes though, there are still some serious cliches hampering the writing. Must a grip be "vice-like"? Can't it just be a grip? We spend a lot of time hearing about how the characters look, but it's not time well spent, since most of them seem to look much alike. And here's a classic case of narrative excess, in one paragraph we learn via narration that vampires like fairy blood and then we hear the exact same bit of exposition as dialogue a paragraph later. Once was really enough.
Alright, alright, I'll stop. Gripes aside, it's a good story, and better than the opening. I'm intrigue |
| 2010-08-05 16:16:37 |
The Red Fang, Ch 1 Pt 1 |
I think it's possible to write something original, but I don't think that's happened here. A little Charlaine Harris, a little Laurel Hamilton, a little Underworld, etc. But hey, that's not necessarily a bad thing (although those are generally bad sources...), pop culture conventions can still make for a good story.
The problem as I see it is just the writing style. There are unnecessary modifiers and disposable adverbs all over this thing. The exposition is about as subtle as a punch in the jaw, and if I did a shot every time I ran across a cliche phrase I'd be too hammered to write this comment.
On the bright side, the set up is pretty well done, I'm genuinely curious who these characters are and what the shadowy agency is all about (other than the obvious I mean). So hey, I give it a thumbs up despite the inconsistencies. |
| 2010-07-27 03:32:20 |
The Beauty and the Cock |
I hate to say it, but this story is a mess. I could overlook the spelling and grammar problems (though there are a lot of them), but there's also some very strange word choice issues and the syntax is truly bizarre.
Here's a prime example: "He didnt stopped to beg me, as he was felxing his body in kind of directions as he where tensed up." What on earth? I guess the underlying meaning is (sort of) clear, but it reads like it was translated out of another language by someone fluent in a third. This in the middle of a paragraph that runs on so long you could be crushed under it.
You're not a bad storyteller, and there's the shape of a good story here, but the structure problems are too severe to be ignored. Please don't let my criticism discourage you though, write again and work at developing a more concrete, accessible style with more attention to the basics. Even just working with a proof reader who gives it a once over will help. Good luck, hope to see more in the future. |
| 2010-06-30 13:17:45 |
The Darkness Within |
I don't see why I keep getting called an asshole simply for disliking the poem. Is criticism not allowed? Is the negative button purely ornamental? Are author's feelings so fragile that we daren't say a word against them? I've been nothing but polite and constructive and I've gotten nothing but grief for it, and my only infraction is sharing an opinion. |
| 2010-06-30 03:15:54 |
Things get steamy between best friends |
Tsk, over so soon? You were just hitting your rhythm. I hope you're planning on writing more, because this was quite enthralling. |
| 2010-06-30 03:15:43 |
Things get steamy between best friends |
Tsk, over so soon? You were just hitting your rhythm. I hope you're planning on writing more, because this was quite enthralling. |
| 2010-06-30 02:04:45 |
The Darkness Within |
Well anonymous reader, no, I'm not much of a poet. I've written a handful of poems over the years, but it's not a format I like or am much good at. But criticism isn't a privilege reserved exclusively for those who can do better.
Nor is my work at all relevant to my criticism. My opinion is equally as valid regardless of what I produce myself, or even if I produce nothing at all. And like I said, I'm not Yeats or anything, I write porn that's primarily intended for cheap thrills, no more and no less.
Even so, when I write I don't chalk it up as an ethereal, mystical enigma beyond my understanding, I write with purpose and intent. Does that make my writing good? Not necessarily. But it does make it better than if I didn't. Like I said, writing isn't about otherwordly empathic impulses, it's consciously putting words on paper. When you put down a word, you should know why. I don't know what our author here thinks of such matters, though I'm growing increasingly curious. |
| 2010-06-29 15:01:46 |
The Darkness Within |
I humbly disagree, poetry CAN simply be whatever a writer wants, but if a writer takes the time to give it form and structure it often improves the verses to a great degree. Too many people just thoughtlessly fill lines with vacuous, pretentious words and phrases (not saying this one necessarily, but I do think it's suffering from some bad influences)
This is especially true today when so few people bother and most think of poetry as just stream of consciousness with funny line breaks. Free verse isn't the only way to write, for most of history poetry was meant to be a highly formal and structured form of expression, and those who broke it away from those conventions pondered over each word and line just as much as the formalists of other eras.
And a poet should ALWAYS know what the poem means, whether anyone else does or not. Writing isn't ethereal, you have to choose words with intent and purpose. I'm not Yeats myself or anything, but this is a craft, and crafting takes care |
| 2010-06-29 04:56:27 |
Kidnapping New Whores |
Those who dislike the story are entitled to their opinion (I didn't much care for it either, as a matter of fact), but these attacks leveled against the author aren't called for. He's not sick for writing this, it's a piece of fiction.
Thomas Harris wrote "The Silence of the Lambs" but that shouldn't be taken to imply that he approves of cannibalism. Vladimir Nabokov probably wasn't endorsing pedophelia when he wrote "Lolita". Using shocking or exploitative elements in your stories doesn't reflect on you as a person, although the skill with which you do so does reflect on your quality as a writer.
Criticize the art, not the artist. |
| 2010-06-29 02:04:40 |
The Darkness Within |
No need to apologize or qualify your work. That you submitted it shows that you like it and it can stand up to criticism on its own merits.
Other than cliche language, the big problem is that it doesn't do much of anything technically. The rhymed couplets are burdened with inconsistent rhymes (lines 3-4 and 7-8 try to rhyme singular with plural), rhymes that aren't really rhymes (rhyming "one" with itself in 5-6), or just not rhyming at all (line 19 seems to be stranded with no partner). These variations are so all over the map that it's hard to tell if they were the result of a design not apparent to the reader or just accidents.
Meter seems to be irregular iambs, which is fine, but if you started with free verse and then ended in tightly regimented meter it would represent the submission, or you could start in meter but then free it up at the end to show that submission is ironically liberating.
Don't mean to harp on you, but I thought I owed constructive criticism at the l |
| 2010-06-28 01:42:34 |
Blowing a strager in his car |
Eyes bleediing...can't see...GAH! Seriously, we need paragraph breaks, text crowded together on a monitor is really rough on your eyes. Also, please don't refer to a cock as a "weapon", lol.
However, other than that, a very hot, dirty little story. Thumbs up. |
| 2010-06-27 07:01:14 |
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Alright, well, I get the joke, but I just don't think it's particularly funny. Not because I'm offended, just I didn't think it came off very well. |
| 2010-06-27 01:33:07 |
The AntiChrist's puppet master. |
Kind of an odd little story. Too brief by far and there are some major spelling and grammar issues here. People who don't recognize the name might have not realize the significance of certain things, and for that matter why bother appropriating that character and then basically nothing with him (this could have been a story about any average joe instead)?
As critical as I'm being though, I'll give it a pass because I think there's potential for a larger, better story here if the time and the work are invested. The tone is right, you just need more material to match it. |
| 2010-06-26 04:19:03 |
Kidnapping New Whores |
Hey, don't let offended people push you around, just because you're writing about edgy, extreme material doesn't make you "sick", so don't let them tell you otherwise.
That said, this story feels awkward and unwieldy. It seems you're trying to be shocking and exploitative, but the plot and characters aren't strong enough to support that material. The change of narrators is very abrupt and jarring.
I'll be honest, it's not a particularly good story, but you shouldn't let yourself get frustrated, just keep at it and don't let a few uptight people put you down. |