||Singing Jasen's Song: Part 5
||Excellent SS. Glad you are back. My only quibble is the formatting of the songs. Some of them don't stand out so it's difficult to imagine them if you have never heard of them. The ones that are interlaced with the movements of the characters are easier though. Looking forward to the next chapter!
||Phoenix ch 01
||Great story. Excellent work with the details and very hot sex! Well done!
||Meet at the lake
||Thanks for the comments everyone. If I told you if she got pregnant that wouldn't keep you in suspence for a new story, would it? The person that commented about adding more details, I thought it was pretty clear about her pussy. The things you mentioned I didn't add, I did so with a purpose. I wanted their first experience to be off-camera for now. I may write about it in a flashback in the future. And her breast size I left out for a more general reason. To make it more accessible to more people. The details you leave open allow people to visualize whatever pleases them best. So for some, Rose will be a D or DD cup, others will prefer to imagine her as an A, B or even C. I may nail it down more precisely if I see a need in a future story. The people who have voted negatively, I would love to hear why you didn't like it. What about it caused you to vote negatively? Anything that can help me improve is great, although I know all my stories won't appeal to everyone.
||Meet at the lake
||Thanks for the comments! I am glad you enjoyed the story!
||Singing Jasen's Song: Part 4
||Beautiful work, SS. It's good to see the walls starting to break down. Jasen needs a good mixup of some kind for his character to develop further as well. I can't wait to see the next chapter.
||CAW #9 - The Most Painful Gift
||I disliked the main character. Immensely. To me that says that the writer was able to evoke that response in me. That shows a quality of writing that I think hasn't gotten it's just due, due to the subject matter. This isn't a tale of a woman empowering herself, and finding sexual fulfilment, it's a tale of a woman cheating. And when caught, she is not apologetic, and instead expects her husband to deal and accept it. That isn't going to sit well with many people. And there doesn't seem very much that's gift-like in that attitude. I suspect the true gift in the story is the husband giving that to his wife due to his love for her. But ultimately we are left with a bitter taste in the mouth as the cheating woman does not pay for her crimes, but gets rewarded. And that leaves us with no justice..
||The story is very sexy, but a bit confusing at the beginning. It feels like a slice of a larger narrative. There are extraneous details not necessary to what happens in this story, although I could see them being important in a larger narrative. Overall the writing is good but because of the extra details it feels a little disjointed. The sex scenes were well written and seemed to be the point of the piece such that I was left wondering what the gift was. Her innocence? She doesn't seem very innocent. Her virginity? Some other indefinable quality? Overall it was a good story, as I said, I was just left feeling like this was part of something more. I would love to see more written about these characters, both a prequel, and continuing chapters.
||Brother And Sister "MEGAN'S GIFT"
||(cont) family feels for each other in how they flock around their son/brother, and how they flock around their grandchild. It's what ultimately left me feeling the middle scene of the exile not really fitting. The writing was strong and the style very akin to my preference so I enjoyed the story, even with the plot twist I didn't understand. I look forward with relish to future stories.
||Brother And Sister "MEGAN'S GIFT"
||ELP, I found this story to be wonderfully written through most of the narrative, however I was severely thrown by the parents overreaction to her pregnancy. I can see it happening in one of two ways, but that they didn't truly give her a chance to explain what happened, even if she didn't confess that it was Devon's child, struck me wrong with the previous descriptions of how they attended to their children. Of course, I could see some transference of their grief onto their daughter, but there is nothing in the narrative to indicate that. It just exploded out of nowhere, and I was left trying to decipher the purpose of her being thrust out, and then welcomed back. Most often such plot twists are there to indicate a sort of redemption for the main character, and I didn't get that here, so I was left a bit confused about why it happened in the first place. Other than that, I loved the evocative writing, and the development of the characters. You can get a glimpse of the love this family
||Young Indy Jones & the Gift of Wet Pussies
||An interesting story, but not really my thing. I enjoyed the writing but the premises left me a bit wanting. I look forward to new stories from you and hope to find something the appeals to me more.
||This was a good story, interesting, and a differently style than I normally read. I liked the interplay during the sex scenes, and the dialog felt good, but a bit forced here and there. Nothing very quantifiable. I would have liked some more descriptions though.. something to make Baghdad come alive in my mind, where I could see the two of them running through the streets until they reached the Caliph's palace. A description of the harem chamber, overwhelming our poor protagonist from Sicily. Just a bit more detail would have really helped the story along for me.
