Comments from HarleyGuy28
|2013-10-28 22:22:55||Picture Perfect||This is a great story. I like the details and you set up the scene very well. The only thing I would suggest is to keep the tense the same throughout the story. Most of it is in past tense, but some of it is in present tense. The line, "Leaving the bathroom and through the bedroom, she now walks into the lounge again to find the lights are dimmed," is an example of one of the few lines in present tense.
Overall, it's very good.
|2014-01-07 03:45:26||Fantasy Fulfilled||I never wrote a story for storytime.at.vu|