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Comments from lesley_tara

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Date Story title Comment
2009-07-29 21:29:39 Hitching a Ride to Murder A really good story - your dialogue rings true, which is so important in a story. The hook at the end is really good (& hints at a sequel?). Some more detail and description of the murder would be good - that part is rather brief.
2009-07-29 22:00:04 -8th Grade, Semester 2- When My Life Changed I liked this - the twist at the end (no pun intended) is a good shock and surprise. It maybe needs a bit more detail on how she fakes the scene after the muder, I wasn't really convinced that it would stand up to investigation. Wouldn't she need some bruises, maybe on her arms and inner thighs, which could be done either by using his hands to hit herself or by banging against the basins or stall walls, etc - something like that? Anyway, a good story - thanks.
2009-09-02 19:58:06 Alumni: Kim's Revenge A great read, you certainly got me going! - thanx. The interaction between Lisa and Kim is really well done, so natural and believable (I loved their nicknames for each other - a great touch). The sex is very well described, with lovely use of language, especially in bits like the sentence describing Lisa feeling Kim's oral attentions as "Soothing, arousing, healing, pampering, all wrapped up into one fantastic feel." The final scene with Dee catching them and joining in adds an extra dimension to an already HOT tale. I've only read this chapter because it came up in the 'lesbian' list - please write some more girl/girl scenes, you've got real talent and style.
2009-09-02 20:10:21 Emily Quietly Slips Into Your Room ... Great story - lovely, sexy, and damn hot!! Describing things in this first person and present tense way makes it so immediate, it feels like such a real scene and the reader is living through it too - I can imagine it's me, and it's making me just about come. Hope you got more where this came from, babe.
2009-09-08 22:05:17 Quieting the Storms for Katie I really enjoyed this, especially the seduction scene between 15 year old Katie and Kimmy - it was natural and convincing in the emotions and dialogue, and erotic. The scene with Jessica is pretty hot stuff too - I wasn't 100% convinced by the way it started out, but it developed really well. Nice hook at the end. Thanx.
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