| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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| 2011-02-16 17:47:07 |
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I guess im just going to have to say this again. I wrote this for me. I wrote it the way i did because it was exactly how i would want it to happen. I dont like talking during sex, i find it much more erotic when people can just think in unicen. I will write more when my life becomes a little more relaxed. Thanks for voting. |
| 2011-02-14 06:25:30 |
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I have an issue with stupidity. Sue me. I guess i just dont want people asking dumb questions and picking at something for the hell of it. If you can't appreciate it for what it is then its not for you, no need to comment really. |
| 2011-02-10 02:06:34 |
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First two words i wrote were 'My fantasy'. Did i need to explain the characters' impulsiveness more thoroughly? Or should i have kept it to the main character's pov with the naivety and dream-like wonderment that made it work so well? They obviously made a call deciding he would go for it before they stripped down. |
| 2011-02-07 19:23:32 |
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I cant believe some of these comments. The tags clearly state its a work of fiction. It's MY fantasy, ive always wanted to go to paris. Fucking a couple of french people is more likely to happen in france is it not? And i've read alot more unbelievable stories on this site, but isnt that why we're here? On the internet? To do the things we cant in real life? I mean, how often do complete strangers fuck for no reason? Dont take it so seriously, i wrote it for myself, i just thought i'd share it with you people. |
| 2011-02-06 05:39:29 |
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Oh, gee, thank you, i do feel honoured, really.
But you see, I write it as i see it in my head, and yeah, they were some pretty awkward scenes. Stilted even, i would agree. Thanks for rating! Don't add me on facebook. :) |
| 2011-02-04 23:50:35 |
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Okay, i just entered the glitched text into google and it came up with 2 arabic translated words, "burbler" and "muttered" but i dont think either of those mean good or bad??? |
| 2011-02-04 23:41:09 |
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Question: Is all that mumbo jumbo in the comments things people have copied and pasted from my script? If so i guess you're just going to have to type it all out people. |
| 2011-01-30 07:53:11 |
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Man, reading this now i realise how shit it is. Sorry everyone, hahaa. |
| 2011-01-30 07:52:58 |
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Man, reading this now i realise how shit it is. Sorry everyone, hahaa. |
| 2011-01-27 02:43:13 |
Twin Brothers... together |
Grammar made me stop reading, i skimmed the rest but spelling is important if you want to engage the reader. I also found the phrasing very repetitive. Like, "So I guess its a turn on to see yourself naked? talking about Kale seeing him (his twin brother). " We get it, they're twins. And, "he took it immediately into his warm mouth. Kale instantly felt his brothers mouth on his cock; the water being a lot cooler." Its just over explaining. Detail is good, but when you go on about stuff that you've already made clear it distracts from the story. Hope this helps. |
| 2011-01-27 02:42:35 |
Twin Brothers... together |
Grammar made me stop reading, i skimmed the rest but spelling is important if you want to engage the reader. I also found the phrasing very repetitive. Like, "So I guess its a turn on to see yourself naked? talking about Kale seeing him (his twin brother). " We get it, they're twins. And, "he took it immediately into his warm mouth. Kale instantly felt his brothers mouth on his cock; the water being a lot cooler." Its just over explaining. Detail is good, but when you go on about stuff that you've already made clear it distracts from the story. Hope this helps. |
| 2011-01-27 02:15:56 |
Twin Brothers... together |
Bit repetative in terms of phrasing. I would have also dropped the bracket bits, we get it, they're twins. It just made me not want to keep reading that's all. |
| 2011-01-27 02:15:33 |
Twin Brothers... together |
Bit repetative in terms of phrasing. I would have also dropped the bracket bits, we get it, they're twins. It just made me not want to keep reading that's all. |
| 2010-03-23 20:35:47 |
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hahaa, i spelt muesli wrong. Sorry. |
| 2009-12-07 23:58:51 |
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Thanks, thats the kind of feedback i need. |
| 2009-12-06 04:23:11 |
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I know! I dont understand! This is the kinda thing that all of the readers liked about my other stories so what's going on! |
| 2009-12-01 05:22:43 |
A Summer Friendship Part 2 |
Good writing, story hits home in alot of places for me. |
| 2009-09-19 02:44:00 |
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He didn't. He kicked it "in". It was bravado, he's cocky, and dramatic. |
| 2009-08-27 08:27:28 |
Alma: Part One |
That gave Andy a nice back story, he's clearly more experienced than the other two, lol. Umm, constructive criticism.....umm, a few typos, just need to watch that grammar, but i'll give it a positive anyway, im keen to read more. |
| 2009-08-27 07:50:59 |
Hit the Showers |
Hey, I wrote a similar story called "Hitting The Showers" on here but this isnt it, i just read this story under a different title by a different author so if this is your story then you should report it. |
| 2009-07-22 21:37:19 |
A very special 15th birthday part 1 |
That was shit. You tried so hard to make it sound like you knew lots of fancy words and it pulled away from the story way too much. Your grammar was poorly to say the least and your dialogue was quite unrealistic. Not to mention the fact that the story itself was boring. |
| 2009-06-27 19:45:23 |
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lol, well, considering ive never had sex with someone more than 3 months younger than me and ive never had unconsensual sex i dont think im a sexual predator. Besides, if i was, i think writing about it instead of actually engaging in it is a much better way to go about it. Read the tags before you read a story. |
| 2009-06-08 21:12:31 |
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No, this is part one of a fictional story. My subscription to microsoft word has run out so i dont want to write any more stories until thats back up and running. But it does get alot more exciting in part two! XD |
| 2009-06-04 06:34:44 |
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I definately believe in bi. I dont like commitment, so i get to turn from a guy to a girl without questioning myself first. Im greedy, i want the best of both worlds. I love eating pussy but i love a big cock in my ass too. |
