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Comments from BlackRonin

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Date Story title Comment
2011-07-12 04:43:50 Alice and Trixie Turn A Trick: A Horny Honeymooners Story That was actually hilarious. I didn't place the reference from the title, but I nearly did a spit-take when I read the first line.

Gotta tell ya though, never ever wanted to spend this much time thinking about Jackie Gleason's penis...
2011-07-13 02:13:45 a vapiric succubus part 1 I think you should engage someone as a proofreader and get a firmer grasp of basic spelling and grammar. I know I sound tiresome and dull when I say that, but it really is the single most important thing about getting people to take your writing seriously. Congratulations on taking the first step toward expressing yourself, and for being fearless with your subject matter.
2011-07-13 04:02:34 Axe Murderer Under the Bed Well I didn't see anything wrong with the content, although it didn't really appeal to me. Moral guardians have too much time on their hands. Don't let people push you around about what you want to write, even if it does rub some people the wrong way.

I liked how clean and precise the language was, and that you have a sound grasp of spelling and grammar, which can be surprisingly rare. There are still mistakes, and engaging a proofreader would be a good idea if you haven't already, but there are far worse to be found.

The big flaw here is just narrative structure and arranging a sequence of events that feels organic and has good momentum, plus some thorniness with the dialogue. That's the sort of thing that comes with experience and being well-read though, so with time and diligence you can learn to sort those things out.
2011-07-14 01:59:46 This was good campy fun and frequently hilarious. Your economy of language isn't quite as good as in some other stories, like "Alanna", but that can happen given the number of different facets and the deadline you were working under. Not very many stories get me to laugh out loud this often.
2011-07-16 02:57:08 Ms Reynolds new breasts Paging Dr. Benway?

There's an impressive sense of verisimilitude, and very competent use of body horror and Kafka-esque institutional banality. There are a lot of basic errors though, you should be more careful about easy spelling and grammar errors, things like that can really bring down the overall quality of your work.

Edgy niche material is often poorly received, but don't let that discourage you from exploring whatever themes interest you.
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