||Great story. I enjoyed the contrast of the two couples a lot and yet, it was the little things that detracted from my overall enjoyment. We are left with no resolution for the older couple. I know I would like to know what happened, partially as a contrast to what is likely to happen with the main characters. There were a few areas where there could have been a touch more description, at least for my taste. Overall it was a superb story! Well done!
||Ellen's Gift CAW9
||I loved your story, CJ and it was in my top 3 for the contest. Ultimately I didn't pick yours because I had a hard time with the beginning. There is no real rhyme or reason for the women to behave towards the main character the way they did and I felt the lack of motivation detracted. I could say that the motivation was for the newlywed woman to get pregnant, except that she didn't want him to make her pregnant.. unless it was a case of the lady doth protest too much.. Overall, it somewhat muddled the beginning for me, although the rest of the story flowed much more smoothly and I really enjoyed the direction you took it. I look forward to more chapters of Jake's adventures.
||CAW #9 - A Hanukkah Gift
||Good themes and intersting character introductions, but overall the story felt rushed. It zipped through the initial reason for the two main characters to meet. And then it just flitted back and forth, not delving too deeply into anything anywhere. I felt that with some more time and backstory this could truly turn into a masterpiece. I hope you come back to it and bring it to life.
||The Gift of Life (CAW #9)
||Definitely a different kind of gift story. I was thrown at how casually the woman cheated on her husband and family however, and no physical presence of her family was not explained in any way in the story. Ultimately, there were some things about it that didn't quite ring true, felt somewhat forced, that I didn't vote for you, but I loved the style of your writing and look forward to more of your work.
||A Gift for Ava (The Calling) CAW9
||I liked your story, but it felt like a moment in time, with no true beginning or ending. We are left without a clear understanding of Ava's gift, why she has it, where it came from, and finally, what the resolution will be. As a snapshot of a simple moment it works well, but there are details missing that threw me. Why are the parents fighting? Why doesn't her gift work around her brother? What potential consequences will she face from using it? Is it only sexual daydreams she can turn into reality? I wanted more Hopefully, you use this as a springboard to filling in the gaps and answering these questions.
||I liked the general premise of the story but was personally turned off by some of the themes. All in all I think you write it well and did what you wanted with it, it just wasn't my thing. I look forward to more from you however.
||Excellent story with progressive character development. I loved the introspection by the main character as well as the interaction between the two of them. Excellently done!
||Singing Jasen's Song: Part 3
||Great chapter, SS. You are going to get fewer votes because there's no sex in it, and people will vote it down just because of that, but if they actually took the time to digest it they would see it's a great chapter for developing their characters.. The hints of something in the past between Kairi and Zeke definitely give a shadow of darkness over the story, and the elements of both of them thinking of the other in the intervening time give a sense of longing and bittersweet regret. Some people just can't get past the fact that there doesn't have to be sex in a multi-part story's chapter. Looking forward to the next part!
||Singing Jasen's Song: Part 2
||Homework is highly overrated! Very interesting chapter. One small observation though. It feels slightly jumbled in some of the back and forth interactions where they are talking and you are also describing their movement. On occasion you would have him talking, and describe her moves, and vice versa. Not really a criticism just an observation though. I do like the path of the storyline and am greatly anticipating where you are going to lead it to.
||Singing Jasen's Song: Part 1
||Nice to see your writing again SS. This promises to be a fairly complex plot from the strings you've laid down. I can't wait to see the directions you take it.
||In Riley's Arms: Part 5
||SerendipitousSoul, I have to say that you have made the ending of the story an enjoyable read. I wrote the comment on the 4th story talking about how upset the character of Holly was making me and praising you for eliciting that kind of an emotional response. In this part of the story I like how you worked many of those themes I talked about into the actual narrative and hopefully made the character of Holly a little wiser. I actually very much like the portrayal of Riley. People in love are blind to faults, even if they are cognizant of them, and how he reacted in the story speaks perfectly of this. That the words of wisdom and "waking up" of Holly came from her brother fits very much with the themes of the first story, where he is the one that brought about the relationship she has with all the boys, as a member of their group. I liked seeing that dynamic returned as well and it very much gives the overall series a tie and common thread. Well done, SS, well done!