| 2009-05-31 21:35:16 |
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First off, im not "blaming" microsoft word or "poor education" which wasnt even mentioned in my comment. Errors i made? Like i said, i had spell check on and its been proof read, so any mistakes that you seem to find are merely figments of your imagination. Im saying that there are no mistakes, and anyone who thinks there is either isnt reading it properly. I ask you to point out any "errors" in my grammar so that i may point out to you how it does make sense and you are a moron. How's that for constructive criticism. |
| 2009-05-31 20:59:20 |
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First off, im not "blaming" microsoft word or "poor education" which wasnt even mentioned in my comment. Errors i made? Like i said, i had spell check on and its been proof read, so any mistakes that you seem to find are merely figments of your imagination. Im saying that there are no mistakes, and anyone who thinks there is either isnt reading it properly. I ask you to point out any "errors" in my grammar so that i may point out to you how it does make sense and you are a moron. How's that for constructive criticism. |
| 2009-05-31 20:52:29 |
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First off, im not "blaming" microsoft word or "poor education" which wasnt even mentioned in my comment. Errors i made? Like i said, i had spell check on and its been proof read, so any mistakes that you seem to find are merely figments of your imagination. Im saying that there are no mistakes, and anyone who thinks there is either isnt reading it properly. I ask you to point out any "errors" in my grammar so that i may point out to you how it does make sense and you are a moron. How's that for constructive criticism. |
| 2009-05-31 08:28:08 |
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Poor Grammar! What the fuck is up with that!!!!! Every sentence that you dont seem to understand is either just the way people talk over here or its an error made by Microsoft Word as its been spell-checked and proof read twice! So stick that up your ass! |
| 2009-05-26 09:41:50 |
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C'mon, vote it up. I used assonance! And alliteration! And metaphor! And simile! And poetry! Its alot better than some of the other shit stories on this site! No offence. |
| 2009-05-26 04:36:48 |
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It's not uncommon. It sticks out like an erection but its not very hard or "erect". |
| 2009-05-25 21:02:03 |
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Part 2 will be up tomorrow if my calculations are correct and part 3 will be up over the next 2 weeks. Check out my other stories in the mean time. Thanks. >.< |
| 2009-05-21 06:56:34 |
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lol, well if u ever wanna chat you can PM me by clicking on my name up the top. Or if its just my situation or my sexuality you wanna know about then i suggest you read my other story which is completely true which entails all of my sexual experiences from age 5 untill a few months ago. Either way, im glad i could help. |
| 2009-05-20 23:04:15 |
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LOL, that's okay. I'm Bi but lately I've been, how did you put it..."confused" too? My sexual desire used to be 60% for girls but ive been 90% for guys lately so im wondering if im gay. Oh well. Why do you ask? |
| 2009-05-16 16:57:56 |
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=)
I think you rushed it after you made Carlos cum. Also, i find it easier if you write stories in Microsoft word, use spell check, then copy and paste the story on the site, its like cheating but not really, you just avoid the typos. I liked it though. |
| 2009-05-12 01:28:05 |
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Well, this didnt actually happen to me. I just wish it did. It was a fantasy, and like most of my fantasies, i would never actually act on them. I hate hearing about rape and abuse so thats why i'd never actually have sex with an underage person or write an abusive story. I might write a part 2 to this story but it will be posted under a different title. Not "Showering with my little brother's friend Part II" |
| 2009-05-10 00:40:13 |
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Hi, i just re-read it and i realised it sounds like i resent the character of 'Michael'. I don't. I know i wrote everything in past tense but it was all just what i was feeling at the time. I love my brother and i dont want people (or him) to get the wrong idea about that from reading this story. We wont be having sex ever again though. But he's still my bro. |
| 2009-05-05 00:39:17 |
Boy's Sweet Boy-friend |
Your dialogue is terrible and it sounds like English is not your first language, or you have a translator book or something. Punctuation could do with some attention aswell. |
| 2009-05-05 00:32:19 |
In the sand box |
It was as if you wrote it all at once while you were jacking off. You should write your stories over a series of days, or even weeks for some. That way you can edit them and make them more detailed. Your spelling does need attention and i would suggest writing it on Word then copying and pasting it on here. |
| 2009-05-05 00:32:10 |
In the Sandbox - Part II |
Your punctuation and spelling is terrible and makes it very hard to keep reading. I think your opinion that people will get bored if it's too long is quite silly. Your stories are too short and that makes them boring. Especially since nothing ever happens. |
| 2009-05-05 00:19:36 |
In the sand box |
It was as if you wrote it all at once while you were jacking off. You should write your stories over a series of days, or even weeks for some. That way you can edit them and make them more detailed. Your spelling does need attention and i would suggest writing it on Word then copying and pasting it on here. |
| 2009-05-04 23:55:47 |
Weekend with steve |
I found it distracting that you said you were all 9 years old, then you said you were teenagers. And you didnt use any punctuation and the sentence about it being 12 " from your face was confusing. I didnt like the pace and your sentence structure made it hard for me to keep reading. Sorry. |
| 2009-05-03 00:55:19 |
Sibling Discoveries |
""The eleven year old is too immature. My son is eleven and he is already jerking off in his room"
Wow, you're a fucked up person who I hope is full of shit because if you're telling the truth than I feel truly sorry for your son. Kiddy rapists and pedos deserve death, I'd pull the trigger my self as I have no sympathy for you sick fucks."- OMG, what is wrong with this guy? Just because he knows his son masturbates, doesn't make him a paedophile!!! Honestly, read the tags people, if you're homophobic, dont read gay stories. And its a work of fiction, there's nothing wrong with fantasizing about young kids having sex. I just hope none of you actually force yourself on a kid who doesnt want it. |