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Comments from Vanion_3000
Date Story title Comment
2009-07-26 05:48:40 A Hot Afternoon To: READER 2009-04-23 23:10:40 I have got to say that though I have not been back to this site for a while, if that was a example of your writing: Very good. Send me a PM. I would like to know more about you and your writing. And that is as honest as you can get. Vanion_3000
2009-03-01 20:35:03 split For a first attempt, well done. One suggestion though, split the paragraphs with a line break between them. It makes it easier for the reader to follow a story.
2009-02-26 14:51:51 Sarah and I The comments of the last two who posted are good advice for the most part. I would heed most of it if I were you. But remember, you are trying to develope your own writing style and there are no hard and fast rules. I do have to compliment you on breaking the paragraphs with a space. A lot of people on this site, and not all of them Amateurs, don't. That makes them difficult to read. All in all, well done. Just try to be a little more descriptive in places. Keep them coming. vanion_3000
2009-02-26 14:33:27 Parminder, Stranded That this is a TRUE story I have my doubts, but anything in this day and age is possible, so I'll give the author the benifit of the doubt. If it really is a true story, I can then understand the long lead up to the meat of the story, which is what most people are here for. You seem to be trying to make a point about life. I would say an Atitude Adjustment. That's fine as far as I can see, but it was a bit long. For the rest, Very, very, hot. Well done. Keep them coming, but do try to shorten them just a little bit.
2008-11-21 22:17:15 Public Display Other than a few spelling mistakes, very well done and very hot. One suggestion, you might try using a line space between paragraphs. It would make it a little easier for the reader. Very Hot.
2008-11-16 23:11:35 If as you say, you simply re-wrote the story, and I agree with Phrenetic_ice on that, I seem to remember the sites mentioned if not the story specifically, you did an excellent job of re-writing it. Very well done.
2008-08-25 03:35:54 The Abduction And Training Of Kitty Good point. I will keep that in mind. Thanks.
2008-08-24 22:40:14 The Abduction And Training Of Kitty Hi people. I want to thank the last reader for his or her nice comment, but they stated they found typos. If someone does find something like that, please PM me and let me know where to find them in the story. Or at least leave your ID so I can ask you if I can't find them. I really didn't think there were any typos.
2008-08-24 17:28:50 The Abduction And Training Of Kitty See! I told you this would be a hotter one that the first one I submitted, A Hot Afternoon. Hope you enjoyed this one. Vanion_3000 Have a great day!
2008-08-20 01:16:15 A Hot Afternoon Whoever thinks this is a stand alone submission. WRONG. I fully intend to contiue the story, but at a future time. Right now I am putting the finishing touches on a new story. It is much longer that A Hot Afternoon, and one Hell of a lot HOTTER. It should be up with in the week depending on how long it takes to get validated. So wait for it. This one should curl just about anyones toes. Unless they are DEAD of course. LOL Vanion_3000

 

 

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