||Instead of trying for clever, perhaps you shopuld just write the story as a narrative.
||My Son's Girlfriend - The Final Part
||I suggest you spend more time developing the back story. It is still nice as it is, though.
||Maryland Getaway Ch. 2
||Football Tournament 2 (7th grade boys having "fun")
||The education of Kelly,part 1
||Too much wishful old man bragging and not enough story.
||Ali Baba was more realistic
||Very realistic and well told
||Inside Me: C02
||Suggestion, if you wish to try stream of consciousness writing, make it flow smoothly. For the amateur writer it is best to stick with straight narrative and let the story unroll event at a time.
Good luck and keep writing
||Houseboat Vacation - Part 3
||You have a good imafination. However you should leart the art of short story writing. I mean that in a nice way
||When a story is not broken down into smaller paragraphs it is very hard reading.
||To save her daddy's life -part 2
||I also write and enjoyed your story very much
||Nubile Bliss 3
||Very enjoyable. You really should continue the tale.
||Secret Fantasy - Part 1
||I thought it was a great beginning.
||If you are a female, you hide it well. You do not tell a good story and you definitely cannot handle first person.
||Me and my sister.PT 1
||Not enough continuity. the story staggers along and goes nowhere.
||Boys Locker Room II
||Look, you have a great story idea here and you seem to be working hard to create the teen girl's POV. You get A for rffort.
However you should fill it in, rather than stream of conscious writing, try to fill the story in with background and feelings. If you are willing to make the effort you could be a very proficient writer.
||Boys Locker Room to My Room
||This is barely deserving of a positive vote. Join a writing group. Learn to tell a tale.
||If you want to write lesbian sex, first meet a lesbian.
||It could be a really good story if you took the time to build it.
||Sins of A Father Part 2
||Frankly your detractors should keep up with the world as it is. Over 80% of American families have incestuous experiences. Until the American Occupation after WW2 Young boys and girls were usually involved with their parents and grand parents.
France, Sweden, Belgium and all the rest of Europe are so much more liberal than the Hypocrits who run this country, Hate fags and suck dicks in secret.
Keep writing what you please.
||H is for Harry
||Too gimicky. Why not try to tell a straight story that starts at the beginning and stops at the end?
The "D" was pure hoke. I apologize if I insult you, but I feel you have potential. Right now you are trying to be clever. Don't be clever until you first become a writer.
I write and sell a few stories. If yours was crap I would have moved on and not bothered.
||A day in a life
||One of the better stories on this site.
||I realize you are a newcomer to writing so here is a suggestion. Go slower, use more dialog and describe feelings. Also the word "jizzum" is a bit dated.
||There was very little story, just a lot of sex.
||House Sitting in Florida
1. If you brought the feelings of the characters into the story more it would help.
2. Use more prose when you describe the settings. It helps.
||The Second Meeting
||punctuation, including spaces between paragraphs would help greatly.
||De toutes sortes
||boring as hell. Also quite pretentious.
||I fucked my best mates cousin
||Good buddy, the writing is terrible and you nered a spell checker.
||I thought it a nice little story
||I gave the good story a negative rating because you need to tell a better story. A shopping list of movements is not good story telling. You can do better, so please do better.
||Marnies Clan Pt 2
||Cute story, but the writing is as artificial and pretentious as a politician at a church service. Thank you for separating the paragraphs. It was at least readable
||Trail Lodge Awakening Pt2.
||Nice idea poorly done. First put spaces between your paragraphs. 2. Spell check. 3. Learn about how to make a narrative flow.
You are worth the time I took to grouse at you. I believe you might improve. The rest are not worth the time to write "it stinks."
||Very well paced and erotic
||Daddy's Tease - Part Two
||This was a thoroughly enjoyable story, believable and well written.
||Renee And Jill: My Two Lovely Ladies
||Need spaces between paragraphs and a better narrative style. This story is a turn off for those of us who like our stories well written, whether porn or Jesus loves me shit.
||Great subject matter presented with all the excitement of "Wells' History Of The World."
Repetitious and boring.
||I reluctantly gave you a positive rating for imagination. I suggest you learn more about the human body before you try to write about it.
However, keep writing. that is the only way I know to improve.
||I Love Dogs
||It made me wish I was a dog!
||Drinking With My Sister
||I gave it a negative rating because you do not know what you are writing about. You have a good imagination, but you need more to write a good story. You have a big ego that will prevent you from developing a big talent unless you tame it.
I am hard on you here because I feel you might become a proficient writere is you first learn to write. You have promise.
||I'm old fashioned, I prefer consent and cooperation.
||Your story is fair at best. For onbe thing the religious crap does not work the way you have presented it. It is distracting to the story as a whole. You stated this is the best you have ever written. This means either you forgot a cardinal of writing - The reader cannot know what you mean, only what you tell in the story. Or, you are not as good as you believe you are. I think you have the makings of a good writer.