| Date |
Story title |
Comment |
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| 2012-09-25 22:15:08 |
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I loved this chapter. The build up over the past several chapters was very well played out, and I have my suspicions as to what Gia's secret reason for her behaviour is. But I'll keep those to myself for now. I can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the amazing writing. |
| 2012-09-09 23:28:48 |
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Love it, but I feel like there is so much of her story that was left out. Perhaps it's just the amount of time since the last entry. |
| 2012-09-01 16:44:50 |
Madison loves her daddy's cream, Part 3 |
Hey, madirose1011@gmail.com... What makes you think this is the best place to find a guy looking for the real thing?
Readers here are likely looking for fiction, so they can curb their apitite for wanting the real thing. And if you aren't what you say, that's entrapment. If you are what you say, it's dangerous to invite grown men to come fuck you. |
| 2012-08-27 23:49:13 |
Madison loves her daddy's cream |
If that's the assumption you wish to make, good for you. But there are many families, especially of Irish or scotish decent, hence the red hair, that have shorter average hights. I know quite a few myself. Including a 27 year old woman that is 4'7"
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| 2012-08-27 20:45:03 |
Madison loves her daddy's cream |
If you want the ages, you obviously didn't read the intro. |
| 2012-08-27 16:32:50 |
Madison loves her daddy's cream |
I forgot to mention that this is my first attempt at writing a story, and all constructive criticism is welcome.
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| 2012-08-27 16:30:24 |
Madison loves her daddy's cream |
I forgot to mention that this is my first attempt at writing a story, and all constructive criticism is welcome.
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| 2012-07-25 04:10:53 |
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Interesting developments. Can't wait for another chapter. And I hope you give us an update on what happened with Ash soon, too. Great writing as usual. |
| 2012-06-20 21:58:16 |
Daddy's friend takes advantage of me |
Spell check, Grammer check, paragraph spacing. It's clear that english isn't your first language, so you should use these features of a word program to compensate. other than that, not bad. |
| 2012-06-20 21:57:53 |
Daddy's friend takes advantage of me |
Spell check, Grammer check, paragraph spacing. It's clear that english isn't your first language, so you should use these features of a word program to compensate. other than that, not bad. |
| 2012-04-22 19:39:37 |
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Sorry 'bout the doubble post, and it wasn't directed at the author, but at those that keep saying they KNOW he winds up with Abby. |
| 2012-04-22 19:07:26 |
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This is the best series of storys. I just think I should point out that, when talking about when he'll next see ash he says "I wouldnt see her again until I was standing at the wedding standing under a canopy of trees, holding hands with Abby.". That's right, THE wedding, not HIS wedding. |
| 2012-04-22 19:06:54 |
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This is the best series of storys. I just think I should point out that, when talking about when he'll next see ash he says "I wouldnt see her again until I was standing at the wedding standing under a canopy of trees, holding hands with Abby.". That's right, THE wedding, not HIS wedding. |
| 2012-04-19 23:43:10 |
The Disney Cruise Part 1 |
You weren't kidding about the slow start. Over all, well written, very few of the spelling/grammer issues people sometimes harp on. But just when you have established the characters, and started them doing something, that's when you decided to stop?
And I have to ask... Did you really describe a cruse ship game of "Monkey in the Middle" being used to entertain potentially bored teen passengers as "Epic"? You can't just say that without explaining why, unless you wanted to confuse every person who has ever played that game in grade-school gym class. lol.
My advice is, If a character isn't relivent to the story, or at least a constant presance in the main character's story, such as a family member or close friend, you don't need to bother nameing them. Instead you could say "I met/was introduced to some other teens on the ship.' and then flesh out the ones that matter to the story.
Lastly, try summerising the parts that you know are just filler events. |
| 2012-04-18 00:09:22 |
Housesitting: Day 0 - Ch. 5: Summer School Slut |
Your story is fan-fucking-tastic. More please. |
| 2012-04-10 02:22:27 |
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How we kissed, he replied, puzzled as wasnt that what they were talking about? She could be very confusing could Jannie he decided.
Ok, I didn't get to the 'juicy bits' because I found it confusing also. The above quote is one example.
But I must say you did have a strong start, but it seemed that you couldn't decide where you wanted to start, or go with it. At one point early on you implied that she wanted to know if he was interested in her friends, so she could pass him off as her boyfriend to them as they may not know him, then you imply that one of them had encouraged her to try to seduce him, then a few paragraphs later you all but say that she's following "mom's" instructions on how to go about seducing him without so much as an explanation on the change in direction.
but at that point I had to stop. because you went from a strong start to not washing his hands after peeing and stinky feet somehow beeing the things she likes about him? |